by Lisa Suzanne
“I’ll wait until you don’t.”
“We went ring shopping. It might be a pretty long wait.”
Ring shopping…that throws a bit of a wrench into my plans. Sounds pretty serious with William, but she’s also not exactly happy with him at the moment. I just have to figure out if she’s the kind of unhappy that’ll lead her to my bed. “I get the feeling you’d be worth it.”
“Not gonna happen. Besides, you’re going to be my boss.”
I shrug. “So? Aren’t you dating a coworker right now?”
The flush in her cheeks deepens. She has no defense to that one, but lucky for her, our meals arrive and save her from having to respond.
CHAPTER 22
SYLVIE
He throws me off my game. My conscience keeps going back and forth on whether it’s completely wrong to be here with him even though it feels a whole lot of right. It’s a business dinner, I remind myself.
We’ve talked shop, we’ve finished eating, and we’ve each ordered another drink—even though I should call it a night. I can’t help but want to sit here with him just a little longer.
We’ve moved on from talk about business to getting to know more about each other. He’s told me about his family—his brother and cousin who live here in San Diego and own The Port, a bar I’ve actually been to several times. I’ve told him about the fact that I’m an only child and my best friend is currently in England. He’s told me about how his parents met and how San Diego has always been a big part of his life, and I told him about what it was like growing up steps from the beach. We leave business completely out of this part of our night.
I hate that he’s so likable and charming, and I really hate that he’s so damn good looking. When he loosened his tie earlier, I was entranced. I couldn’t help but think how I wanted to be the one loosening it. I want to be the one unbuttoning his professional wardrobe after a long day at the office.
I want to feel his throat under my tongue. I want to know what that rough stubble feels like beneath my fingertips.
Those are the thoughts that will get me into trouble.
I can’t think like that because it will lead me down a path that’s irreversible. I won’t cheat on William, physically or emotionally. That’s not me or my character, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be attracted to someone else.
He pays our tab, and there’s not much reason left for why we should still be here.
“Thanks for dinner,” I say.
He nods. “Of course.”
A beat of awkward silence passes between us, and then Carson stands and clears his throat. “You up for one more drink?” he asks.
I shrug. “Sure.”
“Come with me.”
I follow him out the front of the restaurant and onto the sidewalk. This is my home turf, my town, and he’s here leading me through it.
We walk in comfortable quiet, enjoying the June night breeze. We turn down the street to The Port.
“Your brother’s bar?” I ask.
He nods. “Well, my brother and my cousin co-own it.”
“You didn’t get in on that deal?”
“I was in New York. We talked about it, but I had too much going on at the time to get involved.”
He seems wistful.
“Do you wish you would’ve?”
“Invested?”
I nod, and he shrugs.
“You can’t live with regrets, you know? But, yeah, I regret it. We’re fixing that, though.” We stop outside the front doors to the bar, and the bouncer nods at Carson as if he knows him.
“What other regrets do you have?” I’m positive I wouldn’t have asked that question if I hadn’t had the pleasure of margaritas at dinner.
He narrows his eyes and studies me for a beat. “I haven’t had enough beer to share that information with you just yet.”
“Yet?”
He shrugs and raises a brow, and then we walk into the bar despite the fact that there’s a line of people waiting outside. A local band is playing, and the place is both packed and loud.
This part of the night definitely doesn’t feel like a business meeting—not that the rest of the night did, either.
Carson leads me over to the bar. He gets the attention of a sexy bartender sporting a beard, and the bartender’s face breaks out into a grin as he reaches over the bar to shake hands with Carson. Carson leans in and says something to him that I can’t hear over the noise of the band, and then the bartender’s eyes edge over to me. He gives me a huge smile before looking back at Carson.
I can’t help but wonder what that was about.
Thirty seconds later, Carson presses a margarita into my hand and grabs a beer of his own. We wander over toward the back of the crowd watching the band. I want to talk more. I want to hear his voice confess his regrets. He’s given me crumbs tonight, but I want the whole slice of bread. I sneak a peek over at him. He’s watching the band, bobbing his head to the beat. He turns and catches me staring at him.
I feel suddenly sick, as if the margarita is too syrupy. I look away from him as fast as I can.
It’s not the margarita’s fault; it’s the feeling that raced through me when his eye caught mine.
I suddenly feel like if I don’t get some air immediately, I may pass out, or barf…I’m not really sure. I feel dizzy and nauseous, and I feel claustrophobic even though we’re standing at the back of the crowd and we have plenty of space. I make my move for the door we came in through just a few minutes ago.
“You can’t take that drink outside.” It’s the bouncer, but I barely hear him. Someone grabs my arm and pulls the drink from it, but I’m desperate for fresh air.
I make my way out to the sidewalk and then I sit on the curb because I still feel dizzy.
“Are you okay?” Carson appears beside me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “My God, you’re trembling. Let me get you some water. Kelvin!” He shouts the name. “I need some water.”
I draw in a deep breath through my nose and exhale it through my mouth. I repeat this three times and start to feel the nausea and dizziness subside.
“What’s going on, Sylvie? Talk to me.”
I can’t bear to look over at Carson’s eyes. His voice drips with worry, and I know I’ll see it in his eyes, too, and then these feelings I won’t admit I’m having will start to grow stronger.
I had a plan. I was going to marry William. We were going to be happy. We were going to have children together and continue working together at Baker Media. We were going to raise our children in an atmosphere of love while showing them that hard work pays off. I even thought about bringing them with me to work when they were little. I could dedicate a special section of my office as a play area. I could hire a nanny who could watch them in a special wing on my floor. I had it all worked out.
And then fucking Carson King stepped into my life, and now I don’t even know which way is up anymore.
“Talk to me, cupcake,” he says, and I don’t know if I should laugh or punch him. He’s either going for lighthearted or he’s trying to get a reaction out of me. “Are you okay?”
I blow out a breath. “Sorry. Yeah, I’m okay.” I stare straight ahead.
“Look at me, Sylvie.”
I finally look over in his direction, but I don’t make eye contact. I can’t. This has all become too difficult too quickly. I’m invested, and I shouldn’t be. I can’t be. I have William, even if I’m a little mad at him.
Okay, a little mad is a bit of an understatement. I’m fucking pissed, but that doesn’t give me the right to go on a date with another man, and we both know that’s exactly what this is.
I turn my head back to the street.
“I’m not convinced you’re okay.”
He hands me a bottle of water.
“I’m fine.”
“You won’t even look at me.”
I turn my head toward him again and force my eyes to meet his. Mine immediately fill with tears at the unexpected p
ain that rips through my chest.
“I need to go home,” I say softly. I swipe at one of the tears that brims over.
“What happened in there?” he asks, his tone matching mine.
“I just realized how much I shouldn’t be here with you.”
“It’s just a business dinner, Sylvie.”
I shake my head. “We both know it’s not. I can’t be here. I can’t do this to William.”
He looks away from me and nods sadly. “Okay. Let’s get you home, then.”
“Just take me to my car at Pink Agave. I’ll drive home from there.”
“You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you drive after you nearly just passed out.”
“Fine, then I’ll call a cab or something.”
He sighs. “I can take you home.”
“That’s really not necessary.”
“Please. I’ll sleep better knowing you’re home safe.”
I huff out a frustrated breath, but deep down I know it’s mostly for show. He’s not going to allow me an out, which should annoy me more than it does. It shouldn’t comfort me the way it does.
When did everything get so complicated?
Oh, right—the very second I started having feelings for someone who isn’t my boyfriend but is the enemy.
CHAPTER 23
CARSON
I’m worried about her, and worry isn’t really part of my vocabulary. For so long, I’ve lived in a world of complete and utter selfishness. I haven’t had to worry about a woman because I haven’t allowed myself to. I don’t get involved in romantic entanglements. Instead, I fuck and move on. It’s an understanding I make with each woman before I take her to bed, and I’ve been getting along just fine this way.
I still don’t know what it is about Sylvie that has me hooked. We haven’t even slept together.
But when I saw her face pale before she bolted out the door, my heart went out that door with her. Whatever this is that’s forming between the two of us, it’s stronger than me.
We walk back to Pink Agave and slide into my luxury rental BMW. “Where to?” I ask.
“Take a left,” she says, leaning back and resting her head against the seat. She closes her eyes.
“Don’t fall asleep on me. I don’t know where you live.” I regret the words the second they’re out of my mouth—if she falls asleep, I can take her back to my hotel.
But I don’t want her like this. She’s not available right now, and it’s not right for me to even think about tempting her into something she’ll regret.
When I have her, I want all of her, and I want it without any sort of restriction or reservation.
She clears her throat and opens her eyes. She sits up a little straighter. “Right. I’m sorry. Keep going straight here.”
“Are you ready to tell me what happened back there?”
“I, uh, just got really dizzy all of a sudden. Too much tequila, I think.”
“You think?”
“No,” she says.
“I didn’t think so.”
“I don’t want to want you,” she says so softly that I almost miss it.
I draw in a sharp breath of surprise. I knew tonight was going well, knew I was connecting with her on a different level aside from raw attraction, but I didn’t realize she felt it, too.
“I don’t want to want you, either,” I say. “But there are certain things in this world we’re not meant to fight.”
“I could say that about William, too,” she says.
“Do you think that’s true?”
“That I shouldn’t fight against my relationship with him?”
I nod, careful to keep my eyes forward on the road so as not to crowd her even though I’m desperate for more from her.
“I don’t know,” she whispers. “If you would’ve asked me that a few weeks ago, I would have known the answer immediately.”
“And now you don’t?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“You know why not.”
“I want to hear you say it. I need to hear you say it.”
“You.” She says it so simply, yet the single word is packed with conviction. “Turn right at the next street.”
“So what are you going to do?”
She doesn’t answer right away. “Left at the light.”
“You’re going to go left at the light?”
She chuckles. “No. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She sighs. “You know how you’re afraid to tell your dad you don’t want to run King?”
I nod.
“Well, I’m afraid to veer from the course I’ve carefully plotted for my life. This is just an attraction, Carson. That’s all. We’ll both get over it.”
“I can’t say I agree.”
“I feel guilty that I’m even attracted to you, let alone having the thoughts that have been running through my head tonight.”
“What thoughts?” I prod.
I feel her eyes on me, but I continue to keep my eyes intent on the road.
“Those are between me and my traitorous brain.”
“I like your traitorous brain.”
“I’m not sure William would agree.”
“Fuck William.”
She laughs.
“No, wait. I didn’t mean that. Don’t fuck William. Or if you do, don’t tell me about it.”
“I’m not going to—not tonight, anyway—and I wouldn’t tell you even if I did. It’s not your business what I do with my boyfriend.”
“You know, cupcake, just when I think we’re turning a corner and sharing some honesty, you go and say something like that.”
“And you go and call me cupcake again. Turn right up there.” She points.
I turn, and it feels like we’re getting close. We’re in a residential area now. I feel our night closing in on me, and suddenly it feels a little harder to breathe. I had no idea all this shit was going to be so damn hard.
“I’m the fourth house on the left.”
It’s a big home in a nice neighborhood. It’s hard to see her house in the dark, but it looks like a standard Mediterranean-style California home. It feels so spacious compared to what I’m used to in New York. I own an apartment in Midtown, and while it’s definitely spacious by New York standards, it’s still an apartment—not a home—that I paid a fuckload of money for.
I’m starting to get to the point in my life where I don’t want to live in an apartment. I don’t want neighbors who live above me, below me, and on either side of me. I want space.
I’ve never wanted space before.
I want space I can share with someone.
I’ve never wanted to share space with anyone.
I want space, and I want Sylvie. I want to share space with Sylvie.
What the fuck is happening to me?
I pull into her driveway. There’s a light on in the house.
“Does William live here?” I ask.
“We both do.”
“I hate dropping you off to him.”
“Then don’t think of it that way.”
I press my lips together and stare out the windshield at the light inside. He’s in there waiting for her, and I’m leaving empty-handed. It’s just as it should be, yet it’s completely wrong. “Hard not to.”
“Thanks for the ride.”
“I’ll arrange to have your car dropped off if you leave me your keys.”
“That’s not necessary. I can get it tomorrow.”
I think about offering to help her get it in the morning, but I shouldn’t. Her boyfriend can help her, just as he should. Besides, I actually do have some work to do as long as I’m here in town.
“Thanks again for dinner,” she says.
“I’d love to take you out to dinner again.”
“I know, and I’d love to go, but I don’t think it would be right.”
“I understand.”
She moves to open the door. “Have a good night, Carson.”
“Yo
u too. If you change your mind, I’m in room thirty-eight twenty-seven at the Manchester Grand Hyatt.”
She giggles before she gets out and shuts the door.
I feel like I’m lying down and accepting my fate, but I don’t know what else to do. Clearly Sylvie is already confused, and I won’t push her into something she isn’t ready for.
I’ll just wait.
CHAPTER 24
SYLVIE
I unlock the front door with mixed emotions, the two primary ones being disappointment and apprehension. I’m disappointed that my night with Carson had to end, and I’m apprehensive about seeing William.
I don’t want to want you.
I can’t believe those words slipped out of my mouth unfiltered. I blame the margaritas and the panic meltdown I had at The Port. I shouldn’t be throwing him bones of possibility. There is no possibility for us.
Unless there is.
William is waiting up on the couch for me. He’s watching television—or rather, he’s pretending to watch. It’s late, and he follows a very strict routine. It’s past his bedtime, and I feel like his damn mother even thinking that.
I think back to the fact that he’s the one who sold my dad out to King Communications. It wouldn’t have been Kennedy, Bert, or Lewis. They didn’t want the acquisition to happen, and they aren’t board members. They don’t hold the sort of stock William does.
“Hi,” he says, flicking off the TV.
“Hey.” I walk to the kitchen and get myself a bottle of water.
“Did you have fun?” he asks.
“I thought our restart was scheduled for tomorrow night.”
“So you’re not going to talk to me until then?”
I shrug and put down half the water in the bottle I’m holding. “Wasn’t planning on it.”
“What’s gotten into you lately?”
“If you don’t know…” I trail off.
“Then you’re not going to tell me. I thought we were moving forward.”
“We’re not. I can’t get past what you did.”
“I get it. I messed up. How many times do I have to apologize?”
