“‘If it’s meant to be’?” Mrs. Jarrett snorted and batted her hand in the air. “What hogwash. Love is work. Hard work. It’s late-night tears and fights and forgiving and choosing a person even on their worst days. I’ve never known such pain as the pain of love. ‘Meant to be,’” she grumbled again, as if the words offended her. “Anyone who treats it so carelessly has never truly known it.”
Macy’s eyes burned. Tears had gathered as Mrs. Jarrett spoke. “When Rhett left the ranch—” Her voice cracked. “He knew me better than anyone and rejected me.”
Rhett’s mom nodded thoughtfully. “And he will likely hurt you again and you him. That’s how living goes.” She tapped the table. “That’s especially how loving goes.”
Macy straightened her spine. “Which is exactly why it would never work for us.”
“Sweet child, don’t you know?” Mrs. Jarrett covered Macy’s hand with both of hers. “God’s love is the only one that never lets us down. All others will at some point. We’re human, you realize.” She cupped her hands around Macy’s. “I made mistakes with Brock and the good Lord knows Brock let us down sometimes too. Rhett will do the same and maybe you don’t want to hear it, but you will stumble in relationships too—for the rest of your life, my dear. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you these things.”
“I know I’m not perfect—”
“None of us are.” She winked. “But I find that’s part of the adventure.”
“Do you know he’s trying to downsize the foster programs? He would have cut the egg hunt if I hadn’t convinced him not to.” Macy felt like she was tattling on Rhett. She knew he wouldn’t have discussed these things with his mom, but Mrs. Jarrett had been a driving force for establishing Camp Firefly, among other things, and deserved a voice in the matter.
His mom released Macy’s hand so she could trace her finger over a highlighted line in her Bible. “I wonder, does your push to save the things Brock started come from a place of love or do you believe it’s your burden, your badge of honor—your pride at stake?” She caressed the highlighted page again. “Right here, ‘do all things out of love.’ It sounds so easy, but it is the hardest thing that will ever be asked of us because love...love is sometimes the most painful feeling on earth, child. But it’s worth it. We have the proof right here.” She closed her Bible and tapped the cover. “It’s worth every sacrifice, every arrow sent into the soft part of our heart. It’s worth it.”
As the nurse arrived Macy kissed Mrs. Jarrett on the cheek. “Thank you for your wisdom.”
Mrs. Jarrett caught her hand, giving it an extra squeeze before letting go. As Macy left, she blinked away tears. She forced down the emotions talking with Mrs. Jarrett had stirred. But even after Macy had showered, changed and headed into the office, she couldn’t shake the oldest Jarrett’s words.
Macy and Rhett had hurt each other, but did that mean their entwined story had to end? Macy didn’t want it to.
She wished she would have handled last night differently. Been honest. Vulnerable.
If she had been brave and spoken her heart then at least she would know now. She wouldn’t be stuck in the Land of Maybe any longer. The truth could have been used to guide her.
Macy finally focused on her phone; an email sparked her interest. She let out a long stream of air. She couldn’t wait to tell Rhett about this.
* * *
Rhett brushed his hand over his eyes, hoping no one would be able to notice the lingering hint of tears later on. He hadn’t meant to wake up early and visit his father’s grave, but here he was.
Rhett knelt in front of the headstone and traced his fingers over his father’s name and the small dash in between the date of birth and date of death. The small dash that symbolized his life. It was in the dash that Brock had raised and loved Rhett despite both men’s failings. Brock might have dropped the ball in many aspects of fatherhood, but Rhett had never doubted his father’s love.
Humid air draped around Rhett’s shoulders, causing his shirt to stick to his back. A light breeze rustled flowers placed on nearby grave sites and a colorful pinwheel twirled in the wind, stuck into the ground near a tombstone with birth and death dates painfully close together. If it wasn’t for the occasional gusts it would have felt like a summer morning outside instead of the end of March.
“Why me?” Rhett whispered. “Why did you leave the ranch to me? It makes no sense. You had no reason to trust me, to believe in me after—” His voice broke. “After I walked away. I’m so sorry I didn’t make it to the hospital in time to say goodbye.” He had immediately gotten into his truck and headed for home when Shannon had called him about the accident. But a hundred miles was too far. Too long. His father had passed on fifteen minutes before he parked at the hospital. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye. Hug you one more time.” Tears fell now. Let them.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and he tugged it out. It was a text from Jack Donnelley—an image of all of Jack’s kids with their arms wrapped around Kodiak as they smiled at the camera. His text said the dog was a perfect mascot for Red Dog Ranch.
Macy had once said the same exact thing.
Rhett turned his phone to silent and tucked it back away.
After a few more minutes Rhett found his way to his truck and eased into the front seat. Why had it taken him so long to visit the grave site?
Last night after talking to Macy, Rhett had gone back to his room, but sleep hadn’t come. He had stared up at the ceiling watching the fan blades whip around and thought about all that had gone wrong in his life. If he hadn’t frozen that night three years ago with Macy they could have been together now. He might have been home years earlier.
But he couldn’t force Macy to talk about their past any more than he could fix Shannon’s problems. All night one thought kept pounding through his head—with so much of his life spinning out of control, he needed to focus on the few things he had power over. The biggest being his own heart. Hadn’t he asked God to help heal his grudge against the ranch? A piece of that was making peace with his father. Visiting his grave had been the only way Rhett could think to do that.
Without turning his truck on, he gripped the steering wheel and shoved his forehead against it. A sudden throb radiated through his chest, making him gasp for breath. Would life always feel like such a mess? Shannon and the ranch and Mom and Macy. Rhett thought of the Donnelleys—how the ranch had helped Jack when he was younger and how much his kids were looking forward to camp. Rhett’s heart twisted. Those kids deserved a place like Camp Firefly. Kids like Gabe deserved a safe space too.
He had asked God to help him release his grudge—coming to terms with his mixed emotions for his father was a piece of moving forward.
Here in the graveyard where thoughts tended to drift toward legacies and how important it was to live with meaning, Rhett finally saw his excuses for what they were—thinly veiled childhood bitterness that he had held on to for so many years. A little boy who wanted his dad to look his way and offer a proud smile, who had wanted to know he came first, if only once. It would never happen, not with Brock gone, and Rhett had to accept that or remain stuck forever.
What was the point of hoarding bad memories, allowing them to take up space in his heart and mind—crowding his life so much that there wasn’t room for other things?
Happy, hopeful things.
Rhett was tired of the heavy chains that came with resentment. He didn’t want them in his life anymore. Someday, when his body would wind up in a plot not far from his father’s, he wanted to know his time had counted. If there was a balance between providing for his family and continuing the events of the ranch, Rhett would find it. He would help heal his family too, if he could.
However, he knew it would be impossible to accomplish any of those things outside of God. Rhett had neglected his relationship with God for far too long. He would n
ever get the last talk or hug with his earthly dad, but he could mend things with God the Father. It was time to go back to church again, time to dust off his Bible and time to open a line of communication through prayer. No matter how strange or strained it might feel, he knew God was there, waiting. Always had been.
Maybe Brock had been too. Rhett would never know because he had squandered the chance to truly reconcile. A mistake he wouldn’t make again. Not with God or Shannon or Macy. Not with anyone, if it was up to him. Life was too short, too unpredictable, to hold grudges or allow miscommunications to ruin relationships.
Rhett headed back to the ranch. He had only just parked his vehicle when he caught sight of Macy cutting through the field of bluebonnets toward him. Kodiak trotted at Macy’s side, a red ball in her mouth. The two of them looked as if they were racing to put out a fire. The dog was probably miffed at being left behind, but it wouldn’t have been respectful to have her in the cemetery and it would have been far too hot to leave her in the vehicle. Rhett exited his truck and strolled to the fence line to meet them.
Macy huffed. “Where have you been? When I saw Kodiak was here but not your truck, I freaked out.” Her brows lowered. “And you need to start answering your phone.”
Rhett tugged his phone from his pocket. Seven missed calls from Macy. He had turned the vibrate function off after Jack’s text had interrupted him. “It was on silent.” Her scowl grew and Rhett saw the emotion for what it was—concern. He quickly added, “Sorry if I worried you.”
Macy grabbed his wrist. “I was worried.” She searched his eyes. “Are you okay? It looks like...” She left it there. “Rhett,” she whispered. “I know what you said before, but can’t we be friends again?”
He covered her hand with his. He instantly found the scar on her pointer finger and couldn’t help but trace over it.
Friends.
The word was too small to capture his feelings for Macy.
She knew every rough part of his personality and yet here she was, asking to be friends. Wanting to be a part of his life even though he had hurt her and let her down more times than he could count. She stood toe-to-toe with him even when they disagreed and challenged him constantly, but only because she believed the best of him.
She believed in him. He let that sink in.
Rhett had loved this woman his entire life.
The realization roared through him, shaking him like a powerful storm.
There had never been another woman on the planet in Rhett’s eyes. Only Macy. Always Macy. In the past, he had hidden behind their friendship because he had been fearful of losing her if he made a move. Then last night he had come so close to confessing his feelings, but he was glad he hadn’t because Rhett was in no position to start a relationship.
Between his father’s death, his mother’s health and Shannon’s anger, Rhett had so much emotional baggage to deal with before he would be ready to be there for a woman.
To be there for Macy.
If she would even want him.
Rhett scuffed his boot into the dirt.
But he could be her friend, couldn’t he? They were already acting like friends anyway. “I’d like to be friends again. I’d like that a lot.”
The smile that bloomed on Macy’s face was the most beautiful thing Rhett had ever seen. “Then tell me what’s wrong.”
There was no point hiding the truth; he was sure she had already read the evidence on his face. “I visited my dad. His grave site.”
“I’m proud of you,” she said. “I know how hard that can be.” She released his wrist and he wished she hadn’t. “About last night...”
Rhett scratched at the spot on his neck where his hat met his hairline. “Can we forget last night? I was a bear.” He had snapped at her because he was upset over Shannon and he was frustrated Macy wouldn’t discuss what had gone wrong three years ago. Since realizing he would have had to put a relationship on hold anyway while he worked through all the emotional issues he was dealing with, now he was thankful the conversation hadn’t gone any further.
She poked him in the ribs. “Bears can be cuddly.”
“Not all bears.” He rubbed the spot she had poked as if she had hurt him.
She blew bangs away from her eyes. “Anyway, your roar has never scared me.” Macy plucked the ball from Kodiak’s mouth and sent it flying. Kodiak went tearing through the field after it. “I don’t think she minds me nearly as much when you’re not around.”
Rhett braced his arms on the top fence railing. “Stick around and she’ll consider you family like we all do.” Kodiak sometimes took a while to warm up to certain adults, but once she accepted them they became fully her people.
“Speaking of, Sophie Donnelley texted.” Macy came up beside him, her shoulder brushing his arm. “She asked if the kids could stop by and see Kodiak today.”
“Of course. I said they were always welcome.”
His dog had already returned with the ball and dropped it at Macy’s feet. When Macy looked Rhett’s way with her eyebrows raised in question he jerked his chin toward the ball. Macy winked and scooped it back up again, lobbing it in the other direction.
Macy squinted and held her hand to her brow to block some of the sunshine. “Kodiak was good with those kids.”
“She always is.”
“Now, I don’t know much about training dogs...” Macy’s words were measured. She had obviously been thinking about this and wanting to bring it up for some time. “So I don’t know if this is an odd suggestion, but did you ever think of training therapy dogs instead of hunting dogs?” She pitched Kodiak’s ball again and pressed a hand to his bicep when he opened his mouth to say something. “Hear me out. How Kodiak was with those kids? I feel like she could be a comfort dog for kids in trauma. She could be the comfort dog for the ranch.” Macy spread out her arms, encompassing the whole property.
“Red dog.” Rhett smiled, remembering what she had said in the chapel last week and what Jack had texted earlier that day.
Macy wagged her finger at him. “I told you she’d make a good mascot.”
Rhett wrapped his hand over hers and tugged her a few inches closer. “I should have believed you.”
“You usually come around to my ideas.” Macy tapped on his chest. “It just takes some pestering.”
“That’s because they’re good ideas.” He stepped back, releasing her. If he had stood there a second longer he might have pulled her closer or said something he shouldn’t yet. “Honestly? I’d love to train therapy dogs.” Probably more than he enjoyed training hunting dogs. “But I just don’t know when I’d have the time, and it takes a different sort of training than I know.”
Macy leaned her back against the fence so she was facing him. “What if we got you help?”
Rhett scanned the pasture. “We’re trying to save money here.”
“Hypothetically, if someone took on more of the ranch’s responsibilities?”
“Sure, yes.” Rhett laughed at her tenacity. “I’d love that. It’s a good dream.”
She pushed off the fence. “In the meantime, you should reach out to your clients again and schedule more sessions. I can handle some of your load and I’m thinking we should approach Shannon, give her more responsibility.”
Rhett considered the idea. Shannon didn’t presently have a position at the ranch. “She seems to be going through some stuff right now.”
Macy nodded. “I think having duties, things to occupy her other than Cord, would be a good thing.”
“It’s a good thought. Let me mull it over some.” He motioned toward the office. “As for now, I have some calls I have to make. Are you heading over?”
“I actually have to run into town.” She pointed her thumb in the direction of her car. “But I do want to talk with you about something else. Later, of course. I know you’re busy.”
Rhett felt his eyebrows rise. He fought the urge to press her to talk now, but if she had wanted to talk over something presently she had had an open opportunity and had chosen not to. He could respect her desire to put off whatever she wanted to say until another time. “How about this evening? I take Kodiak to the lake after supper. Would that work?”
She nodded. “That would be perfect.”
“Then later it is.” He tipped his hat and Kodiak fell into step beside him. He started thinking about ways he could make their meeting tonight special, a sort of olive branch for the new start to their friendship.
“Hey, Rhett,” Macy called after him. He turned to find her a few feet away, her fingers entwined. “If you made a promise to someone, a promise you weren’t sure you wanted to keep any longer, what would you do?”
A breeze swept down from the hills, making the bluebonnets bob around them. The field resembled a sea of turbulent waves.
He hooked his fingers on his belt. “Talk with the person who I made the promise to, I guess.”
“What if that wasn’t an option any longer?” She was clearly talking about his dad. Perhaps his visit to Brock’s grave had prompted her questions. Rhett couldn’t deny his curiosity was piqued, but after his time at the grave site this morning, Rhett knew he needed to work on trusting. Trust that his dad had had good intentions for handing the ranch to him, trust that God had a hand in all the chaos surrounding Rhett’s life. Trust Macy too.
Rhett took a half step in her direction. “The person you made the promise to, were they an upright person?”
Macy had been looking down at her hands but now her focus snapped to him. “One of the best I’ve ever met.”
“Then I’d leave it,” Rhett said gently.
“You’re sure?” She eyed him. “Absolutely sure?”
Rhett knew she was asking something bigger, something more...but he couldn’t figure it out. However, if Brock had told her some secret, Rhett wouldn’t press her for it. She would only feel guilt after telling him and he couldn’t do that to her.
The Rancher's Legacy (Red Dog Ranch Book 1) Page 10
