“Jules and I were together in Vegas.”
Oh. My. Gosh.
It’s eerily quiet—except for the sound of blood rushing in my ears—and I’m sure I’d hear if a needle hit the ground. Or maybe I’m sitting in my own soundproof bubble, because that’s definitely what it feels like.
Oliver looks at Carter with a tilt of his head while I hold my breath. Cora doesn’t seem to fare much better, her eyes as wide as they go.
“I know that, CJ. I was there when you guys got back.” My brother shakes his head, his gaze clouding once he gets a look at everyone’s expressions. “What’s going on?’
Carter lets out a harsh breath, his voice low. “We spent the nights together, Ollie. In one room and one bed.”
Holy. Shit.
I am literally yelling at him . . . inside my head. What on earth is he thinking?
Realization creeps across my brother’s face, a flush quickly making its way up his neck and onto his whole face. I’m afraid he’s going to jump across the table to strangle Carter, but the waitress appears with our food.
She takes in the scene at our table, the tension as thick as fog, the anger practically radiating off my brother’s face, and her smile drops.
Yet, without a doubt, she is Carter’s temporary lifesaver.
My brother’s breaths come out short and almost violently, his nostrils flaring. If there was ever an epitome of an angry bull, that’s him right now. I want to scoot back with my chair. Just until things have cooled down—provided they actually will.
Cora is the first to spring into action, placing her hand on my brother’s arm, her voice soft and soothing. “Why don’t you let him explain first?”
I use that moment to glance at Carter, shooting him an irritated look that’s meant to silently convey “Really? That’s how you choose to tell him?”
He only shrugs in response, and I have absolutely no clue what’s going on in his head. If it wouldn’t make things worse, I’d let him have a piece of my mind right now, that’s for sure.
“Was this planned?” My brother’s voice slices through the air, sounding almost venomous as his gaze is fixated on Carter.
So far, he’s barely glanced at me, and I’m still unsure if that’s good or bad.
Carter snorts beside me—he freaking snorts. What on earth is the matter with him? He leans forward in his chair as if he’s actually trying to get into my brother’s face. I’m starting to think he’s lost his mind. “You’re asking if I took her to Vegas to lure her into my bed?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time you did something like that,” Oliver practically spits across the table.
Carter leans forward even more, his posture and facial expression getting more aggressive by the second. “Be careful what you say right now.”
With each passing second, I feel more nervous, shooting an anxious glance at Cora, who looks even more stressed than she did a few minutes ago.
“Why? Are you an item now?” His eyes go wide at the thought, and he seems to be holding his breath until Carter shakes his head next to me.
My brother throws his hands up in the air. “So why are you telling me this then? Why now? If this was a casual thing, do you fear she’s going to come running to me because you’ve dumped her?”
Ouch. This arrow was probably meant for Carter, but it feels like it pierces me straight through the heart.
Carter leans back, slightly, and I take a deep breath.
His gaze is still steadily meeting my brother’s. “It’s not like that. I just didn’t want to lie to you anymore and risk our friendship.”
My brother lets out a humorless laugh. “You should have thought about that before you put your hands on my sister.” His hand comes down on the table with a loud smack, making both Cora and me jump in our seats. “Damn it all to hell, CJ. This is exactly why I’ve always told you she’s off-limits. What a fucking mess.”
Did he just . . . Did I just hear him correctly?
Me . . . off-limits? For Carter?
“Excuse me?” The words are out of my mouth while I try to process what my brother just said.
His gaze flickers to me, and he blinks like he’s forgotten I’m here. His gaze softens, but there’s still enough residual anger in his eyes to make my blood boil. We both don’t have much of a temper, but if someone pokes us hard enough, we react.
Heat rushes through my body, and I feel sweat form on my upper lip. My muscles are practically quivering beneath my skin to throw something at my brother—something off the table or maybe the table itself—but somewhere deep down inside me, I find the strength to resist.
Barely.
My voice is shaky when I speak, which makes me even angrier. “What do you mean I’m off-limits? Did you seriously tell Carter not to get involved with me?”
Ollie’s jaw clenches and he tightens his hands into fists. “Of course I did. From the second I saw him checking you out when we were teenagers. You’re my sister.”
I inhale a sharp breath, my palms stinging from digging my fingernails into them, as Cora groans softly at my brother’s admission.
Throughout every discussion I've had with Carter, I’ve wondered if that was the case, but hearing Ollie say it in such a nonchalant manner pisses me off even more. “What on earth does that have to do with anything? You have no right to tell anyone something like that. I’m not your property you can manage however you see fit.”
His eyes look like they might pop out of his head, and his mouth is slightly agape. “Jules, I only want what’s best for you.”
“Oh yeah? And how do you know Carter isn’t what’s best for me?” I close my eyes when I realize what I just said.
Damn it. Can this get any worse?
Both men stare at me in shock. Cora, on the other hand, is trying to hide the grin that keeps threatening to spread across her face.
Just great.
But I’m not done yet. “He’s your best friend, Ollie. Your damn best friend since you were little, so I know how highly you think of him. Why on earth wouldn’t you want someone like that to be with me? It makes no sense.” Words are starting to fail me as the ridiculousness of this whole situation starts to register. This isn’t going anywhere. “You know what? Never mind. It’s not like he’s interested anyway.”
And there it is. I just made it worse.
My chair scrapes loudly against the concrete when I push it back, almost toppling over. With angry tears in my eyes—maybe some embarrassed ones mixed in too—I get some money out of my purse and throw it on the table.
“I hope you’re happy now.” My voice sounds shrill, even to my own ears. Before either one of the guys can even think about getting up, I point my finger at them. “Don’t follow me, don’t call me, don’t text me. I don’t want to hear from either one of you for a while.”
Then I turn around and stomp toward the parking lot, certain that every eye in the bistro and surrounding area is on me right now.
I definitely won’t be coming back here any time soon.
What the hell just happened? Not only did Carter blurt out our misdemeanor without any warning, but he then confirmed we were just a fling, which makes me feel like shit. Doesn’t he have a clue what that would sound like to me? Of course there’s nothing going on between us, Ollie. She’s your baby sister . . . who is off-limits. Ollie told him I was off-limits? Carter was interested in me years ago? My head is spinning. It’s too much.
What a freaking mess.
Chapter 24
Carter
Almost a whole week has passed since I saw Julia at the bistro. It feels like it’s been a lot longer, and the confrontation with Oliver has left more than just a sour taste in my mouth.
What an absolute clusterfuck.
I’ve wanted to go and see her every day since but wasn’t sure that was the best idea after the way she left. Cora’s the only one who’s seen her, making sure we know that nothing has changed. Julia still doesn’t want to see us. The two of t
hem even did Julia’s move by themselves—while I stayed at a hotel and Ollie at Cora’s place. Thank goodness, the new apartment is mostly furnished, so there wasn’t too much for them to do.
Otherwise, Oliver and I might have insisted on helping.
I know she needs space, and I’ve wanted to give it to her, but after a week of sleepless nights, I’ve decided it’s been long enough.
Hence, I’m in front of her apartment door, hoping she’ll let me in, or even just open it. Her car is in the parking lot, so she should be home. Exhaling a fortifying breath, I knock on the door.
After what feels like an hour, and several more knocks, she finally opens it. Then, she just stares at me. Not in confusion or anger, but with a completely unreadable expression.
Somehow that’s even worse.
When the silence stretches between us, she crosses her arms over her chest, but I know better than to drop my gaze to her breasts.
That might earn me a nut-punch.
Something we both know I never ever want to live through again.
Clearing my throat, I try to get rid of the huge lump. “Can I come in?”
She releases a breath, and I realize how tired she looks. “What do you want, Carter?”
“I just want to talk. Please? I also brought some of that Chinese takeout you liked so much.” I hold up the bags in my hands, and her gaze flickers down.
Wordlessly, she takes a step back and opens the door all the way. Relief floods me as I walk past her, trying not to react when she moves back far enough so we won’t accidentally touch.
Shit.
My lungs constrict, making it hard to breathe, but I guess I deserve it.
The apartment is the same as I remember, yet different. Cream walls in the open living room-kitchen area, dark-brown wooden floor. On the other side of the room are double doors leading to a deck similar to the one at Ollie’s house.
I walk over to the kitchen island to put down the bags before turning around to face her. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
I’m surprised what a difference a decorative touch can make—a purple blanket on the couch, a few pictures on the shelves along the TV wall, a vase full of flowers on the kitchen counter.
“Thanks. It's not perfect, but I like it.” Her voice is steady, maybe a little flat, but she can’t hide the spark in her eyes when she speaks.
Focusing her attention on the bags, she rummages through them, getting what looks like enough containers for both of us before walking to the couch. I follow like a lost puppy and sit next to her. I leave plenty of room between us, even though it feels weird and unnatural, but I'm trying to get back into her good graces. I need to.
I came here to make things right after all, not to make them worse. Hopefully, respecting her wishes will work to my advantage.
I haven’t taken a bite, but I put the container on the small coffee table in front of us and turn to face Julia. “Listen. I came to apologize. I'm really sorry about what happened.”
She swallows the food after chewing a few times, looking at me with her eyebrows raised.
My nerves are getting the best of me, and I wipe my hands on my shorts. I’ve never been nervous in front of Julia, or any other girl now that I think about it.
Nothing has ever mattered as much as this. “We both suspected Ollie wouldn't react well, but I know I made things a lot worse the way I told him.”
She puts her box down too, forcefully, a few pieces of rice flying out of the top. “You did. I don’t understand why.” Her voice isn’t exactly hostile but not very friendly either.
I flinch. I’ve been berating myself all week over my behavior, trying to find a way to fix it. “I don’t have a good explanation. Ollie started talking about you going on a date with a random guy he met at the airport, and the words just came out of my mouth. And then I couldn’t stop. The urge for Ollie to know took over. I knew I’d started an avalanche, but at the same time, I was happy it was finally out in the open. It wasn’t fair to you though, and for that, I’m truly sorry.”
I send her a look I hope conveys my sincerity, foolishly hoping she’ll forgive me just like that.
Her face is mostly still an empty mask. “As much as I wish we could turn back time, what’s done is done. Cora said he wasn’t done with you after I left.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Oh, no. He was just getting started. I’m pretty sure he used almost every curse word he knows and as expected kicked me out of the house. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this mad before.”
“Not even when I broke his beloved one-of-a-kind surfboard that I rode down the stairs to the beach?” The barest hint of a smile forms; at least I hope I didn’t imagine it.
Even though she’s avoiding my gaze, I’m grateful she’s bringing up something from our past. It brings familiarity with it, something not everyone would understand. Maybe it makes me slightly delusional, but it gives me hope we might be okay.
Focusing on her words, I chuckle. “Okay, maybe it didn’t top that. I won’t ever forget how red his face was when he saw his shredded board.”
“I know. I really thought his head would explode.” Her eyes finally meet mine as a small grin forms at the memory. “He didn’t speak to me for almost a month.”
“It was bad. Hopefully, it won’t be as bad this time. He’s not a stupid teenager anymore, plus he has Cora. I think it would have been a lot worse if she hadn’t been there.” I felt bad that Cora witnessed that shitshow. Had I known it was going to escalate so badly, I wouldn’t have asked her to come. However, I can’t deny I’m happy she was there.
She nods but stays quiet.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you she’d be there. It was a last-minute idea, or I would have said something to you.”
She stares at her hands, her voice thick with emotion. “You don’t always need to explain everything to me. It’s not like you have any sort of obligation toward me.”
Can’t say that didn’t feel like a punch in the face. “Don’t say that like we’re strangers or mere acquaintances, Jules. That’s the last thing we are.”
One of her shoulders lifts a fraction. “You know what I mean. It’s not like we’re . . . together or anything.”
Either I’m hallucinating, or there’s a slight blush on her cheeks.
Seeing this reaction makes my heart beat faster, while my mind fights with itself over what to do. I came here to apologize, keeping everything else locked away for later.
Before my mind goes off on a crazy ride into Hopeland, I go back to the last topic, wanting to reassure her. “Don’t worry about Ollie though. He’ll come around, he always does.”
“I know he will. I just hate having everything ripped apart like this.” Her eyes snap up to mine, suddenly wide. “Oh crap. You guys work together. I didn’t even think about that. I’m such an idiot. That completely slipped my mind. How are you managing? And where are you staying now?”
I bite my cheek from smiling at her cute rant and the way her eyes scan the room and the couch as if she’s thinking about offering it to me. “I checked into a hotel for now, but I’m going to start looking for a place soon. Thankfully, we know a good realtor, don’t we?”
Julia groans, stretching her legs out in front of me. “Oh, goodie.”
My eyes automatically scan her tanned skin, the need to touch and explore almost impossible to resist.
Since lusting over her won’t help my case, I try and focus on our conversation. “I’m not her biggest fan either, but she’s good at her job and that’s exactly what I need. I’m going to meet up with her in a few days. And about the work situation . . . it’s not the best atmosphere at the moment, but we’ll work through it. You know your brother. Thankfully, he’s a professional who can keep this chaos out of the business.”
Julia nods and picks her container back up, slowly poking at it with her fork. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.”
I mirror her, and we eat in silence. But I don’t
mind. I’m just happy she hasn’t kicked me out yet.
Once we’re done, I help her put away the trash and pack up the leftovers.
Then, we’re back in Awkwardtown, staring at each other without knowing what to say.
I clear my throat. “I have a big presentation in the morning, so I better head back to the hotel.”
“Oh.”
Is that disappointment in her eyes?
My mind races when we walk to the door and she opens it—going back and forth over this evening, analyzing everything we said and her reactions. I walk past her but spin around at the threshold, making her almost bump into me.
“I lied. About what you said earlier.” Once more, my mouth takes over, the words spilling out before I made a conscious decision about it.
Her eyebrows pull together as she stares up at me. “What? What did I say?”
The fluttery feeling in my stomach is so strong, I feel nauseous. Hoping to calm my nerves, I blow out a deep breath, Julia’s eyes flickering to my mouth at the sound of it. “I want to take you out on a date. A real one.”
She gasps as her wide eyes find mine. After swallowing loudly, her voice comes out in a whisper. “Carter, please don’t. You don’t really date.”
I expected her to say something like that so I nod. Bending down, I keep my gaze steady on hers and my tone gentle. “With you, I want to try.”
Her left hand grips the door a little tighter. “I don’t know. What if this makes things even worse? I meant it before when I said I don’t want to lose you.”
I’ve asked myself the same questions, and I expected her to bring them up, but I’m still not sure how to explain my answer to her without sounding like a crazy person. But maybe that’s what it takes. I’ve had a whole week to focus on Mom’s words to me about her past. How she grieves the way her marriages eroded my faith in anything long-term.
Forbidden Desires Page 82
