by Brigid Coady
Emma wondered, if she throttled one of Mega!’s biggest stars and left him in a Frozen Yoghurt shop and it was photographed with his fake girlfriend standing over his dead body, would she, in fact, be fulfilling both his and her contracts? No one could say she didn’t deliver. That would get some headlines, admittedly less longevity in career terms… or maybe not. People did have a ghoulish fascination with crime. No, of course it wouldn’t work, not least because she wasn’t sure who would lynch her first, the management or the fans.
She took a deep breath and fought down the urge to go for Ed’s long neck. For a band that had a reputation for being polite and accommodating she was not seeing that side of them.
‘Well, how about we have you both walking round at a zoo? Let the general public think it’s an innocent date, which is what we are trying to sell here. You, Frankie and cute furry creatures. No lactose, I promise, unless you get ice cream. It’ll break the internet.’ Emma cajoled.
If she couldn’t strangle him, then maybe she could walk over and bang her head against one of the reinforced windows. She looked longingly outside; maybe the glass would break and she could escape. It was only October, and the contract they had with Frankie Quick’s team said she had at least ninety days of trying to get Ed to co-operate, maybe six months if they took the extension clause. If he was going to fight her every step of the way she really hoped there was no extension.
She couldn’t exactly blame him. The contract wasn’t very… advantageous to Ed. In fact, the version of the contract that was signed was supposed to be the starting point to negotiate from. However, for some reason Dan had been copied in on it and had taken it upon himself to forward it to Si.
And then before she knew it, they’d signed it. She hadn’t even had a chance to negotiate, or make sure the story of how they met feel natural or organic. And now she was dealing with someone else’s timeline. She hated that.
No, she could do this, she could. Hadn’t she learnt this yesterday? When things came along and mucked up your plans, you adapted. So, now they were on Plan B. Likely heading for Plan C with a bullet.
Bracing herself, she clicked onto the next slide and waited for Ed read it and get to the real sticking point.
‘She’s spending Christmas with us?’ His normally deep voice raised up. ‘What the… but, Si, that’s the one weekend you said I’d have off?’
Emma looked quickly down at the table so she couldn’t see the tears gathering in his eyes.
Even when you knew you had to sacrifice things to get where you needed to be, it was tough when it came down to it. But this was what he’d wanted when he decided to be in the music business, she tried to tell herself.
‘This is bullshit,’ Will shouted and banged on the table. ‘Christmas is about us being with our families and you’re going to do this?’
There was a brief silence, during which she carried on staring down at the table, hoping someone else would field the next question she knew would be coming.
‘Please tell me I don’t have to spend Christmas with the Tina-mator?’ Will asked with disgust in his voice.
A snigger wormed its way up from her lungs. She couldn’t laugh. She shouldn’t. She quickly changed the abrupt sound into a cough. Hopefully no one spotted it. Looking up she caught Will looking at her, he seemed to be assessing her.
Be professional, Emma, she told herself.
Not that she could blame Will for calling Tina the Tina-mator. It made complete sense. She had only met her twice now, but both times she had resembled a skinny fake-tanned bulldozer whose answer to anything she didn’t like was ‘I’ll tell daddy.’
Amit had to hold Will back from throwing things at her.
‘No, Will. Tina is spending Christmas in Antigua.’ Will’s fist unclenched slightly at Si’s answer. But it clenched tighter as he carried on. ‘Ed, it will only be a small pap walk on Christmas Day with Frankie. You don’t have to kiss her.’
Ed smiled for the first time that afternoon. It didn’t last long.
‘We’re leaving your first public kiss for New Year,’ Si finished.
This was the bit she hadn’t wanted to tell them, that she had wanted to negotiate out of the contract. Because Christmas was for family, she knew that. But, if he had to do it, surely just popping out for a pap walk and getting back in time for the Queen’s speech wasn’t too bad? And Frankie would be hanging out at a hotel not in the actual house, so it could have been worse.
‘New Year? So, does that mean she’s coming to our New Year Party?’ Ed asked.
‘Nope, no party this year.’ Si said. ‘You’re off to New York to watch her perform in Times Square, then pucker up buttercup.’
If she had thought the silence before had been bad, this was excruciating. Will looked like he wanted to launch himself at Si and batter him with the phone he was clutching. Ed was on the verge of tears. Amit and Sean were biting their nails.
‘Surely it doesn’t matter?’ she said tentatively, trying to break the tension.
‘Look, Emily, Emma or whatever your name is. For the past three years Ed and I have always had this massive New Year party at our house. This is our thing. The one time we get to spend with all our friends and let loose out of the public eye.’ Will reached over and patted Ed’s arm. Ed’s hand came up to touch his and then they quickly broke away. Sean came up behind Ed and hugged him. Ed hung his head.
Sometimes she forgot Ed was still only nineteen. He’d been doing this since he was sixteen. But this was business, this was what they’d signed up to. Her mind raced to work out a way round the contracts; she could kill Dan for getting involved. This was no way to start a fauxmance.
‘Look, I’m sure we can negotiate some things in the calendar once this has kicked off. Frankie’s team would understand if you both wanted to maybe take your friends to NYC with you,’ she suggested hopefully
‘Ed, you can take as many friends as you like, I don’t care. In fact, Sean should go with you, and Amit and Jessie,’ Si said as if he was benevolently blessing him. However, his smile was still shark-like.
See, she thought, we can compromise. Plus it helped her get some more exposure for Amit’s fauxmance but she didn’t say that. She didn’t need three of them on her case. She couldn’t help but smile at them hopefully. Will’s face brightened and Ed moved his face up and smiled.
‘But,’ Si carried on. ‘Will is going to be spending New Year’s Eve in London with Tina. In fact, you two will be hosting a joint party. We’ll be leaking photos from the “private” party to the press, then a couple of days later, you’ll be papped looking for flats together.’ Si sounded even more benevolent as he said it, or was it more malicious.
She couldn’t tell anymore because her heart hurt, she wanted to massage it with the heel of her hand. She’d never seen such devastation as on the four faces in front of her. They’d all had the hope wiped off them by that one sentence.
But surely, they knew that they’d have to grow up one day and move on? They couldn’t all live together or next to each other in some Monkees-style world indefinitely. They’d all earned enough money that they could own multiple houses on their own. At least Amit and Sean had their own places, admittedly almost next door to Will and Ed. Even if these were fauxmances and they might not take like Phooke had, there would still come a point in their lives that there would be a girl each of them wanted to live with. People changed and moved on.
It was different from Gee and her; for one, she couldn’t afford to live in a house like that on her own. Not when she was saving to make sure her plans worked. These guys didn’t need to save money like that.
‘We’re leaving,’ Will said as he stood and dragged Ed up with him. ‘But this is not over.’ He pointed at Emma and Si as he said it. ‘Come on,’ he said to the rest of the group.
‘See ya!’ The rest of the boys scrambled from the seats and followed him like he was the Pied Piper, and almost ran out of the room.
‘Maybe I should talk to
Frankie’s manager, see if they’ll move on the Christmas and New Year stunts,’ Emma posed. They could combine it all in the ski trip that was already planned for January.
‘No,’ Si said explosively. ‘That little shit has got to realise who is in charge. And he needs to stop dragging the rest of them with him. Those two playing at house is going to end. Two blokes cuddled up on the sofa and being cute might work in Europe but it isn’t going to work in Middle America. They’ll man up.’ He started to laugh ‘Man up. As if…’ He cut himself short but sniggered.
She stood in front of the screen, feeling lost. Should she pack up and leave? Where had they got to with this? Was it still going to happen if they were so violently against it? These things only went well when everyone was on board. Maybe she should suggest other less controversial ways to do promo?
‘This is good work, Emma. I need you to be lead on these. I want to make sure you are able to tweak any of these stories as they come into play, we need to make sure they hang together even a little bit. Also draft up the social media posts that will support this. When they all start following the girls and vice versa, I want coy comments, you know. Coordinate with the different teams. This needs to be seamless and authentic. Got it?’
Who did he think she was? This was her job, they’d hired her because she was good at it. She could allude to a new relationship status in less than a hundred and forty characters, and give her a few props, a filter or two and a cryptic text, and she’d Instagram the hell out of it.
Okay, so she didn’t really feel comfortable letting the boys miss out on their family time but no one challenged her ability to do her job. Any idea of suggesting an alternative faded into the background.
‘The media plan is pretty much done. The final version will be with you by the end of the week,’ she promised.
She would fake relationship the shit out of this, Si’s head would spin. By Christmas no one would doubt that Ed was loved up with Frankie, that Will and Tina were heading down the aisle and Amit and Jessie were about to start popping out babies.
As if she didn’t know what she was doing, really – Si had something to learn.
Gripping her laptop, she stalked out of the room.
Game on.
Chapter Nineteen
The doorbell rang at midday. Emma pointed at Gee.
‘Be nice, Jamie’s been through a lot and if he wants to watch Titanic, then you will suck it up and watch without complaining.’
‘But it is awful,’ he said from where he was splayed out on the sofa. ‘I mean there was enough room on that bloody door for Jack too. And I don’t even like Leo or Kate enough to enjoy the scenery.’
‘George Knightley. Promise.’ She poked him in the bicep as she moved past him to go and answer the door.
‘Fine. Promise. But he’s not eating my Pickled Onion Monster Munch. I don’t care how unhappy he is.’
She couldn’t help but smile as she went into the hall and opened the door. Her smile faltered slightly at the sight of a depressed looking Jamie. He looked all droopy, from the way his grey scarf seemed to sag as it looped round his neck to the sweater sleeves that peaked from underneath his coat arms and almost covered his hands. His curls even seemed to be wilting under the mauve beanie pulled down low over his face.
‘Hey,’ she said brightly.
‘Hey,’ Jamie answered, his voice low and slow.
She would feed him all of Gee’s Monster Munch if it would stop him sounding like that.
‘Come in. Come in.’ She could feel her brightness turn up by a factor of ten to take into account his gloominess.
‘I brought ice cream,’ Jamie said as he came through the door, waving the white and blue striped plastic bag at Emma. How he made even that sound depressing, she didn’t know.
‘That’s good, we’ve stocked up as well. Plus, Gee’s promised to make hot chocolate and his famous margaritas and any other type of alcohol you might fancy. We have a menu for every takeaway within a two-mile radius that delivers. There’s chocolate and all kinds of crisps and Netflix is lined up.’ She ushered him further into the hall and wrestled with him to take his scarf and coat from him. He held onto his beanie when she tried to snatch it from him, his mouth all pouty and his eyes damp.
She backed away.
‘Hey man,’ Gee waved from his sofa, his legs spread on it so no one else could sit there. Damn, it looked like Jamie would be sharing with her, she really liked spreading out. Or he could lose himself in the giant leather bean bag. Many people had been lost in there and had to be pulled free. It had its own gravitational pull.
Fifteen minutes later, with hot chocolate slopping over the sides of giant mugs and popcorn popped, they all settled down to watch Titanic. Jamie had crawled into the bean bag and was curled up looking like a kicked puppy.
Gee frowned at Emma and made a gesture with his phone.
She felt a vibration telling her that a text message had arrived.
I added peppermint schnapps to his mug. I couldn’t take the puppy eyes. He had added a mug emoji then the crying face one.
‘I know,’ she mouthed back.
She didn’t hold out hope for Gee keeping the Monster Munch to himself, he was as soft as she was.
***
‘And then he said…’ Jamie took a gulping wet breath. ‘He said I looked cute in your shirt.’ He wailed to Gee. He was sprawled in the bean bag, waving his third margarita round violently. Emma wondered whether he was going to spill it, it would be hell to get out of the leather. She knew Gee made his margaritas strong but it seemed he also put rather a lot of schnapps in his hot chocolate too.
‘I know, man,’ Gee said from his supine position on the sofa, staring down at Jamie. ‘That shirt has levelled better blokes than Dan.’ He sipped on the straw he’d put in his drink so he didn’t have to sit up too far to drink. ‘Taken out quite a few women too,’ he added.
As if she needed reminding. Sometimes the memory of the soft shirt in her hands still seemed real and she had to look down to check.
‘I like you,’ Jamie said pushing his beanie up so he could see better. ‘Emma, I like Gee. You would be so much better to work with than half our clients. Wouldn’t he, Em?’
She was too sober for this.
‘I like you, too.’ Gee said. ‘Monster Munch?’ he added as he took the bag that was resting on the side table and offered it to Jamie.
Okay, maybe she wouldn’t have to make up anything to Gee for having to watch first Titanic and then The Notebook. She mentally removed the organic peanut butter from her shopping list.
‘What next then?’ She asked. They could fit in another film before they hit the takeout menus.
Gee and Jamie looked at each other, then at her.
‘Clueless.’ They said in unison.
How had they managed to pick a film she hated? Why couldn’t they at least pick Ten Things I Hate About You?
‘But…’ She started just as Jamie took a deep, shuddering, sobbing breath. She looked over at Gee who was using his best puppy dog eyes.
‘Fine.’ She said as she queued it up. But she reserved the right to throw a cushion at Cher for being so… clueless.
***
Plan B – or were they now on Plan C? – whichever it was, ‘The Plan’ for BOTP’s promo romances had started well. Especially Ed’s. With his romance being more high-profile due to Frankie Quick’s popularity, it was always going to make a bigger splash outside the fandom.
Emma had coordinated the mutual social media follows with her counterpart on Frankie’s team. She couldn’t help but remember when she first found out that most celebrities had someone running their social media accounts. She’d been shocked, did that mean that all those cute tweets from Wyatt Sugar to Bibi weren’t real? All that banter back and forth was actually written by a social media manager? It had been like seeing behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz and realising there was no magic there. Just a group of people pulling the levers to make the pub
lic believe.
But now that she was the one behind the curtain pulling the levers and making magic, she got a frisson of excitement. She couldn’t help her heart racing when she pressed the key that meant Ed or rather Ed™’s Twitter account was now following Frankie™’s Twitter account. Then a second later there had been the follow back. And as easy as that she had been part of fandom history. She could almost see the thousands of tweets and blogs that would be generated from two clicks. And with both Ed’s and Frankie’s fans checking the number of people they followed closely, they would know immediately. And it didn’t take a forensic investigator to see who was newly followed. It was all over social media in a matter of seconds.
As she vetted the interview questions for BOTP, she made sure to greenlight the tedious and unoriginal question, ‘who is your celebrity crush?’ – in the past, BOTP had made up funny answers so with Ed’s coy, ‘I don’t want to say’ answer while he blinked his eyes slowly, it fuelled the fire.
A day after that the blind gossip piece she had carefully crafted and sent out via different outlets was published. It alluded to an initial meeting backstage at Frankie’s summer concert. The only one Ed could have logistically been at. If the logistics would have to have included a helicopter and a police escort to work then so be it, she only had so much to play with.
It was working like a dream. Like clockwork.
And all of this before Ed and Frankie had actually met. Really, she thought, it was always much easier when you could take the actual people out of the equation. She wondered if one day she could conduct a whole fauxmance on social media without the people in question ever meeting.
Emma hummed at her desk as she spun possibilities, and watched the Ed and Frankie Twitter mentions ratchet up; the blind gossip had been genius. Now would be an opportune point to introduce the ship name they’d created for the Ed and Frankie romance. She logged into one of Mega!’s many fake fan accounts that were set up for this. If you wanted to influence the fandom, you had to infiltrate it.
