Avoid Gil? Maybe she’ll play it cool and act like last night wasn’t a big deal. Selah would do that. Sleeping, or fucking someone, isn’t a big deal. Right. Right, not a big deal. Sex is sex. Love is an entirely different beast. She’s experienced sex without love. This, whatever this is, is not that. Gil’s words echo in her head.
But what to do about Gil’s morning declarations? What about his actions and words all weekend? Selah and Quinn both seem to think she and Gil are meant to be. Are they? Even Jo seems to be on their team. Is there a team?
Have they wasted two decades over a silly miscommunication and comedy of errors?
It’s too early in the day for all these deep thoughts. Maybe she can keep running.
After another grueling mile, the adrenaline from her flight leaves her. This isn’t college. She can’t collect her clothes, run home, and hide before her trip. This is her house and her life. Gil will be leaving in a few hours. He’s the one leaving this time—leaving her behind.
All the fight goes out of Maggie. She’s not the same girl she was twenty years ago. She isn’t going to run. She’ll face Gil, and talk this out like adults. Nodding her head, she turns toward home.
* * *
When Maggie approaches the cabin from the road, she sees Quinn sitting on the front steps.
“Walk with me, Ms. Marrion.” After walking down the drive way to meet her, he turns left up the beach road.
“Ms. Marrion? Last name only? Am I in trouble?” She feels like she’s about to get scolded by her father.
“Should you be in trouble? You ran out of the house like a banshee this morning.”
“I went for my normal morning run,” she lies.
“Bullshit. You were running away from Gil, like you did twenty years ago. No flight to France this time to save you. What are you going to do?”
“My first plan was to keep running. It didn’t work out so well—I got tired.”
Quinn links his arm with hers as they walk down the road to where the lagoon dyke separates the two halves of the beach.
“Why do you always want to run away from Gil?”
Maggie shakes her head. “I don’t know. I just knew I had to get away before I made a bigger mess of things. Like I did in college. Did you know he was in love with me back then? Did everyone?”
“Unlike you, Magpie, we weren’t blind. Or choosing to be blind. I think deep down you knew Gil loved you. And it freaked you out. Maybe you were too young to get yourself tied down. Maybe you were a chicken shit.”
She scrunches up her face. “Probably both. I didn’t want to rock the boat. We’d all gotten close. I didn’t want to lose what we all had together.”
“But Ben and Jo had gotten together, and they managed not to rock the boat. Why couldn’t you have done the same with Gil?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t have the best track record with guys up until that point. No one stuck around for long or I lost interest. Gil was too important to lose.”
“But you did lose him. You put him in a box and kept him there. He waited for you and you broke his heart, Maggie.”
“He told me as much this weekend, but I didn’t believe him.”
“My point exactly. You don’t believe what you see with your own eyes.”
“I assumed he regretted what happened. I thought I threw myself at him at my study abroad going away party. I believed my feelings were all one sided.”
“He was hurt. There was pining. He became a mopey bastard for a while. Of course, we all suspected something had happened between you two before you left, but he wasn’t talking and you were in France.”
“I was blind. How could I have missed all that?”
“You have a habit of rewriting the narrative to fit what goes on inside your head.”
“This is true. I think that’s why I married Julien. In my head, everything was perfectly romantic. The reality wasn’t nearly as rosy.”
Quinn begins humming an Edith Piaf song. “I think you fell in love with France more than him. Then you fell in love with sex. Sex can be a heady drug.”
Feeling the familiar ache in her body that has nothing to do with her recent run, Maggie silently agrees.
Quinn lets go of her arm and turns to face her. “We aren’t getting any younger.” He taps the side of her eye where her laugh lines are. “You’re single, he’s single. You’ve dealt with a lot of shit in the past few years. Time to fly home from Neverland, Wendy. Look at me, I’m going to be someone’s father. You can’t hide out here on the island forever.”
“You’ll be an amazing father. You know I love this island. Don’t be dissing the glory of island living.”
“I get the love, I do. But you’re hiding out. As fun as flirting with John is, do you want anything to happen with him?”
“No. Not really. And both Selah and Jo beat you to the hiding out speech.” She reluctantly admits.
“You’re becoming a geoduck, and I don’t mean the euphemism for a dick.”
“I did behave like a dick in the kitchen this morning. You’re right about that part.” Cringing, she remembers avoiding answering Gil’s heartfelt question.
“You were. You don’t have to die a spinster, alone with your cats and Twilight posters, because you are a single divorcee at forty-two.”
“I don’t even own a cat.” She rolls her eyes.
“I see you don’t deny the Twilight posters.” He chuckles.
“I get your point, Q. I like my life. I’m finally feeling a little bit like myself again. I’ve been a wife, a divorcee, a doting daughter, a caretaker, and a grieving orphan. It’s been a long time since I’ve been truly Maggie. I don’t think I’m ready to be any title besides friend right now.”
When they run out of road, they turn and head back to the cabin, this time walking along the beach. She unhooks Biscuit’s leash and he runs ahead of them. As they get closer to her house, she can see Gil sitting on one of the sand mountains being built by a group of kids.
“Magpie, you know I love you. Always. But there is a man out there who loves you, too. You owe it to yourself and to him to tell him where you’re at. Embrace the love or cut him loose. Don’t leave him hanging like you did in college.”
At the thought of admitting her feelings to Gil, her heart clenches. She can’t, she can’t do it yet.
“Hey Gil,” Quinn shouts, and waves to get Gil’s attention.
Gil turns toward Quinn and Maggie and gives a small wave before going back to instructing his minions on building his tower.
“No hiding now. Be a big girl and go talk to that man.” Quinn gives her a shove toward the one man island.
“I hate you right now.”
“No you don’t.”
“You’re right. I hate that you’re right, and wise, and pushy. The last part most of all.”
“Shoo.” Quinn waves her toward Gil before taking the leash and heading up the stairs to the deck. “Be brave.”
Maggie watches the mountain builders running down the beach, leaving Gil alone.
* * *
She picks her way across the sand, side stepping the deeper pools.
“Hi,” she greets Gil when she stands at the foot of the mound.
“Hi.”
“Mind some company?”
“When the company is you? Never.” He extends a hand to help her climb up his mountain.
“Thanks.” She sounds awkward and unsure, reflecting her feelings.
Biscuit runs closer to them, stops and vomits up seawater.
“Looks like someone has been chasing geoducks.” He laughs.
“Or he’s hungover again.” She attempts a joke. They fall into a silence that settles somewhere between uncomfortable and awkward, and lasts longer than a pause.
“I love how far out the water goes on this bay. The ever changing landscape is amazing. You don’t get views like this in Portland,” he says, not looking at her.
Okay, we’re going with non-sequiturs and casual conversation. “You can see Seattle. It’s sparkling.
“Like the Emerald City.”
“We’re not in Kansas anymore, are we Gil?” She looks at him, shielding her eyes from the strong glare off the water. The faded blue oxford would make his eyes stand out, if he weren’t wearing sunglasses.
He shakes his head and continues to stare out over the water.
“I’m sorry—”
“I’m sorry—”
They both say at the same time and awkwardly laugh.
“What are you sorry about?” she asks. “I’m the one who freaked out and ran out of the house like a freak.”
“Yeah, I noticed. I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman physically run away from me before.”
“Sorry. I kind of freaked out.”
“You think?”
“A little.” She pinches her index finger and thumb together. “Okay, maybe more than a little.”
“I’m sorry for pushing things in the kitchen. I should have guessed you’d be skittish. If the past is anything to go by, I shouldn’t have been surprised you ran away either.”
“I’m not proud of the running, Gil. Or the freaking. Somehow when I’m around you this weekend, I feel nineteen again—in good and bad ways.”
“At least there are some good ways. I thought there were lots of good ways last night.”
“There were.” She sighs.
“I hear a ‘but’ in your sigh.”
She laughs. “You know me well.”
“I do. It’s nice to know someone, to have a history together, and a past full of memories.”
“But we don’t know each other anymore. Not like we did in college. We’ve changed. We’ve lived lives apart. Been married to other people. We’re different now.”
“True. We are different, but some things don’t change. The part of me loved you twenty-plus years ago still loves you. I’m not going to regret last night. I never regretted our night together twenty-two years ago. But I’m also not going to let you run away again without knowing how I feel.”
“It freaks me out.”
“Gee, thanks.” He faces out toward the water again.
Maggie cringes at the hurt in his voice. She reaches out to touch his arm. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean it was a bad thing. I’m… Argh! Freaked out,” she grumbles. “I’m freaked out by you walking back into my life and feeling like no time at all has passed. I’m freaked out we had sex. I’m freaked out by what this all means or doesn’t mean, and what happens next.” She takes a breath. “Mostly I’m freaked out by the thought of messing up again and not seeing you for years. Can I overuse the word ‘freaked’ more?” She rolls her eyes at her lack of vocabulary.
Gil looks at her face. She’s wearing sunglasses like he is, but she knows he can see the anxiety in her expression when he puts his arm around her shoulder.
“Hey now. Breathe.”
“I’m starting to be myself again after all the shit with mom. I love my little life and my cabin, my island family of friends, and my dog. I don’t have to worry what crisis awaits me when I wake up or someone else’s needs taking precedent over my own. I realize I sound selfish.”
“I get it. I didn’t come up here this weekend with plans to seduce you and tear you away from the life you clearly love here. I was thrilled to see you again. It’s been a long time since we have both been single and unencumbered.”
“This wasn’t ‘Operation Get in Maggie’s Pants’ organized by you and Selah? She’s devious.”
“No. I will tell you Selah has been championing for me to reach out to you for years. There may have been a drunken night of shuffleboard right after the divorce, where I asked a few too many questions about you and it made her suspicious. Hidden beneath her smut-loving exterior is the heart of a romantic.”
“I think that’s why her books are so good. In between the pillaging and throbbing manhoods, there’s always a love story.”
“Please don’t ever say throbbing manhoods again.”
“What if it’s about your throbbing manhood?” She grins.
“Are you flirting with me again? Cause if the answer is yes, I’ll take it as a good sign we’re getting past the awkward morning after.” He smiles back at her.
“Maybe.”
“I hope that’s a good thing. I couldn’t handle another French Incident.” He rubs circles on her back.
“Gil, I’m sorry I’m a freak. I’m sorry I told you no about having a chance for more. I wish I could take that back. I wish I could be the woman you think I am, the woman you deserve.”
“You are. You always have been. You need to trust yourself and your heart more than your head.” He knocks on her head with his knuckles.
“This,” she gestures between them, “this stuff, this banter and comfort isn’t worth gambling. I got my Gil back and I’m afraid of losing you before I even get to know this new you. I’m afraid to fuck things up.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I might.”
“Maggie, you can’t mess this up. I understand you aren’t ready to hear it, but I do love you. Not in the old friends way I love Selah, Quinn, or Jo. After this morning, I’m not going to push you. You know my feelings.”
“I noticed you didn’t include Ben in the love.” She pokes him.
“Yeah, Ben is more of a deep like. Quit changing the subject.”
Maggie nods her head and stays quiet. Her heart is racing at his declaration.
“I won’t try to talk you into anything you’re not ready for because the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable around me. Just know I’m here.”
She sighs. “It’s a lot to take in.”
“Do you regret having sex with me?” He cringes.
“No, no. Well, maybe a little. It complicates things. I don’t want things to be awkward.” She suddenly finds the sand on her feet fascinating. “But the actual sex was good. Great.” She feels herself fighting a smile.
“Great? I can live with great.” Gil grabs her hand. “We won’t let this be awkward. We’re not unsure, insecure college students. We’re adults. We can handle this better than we did before.”
She weaves her fingers through his. “You have so much faith in me, more than I have in myself.”
“I have enough faith for both of us.” He strokes the back of her hand with his thumb.
“I know it sounds lame, but can we be friends for now?”
He stares at her a beat or two. “Sure. Friends for now.”
“Will this make the reunion awkward?”
“Why would it be awkward? Are you planning on bringing a date?” Gil jokes, but his voice lacks humor.
“Who would I bring?”
“I’m sure Paul Bunyan would be happy to be your date. For the reunion or anything else.”
She shouldn’t enjoy seeing Gil’s jealousy but she does. “I told you, John is a friend. He’s too much of a flirt to be serious about.”
He grumbles.
She laughs at him.
“I’m glad you find my caveman emotions funny. I didn’t get jealous over Judith. You’re the only one who brings it out in me.”
“I like that.”
“I’m sure you do.” He winks at her. “So, we’re good here, Betty?”
“We are, Al.” She feels slightly let down, but brushes it aside. “Now what do we do about the goon squad back at the cabin?”
“My guess is Quinn has already updated them.” He gestures behind them to the peanut gallery sitting on the cabin’s deck.
“They aren’t so subtle, are they?”
“Nope. We should head back before the tide changes.” Gil looks down at the wet sand surrounding their perch. “Though that doesn’t seem to be for a few more hours.”
“True, but eventually we’d have to swim back. I don’t own a row boat to take us out to sea.” She stands
and pulls him up by their still clasped hands.
“Would one of those be a pea green boat?” He quotes one of her favorite poems, making her laugh. “Thanks for the chat. When you ran out this morning, I thought you might avoid me—and the elephant in the room—for the rest of the day.” He wraps his other arm around her and brings her closer for a semi-awkward hug.
“I should be the one thanking you for not thinking I’m a freak.”
“I never said I don’t think you’re a freak. I’m owning that some things will never change. Your freakiness being one of those.”
“Gee, thanks,” she says, pushing away from him. Maggie takes off her shoes and socks to descend their mountain.
After climbing down, he grabs her shoes to carry them for her.
She splashes through the refreshing chill of a small tidal stream between their oasis and the beach.
When they reach dry land, he spies a wishing rock. He picks it up and pockets it as she watches him.
“Hoarding wishes now?” she asks.
“You never know when you are going to need a little extra hope and faith.”
Twenty-seven
Everyone appears occupied when Gil and Maggie step on the deck. Selah and Ryan seem to be having an in-depth discussion of bacteria on public transportation while Ben taps away on his phone, facing south toward Seattle as if the good cell reception will reach him from there. Maggie spots Jo inside at the dining table and wonders if she’s playing another dirty word.
“You can’t make this sort of down home charm shit up, can you? Did you know two llamas escaped on Campbell road? Only to be found grazing in someone’s kale patch?” Quinn sits with the local paper spread on the table.
“Is the down home charm part the llamas or the kale patch?” Selah asks, not acknowledging the Gil-Maggie elephant on the deck.
“Hello?” Maggie asks, glancing at Gil. “Can they not see us? Are we invisible?”
Gil walks over and stands a hair’s distance behind Ben.
Ben jumps. “What was that for?”
“Ben can see us.”
“He might have super powers,” Maggie stage whispers.
Geoducks are for Lovers Page 22
