by S. M. Shade
“I’ll deal with him later.” I manage to get him to a chair while I change his sheets and blankets and finally get him into bed.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I guess I should’ve waited until I was stronger.”
I study him, all clean with his hair ruffled and shining. He’s regained his color and his green eyes are bright. He really does have amazing lips. He doesn’t have Airen’s imposing beauty, but he’s very attractive. Sexy.
“Don’t be silly. Don’t you feel better? You certainly look better without all the grime,” I tease.
“It feels wonderful, thank you. I just don’t want to cause trouble for you with Airen. You’ve been so good to us.” He nods toward Walker’s bed.
“Honestly, I don’t know what’s bothering him. He’s never like this. I don’t want you to worry over it though, we’ll work it out. Just focus on getting well.”
I’m appalled and embarrassed by Airen’s behavior, and frankly, I’m pissed. Neither Joseph nor I have done anything to deserve his attitude, and I promise myself I’m not going to put up with it any longer.
“He’s jealous,” Joseph answers as if it should be evident.
I give him a reproachful look. “He’s not jealous. It’s not like that, obviously.”
“Sorry, but it sure looks like it to me. He doesn’t like all the time you’re spending helping me...especially when I’m naked.” Dimples grace his cheeks as he teases me.
“Stop. I know you’re trying to be nice, but we both know that’s not true. Airen is so far out of my league it’s amazing we can see each other. I don’t know what his issue is, but he doesn’t want me like that. Now get some rest. I’m going to bed.”
I quickly leave the room before he can answer, but not before I see the look of confusion on his face. Naturally, I can’t sleep. All I can see is the look on Airen’s face when he saw us in the hallway. I don’t know why he’s so pissed. Is he just being overprotective as usual? Joseph is too weak to walk on his own so what does he possibly think he could do to me? I’m annoyed because he’s made me feel like I’ve done something wrong, disappointed him in some way. Honestly, why should I feel bad for helping someone?
I thought I knew Airen pretty well, but this is a new side of him. He can be difficult and brooding, but he’s never been so hostile, sulking around the house and slamming doors. Screw it. I turn over, adjust my pillows and hope when I wake up I’ll get the other Airen, the slightly arrogant, smirking smart ass who tries his damndest not to show his emotions. The overprotective, bullheaded sweetheart who worries over us constantly, and is right there when we need him to be. A few hours before dawn sleep finally takes me.
* * * *
Airen won’t talk to me. It seems he’s opted for the less mature option of giving me the silent treatment and isolating himself in his room. I’m concerned, but I’m also busy caring for Joseph and three kids. Joseph is off of the IV, his ankle is healing well, and he’s able to walk unassisted, although with a limp. If things continue the way they’re going with Airen then I’ll have to ask Joseph and Walker to leave when he’s well. I can’t let them come between us after all we’ve been through together, but it’s so unfair.
Since Airen won’t talk to me, I haven’t been able to broach the subject. What really pisses me off is I like Joseph. He’s a sweet, sensitive guy who smiles constantly, showing two adorable dimples that make him look younger than twenty-eight. He’s smart, easy to talk to, and he goes out of his way to help wherever he can. Carson and Jayla like him, and they often include him in their board games and all day Rummy marathons.
We talk a lot, and he’s obviously been desperate for adult conversation. I can’t stop the tears from filling my eyes when he tells me about his family and his life before the plague. He was married for seven years to a man named Tim. He watches me cautiously as he talks, fearful I might be homophobic, I assume. I smile and encourage him to continue. They had fraternal twin boys by a surrogate, who were four years old when the plague struck. One twin, Mason, died along with Joseph’s husband.
“Walker is mine biologically, and Mason wasn’t,” he explains, wiping his eyes. “The immunity must be hereditary.”
Since my son also survived, I tend to agree with him, but I’m confused. “Twins can have different fathers?”
“It’s rare, but it happens. There have even been instances where a woman has slept with two men in one day, and had twins of different races. Two different contributions, two different eggs. Our surrogate was inseminated by both me and Tim, and we were lucky.”
“That’s amazing.”
“We thought so, too.”
Airen’s attitude doesn’t extend to Walker. He brings him a bag of clothes and toys from the store, and they spend hours building with Legos.
I decide to have a movie night for the kids. Everyone is gathered in the living room...except Airen. The kids are enjoying themselves, eating popcorn and watching a movie. When I glance around the dimly lit room, I’m angrier at Airen than I’ve ever been.
Walker and Jayla are cuddled together on the sofa, engrossed in the antics of Shrek and Donkey. Carson and Joseph are throwing popcorn in the air and catching it in their mouths, laughing when they miss and eating it anyway, from wherever it lands. Okay, not the most hygienic of activities, but they’re guys so it’s to be expected. Joseph and Walker fit in here. They belong here with us, it just seems right, and asking them to leave now is going to break all our hearts...except Airen’s.
Tonight, I promise myself. I’m going to confront Airen, and I’m not giving up until he tells me why he hates Joseph, why he hated him on sight. If we’re going to lose two good people, the only good people we’ve met since the plague, then I’m at least owed an explanation. Will he be this way if more people come along? Is he determined to keep things the same, just the four of us no matter the circumstances?
It’s late. The kids have been asleep for hours and Joseph has just retreated to his room. He knows I’m going to have it out with Airen.
“Don’t cause yourself any trouble because of us, Abby,” he pleads before he shuts his door.
It only strengthens my resolve and flames my anger against Airen. He should like this guy, damn it! When I stop at Airen’s room and knock, he doesn’t answer, but I can see the strip of light beneath his door so I know he’s awake. Fine, have it your way you big baby. When I let myself in, he’s stretched out on the bed, reading. He’s so sexy in pale blue lounge pants and a white T-shirt. Even with that wary, brooding look on his face, he’s hot. Smoldering, actually. I can’t get distracted.
“I didn’t say you could come in,” he accuses, his jet black eyes flashing at me.
“Well, since you haven’t been saying anything to me lately, I’m assuming that silence gives consent.”
He sighs as I stare at him. “What do you want?”
“To talk.”
“So talk,” he replies petulantly.
I perch on the far edge of his bed. “Do you know that Joseph is an electrician? He knows a lot about solar energy, and he thinks we could get some solar panels to provide power to the house. You wouldn’t have to haul gas or fill generators in the cold.”
“My hero,” he drawls sarcastically.
Okay, that’s it. “Airen, what the fuck?” I snap, raising my voice. “Will you just tell me what the problem is? If you want Joseph and Walker to leave, fine, but I don’t think an explanation is too much to ask for!” His eyes widen in surprise as his jaw hardens. I’ve never shouted at him. “So what is it? Give me one goddamn reason why you hate him so much that you have to be this cruel.”
Now that I’m having my say, I’m furious, and I don’t give him a chance to answer. “You’ve never been so hateful to me, and I don’t fucking deserve it!” Shit, I’m losing it. I take a deep breath and lower my voice before continuing more composed. “So let’s hear it, Airen. What about him is so terrible that you’d behave this way? Is it because he was married to a man? Do you ha
ve something against gay people? Is that it?”
He looks at me, perplexed. “He’s gay?”
“I figured Walker would’ve mentioned his other dad, and his twin, Mason.”
“I know about Mason,” he murmurs, still looking dumbfounded.
“Is that what you have such a bug up your ass about? That he’s gay?”
“A bug up my ass?” he repeats, sounding amused. His whole demeanor has changed. Oh, no, he’s not distracting me with that charming grin.
“It’s not funny!” I snap.
“I know.”
“Well?”
“I don’t care about his sexuality.” He sighs and approaches me slowly, sitting beside me on his bed. “I’m sorry,” he mutters.
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“I know. I’m sorry I’ve been…”
“An asshole,” I supply.
He smirks. “Fair enough. I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole.” Sobering, he gazes at me. “Your eyes are dark. You aren’t sleeping well.”
“Yeah, I’ve been stressed for some reason.”
He looks me in the eye and takes my hand, looking self-conscious. “I’m sorry, Abby, really. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
Now I’m fighting back tears and trying not to show it. “You didn’t.” My lie doesn’t even sound convincing to my own ears. “You aren’t going to tell me why you were so...”
“Upset,” he finishes, blushing and staring at his hands. I gaze at him uncertainly, and he shakes his head.
“I need to get some sleep,” I murmur, not knowing what to say anymore. Between caring for Joseph and the kids and tossing and turning every night over Airen’s attitude, I’m beyond exhausted. We say good night and I head for my bed, curling up under the covers while my brain replays our fight.
Why did I let my temper get so out of control? I was shocked at my own rage once I began yelling. I usually pride myself on my self-control, my ability to think rationally and calmly, so why had I let him get to me like that? I know why, even if I don’t want to admit it. He did hurt my feelings. It’s that simple. He treated me badly and ignored me, and I’m hurt. It affected me more than it should have, and that’s what’s eating at me. It’s not as if I’ve never been mistreated before, and by men I’d loved dearly. So why had Airen’s immature antics wounded me so deeply? Enough to make me want to cry?
Because I love him. It hurts because I’m in love with him. I shove the unwelcome thought away. No, it’s not true. I won’t let it be true. It’s my last thought before I drift off into a mercifully dreamless sleep.
The overnight change in Airen has everyone relieved. He seems to have reverted to his old self, and he’s even started talking to Joseph as if he’s a person. Whatever the crisis was, it appears to be over. As we’re preparing for dinner, Joseph informs me that Airen apologized to him for his earlier behavior.
“What do you think changed his mind, Abby?” he asks.
“I honestly have no idea. He apologized to me too, but I never got to the root of the problem.”
“He wanted to reassure me it had nothing to do with me being gay. Why does he think I’m gay?”
“Aren’t you? You told me you were married to a man.” Uh-oh. Was I supposed to keep that between us?
A sweet smile blooms, showing those delightful dimples and easing my worry. “I’m bisexual.”
“I’m sorry. I just assumed...” I trail off, embarrassed.
“Don’t be, it’s not a big deal.”
“Do you prefer men over women?”
“I don’t have a preference. I fall in love with the person, the individual, not their gender.”
“That makes sense. I guess I just never really thought about it that way.” I grin at him.
“When you had it out with Airen, is that when he found out?” I nod. “Thought so,” he croons with a self-satisfied smirk. “Do me a favor and keep the fact I also date women just between us for now.”
I study him, confused. “I suppose, but why?”
“I prefer his new attitude toward me.”
“He really doesn’t care about your sexuality.”
“Humor me then,” he replies with a knowing smile.
I’ll never understand these men.
At dinner, Airen and Joseph dominate the conversation with their discussion of solar power. Joseph believes if he can get the right equipment and hardware, we can use solar panels to provide power to the entire house. They’re both excited.
“We could be much better off by next winter,” Airen comments.
“Are we staying here forever?” Walker pipes up. Leave it to the youngest to get to the heart of things.
“For as long as you want to.” Airen winks at him.
Well, that’s settled then.
* * * *
March comes in like a lamb with warmer temperatures and dry, sunny days. It’s been such a hard few weeks we’re all ready for some fun. We spend the day with the kids, playing Frisbee, hiking, and just enjoying the outdoors. I make pizza, which is a rare treat since we have a limited supply of cheese. Joseph hooks up the DVD player in Carson’s room so the kids can spend the night watching movies and camping out on his floor in sleeping bags. Airen and Joseph have taken a trip to the video store in the next town and brought back some movies for us as well.
“What do you feel like?” Airen asks, handing me the stack.
“Getting shit-faced drunk,” I reply. He jerks his head up to meet my eyes and laughs in surprise.
“You never drink!”
“It’s been a difficult month and an extremely long winter. I want to celebrate the end of it.”
“What do you want to drink?”
“What do we have?” After looking through numerous beverages my apparently alcoholic roommates have amassed, I choose a fifth of cinnamon schnapps. They break out a fifth of whiskey, and we start doing shots. Airen stops after a few, but Joseph and I toss them back like drunken fraternity boys. We’re getting torn up.
“Have another, man,” Joseph offers Airen.
“No thanks. I’ve got a good buzz, and I need to keep an eye on this one.” He smirks, gesturing to me, and they both laugh.
“She looks like a lightweight,” Joseph teases.
“You can both kiss the fattest part of my ass.”
“Quite the mouth on her when she’s drunk,” Joseph says in admiration as they both laugh again.
“I’ve learned the hard way not to cross her, drunk or sober,” Airen admits, gazing at me in amusement.
“I’m not drunk,” I say, laughing along with them. When I pick up the movies Airen chose, I really have to laugh. “Seriously? The Stand? Outbreak? Andromeda Strain?” Airen flashes his charming ‘you know you like it’ smile and shrugs. He thinks he’s hilarious. Joseph is still grinning when I pick up his choices and flip through them. “What are you laughing at?” I giggle. “Yours are no better. Weekend at Bernie’s? What are we, twelve?”
“It’s a classic!” he cries defensively, which sets me off, and I laugh until I have to pee. When I return, we finally agree on a comedy.
“Anyone want some leftover pizza?” Airen heads toward the kitchen. Joseph and I refuse, and I spring from my seat while Airen’s out of the room. Whew, maybe a little too quickly, the room shifts under me, and it takes me a moment to find my equilibrium again.
“Are you okay? What are you doing?” Joseph questions as I quickly change the DVD.
“Shh, don’t let him hear. I found this a few weeks ago. Airen had a part in a movie called Dancers United where he played a stripper. I’ve been waiting to tease him with it.”
Joseph grins and covers his mouth. “He’s going to kill you.”
I skip forward, pausing the disc when I see a slightly younger Airen appear on the screen in a fireman’s hat and uniform. When he comes back into the room, Joseph and I are knocking back another shot and trying to act innocent. We settle on the couch, one on each side of Airen. The look on his
face after I push play is priceless. He blushes a bright red and tries to jump up to turn it off, but we’re ready for that. I dive onto his lap and hold him down while Joseph grips his arm.
“Where the hell? How did you?” he sputters.
“It’s a classic,” I exclaim, and Joseph and I try to laugh ourselves into a stroke. Airen tries not to smile while onscreen Airen rips off his shirt, revealing a magnificent six pack, and gyrates against a column on the stage.
“A little fond of that post, aren’t you?” Joseph taunts him while tears roll down his face from laughing.
“You two are going to pay for this,” he threatens with a grin on his face.
“Oh, don’t be like that. I never knew you could dance so...rhythmically.”
He flashes me a seductive sideways grin just dripping with sex. “If you wanted to see me dance naked, all you had to do was ask,” he says in a low sensual voice that would make any girl rip off her panties.
Oh fuck...this just backfired on me. I try desperately to control the expression on my face, which isn’t easy considering I’m drunk and instantly turned on. My face heats up as I try to play it off.
Airen sits back and pretends to relax, draping his leg across his knee, and staring at me in amusement. “Pay attention! You don’t want to miss this next part. It gets better.” He winks with an arrogant smirk on his face. “That goes for you too, buddy,” he cracks, addressing a suddenly red-faced Joseph.
This has backfired on both of us. Onscreen Airen pulls off his break away pants to reveal a tiny blue thong, and I nearly gasp out loud. His abs are incredible, and his sculpted chest is rock hard. The flex of his well-defined thigh muscles is overwhelmingly hot, but I gawk at his groin with abandon. I can’t help myself. He’s spectacular, and he can move in ways I’ve been trying not to imagine.
“Woo-hoo!” Joseph hoots, breaking my trance and carrying me back to reality where Airen is giving me a sly smile.
His scent wraps around me as he leans to whisper in my ear. “See something you like, sweetheart?” I have to pull myself together.
“What did you use to stuff that thong? Or was it padded?” I ask flippantly, pushing him away.
