by S. M. Shade
Slipping his arms around my neck, he grins and shakes his head. He’s adorable with his hair flopping across his forehead, his cheeks red from the alcohol. “She’s not my type.”
“She’s skinny, blonde, and pretty. She’s every man’s type.”
“I am truly offended on behalf of men everywhere,” he replies, trying not to smile.
“She still wants Airen.”
He steps back and puts his hands on my shoulders, locking his gaze with mine. “You have nothing to worry about. Airen ignores her. He doesn’t give her the time of day. Don’t let her get to you. She’s lonely and desperate.”
Smiling, I kiss his cheek. “You’re too good to me, Joseph.”
“Hey, asshole, quit kissing my girl,” Airen calls, a goofy grin plastered on his face.
“Get your eyes checked, buddy. She kissed me.”
Their good natured taunting makes me smile. “I’m going to go put my other little man to bed.”
Two bedtime stories later, Walker’s asleep and I head back outside. Sara, Carson, and Jayla are playing with the new Hyperslide game on the kitchen table, but I don’t see Mandy. She must be in her room. As I step out on the screened porch I hear Airen’s voice.
“She just attacked me.”
I stop and listen. It’s dark on the porch and they can’t see me.
Joseph laughs. “She’s crazy about you.”
“She’s also fantastic in bed. She pulled me into the bedroom and jumped on me, gave me an amazing fucking blow job,” he brags.
My face burns as I listen to him discussing our sex life with Joseph. I should be pissed, but all I can do is grin. Airen thinks I’m fantastic in bed!
“Stop,” Joseph moans. “I feel like a monk, it’s been so long.”
“There’s bound to be a guy for you out there somewhere, man.” Joseph stares at him. “What?” Airen asks, concerned.
“I was married to a man, but I dated women too.”
“No shit?”
Joseph smiles and leans back in his chair. “No shit.”
“Problem solved. Hook up with Amanda.”
“Not my type at all.”
“You could at least throw her a pity fuck,” Airen slurs. Oh, he’s drunk.
“I’ll pass on that. I don’t need her following me around all day.” They laugh together.
“Where’s Abby? Did she go to bed?”
“Worried she’ll start without you?” Joseph quips.
“Oh, if you only knew,” he brags with a lewd smile. “She can fuck like…”
“Like what?” I snap, slamming the screen door behind me. They both stare at me in horror. It’s so hard not to laugh. Joseph gives me a small, embarrassed smile and stands up.
“I think I’ll—” he begins, trying to escape.
“No!” I interrupt. “Don’t let me dampen your conversation. Go on, I’m dying to hear it.” I sit down at the table and stare at them expectantly. I’m not really pissed. I know how guys talk to each other, but I do wonder how much Airen tells him. I hope he doesn’t go into detail.
“I’ll see you later,” Joseph blurts and quickly retreats into the house.
Airen gives me a sheepish grin. “How long were you standing there?”
“I believe I came in just as you were telling him about a blow job,” I reply smoothly.
“Fuck.” He sighs.
“You hadn’t quite got to describing that yet. Maybe I should’ve waited to see what private moments you were going to divulge next.”
He grins under my disapproving stare. “There’s a lot I didn’t tell him,” he replies, trying to win me over with that charming smile.
I stifle a chuckle. He’s seen enough to know I’m not really upset. He scoots close to me, all red faced from the alcohol, and whispers into my ear. “I didn’t tell him how hot you look naked, how tight you are, how you can move, or what you can do with your mouth.” His lips find my neck just below my ear. “Or how you’re always ready for me.”
The bastard knows I can’t resist him. After one last shot, we go to bed, and even drunk, he’s an amazing lover.
* * * *
I’m drying off after a quick morning shower. I swear I want three a day since it’s been so hot. I feel Airen’s eyes on me as I pull up my panties.
“No.” I laugh.
“What?” He feigns innocence.
“I know that look.”
“I was just admiring the view.” He grins, and I shake my head.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“You know you like it.”
Oh I do. He grabs me around the waist and pulls me into bed with him. “It’s too hot, and I don’t want to have to shower again,” I complain.
“I’ll behave myself, but you could meet me after lunch at our summer home.”
“Deal.” I grin, looking forward to our afternoon tryst. “So, how much of last night do you remember?”
“I don’t get drunk enough to blackout,” he says smugly.
“Then you remember dancing with Joseph?”
“Very funny.” He pauses, sweeping a lock of hair out of my eyes. “He’s not exactly gay.”
“I heard.” I’m not mentioning when I heard, however. “You aren’t going to act like an asshole again, are you?”
His eyes narrow. “I don’t intend to.”
“Good, I prefer reasonable Airen.”
“How about sexy Airen?” he asks provocatively.
“Unfortunately, that remains the same even when you’re an asshole.”
“Good to know. I was worried when Joseph first arrived that you two would get together,” he admits.
“I know.”
“He was going to steal my girl,” he adds, pressing a soft kiss on my lips.”
“You’re delusional, Air.”
“I don’t worry about that anymore. If it was some random guy dancing with you or kissing your cheek, I’d have a problem with it. It doesn’t bother me when it’s Joseph for some reason.” He frowns, his brow furrowed.
“Joseph has become part of the family, and we all love each other. That’s why you aren’t jealous. You trust him.”
“And you.”
“I could be jealous of Joseph, you know. He could fall for you. It’s not hard to do,” I tease with a grin.
“It’s strictly women for me.”
“Women?”
“One woman,” he corrects.
“I’m head over heels in love with you,” I confess as I kiss him. “But I’ve got to make breakfast before the kids starve to death.”
“After lunch.” He swats my ass and grins.
“You’re insatiable.”
“You know you like it.”
Sara is making pancakes, and Walker’s at the table, already eating.
“I hope you don’t mind. He was hungry,” she apologizes.
“Mind? Be careful or I’ll adopt you.”
She smiles and her pale cheeks flush. “I love it here. It feels so...normal.”
“We love having you here.” I’m thinking again there’s no reason she has to live with Mandy when the house is done.
With the kids occupied, I sneak off after lunch to meet Airen. It’s threatening to rain. Thunder rolls across the sky, and I move a little faster so I don’t get caught in the storm. I can hear voices as I get close to the trailer. Our “summer home” was kind of a joke when we first started using it, but it’s become a special place. Our place.
I peek in the window as I’m approaching, and freeze, watching Mandy, who has her hand on Airen’s bare shoulder. She pulls off her shirt and exposes her breasts, smiling from ear to ear. He stares for a moment before noticing me at the window.
“Oh fuck! Abby!” he cries.
I don’t know what to do. How could he? In our place? With her! My first impulse is to beat the shit out of her. I know I can. I’m a good fighter, and I can break this skinny bitch in half, but the pain in my chest is overwhelming. I can’t look at Airen anymore. I ru
n.
“Abby! Wait!” he calls, the crunch of his footsteps growing louder. It took him a bit to catch up. He had to get dressed, my inner voice snarks, can’t run with his pants around his ankles, can he? I dart through the door between the porch and our room and lock it before locking the other door to the hall. I can’t deal with anyone right now. All I can see is her hand on him, his eyes on her chest.
I’m so stupid! I knew from the beginning, from the moment he kissed me, this was inevitable. Someone else. Someone who isn’t ugly, and I’ve promised to let him go. Why am I so shocked, so caught off guard? I trusted him, that’s why. Deep down, I really didn’t think he would cheat and especially not with that nasty bitch. Jayla was right about her.
“Abby, please! I didn’t do anything with her! You know I wouldn’t! She just showed up! Abby! Open the damn door!” he yells.
“Just stop it! Leave me the fuck alone, Airen! I gave you an out. You didn’t have to do it this way. I should’ve known. I’m so stupid. All those days alone at the house with her, the first night in Evansville. I’ll bet she gave it right up.”
“Goddamn it, Abby, that’s not fair!” he rages. “I’ve never given you any reason to believe I’d cheat on you!”
Until now. You were good. You hid it well. I never let myself believe you could love me, but I still didn’t expect this.
“Airen, please, just leave me alone,” I moan and I hear him curse under his breath as he stalks off. I spend the rest of the day hiding in my room. I can’t face anyone. I’ve cried until I can’t cry anymore, and I know I have to get a grip. I’ve been through this before, but not with someone like Airen. I love him. I’m so deeply in love with him. How am I going to let go? I can’t make him leave when the kids need him, but I can’t watch him with her. I can’t think about this anymore.
Stripping down to my panties, I crawl into bed. There is no way I can sleep. Maybe if I do, I won’t wake up, I think morosely, as exhaustion pulls me down into sweet nothingness.
“Abby, are you okay?” Joseph asks, tapping on the door.
I slept late, and I wonder who fed the kids. Well, there are three other adults in this house. I’m sure they can manage.
“I’m awake.”
“Open up, honey.”
“Please, just take care of the kids for me, Joseph.”
“Walker and Jayla are outside, and Airen took Carson and Sara fishing.”
“Did Mandy go with them?” I ask miserably.
“Of course not, Abby. Airen wouldn’t let her in the house last night. I believe she’s officially living next door.”
“Really?” I’d been picturing them curled up on the couch together.
“Yes, will you let me in and quit making me talk to you through this door?” he huffs. I sigh and throw on some clothes before unlocking the door. I know I’m a mess. My hair needs brushed, my face is streaked with tear tracks, and the circles under my eyes are darker than usual.
“Oh, honey,” Joseph croons and pulls me into a warm hug which makes me cry again. Christ, I can’t keep doing this. I never used to cry. He hands me a glass of juice and sits down beside me. “Airen told me what happened.”
“How long, Joseph? How long has he been sleeping with her?” I ask dully.
“Abby! He’s not! He’s never been with her,” he replies emphatically, shaking his head. “He’s upset that you believe he would cheat on you.”
“They were in our summer home. She had her shirt off and her hands on him.” I hate how weak and shaky my voice sounds.
“He should be the one to explain what happened, but since you’re both too stubborn to talk to each other, I’ll tell you what he told me. He was waiting on you, and he got there early because it was going to rain. She showed up and um...propositioned him. She knew you were going to be there, Abby, and she wanted you to see. You know how she is. He told her to leave, and she pulled her shirt off. That’s when you saw them, isn’t it?”
“I saw her take her shirt off.”
“This is what she wanted, to cause trouble between you, and make you think he was sleeping with her.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Did Airen know you were coming?”
“It was his idea,” I admit.
“Do you think he wanted you to see him with her?”
“No.” The shock and anger on his face looked real. I try to squash my inner voice reminding me he’s an actor, and maybe this is his way of getting rid of me.
“Why would he cheat on you, knowing you would catch him?” Damn it, he’s sounding reasonable. “Abby, he wouldn’t,” he insists.
“It just looked...” I trail off.
“I know. He knows how it looked. I think he’s more upset that you wouldn’t talk to him, give him a chance to explain. You just assumed the worst,” he scolds. I bite my lip. “He’s hurt, Abby, and so are you. I know the world would stop spinning if either of you admitted it,” he says dryly.
“I love him,” I whisper, laying my head on Joseph’s shoulder.
He wraps his arm around me and sighs. “And he loves you. Now grow up and go talk to him.”
“He’s out fishing.”
“Nah, I lied. He’s sitting on the steps, moping.”
“Joseph!”
“You wouldn’t have let me in.” He grins at me, displaying his adorable dimples.
“Bastard.”
“Brat.”
“Thank you.” I hug him.
“Anytime, honey.”
I brush my teeth and wash my face before I go to him. He’s sitting on the front steps, watching me cautiously as I approach.
“Will you take a walk with me?” I ask. He nods and we head toward the lake.
“I take it you’re done giving me the silent treatment,” he mumbles.
“Yes.”
“Good. It’s infuriating.”
“Remember that. I learned it from you.”
He smirks. “Fair enough.”
“Joseph told me what happened.”
“Joseph is right about one thing. We have to learn to communicate with each other. We shouldn’t need him as a go-between.”
“No time like the present,” I murmur.
“I never touched her.”
“I know.”
“You wouldn’t listen to me.” His hands run through his hair in frustration.
“I’m sorry. The sight of her with you…I was so...hurt,” I confess, staring at my feet.
His face softens, and he slides his arm around my waist as we walk. “Me too, sweetheart. I’m frustrated. I don’t know how to make you understand how much I love you.”
I stare at the ground, feeling guilty. “It’s not anything you do or don’t do, Airen. You’re perfect. You’re so sweet to me, and no one has ever treated me like you do.” My throat is threatening to close, and I swallow hard.
He stops and faces me, grips my face with both hands, and raises my head until I look him in the eye. “Then tell me what it is. Why can’t you accept that I love you?” he asks.
The desperation in his voice makes my heart ache. This isn’t about him. My issues are fucking up our relationship. I have to be honest, or I’m going to lose him.
“Because no one has ever loved me,” I whisper. “No one except my son, and he never really had a choice. So, someone as wonderful as you? I have a better chance of being struck by lightning.”
Sighing, he hugs me tight. “Let’s sit down.” He motions to a picnic table overlooking the lake. “Have you ever thought that you could be wrong? You doubt I love you, and I’m sure other people have as well. You just didn’t believe it.”
I shake my head. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Air.”
“So tell me.”
His eyes soften, and he runs his hand down my cheek. I sigh and look out over the lake where the sun is throwing sparkles on the water. It’s so clear and calm. I don’t know where to start. He seems to understand.
“Your parents?” he asks. �
��You don’t think they loved you?”
“My dad was a drug dealer. Meth. He and my uncle had a lab, and that’s all he cared about. My brother and I used to visit on weekends until I was thirteen.”
“Why did you stop?”
“He had a friend, or a customer, I don’t know which, who kept hitting on me and making nasty comments. I was still pretty innocent then.”
“Of course you were.” He’s getting the look in his eyes he gets when he’s angry. They’re like coals waiting to be lit.
“I tried to tell my father, but he thought it was funny. He and my uncle joked about the guy ‘breaking me in’. He told me not to be so dramatic.”
“He didn’t even confront the man?”
“He gave him a house key.” Airen sighs hard, blowing air through his lips, and shaking his head. “I didn’t feel safe there, so I quit going. I saw my dad off and on after that, but usually just to visit my brother. He ended up living with him when my mom put us out. I think he loved my brother, maybe because Brandon was always more like him. He ended up into drugs too and spent some time in prison.”
“What about your mom?”
“She hated us both,” I reply, my voice flat. “I come from a fucked up family, and I didn’t want you to know all of this, Airen.” I look away from him, trying to hide my face.
“Abby,” he says softly, pouring so much love into those two syllables. “No one can help who or what they’re born into. I’d never think differently about you because of that.” He pulls me into him, and I press my face against his chest.
“I have their blood,” I whisper.
“You have your mind and your heart, my sweet girl. Blood doesn’t matter.”
“She hated us, and I never understood why.”
“What makes you think she hated you?”
“She told us.” I laugh bitterly. “She used to compare me to a neighborhood slut she despised.”
“How old were you?”
“Nine or ten, I suppose. I don’t know exactly. She never missed a chance to let us know what worthless little pieces of shit we were. None of this matters now, Airen. What difference does it make? Everyone is dead.”
“It affects you, Abby. It matters a lot, especially when it keeps you from recognizing love when you have it.” My eyes close as he kisses my forehead.
