by Ali Parker
"What's the point? The fucking future might never show up." I turned and jogged up the stairs as my dress scratched along my skin. My heels were much too tight and wearing holes in the back of my feet as well. I made it to my room before I began pulling various items of clothing off of me in a frantic motion.
I was alone and didn't have to be anything but frazzled and broken.
Where is Demetri? Why didn't he and Freddy just come home with us?
I would never tell him in a million years, but I needed him desperately. Playing it off as if he were the older brother I didn't have in Marco would work just fine, but either way, nothing but his large arms around me could warm my soul. Death had hit too hard, too fast, and I was left breathless without a rebuttal. D would make me forget about all of it for a moment — he had to. Even if it were simply a fight with him and nothing more.
He'd promised many years ago to be available to me in times of trouble or pain no matter how badly we knew it would fuck us both up.
This was one of those times. Right? Or was I abusing his offer?
A knock at my door caused my breath to catch in my chest. Please be him.
I walked quickly toward it, grabbing the crumpled black dress from the bed and pressing it to my chest as I opened the door and peeked out.
Sylvia smiled shyly, her hands in front of her white outfit, fingers fidgeting terribly. "I know you need time to yourself, Miss, but I just needed to see you." Her voice was soft, laced with pain beyond what anyone deserved.
She had been Mom's closest companion at the house, and had been our maid since Mom and Dad had married.
"Of course, Sylvia. Come in here." I moved back, hiding behind the door until Sylvia moved past the opening.
I closed the door, dropped the dress and walked toward my closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
"How was the service, Izzy?"
"It was beautiful. It rained a little, but it almost seemed fitting, you know? Like tears from Heaven?"
"I wish your father would have let us come. I feel like I've... like I... " She stopped, bowing her head and pressing her hands to her face as her soft sobs filled the room.
I pulled my shirt over my head and tugged my jeans over my hips awkwardly as I moved toward the older woman.
Her salt and pepper hair was pulled back in a tight bun, her uniform immaculate, her care for us and herself having always been her calling card.
I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my cheek to the top of her head as I held her. "I'm glad he didn't let you guys come. If anything happened to one of you, we would never be able to forgive ourselves. Dad is just protecting all of us right now."
Sylvia moved back a little and pulled her apron up to wipe the makeup from her eyes. "He let you kids go. I can't believe he would let you go with the monsters still on the loose." Her voice was pinched, her eyes swollen and red from crying far too much over the last few days.
"I'm the toughest one of the bunch. I would love for someone to come after me. I would fuck them up ten ways and send them a bill for my time." I pulled my hair into a ponytail as I narrowed my eyes and growled softly. Nothing would please me more than to run into the bastards that took the light from our lives.
"Hush that, and watch your language. You know your mother wouldn't be pleased with that." Sylvia reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
"I know, but honestly. It's not me you need to be worrying about. I can hold my own."
"Your mother was the toughest woman I know, and look where we are. Your bravery will do nothing but cloud your vision. Promise me that for your father's sake, you will be careful. Promise me that you'll keep alert and watch everything around you." Sylvia 's lip quivered as her eyes filled with tears again.
"I promise." I reached out for one more hug, squeezing the older woman before moving to sit on my bed as Sylvia moved toward the door.
"You sure you're okay? As okay as you can be?" Sylvia opened the door, turning to study me as if looking for signs that I was close to cracking.
I was, but no one would ever know that.
"I'm going to be okay. I have a lot to process and think through, but we will come out of this stronger than we were. My father will make sure of that."
"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. Come down, and I'll make you something to eat."
"My favorite sandwich?" I asked, mustering a childish smile.
She smiled and nodded, leaving and closing the door quietly behind her.
I let my shoulders drop, my brave face slip.
Whatever energy I had moments ago was gone. Putting on a facade of strength for all those I loved was going to be my lot, but it would take every bit of strength I had inside of me to pull it off. I flopped back on my bed and closed my eyes as I pressed the heel of my palms to my face.
"Where are you, D? What are you looking for, and better yet, what are you finding?"
I should have gone with him.
Chapter 6
Demetri
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel as Freddy sat asleep in the seat next to me. The conversation with the old man in the alley was short, nothing of interest to take with me back to Joe.
There had been four guys from what the witness could tell me, but their hair color and size was lost to the coward hiding during the attack. There were only a few fuckers dumb enough to come after Joe, and I was going to make sure the list of them was laid out for all of us in leadership to analyze. Together we would narrow down the possibilities.
Izabella would not be invited to the party, and she was going to be pissed about it. A jolt of heat ran through me, the idea of her angry and in my face sending synapses of pleasure through the center of my chest. She was beautiful all the time, breathtaking when upset and soul shatteringly stunning when pissed. Half the time I pissed her off just to feel overwhelmed by her.
Captivating...
Freddy snorted and turned over, swatting at the air in front of him as if something were after him.
I reached out and stilled the boy's arms, concern pulling me from my sensual thoughts about the woman who should be a sister to me. She was far from it. There hadn't been a day that went by where I hadn't lamented over laying down boundaries for us. I had to. She could have so easily consumed me, and where would Joe be if I let myself go with her? Would he forgive me? Would he understand the pull of a passionate woman on a heartless bastard like me, or would he only see my weakness for her as a poisonous arrow that would rot me from the inside out?
At present, Izabella was the least of my worries. I had to figure out what to do about Freddy. The boy was a beautiful disaster with more secrets kept from him than he would ever accept. I reached over and brushed his curly hair from his face, wanting to force him into being a responsible, contributing member of the family, but knowing it was impossible.
"What the fuck am I going to do about you?" I whispered and turned back to the road.
Something would have to give. I had a message sitting on my phone that morning about the kid from my older sister, Catherine. Being in charge of our shipping, she had some concerns. The note was something about Freddy not signing documents properly and routing narcotic shipments to the wrong dock.
If it had been anyone else, I would have assumed the guy was stealing from the family, but Freddy wouldn't do that. He was too dumb and far too much of a chickenshit. He couldn't match his shirt to his pants most days of the week. There was no way in hell he was stealing from the syndicate — or really, his father.
Either way, I would have to look into it after the dust settled over Vivian's death. Catherine would continue to keep her nose in the middle of the drug cartel, ensuring that everything was as it should be, and I was grateful for her.
Whether Freddy's fuckups were simply due to him losing control of himself coupled with his drug addiction or something more nefarious, I would be forced to act on it sooner than later.
"You need to be removed from the
ring altogether," I mumbled to myself. "You'd do better just lying around the pool eating Cheetos all damned day."
Freddy snorted softly again, turning to face me. I glanced over toward him as pain raced through me. I loved my younger brother, Drake, and knew that Marco and Izabella felt the same about Freddy, though they rarely showed it.
I would have to talk with Izzy and bring her into the middle of helping the boy get his shit straight. Losing Vivian was sure to turn him further toward a life of despair rather than from it if someone didn't intervene, and I could only do so much. I had to keep the operation on track and try to find Vivian's killer before Izabella did.
Joe would have nothing but grief to give the kid, the Don disliking the boy beyond what any of us could understand. There was more to the story, but I wasn't willing to poke the bear to get details. Freddy had enough people in his life that were willing to protect him from Joe and help build him back up. I just needed to remind them of their responsibilities.
I pulled the car up to the house and parked before nudging Freddy as the security detail moved in to open the doors. "Get up, sleepy head. You're home. Come on; you can go take a nap in your bed."
Freddy mumbled something incoherent as I got out of the car and stretched. Joe had purchased the enormous home, the land and the six lots surrounding it in a circle. We had cameras and guard details for miles, our funding being spent on safety above anything else. The large white mansion he'd had built had over thirteen bedrooms, five offices and a pool that could fit a village.
"Everything go okay, boss?" Nathaniel moved up, walking beside me as we moved toward the house. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Freddy was coming.
I turned to Nathanial and nodded. "It was a beautiful service. The light rain made it all the more memorable. Everyone here now?"
"For the most part. The Don and his family are resting, but I assume everyone else won't be coming here for the night. Our meeting is still scheduled for tomorrow night, so let me know if we need to have someone cancel it." Nathaniel moved up to hold the door open.
"Are you not doing a weapons check?" I lifted an eyebrow sharply as the head of our security detail didn't request the Glock from the back of my slacks.
"No, sir. The Don removed the requirement for anyone in the syndicate." He shook his head but pursed his lips as if trying not to give his thoughts on the matter.
"What? No. You need to check everyone and take weapons at the door. We just lost Vivian. Don't tell me that Joe thinks now is the time to give people permission to bring heat in the fucking house?" Anger burned through my veins, but I knew better than to take it into the house. The Don would have none of it from me or anyone else.
I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a frustrated growl. It was hard to keep everyone safe when Joe continued to move behind me and undo all the security measures I'd put in place.
"Talk to him, D. Only you can, man." Nathaniel patted me on the back.
I moved back and motioned for Freddy to go in front of him. I waited until he was inside to respond.
"I'll talk to Joe soon about it. As far as the meeting tomorrow night, that shit is Marco's to deal with." I shrugged and stepped into the house in time to see Freddy climb the long cream-colored stairs that led to the second floor. His demeanor screamed of dejection. "He's not to leave the house tonight. He's high and emotionally fucked. Make sure you buzz me if he tries."
"Of course, boss. Of course." He closed the door behind me without another word.
I moved into the kitchen and got a bottle of water from the fridge before walking down to Joe's office.
The door was closed, but that didn't mean much. I pressed my ear to it and knocked softly. "It's D. Can I come in?"
"Yeah. Come on in." Joe's voice was gruff. He needed a hot meal and some sleep. He hated it when I babied him, but tonight was going to be one of those nights. I cared too much for the old bastard to let him sleep sitting up at his desk.
Pushing the door open, I paused in the entryway and took a sip of my water before addressing him. "Have you eaten anything today?"
"No, and don't ask me to. I'm going to wrap up a few things and go to bed." He glanced up at me, pressing me with a hard stare. "Don't push me tonight. I'm not in the mood."
I would usually throw an asinine comment his way and we would laugh, but tonight wasn't the night.
"You know I'm not okay with the guards letting weapons into the house. It's dangerous."
"And I'm not okay with you guys not having protection should someone bust up into this fucking place." He shrugged and went back to shuffling papers as if the conversation was over.
"We have over thirty guards lining the property, Joe. No one is coming up in here and attacking us. It would be a suicide mission." I leaned against the door frame. He didn't want company, and I wasn't going to impose much longer. I'd check on Izzy and get back to my apartment for a long night of drinking myself into a stupor.
"I'm not talking about this tonight. Soon, but not tonight." He pulled his glasses from his face and dropped them on the desk as he tilted his head to the side. "You doing okay? I haven't gotten to talk with you about your mother much."
I stiffened. "As good as can be. We knew she wasn't going to hang on much longer. I just wish there was something I could have done."
"Me too. I'd have done anything to save her too." He brushed his fingers across his lips. "She meant the world to me."
"I know that. It's a conversation best left unspoken. I think you and I are the only ones that know just how much she meant to you." I ran my fingers through my hair and tried not to let the hard emotions of knowing that my mother was having an affair with Joe blast through me. She was a grown woman, and if she wanted to play someone’s mistress, then it was her fucking business.
"Have you seen Drake? Don't lie to me." He pursed his lips and stood up.
"Nope. I told you that we cut ties a long time ago. It's better for him if I don't know where he is." I shrugged and took another sip of my water. The old man in front of me was my closest confidant and a father to me, but I'd never in a million years let him know that Drake was alive and well. It would be the same as slipping a collar around my brother and dragging him back to a life he hated. He wasn't cut out for the Mafia. He had too much of our mother in him.
"All right. You know that I trust you." He lifted an eyebrow.
"As you should. I've never done anything to give you a reason not to." I glanced behind me at the sound of a door closing. "You need to eat something."
"Go get Izzy up for me. I expected her down here already. I need to talk to her for a few minutes."
"All right, but you're eating something after that." I turned without acknowledging the go fuck yourself look on his face.
I'd be doing that later too no doubt. The image of Izabella's dress flaring open as she’d turned to get me to zip it earlier that day was playing with me in ways that left me aching to touch her. I'd grazed the top of her lacy black G-string as I pulled at the zipper and coveted her smooth, tanned skin with my eyes.
I wanted her more than I wanted my next breath, and I would keep wanting until that want turned into need.
Then I would take without apology — boundaries be damned.
Chapter 7
Izabella
I woke with a start as the soft tapping at my door scared me. I sat up and reached for my gun behind my back and found it gone. Panic washed over me as I took in the room around me, the comfort of my things, the softness of my bed.
Home.
I was at home, and everything was fine for now. Sadness pressed against my insides at the thought of never sitting at my vanity and letting my mom brush my hair as she had done all of my life. She was the only one I let my guard down in front of. The only one that had access to the last bit of softness inside of me that resembled the carefree girl of my youth. Much to her dismay, I had become the monster my father needed me to be.
I shook off my thoughts a
nd got up to walk over to the door. Demetri stood on the other side of it, looking like sin.
His suit fit him too well and left the strong muscles of his arms and chest accentuated. The swell just below his belt never seemed to leave me unaffected, as if I hadn't been on my knees before him, worshiping every inch of him with every part of me before.
I let my eyes move over him slowly and crossed my arms over my chest. We were done being sweet and soft to each other. The funeral was over, and any comfort offered one another would just end with one of us needing the other and receiving a large helping of denial. Nothing hurt more.
I tilted my head and gave him the attitude he deserved from me. "What do you want?"
"Your father expected you thirty minutes ago. Not sure what he wants, but I want to make something perfectly clear to you." He pressed his hands to the door frame and leaned toward me menacingly. The dark scent of his cologne filled my lungs and left desire swelling in my belly.
I tilted my head and gave him a deadpan stare. There was no way I was putting up with his tone or the attitude that accompanied it.
He continued as I pushed by him and walked into the hallway. "Izabella."
"Move, please." I waited until he walked into the hall and closed my door. The bedroom screamed intimacy, and while I wanted those moments to be shared with only him, they most likely never would be again. Getting angry at the long shot of such an occasion occurring again was my best defense against the pain of rejection from him.
He reached out and gripped my upper arm tightly. "I will find whoever took your mother from us. I don't want you near any of them, and if you think for a minute that — "
I lifted my hand and pressed my fingers over his soft lips, silencing him. I growled and narrowed my eyes into thin slits. "Don't you dare pull this shit. You aren't my father, and we aren't fucking like lovers, so don't think you have the right. You don't own me." I bit out.
