by Paul Bellow
A yellow beam shot from the thin, crooked stick, tearing a hole into the wall and earth behind it. I smiled as the dust cleared and a smoothly bored tunnel led out.
“Come on, Ralph,” I shouted.
I hoped for the best and ran through the newly dug hole in the shop while checking the map on my heads-up display. An alarm bell sounded behind me as I high-tailed it to the end of the tunnel. I checked the map for the closest tunnel then zapped the Wand of Digging again. A penalty popped up in front of me.
Stealing from others is wrong.
-25 alignment points.
Your alignment is currently: 0 (Breaking Bad)
“Ugh,” I sighed.
The new tunnel I created took a sharp right angle, heading back to the main dungeon. I saw Ralph scampering toward me in slow motion—along with the angry shopkeeper. After running to the end of the new tunnel, I zapped the wand again. The tunnel lengthened, but I didn’t see a light at the end of it. Had it not reached the room on the map?
I ran to the end. When I zapped the wand again, it sputtered, emitting smoke instead of the strong, yellow beam. Shit. Out of charges. I stuffed the dead wand in my belt. The effects of the potion were wearing off, but I still got a benefit from the ring of speed. I heard a faint sound on the other side of the tunnel. Maybe I can break through?
Not caring about the damage to my sword, I assaulted the dirt wall ahead of me with all my might. After a few swings, I saw light from the other side. Over my shoulder, the slowed down shopkeeper—still yelling in slow motion—got closer. I kept attacking the wall of dirt, making the hole to the next room bigger.
When it was big enough to fit through, I scrambled into the room. Ralph came through a few moments later, still moving in slow motion. I saw a confused red baboon in the room, but I raced right past it on my way to the stairs in the corner of the room.
Come on, Ralphy. You got this, old boy…
After stopping next to the stairs leading down, I spun around. Ralph ran, trying his best to catch up with me. The shopkeeper’s screams could barely be heard over the loud ringing sound of the alarm bells. Did the game have guards that would chase me? What had I gotten myself into? As Ralph reached the stairs, I snatched him up then zoomed down the stairs, taking them three steps at a time.
()xxxx[:::: Chapter 5 ::::>
There Goes My Recall
The alarms on the level above stopped buzzing and ringing as I reached the bottom of the stairs.
You are on level 7 (-350’)
You are a Level 7 Ranger.
You are wanted on level 6.
The Keystone Kops are chasing you.
You feel out of breath.
Ralph rushed down the staircase and into the room behind me.
“Exciting,” he gasped between labored breaths. “That was crazy!”
I grinned as I took off the Ring of Speed. Moving fast had disadvantages like sapping all my energy from my body. I needed to rest.
“Not a bad haul, either,” I said. “We should get away from the stairs in case they follow us down here. Come on…”
“Good idea,” Ralph said. “Aren’t you glad I could poop on demand?”
I chuckled as I headed toward the only door. The next room contained a day’s worth of rations. I scooped them up then headed out the only other exit, a doorway leading to a long, dark hallway. After igniting a torch, I carried on.
Upon reaching a door at the end of the hall, I heard a gruff voice behind me.
“Halt or I’ll shoot!”
I didn’t bother turning to see who had yelled. The voice sent chills down my spine which was enough to tell me to run away. An arrow whizzed by as I opened the door and threw myself into the room. Ralph barely made it in after me before I slammed the flimsy wood shut. I pressed my back against the door to hold it closed as best as possible.
“Let me in,” a voice boomed. “You’re under arrest for theft of property not yours.”
“Catch me if you can,” I shouted back.
With the Ring of Speed, I could outrun the Keystone Cop, but I didn’t want to leave Ralph behind. Carrying him wouldn’t work if I wanted to wield my sword and be ready for a fight if we ran into anything else. As the authoritative figure yelled and slammed his fist against the door, an idea hit me. I hoped it would work. We needed to escape.
“Hop in the Bag of Holding, Ralphy,” I said.
The keystone Kop continued banging on the other side of the door.
“Hurry up,” I added.
“Will I be able to breathe?” my companion asked.
A reasonable question, but I didn’t have the answer.
“Sure,” I said. “You should be fine. It won’t take long to lose this guy.”
“Okay, I’ll trust you.”
The raccoon climbed into the Bag of Holding with the rest of the loot from the shop heist. I took a deep breath, preparing to run, as the banging on the door continued.
“Open up, or I’ll break through…”
I put the Ring of Speed back on then sprinted across the room. The door I’d been holding closed burst open as I ran down yet another tunnel connecting two random rooms. I heard the Keystone Kop yelling behind me, his speech slowed. His words slurred like he was drunk. The craziness of the game hit me as I ran at full speed.
Despite the muffled cries from the Bag of Holding, I kept running. I wanted to put as much distance between myself and the authority figure as possible. The loot would be worth all the trouble. After a few rooms, I found a staircase leading to the next level and zipped down without slowing or looking behind me. I quickly reached the bottom.
You are on level 8 (-400’)
You are a Level 7 Ranger.
You are speedy.
You are wanted on level 6.
Would the thief mark stay with me the rest of the game? I also wondered if the Keystone Cops on lower levels would come after me for it. So many questions, so little time.
I kept running blindly from room to hallway and back to another room. Not the smartest idea in a roguelike, but I needed to find somewhere quiet to rest up.
The voice of the Keystone Kop had faded away by the time I reached another staircase down, but I still hurried down the stone stairs. Better safe than sorry.
You are on level 9 (-450’)
You are a Level 7 Ranger.
You are speedy.
You are wanted on level 6.
The Keystone Kops are chasing you.
No kidding, I thought. The increasing disparity between my character level and my depth in the dungeon concerned me. Was I powerful enough to survive so deep down? And what would happen when I ran into the boss on level ten? I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, took off the Ring of Speed, and opened the Bag of Holding.
Ralph stumbled out, coughing and gasping for air.
“You almost killed me,” he gasped, a foul look on his face.
His beady, red eyes stared into mine.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “We had no other choice.”
“Maybe don’t steal next time,” Ralph said. “Do you really need that junk?”
“The Wand of Digging might come in handy,” I said defensively.
“If you can recharge it,” Ralph said then snorted derisively.
The raccoon was likely right, but I smiled, enjoying the adrenaline rush of stealing from the shop and running down two levels to get away. I never would feel completely safe so deep in the dungeon, but I’d finally lost the Keystone Kop chasing me.
“Keep watch on the stairs,” I said as I rooted through the Bag of Holding.
Ralph sighed but faithfully sat near the bottom of the stairs, looking up. I pulled out the Bracers of Wisdom. While not particularly useful for me, I put them on until I found something better for a ranger. My armor class did improve slightly with them on. Every little bit helped in a roguelike, especially the one I found myself playing.
“We got really lucky not running into any monsters while escaping,” R
alph said.
“Enough,” I snapped. “You’re killing my mood.”
“Sorry, Alex. I just worry about your decisions in the game.”
“It’s only a game, Ralphy. Don’t get so hung up on everything. We should be safe here for a moment,” I said.
A rhinoceros burst through the wooden door across the room right after the words left my mouth. I put the Ring of Speed back on then drew my sword as the out-of-place creature reached me. Ralph ran around and behind it, looking for an opening. I attacked.
Your slash INJURES the rhinoceros for 14 damage.
Your slash WOUNDS the rhinoceros for 19 damage.
The rhinoceros DECIMATES you for 39 damage.
You have [76/114] health.
Your pierce MAULS the rhinoceros for 29 damage.
The rhinoceros is dead!
You get +100 xp
You have [1450/3000] xp
You’re working toward Level 8 Ranger
A little better on the experience points, but I need to kill a lot more to level up. The notification changed slightly again too. I looked to the left then right, not seeing the raccoon.
“Where are you?” I asked.
Ralph stick his head out of the Bag of Holding.
“Oh, now it’s a safe place to be?” I teased.
The raccoon crawled out of the bag, head hung low.
“You’ll be fine,” I said. “You’re important to me.”
As I turned to the rhinoceros carcass, my eyes widened as a dozen grid bugs spilled out of its mouth. They were notoriously wimpy in other games, so why were they showing up on level nine of this dungeon? I stepped backward, toward the stairs, as several dozen more of the six-inch long insects poured out of the dead rhino in slow motion.
Still moving faster than everything else nearby, I grabbed the Bag of Holding and ran around the swarm of clicking insects. Their numbers kept increasing. I hoped Ralph followed as I ran through the busted door on the other side of the room. Rushing through the dungeon to escape a threat could lead to a fast and furious death if I wasn’t careful.
I’d already pressed my luck by stealing from the shopkeeper. The Keystone Kop after me wouldn’t slow down until he caught me. Would he throw me in prison in the roguelike or kill me? Either way, I didn’t want to find out. As I ran into a circular room with a domed roof at least five-hundred feet across, a dozen armored gladiators all glanced over.
The door behind me slammed shut on its own.
“Let me out of here!” Ralph yelled in my mind.
I dropped the Bag of Holding and torch, keeping my sword in my hand. My raccoon companion rushed out of the bag. I stooped down to pick him up as a game notification flashed.
You are hungry.
Wearing the Ring of Speed so long has drained your sustenance.
Not what I need right now.
I kept the Ring of Speed on. My stomach clenched in pain as hunger racked my body, the intensity increased by my heightened metabolism. There’s always a catch with good magic, I thought as the warriors made their way toward me. I grabbed the bag of holding and retrieved one of my Scrolls of Recall. Better to use it than have it in a bag and dying, I thought as I read the words.
The world flashes brightly around you.
You are on level 0 (0’)
You are very hungry.
You are weak.
I set Ralph on the ground then took off the Ring of Speed.
“Good thinking,” the raccoon said, nodding his head.
I reached into the Bag of Holding and grabbed a handful of dry beans. After chewing them up, I swallowed some water to chase them down. The protein hit my body right away, giving me sustenance, but I grabbed another handful of the nasty, dry beans.
“We should see if anyone’s in the town now,” I said, glancing at the collection of buildings behind us.
At the edge of the town, I noticed people walking about, including several annoyingly drunk men. Two of them walked up to me, singing nonsense, as I hit the main street leading through the town.
“Get away from me,” I said.
“You wanna fight?” one of them slurred.
The other drunk put up his fists.
“I’ll take you all on,” he said as he jabbed the air. “Every one of you.”
“You need to back away,” I said, drawing my sword.
When they backed up a few steps, I turned and continued toward the general store for supplies. Both drunks followed, laughing and carrying on. I ignored them and entered the shop. As I walked toward the counter in the back, an older man sat up and pointed a finger at me.
“J’accuse. J’accuse. Guards, guards, it’s the robber!”
I didn’t question his mixed use of French and English, but I still turned and high-tailed out of the building. Three Keystone Kops came out of another building in the center of town.
Ugh. Maybe stealing from the shop wasn’t worth it.
“Keep up!” I shouted to Ralph as I ran around the back of the building.
The raccoon and I took off toward the dungeon entrance. At the stairs down, I stopped. The three Keystone Kops, all blowing an irritating whistle, were headed toward us.
“Come on,” I said. “We’re going back underground.”
“Are we ever going to lose them?” Ralph asked.
“We’ll find out soon enough,” I said. “Let me carry you. I’m high enough level that we should be okay speed running through the first few levels back down to where we recalled out of the dungeon.”
“Fine with me,” Ralph said.
I scooped him up in my arms then slipped on the Ring of Speed. The whistles got louder as I zipped down the stairs and back into the dungeon. A notification popped up as I ran.
You are hungry.
Wearing the ring of speed so long has drained your sustenance.
“I know,” I snapped as I stopped running.
“You should eat something,” Ralph said.
I laughed so I wouldn’t cry. Roguelikes were like that sometimes. I set Ralph down on the floor of an empty room on the third level of the game. After I finished eating some rations, I got serious about leveling and beating the game.
“We got this,” I said, using my tongue to get a sliver of the meat from between my teeth.
“I wish I could wear a Ring of Speed too,” Ralph said.
“You know...I wonder if I could wish that ability for you on a deeper level…”
“Anything’s possible,” Ralph posited.
I liked his enthusiasm. The companion made the roguelike a bit easier to deal with on a psychological level. At least it had up until that point. Who knew what the deeper levels of the dungeon actually held in store for me.
()xxxx[:::: Chapter 6 ::::>
The Amulet of Yendro
I kept grinding like a pro until I reached the second boss level. At the bottom of the stairs, I stopped.
You are on level 20 (-1000’)
You are a Level 19 Ranger.
Your senses are heightened.
I glanced around the room. As a big boss level, a common theme would soon become apparent. Ralph ran down the stairs, still licking his lips from the Yeti corpse a level up.
“Full finally?” I asked then chuckled.
He nodded his furry head.
“Good,” I said. “We’ve got work to do.”
“Do you sense that, Alex?” Ralph asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“The air has more oxygen,” he said, sniffing.
I didn’t smell anything too weird.
“We’ll be fine,” I said. “Let’s go.”
I crossed the room then opened a steel door. The sounds, sights, and smells of a jungle greeted me on the other side. I stared into the thick foliage, looking for threats.
Why the game had dropped a jungle into the middle of a dungeon made no sense, but I could only go along with it.
“Looks safe enough,” I said. “Better check equipment before I
go in.”
I closed the door and pulled up my inventory and equipment screens.
Name: Rinaldo Orange-Steel
Class: Ranger
Level: 19
XP TO LVL: 5,000
Health: 288 hp
Magic: 105 mp
Alignment: -15 (Slightly Evil)
Armor Class: 62 (Well Armored)
Attacks per Round: 2
STR: 95 (+10 damage)
INT: 55
WIS: 85
DEX: 84 (+35% Dodge/Ranged Attacks, +10 AC)
CON: 65
CHA: 57
One-Handed Blades -> Basic Level 5 of 10
Dodge -> Basic Level 3 of 10
Use Magic Items -> Basic Level 5 of 10
Cast Ranger Spells -> Basic Level 4 of 10
Ranged Weapons – Longbow -> Basic level 6 of 10
Languages: Common
You are Carrying:
a) 50’ thin, sturdy rope
b) Wand of Lightning [24/45 charges]
c) Lantern (2400 minutes)
d) Bag of Holding
1) Elven Cookies x2 (Made with real elves)
2) Trail Rations x23
3) 232 gold coins
4) 23 assorted gems (24500 gp)
5) Potion of Cure Major Wounds x10
6) Potion of Cure Poison x2
7) Potion of Blindness
8) 12 Point Antlers (100 gp)
9) A moist towel (DRY)
10) Lizard Skull (5 gp)
11) Wand of Digging [1/14 charges]
12) Wand of Destruction [0/0 charges] (DESTROYED)
13) Wand of Polymorph [12/45 charges]
14) Flask of Greek Fire x3
EQUIPPED
Wielding: Shiny Longsword (+20% to hit, +10 damage, 2d8 damage)
Left Finger: Ring of Speedy Movements
