Words of Silk

by Sandra Brown

  Laney still couldn’t classify how she felt about being Mrs. Deke Sargent. She had sworn never to be Mrs. anybody. She had sworn never to love. But she did. And she was terrified because she did.

  Her emotions were too fragile now to bear examination, so she changed the subject by holding her ring hand at arm’s length and studying the glittering facets of the marquise solitaire. “It really is an outrageous ring.”

  “It’s downright vulgar. I was trying to impress you.”

  “Sweep me off my feet?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Like hell. Sweeping is too subtle. Exploding, imploding, steamrolling, is more your style.”

  “I’m a mover and a shaker?”

  “Definitely.”

  He grinned. “I’m a man who gets quick results, though, don’t I?” She smiled back and he thought she’d never looked more beautiful. “Are you too uncomfortable to be kissed?”

  “You kissed me a few minutes ago.”

  “No, not like that. I mean a real kiss. One like this.”

  He aligned his lips with hers. Though the kiss conveyed all the tenderness he felt, it was potent, his tongue dipping repeatedly into her mouth. His arms went around her and lifted her up to cradle her against his chest. She slipped her arms over his shoulders and held him fast, surrendering her mouth to the mastery of his.

  “Excuse me,” the frosty voice said from the door. They pulled apart and saw Nurse Perkins looking at them with the distaste she would have bestowed on a spilled bedpan. “We’re bringing the babies in now. If you’re staying, Mr. Sargent, you’ll have to put on your gown and mask.”

  With a broad smile designed strictly to irritate her, he said, “I’m staying.”

  The house would have made Bedlam look serene.

  It was crowded. Deke had purchased one more of everything, disregarding the fact that not all the furniture would fit into the second bedroom. One of the chests had to be placed in the hallway. A second teddy bear with the recorded fetal sounds had promptly been ordered from New York. And what did they need with two panda bears?

  “Yeah, but Todd gets the baseball glove and Mandy gets the ballet shoes.”

  Thank the Lord for small favors.

  Laney had talked him into giving away the flowers to other hospital patients so they wouldn’t have to cart them home. He had obliged, then filled their bedroom with a veritable tropical garden. Upon her arrival home, among the flowers, the stacks of disposable diapers, dispensers of cotton balls and wet wipes, hampers of receiving blankets, cans of baby powder, jars of Vaseline, tubes of diaper rash ointment, bottles of antiseptic solutions and boxes of still-wrapped gifts, she could barely locate the bed.

  Their third day home proved to be her undoing. Mrs. Thomas had rearranged the bedroom a dozen times, trying to maximize the space. The nursery was hopeless. One had to wedge oneself between the furniture to get to the babies.

  Throughout the day there had been a parade of visitors, mostly the teachers from Laney’s school. She got the distinct impression that they had come to ogle Deke rather than to see the twins. They simpered and postured and gushed and made naughty insinuations pertaining to his virility. Laney wanted to vault out of bed, slap them and instruct them to keep their hands off her husband; then she wanted to knock Deke on the head for smiling like a Cheshire cat even as they drooled. Though covetous glances were directed toward her ring, no one paid any attention to her.

  She hated herself for succumbing to self-pity and crying harder than the babies, but that was what she was doing when Deke came into the bedroom after having waved their last visitor off.

  “Laney!” He was alarmed and rushed to the bed. “What’s the matter?”

  “Everything,” she blubbered. “Everything. I have a pounding headache, but everyone’s too busy to bring me an aspirin and I don’t have the energy to get up and get it myself. You’re either on the telephone or courting those scavengers of the divorce courts. Mrs. Thomas has hidden everything I own. I can’t find my hand lotion. And I’m still fat,” she wailed on a dying note and buried her face in the pillow.

  Deke went to the bedroom door and shouted down the hallway, “Mrs. Thomas, take care of Todd and Mandy for an hour. I don’t want to take any calls. This bedroom door is to remain closed under all circumstances except fire or flood.” He slammed the door and came back to the bed.

  “Go away,” Laney mumbled as his knee made a deep crater in the mattress. Then: “What are you doing?”

  He scooped her off the bed and carried her to one of the rocking chairs, which had been moved into their room. “My sister warned me about postnatal depression.”

  “You told your family about me? About us?” She let him settle her in his lap as he sat down in the rocker.

  “Didn’t you think I’d share that kind of news with my family? They’re thrilled and can’t wait to meet you and the babies. Now relax. Still got a headache?”

  “A little one.”

  “Here?” He slowly moved his fingers over her temple.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Cold?”

  She yawned and snuggled closer. Her hand rested over his heart. She loved the steady feel of its beating against her palm, loved the chest hairs that peeked out of the V of his collar to tickle her nose. “No. I’m warm now,” she said drowsily. “I don’t think I’ve ever been rocked in a rocking chair before. I like it.”

  “So does Mandy. She told me so last night.”

  Laney smiled.

  When she woke up, she was lying in bed. At first she thought she was seeing things. The room had undergone a transformation. The flowers, save for one yellow rosebud on the bedside table, had been removed. All the baby paraphernalia had been collected into a large plastic laundry basket. Everything could be easily seen and reached but was no longer scattered about. Her cosmetics had been neatly arranged on her dresser top, as they had been before she left for the hospital.

  Deke stuck his head through the door. “Awake?”

  “Yes. How long have I been asleep?”

  “A mere hour.” He held out her robe. “Why don’t you shower before dinner?”

  “That would feel good. What are the babies doing?”

  “Sleeping. You’ve got plenty of time to eat before their dinnertime.”

  At the door to the bathroom she turned. “Deke, how did you know . . .” She waved vaguely toward the room.

  “My sister, God bless her. I called and begged for advice. She said she remembers all that clutter and the confusion of coming home from the hospital with a new baby. Said her world seemed to have been invaded. Her suggestion was that I restore things as close to normal as possible.”

  “She’s going to think I’m a fool and a heartless mother.”

  He laughed. “Oh, no. You were the heroine to be pitied for having an unfeeling, insensitive clod like me around. Need any help in the bathroom?”

  She pulled the edges of her robe together and shook her head. “No, thank you.” She was more self-conscious of her body now than before. It was no longer swollen with pregnancy, but she thought her stomach looked like bread dough, and her breasts seemed to sag to her knees.

  He wanted to tell her otherwise, that he thought she was beautiful. But he only smiled and said, “When you’re done, I’ll serve you dinner.”

  He did, but not in the manner she expected. When she came out of the bathroom, having showered, shampooed and dressed in a modest but gorgeous silk dressing gown Deke had bought for her, she wordlessly stared at his handi-work.

  He had set up a small table in the bedroom. On it was a linen tablecloth, a small cluster of flowers, two lighted tapers and two place settings already filled with the food Mrs. Thomas had prepared. Soft music was playing on the portable stereo.

  “Deke!” Laney’s heart expanded with pleasure. Overcome, her eyes filled with tears. “This is lovely.”

  He hugged her tight. “You deserve it after five days of hospital food and then the riot this
household has been in.”

  He seated her with the gracious flair of a maître d’. “Milk!” she exclaimed, laughing. In her wineglass was milk rather than the deep ruby burgundy that shimmered in Deke’s.

  “For the babies.” His hair shone silver in the candlelight and his straight white teeth gleamed behind his smile. Under his appreciative gaze she felt feminine and attractive for the first time in weeks. He raised his wineglass. “To my beautiful bride of one week. To the mother of my son and daughter.”

  Shyly she responded to the toast with her milk and they sipped at their glasses while staring at each other over the rims.

  “I have a present for you.”

  “After a candlelight dinner, there’s more?”

  It was late. The small table had been removed hours before. Mrs. Thomas had left for the evening. Laney sat propped on pillows in her bed. She was replete with good food. Getting up and walking through the house with Deke after their meal had helped relieve the tight soreness between her thighs. Her son sucked noisily at her breast. His sister was curled against her other side.

  Deke set the large gift-wrapped box on her thighs. “Can you open it with one hand, or would you like me to open it for you?”

  “You open it.” Todd tended to have a temper tantrum if a meal was late or interrupted.

  Deke, with melodramatic suspense and a poor imitation of a drum roll, opened the box and took out a thirty-five-millimeter camera complete with flash device and extra lenses. He presented it to his wife on outstretched hands.

  Laney stared at the camera for long silent moments. Then she reached out and touched the camera, lifting her eyes to Deke’s. She didn’t have to say anything. He had known what significance the gift would hold for her. His own eyes grew misty as she brushed her fingers across his lips. “Thank you.”

  “Our kids are gonna be so photographed that they’ll have perpetual purple and yellow spots dancing in front of their eyes,” he said, and she laughed. “Every day of their lives will be chronicled if you want it to be. In years to come they’ll know how much we loved them from the very beginning.” Before she could start crying again, he extracted the booklet of operating instructions. “But first I have to learn to work the thing.”

  She appreciated his lighthearted mood. All day she had either been weeping or on the verge of tears. Her emotions were running high. This security, this sense of belonging, of needing and being needed, was something she had never expected to have in her life. She was like someone who had grown up in the desert and had been suddenly transported into a rain forest. These new emotions were too foreign to assimilate.

  Up until a few months ago, she had been totally alone. Now she was surrounded by three people whom she loved. Would they love her back? That was the gamble, wasn’t it?

  Her babies would. As Deke had said, children instinctively love their parents, especially their mothers. Deke? She watched him as he pored over the instruction booklet and studied the dials on the camera. He was so very beautiful. Kind. Generous. Good-natured. But did he love her? He never spoke of love.

  They had consciously avoided the subject of the future. Heretofore every reference to it had been “When the baby is born,” “Until the baby . . .” But now what? They couldn’t go on living in this tiny house, which had been crowded with two. Deke couldn’t continue practicing law via telephone and the postal service. Something would have to happen. Whatever that something was, Laney dreaded it.

  But tonight she didn’t want to think about it. Tonight she wanted to bask in this tiny slice of light. Up until now her life had been bleak.

  Todd was done. But as she tried to move him away, he thumped her breast with a tiny fist and began sucking again. Laney laughed with maternal delight. The white light on the camera flashed and she looked up to see a jubilantly grinning Deke. He appeared quite pleased with himself.

  “That’s numero uno.” He focused again.

  “You shouldn’t be taking pictures of me like this.” She worriedly glanced down at her bare breast.

  “Why not? You look beautiful.”

  She had wound her hair into a topknot after her shower. It had softened and loosened by now. Wispy strands had escaped to frame her cheeks and lie on her neck. Her skin was rosy and glowing in the subdued light. The silk robe was a perfect foil for her softness. Deke had chosen the color because it had reminded him of the blue-gray sea color of her eyes.

  He snapped several pictures in rapid succession as she cupped Todd’s head and lifted him away from her breast. He screwed up his face in momentary discontent, then burped and settled against her arm like a sated despot.

  His parents laughed indulgently. “Give the little pig to me.” Deke set the camera aside. “Todd, don’t you know you’ve got to save some milk for Sis?” he addressed the sleeping infant.

  Laney raised her daughter to her other breast. Deke was temporarily dazed by her graceful movements as she plumped her breast in her hand and guided the roseate nipple toward Mandy’s waiting mouth. He felt like a deviate at a peep show and cursed the thickening behind the fly of his jeans.

  “I’m relieved to hear you calling him by name,” Laney remarked. “I was afraid he’d go through life as Scooter.” When he didn’t say anything for a long time, she lifted her head and caught him staring at her. His eyes were fixed on Mandy’s angelic face pressed against her breast.

  “That night in the elevator, before the blackout, did you notice me?”

  His question surprised her and she wasn’t sure how to answer. She hadn’t been in the habit of man-watching. She had always felt there was no point in initiating something that wouldn’t go anywhere. Unlike most modern women, who weren’t afraid to express a frank interest in an attractive male, Laney had rarely let herself even look.

  “I didn’t pay much attention to men in general. You know why.” She wet her lips. “But yes, I noticed your hair. And your clothes.”

  “My clothes?” He laughed shortly. “That’s interesting. I was mentally stripping yours off.” She blinked rapidly in disbelief. He leaned forward and whispered, “Couldn’t you tell?” She shook her head. “We’ve never talked about that night, Laney.”

  “I’m not sure we should.”

  He was certain they should. “Remember when I took your jacket off?”

  “Yes. Was that necessary?”

  His brow wrinkled. “In retrospect, maybe not. Then it seemed necessary, or maybe I was just trying to come up with an excuse to touch you.” His voice slipped down a note. “I unbuttoned your blouse.”

  “I remember.” Her throat almost closed around the words.

  “The heel of my hand accidentally rubbed against your breast. I barely touched you. It lasted no longer than a heartbeat. But I heard your breath catch in a little gasp. That was the sexiest sound I’d ever heard in my life. That was when I first began to want you.”

  She stared at him, her eyes wide. “I never knew that. I swear that when you carried me into your apartment, I was barely cognizant. I had no idea—”

  “Laney,” he said, touching her cheek, “you don’t have to defend yourself. I was the seducer, not you. I knew you weren’t fully aware of what was happening. But it was happening all the same.” He removed the pins that held her hair. It spilled over his fingers like beams of light “When you took your clothes off, I almost had a heart attack.”

  She turned her face into his palm, embarrassed. “Why did I do that?”

  “I think your subconscious was pleading with you to make yourself available to love. You never had before. You wanted someone to look at you and discover that you were desirable. And you were, you were.” His voice was but a husky murmur against her cheek. “I thank God you chose me for your initiation. I wanted so badly to touch you, to hold your body against mine. You tasted so good. All of you. You don’t still blame me for that night, do you? Do you remember that I offered to stop?”

  “Yes.” Her confession was a soft moan as his lips flirted with the co
rner of her mouth.

  “But I don’t honestly know if I could have stopped, Laney. Once our bodies were that close, once I had sampled your mouth, your breasts, caressed you, I don’t think I could have stopped for any reason. I simply had to have you.”

  “I wanted you to make love to me.”

  “Ah, Laney.” He pressed his forehead against hers. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. His breath misted her face. “I’m so damn glad to hear you finally say that.”

  They both realized what it had meant for her to make that confession. She had wanted and needed him then. She had reached out for him. It was possible that she would want and need him again, now and in the future. To Laney it was a giant leap toward trusting. To Deke it was a small step toward gaining her confidence. They were now going in the same direction and not pulling against each other.

  Deke didn’t gloat over his victory, but kissed her with infinite care. This wasn’t a moment for passion. It was promised, but it would have to wait. Before pulling away, he pecked a series of light, rapid kisses on her face to relieve the emotions that had welled up inside them. “If it weren’t for that ten-minute blackout in New York City, the world would be without Todd and Mandy. Think what a shame that would be.”

  “Yes, just think.” Laney appreciated his unspoken understanding. He knew she wasn’t in any state, physical or mental, for romance. She lifted Mandy from her breast and blotted the milk-sticky lips. “That should hold them for a few hours anyway.”

  “Here.” Deke leaned down to take his daughter in his free arm.

  Laney kissed the top of each baby’s head. “Can you handle both of them?”

  He frowned down at her as he straightened, bearing both his children in the crooks of his elbows. “Just watch me and see. You stay put. I’ll tuck them in.”

  She watched him walk away, her heart thrumming with love for all of them. “Deke?” she asked hastily.

  “Yes?” He turned around to face her.

  “Are you coming right back?”

  He took a long time in answering, letting her know by the radiance of his eyes how glad that simple question made him. “I’m coming right back” was his soft response.