by C. R. Ellis
When Light Leads to You
C.R. Ellis
Copyright © 2018 by C.R. Ellis
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and other elements are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, is entirely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Editor: Jennifer Archer @ Archer Editing & Writing Services
Proofreading: All Encompassing Books
Cover designer: Hang Le, ByHangLe
HarLex Publishing
eBook ISBN: 978-1-7323131-2-5
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-7323131-3-2
Contents
Quote
Prologue
1. Jasmine
2. Dean
3. Jasmine
4. Dean
5. Jasmine
6. Dean
7. Jasmine
8. Dean
9. Jasmine
10. Dean
11. Jasmine
12. Jasmine
13. Dean
14. Jasmine
15. Jasmine
16. Dean
17. Jasmine
18. Dean
19. Jasmine
20. Jasmine
21. Dean
22. Jasmine
23. Jasmine
24. Dean
25. Dean
26. Jasmine
27. Jasmine
28. Dean
29. Jasmine
30. Jasmine
31. Dean
32. Jasmine
33. Jasmine
34. Dean
35. Jasmine
36. Dean
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
What it Takes to Fall
Also by C.R. Ellis
About the Author
“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked.
“You must want to fly so much that you are
willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
-Trina Paulus
To all the caterpillars still growing their wings
Prologue
Jasmine
Six Years Ago — New York City
“Jas, what do you think? Should we do shots?” Luca asked, pulling out a bottle of vodka from his shoebox-sized pantry and setting it next to the bottle of chardonnay we’d already split.
I’d met Luca about a month before at Sterling Events, where we were both summer interns. We’d bonded the first day of orientation over a mutual appreciation for our boss’s hot son, and had become fast friends over the last month.
I laughed and shook my head from the couch. “I shouldn’t. I’m leaving soon.”
“Ooh, where are you going? Off to meet Tall, Dark, and Sexy?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Luca snorted. “Yeah, right.”
I shrugged, trying to play it cool. I definitely wasn’t ready to talk about the one man I’d probably been in love with for half my life.
Luca plopped down on the opposite side of the couch and threw a pillow at me. “Jasmine freaking Winters, you’re allowed to like the guy.”
“Fine,” I huffed in defeat. “I sort-of-kind-of-might have a thing for him.” Technically “a thing” was on par with being completely in love with someone, right?
“No shit, Sherlock,” Luca retorted. “We’ve been friends for a month, and I knew in no time flat that you do. Why hasn’t Jade ever noticed?”
Jade was my best friend, and Tall, Dark, and Sexy was her older brother, Dean. I’d grown up spending more time at their house than my own, and Jade was practically a sister to me, but I’d never thought of Dean as a brother. The problem was, he only saw me as his sister’s friend. Which totally sucked balls. Really fucking hairy ones.
But now that I was no longer a kid and had come to New York for the summer, things with Dean had inexplicably changed. Maybe it was because he’d never seen me apart from Jade. If I had known that’d be all it took for Dean to look at me with such appreciation and actual interest, I would’ve ditched Jade ages ago.
Kidding. Hoes over bros, y’know.
And in this case, I’d totally pick the hoe over her bro.
Probably.
“I don’t know why she hasn’t noticed,” I said to Luca. “Probably because Dean’s lived here for the last five years, so I haven’t exactly been pining away for him.”
Dean’s move to NYC coincided with the most difficult year of my life following my mom’s death. I missed his carefree attitude, hearing his contagious laughter, and most of all, the way we used to talk about anything and everything.
I wasn’t proud of it, but there were times that I thought maybe it would be easiest if I just went to sleep and never woke up after my mom died. I felt like nothing in life mattered anymore. But then Dean would make me smile and give me hope that life wouldn’t always be such a cold, heartless bitch to me.
When he traded the Lone Star State for the Big Apple, there might have been a short stretch of time during which I locked myself in my room to cry (which was his old room, making me cry even harder), ate my weight in brownies, and listened exclusively to James Blunt.
But that’s neither here nor there.
Watching Luca run his fingers through his blue Mohawk, I shrugged. “Plus, what I had for Dean was just a dumb childhood crush; it wasn’t like I thought I’d marry the guy,” I added quickly.
He lifted a brow but kept styling his hair. “Uh huh. What about now?”
“Now…I don’t know. We’re just hanging out, seeing where things go,” I replied noncommittally. This conversation was rapidly veering into awkward territory. I’d never talked to anyone about my feelings for Dean, and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to open Pandora’s box now. If I was honest with myself, I was in way over my head with the guy.
Luca stopped messing with his hair and turned back toward me, crossing his arms over his chest. “Right. I so don’t believe you. And if I don’t believe you then I’m sure Officer Dean Sexypants can tell there’s something going on. I say you go over to his place and tell him how you feel. We’re going to be here for another two months, so that’s time you two could spend figuring things out. And by figuring things out, obviously I mean doing the horizontal mambo.”
I rolled my eyes, but more at his ridiculous vernacular than at the idea of sleeping with Dean. I’d been fantasizing about that very scenario since before I had boobs, and the fact that it had almost happened last night was enough to make me itch to go to him right this second.
Luca wasn’t wrong though. The conversation definitely needed to happen. I wanted to have a clear head, so I knew I had to resist the urge to do shots, even if it would calm my nerves. Plus, it’s never a good idea to show up at a cop’s apartment drunk when you’re underage.
I stepped out of the subway station and into the static air that filled the bustling, overcrowded streets of NYC. By the time I entered Dean’s apartment building, I felt pretty confident in my decision to lay everything out there with him and let the chips fall where they may. He probably had the same questions I did, so it was time we figured things out.
I decided to take the stairs to his sixth-floor apartment to mentally rehearse my opening line. After years of having my feelings remain dormant and one-sided, I needed to know, without question, where he stood. I was prepared to demand labels.
One flight of stairs away from his floor, I heard his roommate’s voice. I froze when he spoke my
name. “Yeah, I don’t buy it, Dean. You’re saying there’s nothing happening between you and Jasmine?” Charlie asked. I immediately scrambled to flatten myself against the wall.
Ohmygod.
Obviously eavesdropping was wrong, but there was no way I’d miss this conversation.
Dean sighed. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. There can’t be. I’ve known her since she was a little kid.” Dean’s voice was cold and adamant, like he was more sure of this fact than he’d been of anything else in his life.
What the hell happened between last night and today?
“Dean.” Charlie huffed a laugh. “She’s most definitely not a kid anymore. In fact, she’s insanely hot. Don’t be an idiot.”
I stealthily bolted to the landing of the fourth floor so I could stay out of sight. Dean and Charlie were headed down the stairs, straight for me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear them, but I couldn’t tear myself away from listening. Even when the words Dean was saying were slowly, torturously, tearing me apart, I couldn’t peel myself away.
“Of course she’s hot; I’m not an idiot, nor am I blind. But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s my sister’s best fucking friend. She’s practically a part of my family. What would happen when shit hits the fan? Plus, Jasmine’s got more issues than a magazine stand, and I don’t need hers on top of mine.”
Charlie muttered something in response that I couldn’t hear.
“Hell, no. Last night was a mistake, and we didn’t even sleep together. Leading her on even as much as I have, when I’d never actually want anything serious with her, is probably a mistake too.”
Mistake.
Issues.
More issues than a magazine stand.
The harsh words seared into my brain, repeating over and over like an unwelcome mantra. Never. Actually. Want. Anything. Serious. With. Her.
Dean was one of the few people who knew the extent of my downward spiral after my mom’s death. I’d come a long way since then, but that part of my past would always haunt me. His casual mention of my issues hurt me more than a slap to the face. One night he said he was crazy about me, and the next day he ripped the organ formerly known as a heart out of my body.
What. The. Fuck.
I didn’t stick around to hear any more of their conversation. With each step I took away from Dean, I swore to myself that I’d never experience this pain and humiliation again.
I hated myself for being such an idiot. I hated myself for being stupid enough to think things with Dean were real. I hated myself for blindly falling head over heels for him again. Most of all, I hated Dean Preston for making me think that I had a shot at a fairytale happily-ever-after.
Chapter 1
Jasmine
Present Day — Austin, TX
I’m the girl whose friends are getting married while the only thing I stare longingly at is my next meal.
Jasmine Winters, embracing the fact that her best friend is getting married
Short and sweet, I chanted to myself as I walked toward the small stage at the back of the restaurant. As a wedding planner, I’d witnessed enough drawn-out speeches to know those were usually the least memorable ones. Plus, I still had the actual maid of honor speech to give at Jade’s wedding. Short and sweet was definitely the way to go at an engagement party.
I stepped on to the stage and gave the DJ a nod to cut the music. As the chatter died down, I scanned the crowd, smiling at various friends and familiar faces before someone near the stage clinked a piece of silverware against a glass, signaling for everyone’s attention.
Jade and Emmett had already welcomed everyone and thanked them for coming, so I launched right into my speech after introducing myself. “When I was a kid, I always begged my parents for a little sister. They’d humor me with a ‘maybe’ or a ‘we’ll see,’ and I never understood why I never got one. I’m pretty sure I checked the mail every day for a while, waiting for our mailman to drop off a baby. Well, fast-forward twenty years, and now I can safely say I know why. Jade, you’re the sister I always wanted, but never knew I already had, and I’m so incredibly happy you’ve found the kind of love you deserve. Emmett, there’s nobody in the world that I’d trust more than you to love my girl. Your story might have had some bumps early on, but the love you two have is what fairy tales are made of, and I can’t imagine two people more deserving of the happiness you’ve found with each other. Now I just have one question: does anyone know a good wedding planner so we can get these two hitched already?”
Everyone lifted their glasses in a toast, and I flashed a smile and turned to meet Jade and Emmett off to the side of the stage. After a minute of chatting, I gave them quick hugs before hopping off the stage and downing the entire contents of the flute in one big gulp. I usually didn’t have a problem with public speaking, but this was different. It was a big deal to me that my best friend was marrying the love of her life, and I was ecstatic for her. Emmett was an incredible guy, and I meant it when I said they deserved all the happiness in the world.
I wanted their engagement party to go off smoothly, but now I just felt relieved that my speech was over. I kept telling myself that the nerves racing through my stomach were a result of wanting my speech and the party to be perfect. They most certainly were not because I felt Dean’s gaze on me the entire time I was giving my speech.
They couldn’t be.
I’d barely even seen him since he moved back here five months ago. Just because he was Emmett’s best man and I was Jade’s maid of honor did not have to change that situation. The fact that he was currently living across the hall from me didn’t have to change it, either.
I hated that seeing Dean dressed to the nines in a simple navy suit still had any effect on me. I should’ve been used to his devastating good looks by now, immune to them. Then again, I’d always been attracted to him, so why would now be any different? What happened between us may have been a lifetime ago, but I couldn’t deny that he was still as sexy as ever with his stupid dimples and soulful green eyes. Plus, with an ass like his, a woman would have to be blind or a lesbian to not ogle it from time to time.
Physical attraction aside, I was a completely different woman than I’d been six years ago. I was no longer some stupid, naïve girl who allowed herself to be blinded by Dean’s good looks and occasional sweet gesture.
Looking for Paul, I made my way through the crowd of people telling me how lovely my speech was. My latest boyfriend’s dark, shaggy hair, dark skin, and light hazel eyes made him hard to miss and easy to spot in a crowd. We’d been seeing each other for a couple months, which was the longest I’d dated anyone since college—since before New York. We’d made the shift from casually dating to exclusively dating a few weeks ago. Paul was a genuinely sweet guy and prime boyfriend material. Whether or not I was girlfriend material was still to be determined.
“There you are,” I called just before weaving my arm around Paul’s waist. He was standing off to the side of the room, texting. “What’d you think of my speech?”
He pocketed his phone and gave me his attention. “It was great, Jas. I think you brought Mary to tears,” he replied, tilting his head toward Jade’s parents.
I smiled. Victor and Mary had been like second parents to me for as long as I could remember. “Oh, that’s not saying much, she cries at commercials.”
“Well, it was a good speech. I’m going to grab a drink from the bar. Want something?”
“I’ll take a 7 and 7, please.” Unfortunately, finding Paul did nothing to soothe my nerves, which meant I was going to have to resort to hard liquor.
“Sure thing. I’ll be right back.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek before turning toward the bar.
We’d been taking things slow, and he seemed to be okay with that. I wasn’t used to wanting an actual relationship, but I was enjoying our time together. Just as long as he knew we wouldn’t be riding off into the sunset anytime soon.
I was still adjusting to exclusively sleepin
g with one guy, for fuck’s sake.
I wouldn’t call myself slutty necessarily; I’d just spent my twenties enjoying the perks of being a single girl, living a realistic lifestyle. No attachments, no strings, no heartbreaks. Just fun. But now that Paul and I were exclusive, I was working on wrapping my head around the monogamous thing. Okay, maybe I am just a tad bit slutty.
After that summer in New York six years ago, I gave up the idea of finding a ‘happily-ever-after.’ If having a fairytale love meant going through heartbreak after heartbreak to get there, I never wanted to find it. I still loved weddings and what they stood for, just not for myself.
I pulled myself back from the trip down memory lane and watched Paul walk away until he got to the bar and came to a stop right next to a tall, imposing figure. A figure I’d recognize anywhere, whether I liked it or not.
Oh, hell no. This is not happening.
Chapter 2
Dean
The thing about ice? Get it too close to a flame and it doesn’t stand a chance.
Dean Preston, playing with fire
