Christmas Lights

by Tanya Hanson

  “Heston, I need to get home. To check on things. The main reason for my visit is to help them out. But I know they’d love the great outdoors and seeing the elk.”

  Then she smiled and he wanted to say he saw a tinge of disappointment. But it didn’t matter. Regardless, he’d learned from his dad’s show and the tourism business which had made Hearts Crossing Ranch famous, that the visitor was always right.

  “Sure,” he said again. Standing by her, wanting never to leave her side, yet he understood. Family was important, and for much of her life, hers had been incomplete. “Sounds like a great plan. We’re still on for tomorrow then?”

  He wasn't about to let her get away. And didn’t have long to wait.

  Was that hope glimmering in her eyes now? Did it shine in his? They wouldn’t be apart for long…

  “I’m sure that’ll work out fine.”

  “Well, then, would you like to go to church with me first?” His voice shook, and he wondered why. It was just an invitation, not a date. Or was it? He plunged on, heart beating in dread as though he’d never invited a woman anywhere before. What if she said no? “Then something to eat in town? We could get your grandparents out to Hearts Crossing for a sleigh ride after.”

  A bit of hesitation, then her brilliant smile. “I’d love that. But only if you let me take you to brunch.”

  Hmmmm. A woman taking charge. He liked that. “It’s a date,” he said, bold again.

  She took a breath so deep he could hear it. “A date. And I look forward to it.”

  A busy hour later, Miriam’s pinecone tree in one hand, Heston waved with the other as Lori drove away from Hearts Crossing. He leaned against the corral fence post and smiled, not really feeling it. He actually ached without her at his side. Needed her warmth, her smile. The shine of her eyes. He even missed Miriam’s demands. With a loud laugh, he set down the wobbly pinecone tree the little girl had created.

  Uncle Heston. Aw. How could he not admit he liked the way Miriam said it? Or…he gulped. The only way it could happen.

  As if in agreement, Tatonka neighed from the corral and pawed the ground, walked quick to the fence. As if Heston needed to speak his mind and take the step.

  Heston wrapped his arms around the horse’s neck. Saw himself reflected in the deep brown eyes.

  The fresh, real air tumbling around the ranch thrilled him. Wind danced against the brim of his Stetson, but he, outdoorsman that he was, found himself missing the heat of the hearth at Homestead Lodge, Lori’s delicious scent as he helped her climb out of her jacket, the urge to kiss marshmallow off her mouth...

  His heart hitched a little. Her car flitted small as a summer bug as it disappeared down the winter highway.

  How could you miss something you didn’t really have yet?

  As he climbed through the corral fence to halter Tatonka for grooming, he heard his name. Scott. Had to be significant, with all the men quartered on the ranch today, Scott Martin being the one out of many coming to help.

  “You cut your sleigh ride short?” Scott asked, more with concern than nosiness. “Everything OK? Nobody else is back yet.”

  “Yep. We just did half a trip. Lori wanted to check on her granddad. Her and Miriam being here all night and everything.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but dejection rustled through him. Good expectations glimmered, too. He had the whole next day with her. “We plan to take her grandparents on a sleigh ride tomorrow.”

  Heston secured Tatonka to the rail, and Scott set down a grooming kit.

  “Lori’s quite a woman, isn’t she?” Scott tossed a grin. “I noticed the way you’ve been looking at her.”

  “She’s something,” Heston admitted, veins pulsing. “I can tell that already. And nothing I’m used to, with her reserve. Being so...so shy.” Questions loomed, but Heston held his tongue.

  “She deserves somebody great.” Scott pointed at him.

  “Thanks kindly.” Hope surged again through his heart. Was Scott suggesting Heston be that man? After all, Scott and Lori had had a history, and he knew her well. “I know. She’s sure nothing like the females who get in my face all the time, wanting to get discovered. Find fame and fortune on Dad’s show.”

  Scott nodded, picked up the curry comb and headed to Tatonka’s opposite side. “She is definitely not that kind of person.”

  Heston ran a brush over the horse’s neck and decided to jump right in. Scott wasn’t a gossip, but Heston knew he’d learn just what he ought to know in this time and place. “I really, really like her, but she’s off to Texas, you know? What chance would I have?”

  “Every chance, if it’s meant to be. She’s got family ties in Mountain Cove, for one thing.” Scott chuckled, then sobered. Halted the rubber curry comb in his hand. “And we’re not all that far, by Colorado standards. I know you’re curious, Hess. After what you heard last night. About her and me having a thing once.”

  “Yeah. Can’t deny that.” Heston nuzzled Tatonka’s nose, waiting. “I gotta wonder. Only natural. But I sure don’t want to stick my nose in where it shouldn’t go.”

  The horse whickered with pleasure under the curry comb as Scott started up. “I was a little bit in love with her that summer,” he said, slow. Shrugged. “Or maybe a lot. What’s not to love? She’s beautiful, smart. Funny. And I guess it’s natural at that age, to think, you know. The person you’re dating will be forever. But things didn’t work out.”

  “I know that. I know what a happy family man you are now. And I sure don’t mean to pry. With you, or with her.” Heston bent to grab another brush. “I just get the feeling she wants more but can’t let me in.”

  The urge to kiss her, under the aspen trees, she’d felt it too, right?

  Scott raised his face to the sun. Maybe beseeching Heaven on what to say, or how much. “Well, you haven’t known her very long. Some people take a while.”

  Almost with frustration, Heston kicked at a snowdrift piled against the fence post. “I get that. But if she’s only here for a couple weeks...”

  “If it’s supposed to be, God will guide both your hearts. No relationship is easy.” The shadow of Scott’s hat danced across the ground as he shrugged. Heston nodded in a reply without words. “There’s two different people colliding, each with their own...stuff. Baggage. Bags of rocks. You know?”

  “I do know. You’re kind of living proof.” Heston did know, indeed. Years later after Lori, Scott, falling for the art teacher from his high school days, mother of a severely disabled son...

  “Well, Lori’s got some stuff.” Scott hesitated, but Heston knew the man’s loyalty would never permit him to spill any beans. “None of it was her fault. I was kind of the collateral damage. Again, not her fault. But she’s a wonderful person. We are friends now. She trusts me as a business partner. And for those reason, I won’t tell tales out of school.” Scott’s eyebrows rose, not in a dare but in determination. “When she’s ready, she’ll tell you what you need to know. If she thinks you need to know.”

  Back to the task at hand, Scott placed a careful hand on the horse’s rear, and then stepped around to groom the other side. “And if she doesn’t, then, life goes on.”

  “Thanks, Scott. I needed to hear just that.” Heston moved to check the water tubs, learning the lesson his stepbrother had just taught. Heston’s cheeks boiled even with cold wind brushing his face. He had stuff. Baggage. A bag of rocks. And he needed to open his heart to Lori first.

  Because he already knew he didn’t want his life going on without her in it.

  6

  For goodness sake, Lori was so nervous she might well be getting ready for the prom, not regular Sunday church. It was the video chat with Cate last night that had set her off with accepting the feelings she’d never dared before.

  Feelings of home and hearth, roots. Kids.

  Love.

  Or at least opening the door a crack.

  Lori, don’t be afraid of this man. Heston. God will be with you.

  B
ut He wasn’t. Back then.

  He never left you. He didn’t forsake you.

  Or course He hadn’t. It was Lori turning her back in time of trouble and fear. Well, Lori wasn’t afraid of Heston. Or even the possibilities. It was just...

  Remember, love between a man and woman is holy, no matter what happened to you. That was a crime. It wasn’t your fault. You are pure in God’s eyes. And you will be in the eyes of the man God chooses for you. Trust in the Lord. He’ll give you the rest of the trust you need.

  It all sounded like dialogue from one of the books they collaborated on, but the truth of Cate’s words, advice, and petitions rang in Lori’s head. With a quick breath of prayer—praying seemed easier these days, she checked herself in the mirror of her grandparents’ guest room. Pretty blue sweater stuck here and there tiny black satin bows. Cheeks so pink she didn’t need additional blush makeup.

  Ah, her mother’s childhood bedroom. Her mother, who had trusted her heart and found happiness. Made mistakes, asked forgiveness.

  Lori shook anew, worthy of any first date, when she heard the doorbell sounding below. Heston. He’d driven in from Hearts Crossing. The walk to church wouldn’t take long. Her heart pounded and she forced a nervous laugh at herself. Goodness, she wasn’t off to her beheading.

  Just the possibility of a whole new life.

  If she didn’t chicken out.

  Since they were walking, she’d put on her good insulated boots and flannel-lined jeans. Folks attended Mountainview Church direct from horseback, as well as dressed like a fashion magazine. Lori was a bit of both. Her heart beat like she’d won a race as she headed down the stairs.

  “Heston.” Lori breathed out his name, stumbled on the last step. In the foyer, he stood tall, heart stopping…chatting with her grandparents as though they’d been best friends forever. Her veins pulsed hard at his beauty. In a fancy green dress and elaborate hat, neck hung with ropes of pearls, her grandmother switched her very interested gaze between Heston and Lori. She blew a kiss in that direction, but gulped as the old resentment smacked her once again. Her grandparents’ decision to keep everything private, not go to the police.

  Not to try to find Kyle.

  And she’d been so traumatized, she’d...

  She shook it off as she walked over. Of course she loved them. They’d done their best. And gratitude swelled in her, too, for the darkness faded to white this time, not black. Cate’s words buzzed in her ears...the love between a man and woman is holy too. And if what she was starting to feel for Heston wasn’t quite love, yet...well, she believed in love at first sight in her books. Why not second, or third in real life?

  “You look beautiful. The sweater matches your eyes.” Heston’s gaze blessed her, and her knees turned to jam. As if he knew already she’d worn it for that reason. Without being told the correct choice, he picked up her gray jacket from the hall tree and held it out for her.

  Sparks skittered down her back.

  “Where’s your mini-me,” he asked, not moving his gaze from her face.

  “Uh.” She buttoned her coat, scrambled for breath. For words. “Miriam’s already at Sunday school.”

  “Cute kid.” Heston’s face split in a grin.

  Lori smirked a little. “I adore her, but sometimes her chatter has me ready to scream. That girl does not stop talking.”

  Granddad laughed, gruff and in character with his plaid shirt and old jeans but out of step with his fancy-clad wife. “Peace and quiet is nice sometimes. But children are our future, don’t you know. My Doris and I got such a young start we’re starting our fourth generation already.” Then his grizzled whiskers tweaked unhappily across his cheeks. “You kids best get going, and I best get settled in that dagnabbed ‘transport’ chair, which in the old days, we called a wheelchair.”

  Lori kissed his furred cheek. “No way you can go slip-sliding on the ice today in that orthopedic boot. Besides, your foot would freeze.”

  “We’re sure looking forward to the sleigh ride today, Heston.” Her grandmother’s voice was as sweet as her smile. “A real treat. It’s kind of you to take us. Thank you.”

  “Your kind thanks belong to your granddaughter.” Heston grinned and in front of everybody, he grasped Lori’s hand. Her heart hammered like a rider getting thrown thirty feet above his bull. Free falling all the way down...

  Heston plunked his Stetson in his head and she collided with heaven now.

  The light snow during the night had covered the lovely town of Mountain Cove with a Christmas card scene. Lori gasped in pleasure as she stepped into the beautiful morning. “Norman Rockwell’s got nothing on Colorado. Wow. How’s it in Sunset Hills?”

  “Very nice. Fine little town. We live nine miles out. Good hills and rangeland, mountains behind. And not so far away you can’t get your share of Mountain Cove.” His lips mouthed the last bit so deliciously she ached to pull his head down and…

  But all she had strength for was “Oh.”

  Her boots slid atop the icy crust beneath the fresh-fallen snow, and Heston steadied her. With his arm across her shoulder, she leaned into him with every ounce. He shortened his stride, and they strode to church in even step. One. Same rhythm. For an odd yet beautiful moment, her granddad’s invitation last night played in her head again. Asking Lori to stay on. Help him with his auto shop business as she’d done for summer jobs. Help him get things in shape for retirement. After all, Lori could move her ergonomic office set-up and part time marketing job and collaborate with Cate from anywhere.

  But the light faded, and the darkness in her mind stumbled her feet. Heston tightened his grip. At his nearness, his simple protective touch, her heart pummeled itself like a prizefighter. But there was always Kyle, lurking. She could hide easier in the canyons of the city.

  Even with Heston next to her, warming her against the cold, how could she, he? With a television show as his family’s middle name? Her heart lurched as much from doubt as Heston’s touch. Cate’s words, oh, Lori wanted to believe, did in theory, but fear found unexpected times to smack her heart.

  Her toe caught a rock of ice, but she righted herself. Although she kept her hand safe in his. Neighbors called out friendly hellos as Heston guided her down the sidewalk through snowplowed drifts. Christmas wreaths grinned big round mouths from every home and shop, but it was the arch of elk antlers doming the main street that always took Lori’s breath away. Today, swept with snow and draped with fir boughs etched a memory she’d hang on to forever.

  After she returned to San Antonio. As if in goodbye, she pulled Heston’s hand tighter. Because she didn’t want to leave, but couldn’t think of anything else to do.

  Her scattered emotions warred with prayer when she and Heston entered the sanctuary. Oh, she’d been inside Mountainview Church before. But never with Heston at her side. And never on a winter’s day. Her breath left her lungs far behind when she looked ahead.

  Behind the altar, the entire back wall of the church was framed out of glass. The distant mountainscape of the Rockies drenched in silver snow and gleaming with daybreak had her gasping.

  Clustered around the chancel, enormous pine trees glittered, too, with lights and white decorations.

  After they seated in a front pew, she could see closer up the beautiful ornaments crafted in the shape of doves, or pomegranates. Seashells and crosses.

  “Why, I’ve never seen anything like those ornaments.” She couldn’t help the whispered outburst. Her skin tumbled with feelings she didn’t recognize. Was it…could it be the peace that passes all understanding? Oh, she’d heard the benedictions so many times, but had she ever truly listened?

  The pastor hadn’t started the service yet, so Heston whispered back, not shush her like she had to do Miriam. “They’re called Chrismons. Monogrammed symbols of Christ. Each has a meaning.”

  A ray of sun stabbed the mountainside outside and jolted Lori with its glare. The sunlight fractured upon the sequins and pearls of the decorations. White,
pure. Stories of the Lord’s life. For the next hour, Pastor Hale shared some of the symbolism in his homily, and Christmas carols exploded from the choir, festive hymns from the congregation. The man beside her sang in a deep rich tenor. Miriam’s feathery angel wings fluttered during a nativity tableau. The scenery outside, more spectacular than a human hand could depict on canvas...Lori’s emotions detonated inside every cell. How could anything be more perfect in her little world?

  Even in the shining white of snow and Chrismons, the darkness began to flicker.

  Kyle...

  He always ruined everything. If Heston was the dream, Kyle was the nightmare. She gulped away sobs.

  Even in all this splendor, with living faith surrounding her, peace merely loomed overhead and remained one sad hair out of reach. A halo she wasn’t innocent enough to deserve. After the doxology, she ran outside, tears freezing on her cheeks. Without waiting for the benediction to listen with her whole heart.

  She felt rather than heard Heston behind her.

  “What’s wrong? Lori, what is it?” His voice softened in her ears, as hard ice crushed beneath his feet. His strong hand once again took hers as he found a cleared walkway into the churchyard. In a little alcove overlooking a brick labyrinth, he brushed snow from a garden bench, slung off his coat and laid it across to cushion both of them. “I mean it. Let me help.”

  She sagged against him. His strength, his warmth. His care. His faith. Trust. With his glove, he dabbed away her tears, then removed the glove to run a tender finger down their trails. The electricity of his touch slammed to her feet.

  “Oh, Heston. I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Lori buried her face against his chest because she didn’t know what else to do.

  Where else to go.

  Of course she did: to God. But it was all harder than she’d ever thought.

  He patted her back, her head, but not at all the way a man would a child. His touch fired her heart, heated her to the narrow of her bones. “I’m here. However you need.”

  His words, his promise, nestled on her hair like starlight before moonrise. Refusing more tears, she forced a peek up at him.