by Bella Jewel
I laugh softly. “Okay, I’ll go and get changed.”
I stand, smile down at him, and disappear upstairs. I grab my full-length swimsuit and move into the bathroom. I close the door and begin getting undressed. Before I get into my swimsuit, I stare at myself in the mirror. Mostly at the ugly, jagged scars that take up most of my abdomen and pelvic region. My heart clenches. Even with a full swimsuit, I’m always so afraid. So conscious. So ...
“Oh, my God. What the hell?”
I spin around with a cry, pressing a hand over my midsection. Molly stands at the door, her eyes on my scarring, her face expressing the shock and slight horror she feels looking at the damage.
“What ... what happened?” she breathes. “Who did that to you?”
“Please get out,” I say, my voice shaky.
My hands are shaking.
I’m horrified.
So embarrassed.
“No, Baylee, please, I’m not trying to—”
“Please get out!” I cry, tears bursting forth and running down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” she says, meeting my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know anyone was in here. I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
She backs out of the room, closing the door. With trembling fingers, I pull my clothes back on, abandoning the swimsuit. I need to get out of here. I need air. I rush out of the bathroom and stumble down the stairs, my vision blurring, my body wound up so tight I can barely feel my legs. I run out the back door, and past everyone in the spa.
Molly is standing with Jack, and I know she’s told him what she saw. I know because I catch a glimpse of his face.
I run harder.
“Baylee!” he calls.
I don’t stop. I pump my legs with everything I am, running so hard and so fast I don’t honestly know how he catches me, but he does. His big hand curls around my arm and suddenly I’m being jerked backwards. A terrified scream leaves my throat as I hit the sand and his body comes down over mine. Visions of York holding me down flash in my mind.
“Get off me!” I scream.
“Baylee, calm down.”
“Get off me. Get off.”
“Baylee ...”
“Get off!” I scream so loudly his weight instantly removes itself from me.
I push to my hands and knees, and crawl forward, sobbing, horrified that he’s seeing this. That he’s witnessing this pathetic, broken side to me.
“Hey.”
His voice is so soft. So gentle.
“Baylee, sweetheart, look at me.”
I don’t, I keep my head hung, my body panting, my eyes on the sand.
“Please, honey,” he murmurs.
I lift my head and look over at him, sitting on the sand, his eyes upset and hurt.
“I wasn’t going to hurt you,” he says, his voice careful, gentle.
“I ... I ... I’m sorry,” I croak. “I’m sorry.”
“Can I come over there?” he asks. “I swear I won’t hurt you. I won’t even touch you if you don’t want.”
But I want him to touch me. I need him to touch me.
I nod.
He moves closer, and I shift so I’m sitting on the sand. I lower my head, my blonde hair falling over my face, and I just stare at the sand.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want,” he says carefully. “But what happened to you?”
Can I tell him?
Should I tell him?
I’m so tired of living with it inside, living with this broken, pathetic mess that is constantly in my chest.
I know I can trust Jack. I know it with every piece of myself.
So, I tell him ... some of it.
“I was with a man for a few years,” I say softly. “At first, he was good to me. He was so good, Jack. And then he started taking drugs. I don’t know why. I didn’t want to believe it at first. I didn’t want to see it. So I put my blinders on, and acted like nothing was wrong. But he started getting aggressive when he came down from those highs. I should have run then, I should have, but I didn’t ...”
“It’s okay,” Jack says, his voice husky. “Take your time.”
“Rae is his sister. He was hurting her, too. He got her addicted to drugs and then punished her for it. He broke me. He was abusive. I couldn’t go out without him losing it, thinking I was seeing other men. He was the worst human I’ve ever known, but I couldn’t run. I was so pathetic. So fucking broken. I just stayed. Too afraid to do anything about it.”
“You’re not weak, or pathetic. Don’t ever say that again.”
I look to him. “I should have taken Rae, and I should have left. I didn’t. I was just ... cracked. It took him nearly ending my life for me to finally part from him.”
“What did he do?”
Jack’s voice is tight, but I know he’s not angry at me.
“I ran away from him one night, and he caught up to me and dragged me back to the house.” I swallow as memories assault me. “He thought I was trying to sneak off to see other men. He was swinging this knife around, and I tried to run again but ...”
“Hey,” Jack says, reaching over and taking my hand. “Hey, it’s okay. When you’re ready.”
“He just started using it on me, on my s-s-s-stomach and lower. He wanted to make sure no man could ever touch me again, that no man would ever want me. Rae came out, she lost it, and it freaked him out enough to stop. He left me there on the ground, bloody, broken, nearly dead, and he disappeared. Rae called the police and I was taken to the hospital. I never heard from him again. Because of what he did, it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever have children. He did so much damage. The doctors said I have less than a five percent chance...”
“Baylee,” he says, his voice pained. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I shrug, even though the thought hurts. It hurts so bad.
Jack doesn’t know I had to change my name and move, or that I’m worried York has found me again. I can’t tell him that. Not right now.
“Did he get locked up?” Jack asks, his voice so tight I feel bad for him.
I shrug. “I don’t know, I just know he’s gone.”
“He know where you are?”
I look to him. “No, Jack, it’s fine. I’m okay now.”
He studies me, but doesn’t push. “What’s his name?”
“Jack ...”
“I want to make sure he never comes near you again, Baylee.”
“I promise you, he’s gone and won’t come back, please ...”
He must see something in my eyes, because he stops pushing, and in a soft voice, softer than I’ve ever heard, he says, “Show me.”
I stare at him. “Show you?”
“The scars. The things that make you think you’re not worthy. Show me.”
I flinch. “No.”
“Show me, Baylee,” he says, reaching over and stroking my cheek. “Show me, because I want to show you, here and now, there is nothing you can show me, or tell me, that’ll ever make me think you’re not the most incredible, beautiful, woman I’ve ever met.”
My bottom lip trembles, but I find my fingers going to the hem of my shirt. Slowly, I move backwards and lift it over my head. Then I push to my feet, and with trembling fingers, I unbutton my shorts and shimmy them down my thighs. Fear is lodged in my chest, my heart is racing, and I’m shaking all over. I know how ugly these scars are. I know.
Jack is on his knees before me, and I glance down at him as his eyes fall to the jagged, ugly, purple scars that have utterly destroyed the lower half of my body. He stares at them for so long I’m terrified that he’s disgusted, but after a few minutes he stretches his hand out and his finger grazes one of them. I shudder beneath his touch, but I don’t move or say anything.
He traces every scar with his finger, and then he leans in, placing his hands on my hips, and he presses his lips to them. Tears burst forth and roll down my cheeks, as his mouth moves across my body, gently tracing every single flaw. He kisses every scar, and then looks up a
t me, those eyes shining under the moonlight. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says, his voice husky and low, “and I never, not for a single second, want to hear you tell me you’re not.”
My knees start shaking and Jack gently pulls me down, removing his hands from my hips and cupping my cheeks. Then he leans forward, and he kisses me. I realise in that moment, Diesel was wrong. It isn’t just the girl for every man. There is a man for every girl. And in that moment, I feel it with every single piece of my being.
Jack is that man for me.
The one that’ll save me.
The one that was sent to me.
The one that’ll change everything.
Jack is that man.
God.
Jack is that man.
CHAPTER 22
NOW – BAYLEE
Jack’s mouth moves over mine, and for a moment, I’m hesitant. Not because I don’t want it, no, because I’m scared. I’m terrified. It’s been so long since someone has been with me purely because they want to be with me, not because it’s being forced upon me. I trust Jack, wholeheartedly, and because of that, I pull my mouth from his, take a staggering breath, and exhale.
I’m okay.
I can do this.
“We don’t have to do anything,” he says, running a thumb over my bottom lip. “I mean that. If I can just taste your lips all night long, that’ll be more than enough for me. I swear it.”
I meet his eyes, and my body trembles. I want him. I do. I want to remember what it feels like to be normal, to have someone be kind and gentle with me. I want this with him, I can’t fight it anymore. Maybe he will see what I am down the track, maybe my weakness will affect him, but right here, right now, in this moment, I just want him.
“I want it,” I whisper. “Just ... go easy on me.”
He nods, bringing his mouth closer again until our lips connect once more. Kissing him is like coming home. I swear, it’s like heaven. His lips are soft, the stubble on his jaw rough, the combination intoxicating. His tongue dances with mine, and his hands tangle in my hair, softly. The kiss is deep, it’s long, and it’s perfect. So damned perfect.
Slowly, Jack lays me back on the sand. He positions himself over me, his body hard in every single place it touches mine. I shiver beneath him, gazing up into his eyes, his hair falls messily over his forehead and the moonlight seems to be shining down on him, as if we were meant to be right here, in this exact moment. He reaches down, cupping my head in his hands, letting some of his weight rest on me as he leans in, brushing his lips across my forehead, then my cheeks, then once more over my lips.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, nuzzling my neck, making my skin prickle in the best way.
My body heats, seemingly from the core out. I can feel him, every part of him, and I want him. I truly want him. I reach up, tangling my fingers in his hair, it’s thick, and soft, and just makes him that much more perfect. I press my heels into the sand and arch my hips up, gasping as he rotates against me.
“God, you’re driving me wild,” he growls, kissing me more fiercely, nipping at my bottom lip.
“I want this, Jack,” I breathe. “I want it.”
“Slowly, baby.”
He pushes up again, running a finger down my belly, over my scars, and to my panties. He hooks his finger in them and gently guides them down as he moves off my body. Heat rises in my cheeks as he stares down at me, bare from the breasts down. The hunger in his eyes has my body coming alive again. He takes the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Sitting there, on his knees, in just a pair of jeans, he’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
“You’re perfect,” I say, my eyes travelling down the ridges of his body, over his muscles, and to the V that dips into his jeans.
“As are you,” he says, his voice husky.
He leans forward, taking my knees carefully and propping my feet up, so I’m spread bare before him. My heart hammers as he reaches between my legs, sliding his finger through my sex. He makes a throaty sound, and I whimper. God. That feels incredible. So gentle. So soft. So kind.
“You’re fucking incredible.”
His voice is strained, in the best way.
“I want you, Jack,” I say again, as his fingers continue their path up and down, setting my body on fire.
“Patience, beautiful.”
He dips one finger inside me and I arch up, gasping at the intense feeling that shoots through my core. Carefully, he thrusts it in and out, before sliding a second one in. I squirm on the sand, fingers in my own hair, arching as pleasure builds in my body. It feels amazing. So damned good.
“Jack,” I pant. “Oh, God.”
“Come for me,” he growls, using his thumb to stroke my clit.
I explode, gasping his name, thrusting my hips up into his hand. With a satisfied growl, he undoes his jeans and pulls them down. I catch a glimpse of his cock, and my mouth drops open. Long, thick, and standing on alert. It’s the biggest I’ve seen. It’s incredibly beautiful. Just like him. He lowers himself over me, kissing me again as his cock positions right there between my legs.
He rubs it up and down, the crown stroking over my clit, setting my body alight once more. I reach up, taking hold of his biceps, “Jack, please,” I mewl, clutching him, my nails biting into his skin.
Reaching down between us, he gently guides himself to my entrance, and slowly pushes inside. Fire erupts, but it’s the best kind. My body stretches around him, and an incredible mix of pleasure and pain join together, sending me over the edge.
“Fuck,” Jack growls. “Holy fuck.”
“Jack,” I moan.
He slides in further until he’s deep inside me. For a moment, neither of us move, it feels so incredible. So. Incredible. Then he starts moving, a slow pull of his hips, sliding in and out, filling me and then disappearing. I arch up, my fingers gliding down his back. He groans, picking up the pace, one hand going down to my leg to bring it up around his hip.
“Jack,” I breathe. “Oh, God. Yes.”
“You’re perfect,” he rasps. “So fucking perfect.”
Pleasure bubbles deep in my chest, rising higher and higher with every thrust, until finally it explodes over. I clench, gasp, and then cry out his name as the most incredible orgasm takes over my body. For a moment, I don’t feel, hear, or see anything else. I’m living in the pleasure. Jack makes a throaty sound, and moments later, the pulse of him inside me lets me know he’s found his release, too.
Slumping down onto me, head nestled into my shoulder, neither of us says anything. I rake my fingers through his hair, loving the slightly damp feel of it now. He turns his face, kissing my neck, before lifting up and looking down at me. “Are you okay?” he asks, stroking a strand of hair from my forehead.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Yeah, I’m perfect.”
He gently slides out of me, and cleans himself up the best he can, but then his eyes flicker to the ocean, and he grins. “You up for a swim? Easy way to get all this sand off.”
I beam at him. “That sounds perfect.”
He takes my hands and pulls me to my feet, and we make our way down to the water, hand in hand. Climbing in, the water is warm, salty, and amazing. I sink below the surface, holding my breath, loving how it feels washing all over my skin. Jack does the same, and we both surface at the same time. Hooking me around the waist, he pulls me close. “You’re even more beautiful wet.”
I laugh, and it travels out across the water, a soft echo.
“That’s the laugh I’ve been waiting for so long to hear.”
And this time, I really meant it.
I felt it.
It was perfect.
~*~*~*~
“I’m so sorry,” Molly says, catching me in the kitchen after Jack and I return from the beach.
I glance over my shoulder, mixing a drink of vodka and soda, to see her standing, staring at me, her face full of regret and shame. Poor girl. I can only imagine
what seeing that would have done, and I know she didn’t mean to freak out, anyone would freak out. It’s me who owes her an apology. I should have never lost it and ran out like that.
“Please don’t be sorry,” I say softly, abandoning the drink for a second to walk over to her, and stand in front of her. “I freaked out. It wasn’t you. You did nothing wrong. I swear.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything, it just ...”
“Shocked you?” I finish for her.
“Yeah,” she says softly. “I’m so sorry, Baylee.”
“Honestly, please don’t be. It was good in a sense, it brought Jack and I closer, and I feel better now. So, maybe you did me a favour.”
Her face lightens a little, and she says softly, “Really?”
“Yeah really. Friends?”
She beams. “Oh, we were friends, whether you liked it or not.”
I grin. She gives me one right back.
“What you mixing up there?” she asks.
“Vodka and soda, you want?”
“Yes, please.”
I get another glass and start mixing her drink.
“Sooo, you and Jack?”
I flush at the memory of our moment together. “Yeah, I think so.”
“He’s a good guy. The best. I don’t know what I’d do without him sometimes. You’re exactly the kind of girl I always wanted for him. I’m so happy for you both.”
I beam inside and finish up her drink, taking both in my hands and turning, handing one to her. “Thank you. I’m really glad to be here. You are all so awesome.”
“Well ...” She giggles, taking the drink. “I know I am. Now come on, let’s get in this spa!”
I nod in agreement and follow her out onto the patio, where everyone else is already in the spa. Mercy is sitting in front of Diesel, Phoenix and Quinn are side by side, with Kaylee next to Quinn, Roman has a spot beside him for Molly, and Matilda and TJ are also snuggled together like Mercy and Diesel. Jack has a space next to him, and I shift around the side of the spa and place my drink down on the side, before sliding in the warm water next to him.
