by Bella Jewel
Blade wraps his arms around me, and god, it feels so damned good. His comfort, his smell. He presses my face to his chest and I close my eyes, trying to gather my breathing so I’m not panting like I’ve run a marathon. The car starts moving, and Blade strokes his fingers down my hair. Eventually, my breathing evens out and I pull myself together.
When we arrive at Brody’s apartment, Blade carries me inside, even though I protest. Then he carries me straight down the hall to a room that isn’t Brody’s. He puts me on the bed and then sits beside me. I push up so I’m sitting and take a deep, shaky breath. “What happened?” he asks.
I swallow and whisper in a hoarse, croaky voice, “We were fighting. He started speeding up because he was yelling at me. Then he swerved onto the other side of the road and there was a car. We just missed it, Blade.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry, darlin’. I shouldn’t have let you go with him.”
“He’s my boyfriend,” I croak. “It wasn’t like he was a stranger.”
“He ain’t anything after this.”
I blink. “Excuse me?”
His eyes scan over my face. “No one makes my girl cry like that.”
His girl.
My heart melts.
“Ever,” he says, his voice hard.
“Blade . . .”
He leans in close, curling his hand around the back of my neck. He presses his forehead to mine and murmurs, “I fuckin’ missed you, darlin’.”
Oh god.
“So fuckin’ much.”
I can’t breathe.
“I hate how much you affect me.”
My body flinches.
“I thought I was over it, thought I was happy again but then . . . fuck, then . . . tonight . . . seein’ you with him and then seein’ you hurtin’ . . .”
“Blade, please,” I whisper.
“So wrong,” he growls.
“Blade.”
He leans in close, until our lips are just about brushing. “I’m fuckin’ done.”
“Done?” I croak.
“Done with pretending like this isn’t rippin’ me apart.”
Before I can open my mouth and answer him, the room is swarmed with people: Melanie, Brody, Ripley and Peyton. Blade leans backs and growls under his breath, and Melanie throws herself at me, wrapping her arms around my body. “Gosh, honey, are you okay?”
I nod, hugging her back. “I’m fine.”
“We’ll stay here tonight. Brody said we can have his bed.”
I look to Brody and he shrugs. “I can sleep on the couch.”
“Are you sure?”
He nods.
I slide off Blade’s bed and turn to him. “Thank you.”
He nods, but says nothing more because Peyton is already sliding her arms around his waist. “Should I stay?” she says, kissing his neck.
“Nah, not tonight. Sorry babe.”
Babe.
My heart hurts.
Our eyes meet for a second, but I let Melanie turn me away before anything can pass between us. I’m not sure what just happened, but whatever it was changed something.
For all of us.
CHAPTER NINTEEN
Melanie and I get changed and crawl into Brody’s bed. She falls asleep after a half an hour conversation making sure I’m okay, but I can’t. Instead I lie there, staring at the ceiling. I wonder what Blade is doing right now? Is he awake? Is he on the phone to Peyton? Did she end up staying? I try to push thoughts of him from my mind, but there’s no point in denying it.
He’s right. I’m done pretending too.
I’m in love with my step-brother, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
My phone has been lighting up for the last two hours, but I’ve effectively ignored it. I know it’s Yates, but I don’t know what I’m going to say to him. What is there to say to him? He fucked up, and he has to know it. I don’t know if I still want to be with him, or if I want to just cut my losses and end it. I care about him, but the truth is I don’t love him—I don’t think I ever did.
That’s not really fair.
But the last thing I want to do is break up with him over text. I roll and decide to check my messages. The first five are from Yates, as expected.
I’m sorry.
Please tell me you’re okay.
I didn’t know. If I did . . . it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have done it anyway.
Can you tell me you’re okay, Aria. Please?
We’re over, aren’t we?
I sigh, and text back.
I’m ok. We’ll talk tomorrow.
Before I can tuck my phone away, he replies.
Are we over? Please, just tell me.
After what happened tonight . . . look . . . can we just talk in the morning?
That’s a yes. I’m so sorry, Aria.
Tomorrow, Yates.
When I’ve tucked my phone away again, I roll out of bed. I can’t sleep. I decide warm milk might do the trick. I think part of me is too afraid to close my eyes tonight, because to be honest, I know what I’ll see, and I don’t think I can handle it.
I slip out of the room and quietly make my way down the hall. I stop when I pass Blade’s bedroom and see the light coming out from under the door.
I stop, and hesitate.
Should I knock?
What if Peyton is in there?
I really want to thank him for what he did tonight. I lift my hand and knock lightly. I wait a few minutes, then knock a little louder. Seconds later, the door opens and Blade is standing there in a pair of sweats and nothing else. I planned on just saying thanks and leaving, but what comes out of my mouth is the complete opposite.
“I’m too afraid to close my eyes.”
He studies me with a pained look on his face, then he sighs and reaches out, taking my shoulder. He pulls me in and shuts the door behind him. I stand, unsure for a few minutes, until he points to a small sofa in the corner of the room. “Sit.”
I do, without hesitation. I slide onto the soft sofa and look over to him. He paces the room a few times, looking completely torn, then he stops and stares at me. “Dammit, you know you shouldn’t be in here.”
Oh.
I stand quickly. “I’m sorry, I just . . .”
He walks over and takes my shoulders, pushing me down again. “I never said I didn’t want you to be.”
Oh.
He paces some more then stops and runs his hands through his hair. “Look what happened earlier . . . I . . .”
“You don’t have to say anything, Blade,” I whisper softly. “I’m not here for an explanation.”
He turns and looks at me. “What happened out there, it scared the shit out of me, Tulip. I saw you like that, I felt your hurt, and I wanted to fix it. I shouldn’t have wanted to fix it.”
I nod weakly. “You care; there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d do the same for Melanie, or Brody, or Ripley, hell, even you, Blade.”
“I have a girlfriend,” he practically rasps at me.
I swallow and pain shoots through my chest. “I know that.”
“And I care about her, Aria. I do.”
“I know.”
“So you . . . this . . . I . . . fucking can’t. No matter how I’m feeling right now.”
I stand again. “Blade, I know.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t expect for us to be here.”
I frown. “We couldn’t avoid each other forever. Our parents are married.”
He sighs and his shoulders slump. “Yeah, I know.”
“Besides, we’ve both moved on, and maybe that’s for the best.”
He pins me with his eyes. “That man you moved on with is a fuckin’ piece of shit.”
I close my eyes. “He’s not so bad.”
“Jesus, Aria, you can do better.”
My body jerks and I snap, “Like you, Blade?”
He flinches. “I fucked up, okay? But it doesn’t mean I don’t want someone amazing for you.”
�
��You left me, again.”
His fists clench. “I had to.”
“You had to?” I cry, throwing my hands up. “What kind of poor excuse is that?”
“I had to,” he barks. “Because if I didn’t I would have never fuckin’ let you go, dammit.”
My eyes widen and I’m momentarily speechless. He goes on.
“Fuck, you got under my skin. Every time I saw you, I wanted you more. That night, it shouldn’t have happened, but I couldn’t stop . . . I wanted you so fucking badly. I knew after, I knew that I had to walk. If I didn’t I would have never stepped away from you, and we both know how that would have ended.”
I do know how it would have ended. It doesn’t mean I don’t wish he would close his arms around me, and hold onto me right now, though.
“You could have explained that. Instead you just ran again, and that wasn’t fair.”
He nods. “I know.”
“What do we do now? We have to be around each other, Blade. It’s not something we can easily avoid.”
He walks over and drops down onto the sofa beside me. “I honestly don’t know.”
I nod and we both fall silent.
“Are you staying here?” I say softly.
“Yeah,” he says. “Lost my job and got one here. Peyton’s family live in the area, so it just worked out for everyone. We’re livin’ with Brody until we can find a place.”
God. It’s that serious.
“You sent her away tonight. If she lives here, where did she go?”
“She went to her mom’s.”
“Oh.”
More silence.
“She’s not you, Aria, but she’s something, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
He looks to me and reaches out, cupping my chin. “No, but every time you’re in the same room as me, I’m thinking about how hard it is. If I’m with you . . . I’m risking hurting her.”
“You want me to stay away.”
It’s not a question. It’s a fact.
He drops his hand and his head. “I don’t know what I want.”
I can’t help it. Tears spring from my eyes and I stand. This isn’t fair, and I can’t cope with it. He has every right to ask me to stay away, and I’m not angry at him for it, I’m just angry that after all this time I can’t look at him and not want to be in his arms.
“I should go.”
“Aria,” he says, reaching out and catching my wrist. “Fuck, if only you knew how hard this was.”
I turn to him. “You’re right. We both have relationships, and being around each other isn’t helping. I’ll stay out of your way, Blade.”
He looks pained. “Darlin’ . . .”
“Good night, and thanks for this evening.”
I twist my wrist and he lets it go, then I rush towards the door before he can say anything else. I hurry down the hall and the moment I get back into bed with Mel, I curl into her and she holds onto me as I cry myself to sleep.
I vow it. Tomorrow when I wake up, I won’t shed another tear for Blade.
Not another tear.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I blink my eyes open and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. Brody’s room, tucked in beside Melanie. I roll and see she’s still sleeping, so I slip from the bed. With a yawn, I stretch and realize my sleep wasn’t so bad after all. That probably had something to do with crying myself into exhaustion before I closed my eyes.
I make sure my clothes are straight, then I tie my hair up and walk out into the kitchen. Brody and Blade are awake, both sitting at the table drinking coffee. Blade’s eyes meet mine and I know, I just know what I have to do. For myself, for him, for Mom and for this family we’re now in. I have to stop pushing. I have to let this end and I have to let him move on.
It’ll tear my heart out, but it’s the only way.
So I do the only thing I can.
“Blade, can we have a word?”
He studies me, and I’ll be damned if there isn’t pain in the gorgeous depths of his eyes. Brody gives me a curious expression but I ignore him and walk outside. It’s a cool, crisp morning and fresh air washes over my face. I inhale, gathering my emotions. I can’t break down; I have to do this and I have to move on. When the door creaks, I turn and see Blade standing just outside.
“Aria, look . . .”
“Don’t, please,” I say gently. “Just let me talk, Blade.”
He nods and closes his mouth. I step up to him, studying his beautiful face. He’s devastating, and it won’t matter how many times I look at him, that’ll never change. I just have to learn how to deal with it.
“I’m sorry,” I begin. “I’m sorry for making this harder than it needs to be. You’re right, and as difficult as it is, I know that we need to do what’s best here. You have a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, no matter how long that might last. But it’s not just that, and it never has been. It’s our family; it’s everything that could be broken by what we’ve done.”
I step closer, fighting down my emotions. I reach up and I cup his cheeks in my hands. “You were the first person I loved and I don’t regret that, do you hear me? But I can’t do this to Mom, and I can’t do it to myself, or you. I’ll never forget what we shared, and I’m not even sure the pain will leave, but I will fight through it for this family that has been created around us, because I don’t want to lose them. So this is me taking a step back. I’ll stay out of your way, but if we’re in the same place I won’t give you trouble.”
I lean up and I press a soft, quick kiss to his lips. “Thank you for changing something in me. I really hope you find happiness, because you deserve it.”
Then I drop my hands and brush past him, entering the house. A weight has been lifted off my chest, only be replaced with a brand new one. Grief. Agony. Loss. I swallow it down and smile at Brody who is studying me, still.
“Thanks for letting me stay last night. I’m going to go. I have to study.”
He nods, giving me a curious look. When Blade walks in and disappears down the hall, he looks his way then back to me. “You’re not fooling anyone, you know?”
I force a smile. “No, but it’s no one’s business, and it’s finished. For everyone’s sake, stay out of it, Brody.”
He nods, smart enough to know where his place is.
“I’m going to go. Do you want me to wake Mel?”
He shakes his head. “Leave her.”
I fight a smile.
He notices, and mutters, “Don’t even.”
I put my hands up. “I wasn’t.”
His lips twitch and I walk over, throwing my arms around his neck. “But I would be kind of happy if you maybe just accidentally slipped into that bed with her.”
He scoffs and pinches my sides. I laugh and let him go. “Later, Brody.”
“Later, brat.”
I leave the house with a smile, but a heavy pain in my heart.
Let’s hope time is really all it’s cracked out to be. It’s meant to heal all wounds.
We’ll see.
~*~*~*~
One month later
“Has he stopped calling yet?” Melanie asks, throwing her feet up on the couch.
I sigh. “It’s been narrowed down to a few times a week, finally.”
She frowns. “He never seemed like that type.”
“You’re right about that.”
I broke up with Yates a week after the incident, and he’s effectively called me one hundred and eight times since then. Thankfully, after a great deal of harsh words on my end, he’s gotten the point and is slowing down. It wasn’t easy to do, because I really did care about Yates, but after that night I realized I was fooling myself. He was never the man for me.
“And Blade? Have you seen him again?” Melanie asks.
I shake my head. “No, and it’s probably better for now.”
“You’re a stronger woman than me,” she says, pushing to her feet. “I’d have probably cras
h tackled him and made him my bitch by now.”
I snort-laugh and shake my head at her. “You’re crazy, woman.”
“The man I want to crash tackle doesn’t even know I exist.”
Brody.
“He does, he’s just . . .”
“Screwed up? Unable to produce emotion?”
I frown at her. “I think there’s more to it than you think.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “You know, but you refuse to tell me.”
“Would you tell someone my story?”
She huffs. “Fine, point made, but he has to crack soon. I’ve been flirting for freaking ages.”
“Maybe you need to stop,” I suggest, sitting down to pull my shoes on.
“Stop?”
I look up at her. “Yeah, stop. Maybe you just need to back off and let him process. Isn’t it the chase they like, and all that?”
She taps her chin. “You’re totally right. That’s it, Operation Ignore Brody is in place.”
I roll my eyes and stand. “I have to go to school. I’m late again and Professor Ericson will have my ass.”
“I’d let him have my ass.” She sighs. “Over and over again.”
I’m right there with her.
“Later, honey.”
“Laters,” she cries.
I rush out the front door and jump into the car. I start it and speed off down the street. Halfway to work, it starts spluttering. It’s an old car and it’s been my old faithful for a good while now, but it’s starting to backtrack on me. After a few more splutters it comes to a stop. Luckily, I realized this was going to happen and managed to pull it over. I try the key four times before jumping out with a growl. Seriously?
This is like the worst excuse in the history of excuses. Why are you late? Oh, my car broke down.
I lift the hood and stare at the hot engine. Nothing. No smoke. No spluttering. It’s just freaking died. I slam it closed with a curse and see a man walking down the road. “Excuse me?” I call and he turns. He’s middle-aged and grumpy-looking. Great. “Sorry to bother you. Do you know where the closest mechanic shop is?”
He jerks his head to his left. “Three blocks down.”
“Thank you.”
I turn and rush in that direction. I could call someone, but if there’s one closer it might save some time. They can come tow it or something, maybe give me a ride. While I hurry towards the large garage I can see coming into view, I pull out my phone and text a friend to tell the professor that I’m sick. It’s the best I’ve got. I can’t possibly give the my-car-broke excuse. That would be shameful.
