by N. Alleman
“Be a good maid of honor and help me find something pretty.”
10
Axel
She had to choose fucking Jason.
I always hated that guy, mister “Runs the Debate Club Even Though He’s A Few Years Older than the High School Girls.” Bet he did it just to creep on Olive. My Olive, although right now she claims otherwise.
Fuck no.
I’m getting her back.
And the little girl … Lark.
I might be a father. I’m too exhausted to be angry. After all the time I’ve waited … here she is with another man—and a baby girl that could possibly be mine. The timing is right.
Olive needs to know that no matter what, I’ll take care of her. Both of them.
I have to get her back.
I hop on my motorcycle and drive. Before long I’m getting honked at by some small-dicked trucker behind me because I’m lost in thought, my mind on more important things than the goddamn fast lane.
Turning to the left quickly and circling back around, I go back to Olive’s.
She has to listen to me. She can’t be so indifferent, so hateful, when I’d been so in love. I refuse to believe it.
I turn and stop at a street somewhere before her house. I pull out my phone, wondering if I should call her again.
To my surprise, I have a text.
There’s no way of knowing how Selena got my number, but I don’t object. I open my phone again and look at the text, trying to make sure I am at the right place.
Based on the white gazebo and the flowers adorning the place, I’m pretty sure this is the right place, but there might be other chapels nearby.
Nope. The numbers on the door match up with the ones on my phone.
They are having a dress rehearsal today. The wedding is in two days.
So I have less than forty-eight hours to enact my plan. Fuck that. And fuck the fact that smug Jason and all those other dudes are wearing suits. I get on just fine without having to dress up, thank you very fucking much.
Walking the path feels weird, but I don’t let it show. I open the door, expecting to see groups of people all lined up in rows to see my beautiful girl prepare to marry the wrong man. But the place is empty.
This is weird. I don’t know how to feel about it. I need to chill out and stop assuming the worst, but, fuck …
It’s in my nature to be a jackass.
Olive would never consider marrying this fuck if I hadn’t run off to accept a boxing contract. And everything that has happened is my goddamn fault.
I knew I’d break her heart by leaving.
I knew I’d break it more if I kissed her before I left.
And in the end, I didn’t just kiss her. I slept with her. I took her virginity. And I disappeared the next day.
Nothing I do now will make that better. I’m such a jackass.
And while boxing has done well for me, it just doesn’t compare to her. Sure, the money’s great, and having women is nice, but I can do without the money, and the girls are just extras.
It’s Olive I need.
I have to restrain myself from punching the shitty walls as I walk past.
The room is large and airy, a sense of foreboding in the air. Like a storm is about to roll in, and only I can stop it. There’s an organ in the far corner, a sheet covering half of it, as if it was either just taken out or put away without a single fuck given. A stack of chairs and a few tables are scattered around, none of them set.
Good. I hope they never will be.
I make my way through the room looking for any sign of my beautiful bookish girl, my Olive.
Then I see it—skin on skin.
What the fuck?
I squint, taking in the scene before me. It’s a couple, and they are taking off each other’s clothes in a frenzy. I try to make out their features.
Jason?
I only recognize his face because of how hard I wanted to hit him the last time I saw him, kissing on Olive like she was his property or some shit. That etched his ugly mug in my brain.
And the girl …
It comes back to me in a flash.
I’d forgotten all about that party. The night that followed was enough memory for me.
But the flash of hair and the too-glossed lips now kissing Jason’s shoulder. I bet she still has the same bitchy tone when she talks down to people she deems unworthy of her presence.
Fucking Becky.
Well, actually, Jason fucking Becky.
I can’t see much from here, so I move closer. Might as well get the best view I can.
I’m so angry, I see red. And tones of pink. Flesh. They’re clinging to each other, their panting breaths and sex noises filling the room where seconds earlier there was only silence.
I want to break his douche face in, to defend Olive.
Instead, I clutch my fists at my side and breathe deeply. I have to be the better man. I have to leave, right the fuck now, before I do something I’ll regret.
Taking a step back, I pause for a second to think.
Olive needs to know he’s an unfaithful dickhead, but there’s no way she will believe me over Jason.
So I take out my phone, snap a picture of them, and stick my phone back in my pocket. Then I go searching.
Eventually, I find Selena, standing with her hair up in rows as she pins flowers to them.
“Selena,” I say darkly. “I have to talk to you. I just …”
And it is then that I see her—Olive’s daughter.
She’s standing behind Selena, peeking around her hip. She’s so cute, with an upturned nose and freckles all over her cheeks just like Olive.
Selena finally notices me and crosses her arms protectively in front of her body, shielding the little girl from my eyes. “What the hell, Axel?” she says. “You’re supposed to be with Olive by now. You’re late!”
“Wait.” I raise my hands in defense, wanting to tell her what I just saw.
“Don’t you dare say a word.” Selena ushers Lark aside and picks up a practice bouquet made of fake flowers.
“Jason’s cheating on her,” I hiss, trying to be casual about it but I’m so desperate, I just blurt it out. Before she can deny it, I yank my phone out of my pocket to show her. She covers her eyes, and I stop.
“I don’t want to see.” Her voice breaks.
So she knew.
“Selena, I just saw them together,” I finally manage to get out. “Doing it minutes before the goddamn rehearsal dinner.”
“Shut up!” Selena grabs me by my shirt and gives Lark a comforting look. “Auntie Selena will be right back, okay, darling?”
Lark nods doubtfully, and my heart screams at me to comfort the child, make her feel better. But Selena’s already dragged me outside, pressed me against a wall in the hallway and is shouting in my face.
“Of course I knew, jackass. Why’d you think I was so desperate for you to see Olive? She needs to know, but I can’t tell her.” She pushes on my chest then turns away, hiding her face in her hands. “I don’t know how to deal with this.”
“You have to tell her,” I insist. “Wouldn’t you want to know if your fiancé was screwing some random girl from high school behind your back?”
“What?” A choked whisper comes from behind us.
Selena and I stare at each other, and I can only assume all the color has drained from my face as it has from hers. Slowly, so fucking slowly, I turn around to find Olive standing in front of me.
Fuck. She heard everything.
And she looks beautiful, in a gorgeous floral dress that shows off her dainty features. Her hair’s up, and it makes me want to kiss her neck, mark it.
“Olive, you look …” I start with a shaky voice, but she holds out a hand to stop me, her bottom lip trembling. It hurts so fucking much to see her this way.
“Is it true?” she asks.
Selena and I are both quiet.
“Is it fucking true?” Olive repeats, her voice shri
ll.
Finally, Selena steps in front of me. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” she says. And Olive whimpers softly. Selena reaches for her, but Olive turns and runs out.
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath. “I’ve ruined everything again.”
11
Olive
When I confront Jason, he says he’s sorry. Has all kinds of excuses, but I’m not buying any of them.
I’ve never been the type of girl to like conflict. In fact, I actively avoid it. I only yelled at Axel to convince him that I had changed, to convince myself I’m not the same girl who needs him anymore—but, after giving so much to him, I expected him to at least care.
I started having my doubts about Jason when he started coming home from work later and later, saying there were scheduling issues. But he takes good care of me and Lark, and, well, I need something normal so badly.
Now I find out he’s cheating on me. Of course, this would happen to me. I never loved Jason, but that doesn’t mean I deserve this. But clearly, he doesn’t love me either.
Jason raises his hand to touch my shoulder, but I shrink away from him like he’s a snake, poisonous. I tried to be the most caring girlfriend—and fiancée—I could be for him, but it clearly wasn’t enough.
“We’ll be okay, sweetheart,” he says, and I recoil again, feeling physically sick.
I may puke.
Even though I don’t love him, it still hurt.
“No.” I shake my head, blinking back tears.
Why am I crying? It doesn’t matter. None of it does. I slip his ring off my finger, shove it in his face before dropping it at his feet. He looks stunned. He didn’t expect this from me.
I didn’t, either. My mouth opens and it’s as if the words are coming from someone besides me, but they feel so right. “The wedding is off. Don’t talk to me, don’t call me, don’t go looking for me. Just enjoy fucking Becky.”
He flinches. I hadn’t been sure it was Becky until I see his reaction. I don’t care who it is. I just want Jason out of my life. I turn on my heel and go back the way I came—to Selena, and to my daughter—the people I belong with, now that I don’t have a fiancé.
For a moment, I stand outside the door watching Axel and Selena speak in hushed tones. Lark is sitting in the corner, playing with her Barbies. Every once in a while, Axel steals a glance over at her.
I wonder how he would feel if he knew he was her father. Would he even care? Did he want kids? I have no idea, but he did ask about her earlier.
I couldn’t tell him then. But now, I see he’s joined her playing with the Barbies. She’s given him Barbie’s horse and he’s pretending to make it prance around. I smile despite myself, and realize I want to tell him.
“Knock, knock.” My hand hits the frame outside the door, and I try for a cheerful tone. It doesn’t work. Axel looks up, concerned, and Lark runs to me, wrapping her arms around my legs as she buries her face in my dress.
“Mommy, where did you go?” Lark wants to know. “Where’s Jason?”
I pick up Lark, kiss her on the head, and tell her Selena has a surprise for her. My friend gives me a worried look, but I give her a pointed look.
I’m not worried about Lark at the moment. Selena’s been babysitting her for ages, and she knows what to do. I’ll explain later, but right now I need to speak to Axel.
The girls file out of the room, Selena holding Lark’s hand. Axel’s gaze follows them, and I can see the wistful look in his eyes. He’s wondering if she’s his child. But I’ve had enough for one day. I don’t think I can handle one more surprise.
Axel coughs, his hands held in front of his mouth like a paper bag to breathe in as soon as my baby and Selena are gone.
“So Olive,” he says, a worried expression on his face. “I’m so fucking sorry, I … you shouldn’t have had to find out that way. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
I press a finger against his lips, shushing him. I don’t want to touch him. It sends shivers through my body, and I’m afraid where this could go. But I need to be the one to speak first, or he’ll dominate the conversation.
“So what happened? Are you calling off the wedding?”
I nod simply. There’s nothing else to say. As much as I want a father for my baby girl, I’m not going to marry that cheating prick Jason.
“We need to talk about Lark,” I say.
He drops to the floor, sitting in what Lark calls “crisscross applesauce” style.
Ugh. I’m not sure I can do this. “I’m cancelling everything.”
I sigh, dropping to the floor across from him, holding my head in my hands. “I never wanted Jason, you know? I just wanted a father for Lark.”
He grabs my face and forces me to look at him. “You went on a date with him once. You went back to him.” They’re both statements, not questions. He’s not accusing me, just stating facts.
“I know, I just …” I trail off, trying to drop my head again. His grip tightens, his thumb runs along my lips. I make a face, but he doesn’t stop.
“Olive,” he begins, his tone careful. “Is she mine?”
I don’t respond.
“Lark,” he clarifies. Like he thinks I don’t know.
I close my eyes. I can’t bow my head, but that doesn’t mean I need to look at him. He waits for an answer, but it just never comes. I can’t say the words. Isn’t it goddamn obvious enough?
“Olive, Olive … Olive,” he says my name over and over, his thumb moving from my lips to my eyelids, begging for me to open them. I do.
His eyes are so sad. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears. Of all the things I expect from him, I never expected this. He’s the same boy he always was, just hidden beneath a tough exterior.
“Please. Give me a chance. Let me make this right. I want to tell you everything about our last night together,” he says with a pinched voice. “It was so fucking perfect. I knew I would be leaving.”
I pull away from him, shooting him an accusatory look.
So he knew.
He knew he’d walk out of my life the very next day.
Yet he still kissed me.
Touched me.
He fucked me, for God’s sake!
His hands are stroking my cheeks and I gulp at something rising in my chest.
Anger.
He shouldn’t be doing this. Acting like a broken man when he was the one who left me alone. I’m the one who just found out she’s being cheated on and had to call off her engagement two days before the wedding.
I don’t yell at him, though.
“We paid for the honeymoon in advance.” I keep my voice still. “I’m keeping it for myself. I’m going to go to Greece with Selena and …”
I can’t say “our baby.” I force myself through the sentence. “… Lark. I’m leaving, Axel.”
I need him to know that we’re not going to be together.
Instead, he draws me closer to him, and that closeness is so agonizingly bittersweet.
He leans in to kiss me, and I shove him away.
Not expecting this, it knocks him off balance. I stand up and rush out to the garden where Lark is with Selena.
He calls to me, but I run away.
I can’t allow myself care for Axel Reign ever again.
12
Axel
Damn, Olive is the queen of mixed signals. For a second there, I thought she still loved me.
She must.
But even if she doesn’t …
I’m a father. I just know I am, even though she refuses to come right out and say it.
“You knew about him cheating.” My voice comes out colder than I’d expected it to.
Selena was the one who told me about everything, who led me to the dress rehearsal in the first place, so I could find Olive.
Selena and I are standing in Olive’s apartment, except this time I’m a lot less drunk, and I’m making different mistakes. I shouldn’t have kissed Olive, but it seemed like the right thing to do at
the time. And hard as I try, I can’t make myself regret it.
Fuck it.
“I did.” Selena raises an eyebrow at me. She and Oliva are roommates. That gives me hope. I like that Olive still wanted to be independent, even while being engaged to Jason. She’s such a strong woman.
“And,” Selena waves around the room, “I knew you’d be here.”
With a content sigh, she plops herself down on the couch I’d woken up on just a few nights ago. How fucking different everything was now. I hadn’t been to the gym in days, and as much as I longed for the ring, I am so tired. My phone beeps, and Selena glances in its direction.
I just shrug. Running off and chasing after true love hadn’t been in the plan, and my coach—and some groupies probably—are blowing up my phone wondering where the fuck I am.
The phone keeps chirping, so I turn the damn thing off and throw it on the floor.
Hopefully, it doesn’t break. It’s my third one this year.
“Nice.” She drags the word out, and I join her on the couch. “So, Mister Mystery, what brings you here?”
“I’m not letting go this time,” I say determinedly. “She tried to push me away. I’m not letting her.”
Selena laughs.
It’s not fucking funny. Selena is pissing me off.
“How do you feel?” she asks.
“Shitty.” It’s the truth.
“There are drinks in the fridge if it’ll make you feel better,” she adds.
“It won’t.” I’m being short with her, and she’s getting pissed, too. Great. “Olive mentioned you guys are leaving the country.”
“And you’re going to beg me to let you come too.” Not a question. She isn’t far off my thought process, though. We never talked much and here this girl knows me too well. Except …
“I don’t beg,” I raise an eyebrow at her.
She laughs.
“Well, lucky for you,” she gets up off the couch, goes to a closet in the corner and comes back with a large tote on wheels, “I thought ahead.”
