"Appointment?"
"Yes. You're scheduled for your physical at three."
"Oh. Well, ken't we do it in a few weeks?" Maopa asked, desperately trying to figure out what a fiseecal was.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Devereaux, but you know how busy the doctor is. We couldn't work you in for another four months. Dr. Winslow's going on her yearly 'Doctors Without Borders' commitment. She'll be gone for three months."
"Dang. Okay. Never you mind, dearie. We'll be thar at three."
"Thank you. See you here," the disgustingly cheerful woman on the other end replied.
After hanging up the phone, Maopa rolled on her back and swore. Next to her, Mari was sound asleep.
How in tarnation can anyone sleep through all that noise? Maopa wondered before deciding they had better get going. Nudging the sleeping figure, she smirked when Mari growled slightly and slapped at her hand.
"Time we be a movin', sugah. We gots to go get my grandchil' a fiseecal."
"What's a fiseecal?" Mari opened one eye to glare at her partner.
"I don't know, but it's somethang she does every year so's it must be important."
Maopa jumped up and started toward the bathroom when she noticed the old pile of sheets and clothes had been reduced to a small lump of jeans and blouses.
"What happened thar?"
"Some men took them away earlier this morning."
"Yah let men in here while I be a sleepin?"
"No, of course not, silly. They were outside the window. I threw the sheets down to them, and they put them in some sort of truck. Said it was their job... and they come by here twice a week."
"I'll be danged. Seems like a waste, but if'n that's the way they does it, then it shore saves us from burnin' them."
"I imagine humans have outgrown burning their bedding, sweetie. It would be too wasteful."
"Yeah. They be into that recyclin' thang. Helps with savin' the planet. Anyways, better we be gettin' a move on it. I be right parched and hungry, and Willie said he's got some new wieners he be a wantin' us to try."
"Wonderful. I was getting a little tired of the others. Thought we'd try out something else today, maybe after your fiseecal. I heard pizza was really good. By the way, just where are we supposed to be going?"
"Ain't got no idee, but Dakota's one of them thar note takers, so I figger it'll be writ down somewhere."
After showering and making a quick search around the apartment, Maopa found a reminder note on the refrigerator with the doctor's name and address.
They showed it to the taxi driver, sat back in the seat, and waited patiently while he sped through the city streets, reaching the address in less than twenty minutes.
"Thank ya, Jose. It always be fun ridin' with ya. Don't know how long we be inside, though."
"No problemo, Mees Dakota. Thees streets I know like back of hand. I wait. Maybe get taco down street."
"Yah do that."
Inside the office, they were greeted by the cheery receptionist, whose voice Maopa recognized from the phone call.
"It'll only be a few minutes, Ms. Devereaux. If you'll just take a seat, the nurse will be out shortly."
Maopa and Mari sat down near a stack of magazines and flipped through them.
"I never knowed people liked almost nekkid women so much... and would yah look at them? They don't have no meat on them bones."
"I know. Maybe that's why the magazines are here... to show women what they'll look like if they don't take good care of themselves," Mari said, turning the pages.
"That probably —"
"Ms. Devereaux, the nurse will see you now," Sandra called out.
Standing, Mari and Maopa started toward the door.
"Sorry, miss, but only Ms. Devereaux can go back. You can wait out here if you want."
"Over mah —"
Mari nudged Maopa with her elbow.
"I mean, um, Ms. Lysanne here." She paused. "Look, either she goes with me or we leaves here and yah keeps yoh fiseecal."
Looking confused, Sandra relented. "That's okay. Go on back."
A woman in a blue shirt and matching slacks motioned them forward and pointed at an open door. "If you'll just step in there and put this on, we can get started." She handed Maopa a pale blue garment. Once the door was closed behind them, Maopa held it up and examined it for a few seconds. Made of paper, it was barely long enough to cover the breasts and stomach.
"This be a strange lookin' shirt. I ain't sure it'll fit over the rest of mah clothes. I figgers this here paper won't last five minutes if'n I moved around in it. What in tarnation does I need ta wear an ugly thang like this fer?"
"Maybe it's to keep something from spilling on you. You should probably do what she told you," Mari said.
Maopa slipped her arms in the sleeves, pulled the gown over her shoulders, and sat down. Distracted by several anatomical charts on the walls, she squinted at the fine print next to several lines going to different parts of the body.
"Thar be some strange stuff in here. I ain't seen nothin like this. Old sawbones in mah day had a few jars and sharp knives and that be it."
"Just goes to show how things change."
"Shore do."
A light knock on the door interrupted their chat, and the nurse walked in and gave Maopa a strange look.
"Is something wrong, Ms. Devereaux?"
"Naw... 'cept this is kinda small."
"Excuse me?"
"This... thang. It be, I mean, it's a little small."
The nurse laughed. "I never realized you had such a good sense of humor. Dr. Winslow will be in shortly. I need to get your BP and temp. When the doctor's done, we can get your weight and draw some blood for the multi-phasic profile. You haven't eaten today, have you?"
"Only a few of them wieners, but that was a few hours ago."
"That's not good. Maybe next time we should schedule you in the morning. I guess you can come back tomorrow for the blood work."
Mari watched the nurse strap a large black thing around Maopa's arm and pump it up.
"We have this new digital BP reader," the nurse said. "It's pretty cool."
"Uh huh." Maopa wondered just how tight the woman was going to make the black band. "You ain't tryin' to squeeze my arm off, are yah?"
The nurse chuckled as she scanned the numbers and wrote them on the chart. Then she placed another object against Maopa's ear and held it for a second. Looking at that number, she wrote it beside the other number.
"Everything looks good so far," she said, handing Maopa another paper object. "Now, if you'll just finish getting undressed, you can use this to cover the rest of you."
The nurse picked up the chart and left the two startled spirits alone.
"She don't mean..."
"I think she does."
"I'm suppose to get bare ass nekkid and put this here thang on... and nothin' else?"
"That's what she said."
"Hell, I don't even know the woman."
"Apparently she knows you, or rather, Dakota. I wonder what that granddaughter of yours was doing before she met Yemaya."
"Me too. I thank we gonna hafta have a good talk, that youngin and I."
"You'd better hurry up. I get the impression time means something to these people. Just think of it as a new adventure and doing Dakota a favor. Obviously these fiseecals are important."
Grumbling, Maopa undressed, put on the top, and wrapped the paper drape around her waist. Pulling the edges together, she held them tightly with her right hand. After another knock on the door, the nurse walked in, pushing a large metal box on wheels.
"Good. Now hop on the table, and we'll get the EKG done and then I'll get the doctor. Just lie back and don't move."
Before Maopa realized what was happening, several small patches were stuck to her ankles and chest. The nurse attached wires to them, and the machine started spewing out a small strip of paper with crooked lines. Then the nurse removed the wires, pulled off the sticky patches, and walked
out of the room, pushing the box in front of her.
"Be right back," she said.
"Well, if'n that ain't the most peeculyar thing I ever seen," Maopa said, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the table. Kicking them back and forth like a small child, she looked extremely unhappy. She saw Mari start to grin at her, but cover her mouth with her hand and pretend to yawn.
"It definitely was different," Mari said. "Wonder what's next?"
A soft knock on the door prevented any further comments. In walked the nurse, followed by a slender black woman.
"Hi, Dakota. How have you been feeling since your last visit?"
Reaching out to shake Maopa's hand, the doctor glanced at Mari curiously. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we've met. I'm Dr. Winslow," she said, smiling slightly.
"I'm Yemaya, Dakota's friend."
"I see. You're the first friend she's ever invited to be present for a pap test, so I'm assuming you must be more than just a friend," Doctor Winslow said, her brown eyes sparkling with humor.
"You could say that."
"Good. It's about time she found someone and settled down."
Maopa squirmed slightly as Dr. Winslow turned toward her.
"Something wrong?"
"This dang blasted paper is stickin' to my rear end."
Looking at the nurse, Dr. Winslow chuckled. "You didn't order that cheap stuff did you?"
"Certainly not."
"Well, check into another brand. I can't have my patients walking around with paper stuck to them."
Dr. Winslow pulled her stethoscope from her jacket pocket, snapped the earpieces in place, and picked up the heart monitor. Reaching out, she gently pried the material from Maopa's fingers and pushed it aside.
"Something you're not telling me?" she asked. “And what’s with the hillbilly accent? You practicing for a role in that new play, Mountain Mary? I heard the director had put out a call for anyone with a country accent.”
Maopa glared at the doctor and then decided to ignore the question.
"Tain’t nothin’ wrong with how I be talkin’. Ah’m just a little nervous, yah might say."
"I guess that’s as good an explanation as any,” the doctor replied, deciding not to pursue Dakota’s strange accent. “After all these years, I still don't know why you act this way. I'd think you'd be used to this by now," Dr. Winslow replied, laughing. "As soon as I listen to your heart and lungs, we'll get the rest over with quickly."
Placing the heart monitor against Maopa's chest, she listened to the steady rhythm.
"It's a little fast, but to be expected. Now inhale and exhale." She moved the stethoscope to Maopa's chest and back, and finally listened to her stomach.
"It all sounds good. Your stomach seems to be having a time with that hotdog, though. Any discomfort down there?"
"If'n yoh askin' whether or not I gots a tummy ache, the answer be no."
"Uh... well... that's good. Now swing your legs up, and we'll get the unpleasant part over with quickly."
Frowning, Maopa swung her feet up and sat rigidly, her legs straight out in front of her.
"Lie back, Dakota. I swear if I didn't know you better, I'd think this was your first time."
"Just shows what you thank. Yah knowed it ain't so."
Dr. Winslow hesitated and glanced more closely at her patient. "Have you been checking your breasts every month?"
"They been gettin' a lot of checkin' lately." Maopa grinned and winked at Mari.
Dr. Winslow smirked. "I imagine the checker hasn't found anything unusual."
"Ain't heerd no complaints."
Dr. Winslow placed her fingertips on Maopa's left breast. As she began pushing and moving her hands around, Maopa watched, curious about the strange action. The right breast was treated the same. Then her stomach was pressed in several areas before the doctor seemed satisfied.
"Everything feels good. No lumps. Keep checking them though. I want you to have a mammogram before your next visit. Rachelle will schedule it for you."
"Shore nuff, doc." Maopa didn't have a clue as to what a mammogram was and wasn't sure she wanted to know.
Signaling for the nurse to adjust the stirrups, Dr. Winslow told Maopa to slide down and put her feet in them.
"Now hold on thar. Them thar... them there... them thangs ain't... aren't steerups."
"Dakota, are you feeling okay?"
"Excuse me, Dr. Winslow," Mari said. "Dakota has been entertaining me a lot lately, and I think we've been overdoing it a bit. We didn't get home until early this morning, and you know how lack of sleep can affect people."
"Lack of sleep, huh?" Dr. Winslow said with a smile. "I know it can do a lot of things, but this is the first time I've ever seen a complete personality change like this."
"Trust me. With the schedule we've been keeping, Dakota definitely isn't herself at the moment."
"Oh, I believe that. Okay, look. I promise I can be in and out in seconds. Now would you just lie back and relax?"
Maopa slowly slid into position and grumbled again about more paper sticking to her butt. Relaxing slightly, she let the nurse guide her feet into the stirrups.
This be damn awkward, Maopa thought, trying to maneuver the paper down to cover her legs. Dr. Winslow pushed the cloth drape up slightly and gently nudged Maopa's knees apart while the nurse moved the lamp closer.
"Good. Now just slide down a few inches more."
Sighing, Maopa did as she was instructed but found it difficult. The edge of the table cut into her butt cheeks, and her groin ached from forcing her knees apart.
"It shore be drafty down thar, doc."
"This will only take a minute."
A faint clicking sound made Maopa look toward the nurse. The woman had just picked up a small metal device and was squeezing a clear gel onto it. She turned a small wheel on its end, and the object slowly closed.
The nurse handed the instrument to Dr. Winslow, who bent down and lowered her head beneath the drape.
"Okay. Now I need you to spread your knees a little wider."
"They don't get no wider than this. I ain't no plucked chicken, yah know. These here legs only opens so far."
"Look, Dakota. Would you just open wider so I can do the pap?"
"I'm telling yah, they don't get no wider. Now jest get done down thar."
With an audible sigh, Dr. Winslow reached down to gently spread the labia with her fingers. "This is going to be a little cold."
* * *
Maopa stiffened when she felt the doctor touching her pussy but decided to keep quiet for the moment. When the device was pushed inside her vagina, though, she let out a whoop, reached down and smacked the doctor on the back of her head. Dr. Winslow's head popped up like a cork in water, and she jerked the object out.
"What the hell?" Apparently without thinking, she started to rub her head and smacked it with the instrument. "Son of a bitch!" she yelled. The device flew from her hand and landed with a loud metallic clang on the floor at the nurse's feet. Surprised, the nurse jumped back and bumped into a silver stand, knocking it against the counter, where it rolled a few inches and then fell to the floor. Within seconds, another woman flung open the door. Dashing in, she stepped on the device and fell face first into Dakota's spread legs. Embarrassed, the woman pushed herself away and bumped into Dr. Winslow, almost knocking her into Mari.
"Dagburnit. That's it. I ain't lettin yah go and stick that there thang up my peehole no matter how many times yah done it befer."
Maopa leaped off the table, grabbed her clothes, and marched out of the room, oblivious to the pieces of paper stuck to her butt. Three very stunned women were left behind.
Mari looked sympathetically at them.
"Must be the wieners. I told her not to put all that stuff on them. Maybe we'll just postpone this until another day, Doctor." She picked up Maopa's shoes and quickly followed her out.
Outside the building, Maopa stood in her blue top and partially torn drape. One han
d was clenched tightly around the paper remnants while the other held the top garment closed. Her clothes were tucked under her right elbow. Mari stood quietly next to her. Several people walked by, gave them strange looks, and continued on. Jose pulled up his cab but didn't say a word.
"I ain't a knowin' what this world has come tah, but ain't no way no one's gonna go stickin thangs up my cooch like that," Maopa said, growling.
Saira - TI5 Page 8
