“Well, you aren’t going on the date with me, Cain.”
“How do you know that?”
“What?”
He laughed. “Okay, no. I will not be going on the date with you. But we’ll screen the men together. We’ll run a full background check before—”
“Whoa! Overkill.”
“No. Not overkill. I have the ability to do that in a flash, and I’m doing it.” He took a breath as if he’d used up all the words for the day and getting more out was a monumental endeavor. “And I’ll make sure you go to a place where it’s safe. The Pier or something like that for the first few dates. You don’t go alone. He doesn’t pick you up at home. Neutral location. You pay your way, so there’s no expectation.”
“Wow, sounds super fun.”
“Your sarcasm is duly noted, but that’s the way it’s gotta be. You date, but you date safe. There’s a lot of fucked-up people out there. I’ve seen too many things. Part of me wants to lock you up and keep you in a bubble. You’re too innocent, too naive, and I don’t want the world to taint you.”
“I am not naive, Cain.”
“You are. It’s sweet. But it’s dangerous.”
“I feel completely out of my depth. Maybe I shouldn’t do this.”
“No, you should do this, but do it my way.”
“I’m a grown woman. People date all the time and it’s not this complicated.”
Suddenly a thought occurred to him. Could it be possible? It had been so many years—six, to be exact. “Have you slept with anyone other than Jer?”
“That’s really none of your business, Cain. You can be real crass sometimes. If I didn’t know you, I’d say you were a jerk.” Her arms crossed at her chest and her foot tapped. He didn’t say anything so she kept talking. That was the aftermath of his silence, she chattered away and got to stew in her anger while the deafening silence lingered on and on. Finally, she blurted out any and everything. “You know what? I do know you and you are a jerk.”
“You done?” he said at last.
“No! Actually I’m not.” Her eyes narrowed. “You…you…ugh!” She stood up, and actually stamped her foot. “You are so…” Her cheeks reddened even more. “It’s none of your freaking business!”
“Bringing out the big guns, I see.”
“Shut up, Cain. You’re an asshole.”
“Oh wow. You actually cursed. I can’t believe it.” His voice was teasing, but inside he really was surprised.
“Well, now you know how mad you made me.”
“Why?”
“Why?” she repeated exasperatedly.
“Yeah, why? Why are you so mad? Because of the way I asked the question or because of the question itself?”
She huffed indignantly. “Both!”
He didn’t say anything, just looked at her. God, the way he looked at her. It made her confused. Flustered. Did he even know how to apologize? He could’ve at least said he was sorry for asking the question. But he didn’t. He didn’t say a word.
She paced around the room, his eyes following her. At last she burst out, “Yes!”
“Yes?” He leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs.
“Yes, I’ve had sex since Jer. I know. I know. What does that say about me, right? My fiancé died. In war. Saving this country. And then I go and sleep around.”
He stood up abruptly. “Sleep around? How many men, Vi?”
She wanted to scream at him that it wasn’t any of his business. “Just one. One time.”
He let out a big breath. “Why? What happened?”
“Why? Well, it was about two years after Jeremy died and I went on a few dates with this really great guy, one thing led to another—”
“I meant, why only once?”
“Oh.” She bit the bottom of her lip. “I felt so awkward and unsure sleeping with Frank. Frank was his name, by the way. I was used to…you know…” She blushed.
“You were used to Jeremy.”
“Exactly. And it just felt foreign and weird. I felt so guilty afterward. Like I was cheating on Jeremy, so I cried.” She covered her face. “While we were doing it! I cried in the middle of doing it! How embarrassing, right?! He was nice about it, though. But I broke it off with him after that. I was too ashamed, and anyway, I just couldn’t do it again. Now you see why I’m so nervous. I suck at this.”
“So what? You’re never going to have sex again?”
“I hope that’s not the plan.”
“I bet that’s why you find faults in every guy. It’s an excuse to break it off before the intimacy begins.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. Everything feels so new because it’s been so long. Plus most of the experiences I’ve had were with the same person. I don’t want to jump the first guy who touches my boobs!”
“Who’s been touching your tits?”
She gave him a look. “No one. I’m just saying…I need to relax.”
“You need to be desensitized.”
She looked at him like he was crazy.
“Seriously. Right now you’re like a horny teenage boy—one touch and you come in your pants. After some practice, that’ll stop.”
She laughed. “So you want me to do what? Sleep around? I don’t know if that’s something I can do. Honestly, I wish I could, but…nope. Can’t. It’s not me.”
“I didn’t say for you to sleep around. You need to practice a few things first. For example, you need to just get comfortable being naked in front of a man.”
She stopped pacing. “I think part of it is…I mean, I loved Jer. I swear, it hurts my heart when I think of him. But he wasn’t really a man when we started dating. We were both so young, and he was gone so much. In fact, during the six years we dated, he was away more often than not. Now I’m older and these guys…well, they’re men. And they’re used to certain…things. You know? Like, you have a ring on your…” She awkwardly pointed to his crotch. “And…well, is that, like, normal? I mean, I don’t even really understand how that would work and—”
“Whoa!” He put his hands up to halt her rambling. “I meant to ask you. How’d you even know about my piercing?”
“Oh. Um…” She looked up, looked down, looked anywhere but at him.
“Spit it out.”
“Frances told me.”
“Tony has the biggest fucking mouth!”
“Don’t be mad. I think he told Frances it was the bro code or something and wouldn’t say anything to her. It wasn’t him. It was in your medical records at WtF. Besides, they’re our friends—they were just curious, mostly.”
“They?”
Violet seemed abashed. “It’s no big deal. It’s just girl talk.”
He groaned. “Great. Everyone knows. And now you’re curious.”
“Not so much curious as intimidated. But also sort of relieved. Before, if I went on a date and it led to sex and the guy pulled out his junk and it had a ring on it, I would’ve passed out. Now I think I’ll be more prepared.”
Cain chuckled. “I don’t think you have to worry about it. It’s not all that common. But I’m going to help you with all these fears, okay?”
“Excuse me? What?”
“I’m going to show you everything, Vi. You asked for my help, and I’m going to give it to you. I’ll tell you when you’re being awkward and when you’re being cute. You’ll be completely ready for your dates. You’ll have them eating out of the palm of your hand.”
He smoothed back a few strands of hair that had come out of his ponytail. “Seduction is all about self-confidence, Vi. If you think, feel, and act as if you look hot, men’ll see you that way. What’s your biggest hang-up?”
“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s just that I feel so unsure. With Jeremy he was mostly in charge and I’d follow his lead. So I don’t really know where to start. I’d probably pass out if I had to get naked in front of a guy right now.”
“Okay, that’s lesson number one. Strip.”
“What th
e hell? Are you crazy?”
He chuckled. “At the moment your biggest hang-up is being naked. So I’m going to help you with that.”
Her face paled a little. “I think I might have changed my mind. Maybe we could do more of a theoretically based education—you know, you show me a few things, and then we talk and discuss.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Or you show me a few things. You can talk and discuss. I may also discuss it with my mouth on your nipple and my hands in your panties.”
“Oh my God, Cain! I can’t believe you said that.”
“You can’t?” He smirked.
“I suppose that after yesterday’s little speech, I guess I can believe it. I’m just not used to it yet.”
He chuckled again. “This isn’t an all-theory class, Vi. I mean, if that’s what you really want, fine. But that’s not what you proposed yesterday. You need to work on your courage, so don’t back out now. We are going to work on your confidence. And by that, I mean you need some.”
He was right. The mere thought of getting naked in front of a man practically made her break out in hives—not because of her weight, but because of her lack of experience. “Okay, but how about parameters? I trust you. You wouldn’t make this weird for me. Right?” Of course he didn’t answer. He never freakin’ answered. Instead he just stared at her as if that was the most ridiculous question he’d ever heard. “And we’d go from the sexy stuff right back to being friends, right?”
“You and I? We will always be friends.” His answer warmed her heart, and she smiled.
But then he said, “You ready now?” and all the self-doubt flooded back. This was the worst plan in the history of the world! She could already see each and every way this was going to backfire. Yet she couldn’t physically bring herself to stop it.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” She jumped and down to loosen up, as if she were about to go head-to-head with Mike Tyson.
“Sexy,” he teased.
“Very funny.”
She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. With shaky hands, she pulled her shirt over her head and threw it across the room awkwardly. It got caught on a lamp, which crashed to the floor. She put her hands over her face and groaned, wanting to cry, but he chuckled. “Ugh! Don’t laugh at me!”
“I wasn’t laughing at you,” he said warmly. “I was laughing because you’re so adorable.”
“No! Not adorable, sexy. I’m a sexy vixen!” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.
He chuckled again, but then he saw her flawless milky white skin, her soft abdomen, her big round tits, and the freckles scattered around her shoulders and the tops of her breasts, and suddenly things weren’t funny anymore. His eyes roamed up to her pink and black polka dot bra, which made her big tits look like they were about to spill over. This was a dream come true for him. He loved her voluptuous body. Always had.
He swallowed. “You did well for your first lesson.” He went to retrieve her shirt and tossed it over to her so she could put it on. He needed her fully covered and out of his house before he ripped everything else off her.
“Oh. That wasn’t so bad.”
No, it was excruciating, Cain thought. His fingers itched to touch her. He stood, discreetly shifted his cock in his shorts, and headed toward the door. “I’m going for a jog,” he said gruffly over his shoulder.
“Wait. What?” she said, causing him to stop in his tracks. “You keep doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Just leaving. Stop it!”
“What do you want me to do?”
“What you would do with any other girl.”
He hesitated for only a split second. Then he marched back to her, put his hand at the back of her neck, and pulled her to him with a sure grip. Judging from the way her cheeks flamed and her pupils dilated, she felt the same passion he did. He brought his lips down to hers, and instantly her body went soft and melded into his as his fingers coiled in her hair. “Violet,” he whispered into her mouth.
Her hands gripped his shirt, and he let go of her neck and ran his palms firmly down her neck, shoulders, and bare torso. He palmed her breasts over her bra. “God, they feel so good,” he said as he continued to kiss her, his mouth going to her neck. She tipped her head back to give him more access. “Better?”
She looked up at him, confused.
“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, giving her small kisses along her shoulder, his hand kneading her breasts.
“Heck no! It’s worse because I have a feeling you’re going to go for your stupid jog and leave me all—”
“Horny?”
She nodded, and he smirked as he stepped away and again adjusted his shorts. “See you later, sunshine,” he said with a wink as he walked out, leaving her flushed and panting in the middle of the room.
Chapter 11
“You still like a little coffee with your sugar, I see.” Cain stood against the kitchen counter later that afternoon. She’d spent most of the day lounging outside by the pool reading and trying to stop thinking about Cain’s large hands on her body. She’d even jumped into the cold pool hoping to alleviate the throbbing between her legs When he had returned from his jog, he prepared lunch for them, then finished packing up the kitchen, refusing her help.
She chuckled.
“I can’t believe I took off my shirt in front of you. It was kind of liberating. All that fear for nothing. So, what’s the next lesson?”
“We can’t move on to the next lesson until you’ve mastered this one.” He followed her to the living room and sat, but put a hand out to stop her before she could sit down next to him. “Strip again,” he commanded matter-of-factly.
She almost dropped the mug she was holding. “So, that’s your new thing? You point and command me to strip?”
“You wanted my help. You said you trust me. And until I think you are confident enough, yes, I’ll tell you to strip. You could say no if you want.”
She merely shrugged. “This morning wasn’t too bad,” she mumbled, hoping it would at least lead to more kissing. She pulled out the neckline of her shirt and looked down inside it, then reached for the hem and began to pull it up.
“What was that?” he asked.
With her head halfway out of her shirt she said, “Huh?”
“What were you looking at?”
She finished taking off her top. “Making sure I put on a cute bra after my shower.”
“It’s just me. Does it matter?”
She took a moment to think about it. Heck, yeah it mattered. He might not ever want her as anything other than a friend—or student, or maybe sex partner—but she didn’t want him to see her as drab. Somehow, though, she didn’t want to admit that to him, so she lied. “Guess you’re right. It probably doesn’t matter.”
He cleared his throat, then pointed to her jeans.
He was always cool as a cucumber, it seemed. He was sitting there asking her to bare herself—literally and figuratively—and he acted as if he did this kind of thing all day, every day. Well, that was precisely why he was the perfect person to help her. She needed that exact same attitude. She wanted men to look at her and say to themselves, She might not be the hottest woman, but damn, she’s sure of herself. She wished she had the confidence to sit back, point at a man, and tell him to strip. The thought crossed her mind that maybe it’d be easier for her to do something like that if she was wearing leather pants and holding a riding crop, and she nearly giggled. But instead she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Cain.
“What?” he asked.
“Is that finger you’re pointing at me your way of telling me to take off my jeans?”
He raised that stupidly beautiful eyebrow at her, the eyebrow that could say all sorts of things without any actual words. Maybe that’s why he didn’t need to speak. His eyebrow did all the talking, and right now it was saying, Duh!
She bit her bottom lip, then uncrossed her arms and hooked her fingers under the waistband of
her pants. She hesitated. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry, and his eyes never left hers. He wasn’t looking at her trembling hands, her heaving chest, or the way she tried to suck in her tummy before pushing down her jeans. She closed her eyes, almost tripping over her feet, as she kicked her pants aside. Now she had these weird arms that she didn’t know what to do with, and his lack of words made it even more awkward. Should she leave them by her sides? Put them on her hips?
She chewed on her bottom lip and waited for some sort of verbal acknowledgement. She couldn’t seem to meet his eyes and looked everywhere but at him. When finally the silence was too much, she put her hands on her hips, sighed in annoyance, and looked straight at him, as if to say, Okay. What next?
“Finally!” he said, giving her a smile. “Fidgeting and not meeting my eyes is a surefire way to let me know you’re insecure. But now your eyes are on me. I’m thinking, ‘Damn, this woman’s beautiful and confident. I hope I can measure up.’ ”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Men have their hang-ups too, Vi.”
“I guess,” she said, unconvinced.
He smiled and his eyes scanned her body. “How do you feel?” he said, his voice huskier than normal.
“Weird. Uncomfortable.”
“Why?”
“Uh…you’re staring at me. You can see all of me, my imperfections. My insecurities. It’s not easy, Cain,” she said, a tinge of exasperation in her voice. “Normal people aren’t casually naked around other people who are still fully dressed.”
“Stop biting your lip and turn around.”
She blew out a breath and did a quick turn. He stood, picked up her top and pants from the floor, and tossed them at her. “Okay. Good. You’ll start getting more and more comfortable. Maybe I should just make you spend the rest of the day naked until you’re completely comfortable.”
“Are you crazy? No way!”
“I’m just kidding, Vi. Get dressed. Made reservations at Le Bouchon.”
She squealed. “I love that place.”
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