Cain rocked back and forth on his heels, looking nervous and tortured. “God bless his heart, but my Marshall can be dense sometimes.” Mrs. Edwards shooed her husband away. “Leave the boy alone or he won’t come back for another visit.” She looped her arm through Cain’s and led him into the living room.
Mr. Edwards brought some cheese and crackers into the living room with a pitcher of sweet tea as Mrs. Edwards sat down between Cain and Violet and patted Violet’s leg. “Oh my, look at you. You look so wonderful. I just wish my Jeremy could’ve seen you looking this beautiful. You are absolutely glowing, Violet honey. Isn’t she, Marshall?”
“She certainly is, Maggie.”
Then she turned to Cain. “And you, Cain. What brings you back to town? After your folks’ funeral, we never heard from you again. I have to say, our feelings were hurt.” Mrs. Edwards had always been the sweetest woman, but she was also a tell-it-like-it-is kind of lady. “You were like a son to us. It felt like we lost both our boys that day.”
“Honey! You just told me to shut my mouth and here you are scolding him.”
“Oh, hush. It’s different,” she said pointedly to her husband before turning her gaze back to Cain.
“I…I…uh…” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I just…it was too hard.” His voice came out like a croak.
“I know that. But you have people that love you. You need to make this a habit, Cain. I want to see and hear from you more often, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, looking down at his lap.
“I’m serious. You need to call me more often. Okay?”
“He already agreed. Leave the boy alone,” Marshall said.
“Fine.” She handed Cain a cracker smothered in cheese, and Violet had to stifle a laugh, knowing that he would be breaking his strict diet by eating it but that he was too well-mannered to say anything. Instead, he stuffed his mouth with the whole thing in one bite and smiled at Mrs. Edwards, who seemed pleased.
“So, tell me what’s new,” Mrs. Edwards said as she handed Violet a cracker. For the next half hour they just chatted, catching up.
When all the cheese and crackers were gone, Mrs. Edwards got up and took the empty plate. “Let’s go have lunch.”
Cain stood, then reached for Violet’s hand to help her up. He laced his fingers with hers as they walked the few feet to the table. That was something that surprised her about him, something she’d never imagined: that he’d be so touchy-feely. Tucking a stray curl behind her ear, his hand on her knee as he drove his bike, his body enveloping hers while she slept, and always—always—holding her hand.
Being in Jeremy’s parents’ house was disconcerting, to say the least. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever been so nervous about anything. He was glad he’d gone with Violet. She grounded him. Made everything better. And seeing her sitting there, with her rosy cheeks sprinkled with freckles, made him want to reach over and tuck her into his side and never let her go. And judging by her smile, it seemed as if she craved his touch as much as he craved hers.
When he pulled the chair out for her to sit, he suddenly felt eyes on him, and it instantly hit him where he was. He looked up to see Marshall studying them with a curious look on his face. Cain backed away slightly and with shaky hands pulled his own chair out and sat down, moving slightly away from Violet, who didn’t seem to notice any of it. All the reasons he could never have Violet came rushing back to him in that moment.
A few minutes into the meal, Mrs. Edwards looked first at Violet and then at Cain and said, “We found some journals after Jeremy died, when we cleaned out his room. We never had the courage to read them. But Marshall finally read them.”
“Journals?”
“Yeah, letters and journals. He used to send us letters every week when he was able to mail them out. He had some that I suppose he wasn’t able to mail, and he kept them with his personal belongings. Other notes and such were in there too. I’d like you to have them, Cain.”
“Me?” Cain asked, surprised. “I don’t—”
“Yes, you,” she said, and she reached over and retrieved them from a nearby table. She handed Cain a small bundle tied together with a big thick rubber band.
“Shouldn’t Violet be the—” Cain began.
“No, son. We’d like you to have them,” Marshall said with finality.
Cain pushed his food around on his plate for the next hour, wanting to get the hell out of that house as soon as possible. When Violet placed her hand on his leg, he startled and almost jumped. She looked over to him and widened her eyes, silently asking what was wrong. He quickly glanced around the table, but it didn’t seem as if the Edwardses noticed the exchange. He took her hand and placed it back on her own lap.
The homemade apple pie was served back in the living room. His knee bobbed up and down with nervous energy as he ate, and more than once Violet placed her hand on it to stop the movement. And in the middle of a funny story Maggie was telling about her neighbor, Violet turned to Cain and smiled in an obvious attempt to loosen him up.
“You have a little crumb right…” Violet reached for his face instinctively, swiped the crumb away with her finger, and popped it into her mouth. Mrs. Edwards stopped talking, and her and her husband’s eyes were as wide as saucers.
When Violet realizing what she’d done, her cheeks immediately reddened, and she looked as if she was about to cry. “Oh, uh…I don’t know why I did that. You know me…always eating.” She giggled nervously. “It’s not what it looked like. Not at all. We’re just friends. Best friends. There’s nothing…We’re just friends. He’s Jeremy’s friend, for goodness’ sake.”
“Honey,” Mrs. Edwards said soothingly, “it’s okay. You don’t need to—”
Blood pounded in Cain’s ears, and he felt sick in his stomach. God! What had he been thinking? What was going on with him that he’d sleep with Violet? And Violet, poor Violet…At the moment his concern for Violet trumped his overall self-loathing.
Cain stood. “Mrs. Edwards, Mr. Edwards, thank you so much for lunch. I’m so glad I came back. I’ve missed you both. Unfortunately, we have to go. I have to be back in Tarpon Springs.” This time he didn’t touch Violet as he walked behind her toward the door.
Maggie began to protest that they should stay longer, but he was firm. “We really don’t have time—we’ve got to go. Violet will call you, I’m sure. And I’ll call you too. I’ll stay in touch.” Now who was rambling? He extended his hand to Marshall and hugged Maggie tightly, lifting her slightly off the floor in the process. Violet, who looked completely mortified, gave Maggie an apologetic look and kissed her and Marshall goodbye with a promise to call them.
Since the two were still standing by the door, Cain and Violet got on the bike and took off without talking.
She wasn’t sure what to think except that she’d messed up. It wasn’t appropriate to bring your new boyfriend to your dead fiancé’s house for lunch, right? Wait—boyfriend? That wasn’t even right. More like lover. Temporary lover. Very temporary. And in the space of an hour Cain had gone from touchy-feely to treating her like a leper. What was that about? She just prayed that he wasn’t reverting to his old ways.
As soon as they got to his house, Cain turned the engine off and got off the bike.
“Cain. Talk to me,” she said as he opened the door. She wasn’t sure what exactly was bothering him.
“Nothing to say,” he bit out as he marched to his room and began to undress.
“Cain, please.” She followed him as he strode into the closet and picked out clothes. “I talk too much. I’m an idiot. It’s no big deal. They know nothing’s going on with us. If anything, our running off like that may have made it worse.”
“Made what worse? Like you said, we’re just friends. You’re Jeremy’s fiancée. It’s nothing. Don’t worry.” He finished tying his running shorts. “Going for a run, and as soon as I get back we head out. Pack up.” He left before she had a chance to say anything else.
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What the hell had just happened?
She walked into her room and began shoving all her belongings into her bag. She hadn’t brought much, so it really only took her a few minutes. When she was all done, she made the beds and then sat and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
What exactly had caused his abrupt mood change? Was he really that upset that the Edwardses would know about their relationship…or whatever it was they were doing? She’d felt a little uncomfortable too, but she wasn’t completely spooked. Was he having second thoughts? Regrets? She wanted answers. She needed them.
A vibrating noise from somewhere nearby interrupted her thoughts. She wandered around looking for the culprit; she looked under the couch and in the kitchen before it stopped. Shortly thereafter it began again. She followed the noise. “Aha! There you are.” It was Cain’s phone, which had fallen to the floor in his bedroom. She placed it back on the nightstand, but almost immediately it began to vibrate again. He had seven missed calls—all from the same number, which was currently calling again. She hesitated for a moment before answering.
“Hello?”
“Yes, hello? I’m trying to reach Cain Sorenson.”
“This is his phone, but he’s not in at the moment. Can I help you with something?”
The man seemed agitated. “I’ve been trying to reach him for days. Please ask him to call me, or at the very least tell him to answer his text messages, please. It’s urgent.”
“Who’s this?”
“Brandon, from IMC.”
“Okay, Brandon, I’ll let him know.”
Then without a goodbye, the man ended the call. Obviously Cain had rubbed off on this Brandon, or maybe vice versa.
—
Cain’s shirt was soaked through when he walked in hours later. He’d run until his legs trembled, but he’d made a decision. Nothing had really changed. Well, he was possibly more fucking in love with her, but the situation itself was the same. Until their return to Tarpon Springs, they’d continue to play this ridiculously torturous game. But after they got back, she’d be more than ready to go and date. He’d never seen her so confident; she didn’t need him anymore. Truth be told, she’d never really needed him; she’d just needed to find some guy with just the right amount of patience to get her to loosen up. He’d just happened to be the lucky son of a bitch who got to be there to see her bloom. Then, as promised, he’d pick some guy for her to date who met his specifications. Eventually she’d fall in love with the douchebag, and they’d live happily ever after. Meanwhile, he would move on, as he’d always done. Great motherfucking plan!
When he opened the door, she was standing there, her brows drawn together. “You okay?” he asked, suddenly concerned and forgetting about everything else he’d just spent the better part of the day literally sweating out of his system.
She plastered a fake-looking smile on her face. “I’m good. You left so abruptly. What’s going on? Tell me. You were gone for so long.”
He kissed her cheek. “I’m good. I’ll just grab my stuff and we’ll go.”
He decided to leave behind everything that was nonessential in order to make room for her small bag in the motorcycle’s saddlebags. He looked around the house, making sure everything was in order before he locked up.
“It’s late, Cain. You sure you want to leave now? We can just leave early tomorrow,” she said, leaning close to him, her finger running down the front of his shirt. What the hell was she doing? She was up to something. He could tell—she had that look on her face.
He took her finger, kissed the tip, and released it. “Nah. We have to go.”
“Why?” she asked with a lift of her eyebrows.
“Because you have to be back and so do I.”
“Any other reason?”
“What’s with the twenty questions, Vi?”
She blew out a deep breath. “Nothing. Fine. Let’s go.”
The first leg of the ride back, Cain drove for five hours straight, only stopping for a quick bite to eat and to use the restroom. He’d never been so happy to have a motorcycle in his life. If he’d been in a car they’d undoubtedly have had to talk, but the bike made conversation impossible. He didn’t even know what to say to her. The guilt was slowly eating away at him…again. Was there anyone he hadn’t hurt? The look in Mr. and Mrs. Edwards’s eyes had spoken volumes. He’d betrayed Jeremy while he’d been alive, and now he’d done it again.
As dusk became night, Cain pulled into the parking lot of the first motel he found. He tapped on her knee to indicate that she should climb off. She did, but her legs, unaccustomed to being on a bike for so many hours, wobbled. He reached out and steadied her before he climbed off himself. She wouldn’t look at him in the eye, and that hurt more than he could even put into words. His heart ached. He tilted her chin up to find that her eyes were red-rimmed. “Oh, baby.” He blew out a breath. “C’mere.” He pulled her into him.
“What’s going to happen when we get back?”
“Vi…”
“No, Cain. Seriously, are you going to pretend this week never happened?”
“I…Violet.” He let out a big breath and cupped her face. “Listen to me. You didn’t need me to help you, but I’m glad I did. It was the best week of my life. I can’t even put it into fucking words. But this wasn’t supposed to last past this week. We get back to Tarpon Springs, and you’ll start dating and you’ll see how…You’ll discover that this week just meant something to you because it had been so long and…Anyway, when we get back you’ll meet someone. I’ll help you.”
“What happens tonight?”
“What do you want to happen tonight?” he asked.
She placed her small hands over his, which were still on her face, and her eyes focused on him. They showed hurt—so much fucking hurt. “I want everything,” she pleaded.
He leaned in and kissed her lips softly. Then he laced his fingers with hers and went into the motel office.
This was the end, he thought glumly a few minutes later as he opened the door to their room. The worst part was that it didn’t just feel like the end of the trip or the end of their sexual relationship; it felt like the end of them. And he didn’t know what to do to fix it. The game had started off innocently enough; she’d needed help in her quest to find a date, and he had accepted the challenge. Quickly the game had morphed into something sexual. Neither had been able to deny the physical attraction that had been looming between them for months…hell, it had probably been years. Both of them had known how this was going to turn out, and yet here they were together again, soon to be in bed together.
She walked into the small bathroom to take a shower. When she stepped out she had wrapped a towel around herself, and she went digging in her purse for a brush. He was sitting somberly on the bed.
“All yours.” She motioned to the bathroom.
He stood, walked into the bathroom, and closed the door behind him.
Cain turned up the water as hot as it would go and stepped under the spray. He should’ve ended it in Amarillo, he thought, but she’d asked for this, and it was obvious that this would be the last time. Maybe during the last few days he’d deluded himself into thinking that she could love him back. That if she said those three little words, it would be justification enough for having fucked Jeremy over. The world would understand if they’d fallen in love, and no one would judge the taboo part of their relationship.
Except it had been just that—a delusion. She hadn’t said anything. The woman who said everything hadn’t voiced anything.
When he stepped out of the steamy bathroom, drying his hair with a towel, she had taken off the gross motel bedspread and was lying in bed, staring up at the water-stained ceiling. She looked up at him for a second before making room for him. He dropped the towel around his waist and got in bed. She turned her body to him and nestled close. His hands moved down the curves of her waist, over her hips, down her thighs to her knees. She looked up at
him in the darkened room and found his mouth.
They’d kissed countless times in the last week, but this kiss…this kiss was so much more. Emotion poured out of him, and she drank it up like a thirsty wanderer in the desert. He would take every single last drop of what she was giving him; if this was the last time they’d spend together this way, he wanted to feel it all, and he wanted the same for her. His hand gripped her knee and he hitched it over his hip. At the very least she would know how he felt about her. The soft kiss transformed into a greedy plundering as he took control. The only sounds in the room were the guttural ones coming from deep within his chest.
In that moment she was his and he was hers, fully and completely. Even though the kiss was deep and possessive, his hands were soft; it was as if he was memorizing and admiring her body with his hands so as to never forget the way she felt. He gently laid her on her back and pushed himself inside her. His clear blue eyes, filled with feeling, were open and looking at her, really looking. A tear leaked out of her eye, and before it could roll down he kissed it away. His forearms were on either side of her face and he caressed her face and her hair as he moved ever so slowly in and out of her. No words were spoken. They weren’t necessary. The emotions were raw, and there was no pretense of this being anything but what it was: love.
After they were both spent, Cain held her tight against his chest, showering her with kisses and soft caresses until they finally fell asleep in each other’s arms sometime in the middle of the night.
Chapter 15
Violet rolled over the next morning to see Cain’s spot in the bed empty. The sound of the shower coming from the bathroom stopped her from panicking. How did they get to this point? It was like they took a step forward and went back—every single time. She wasn’t sure how today would play out, but she also wasn’t sure what else she could possibly do to show him how she felt.
The door to the bathroom opened, and she sat up in the bed.
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