Healed Hearts

by Helen Wilder

  The plane takes off and we stay in that position for the next ten minutes with my husband not moving his hand just in case he gets the opportunity to feel our baby again but it refuses to cooperate.

  While Jordan heads off to his meeting I stay back at the hotel. We’re booked into the Sofitel in the heart of the city. Our suite is a mixture of grays, white, black and red. The large red sofa certainly stands out in the middle of the room. Taking a seat on the outdoor cane chair on the balcony off the bedroom I take in the view of Washington before me. I can clearly see the White House which is only a five minute walk away. It’s a beautiful city even in this August heat which is so humid and uncomfortable and I’m not even as big as a whale yet. I am certainly looking forward to the cooler weather. It can’t come fast enough.

  Never in my life did I expect to find myself here with a husband who is currently meeting with a congressman but here I am. Life has a funny way of turning out. Before all the heart break and drama I went through with Jordan I honestly thought we would get married, live a quiet life in Connecticut and raise a bunch of kids. Boy was I wrong about that. With a hand on my extended stomach I realize I’m exactly where I’m meant to be and things always happen for a reason, even if we can’t understand what that reason is.

  I decide to call my dad to pass some of the time as I wait for Jordan to return, it’s been a little while since I’ve spoken to him.

  “How’s it going sweetheart, how are you feeling?” When I called to tell him the news that I was pregnant I swear our neighbors heard his loud scream over the phone. I have never heard him more excited, not even when I asked him to walk me down the aisle.

  “I’m great, getting bigger.”

  “Good to hear, I’m going to try and head out there in the new year to visit my grandchild as I don’t think I’ll be able to come before then.”

  “Just your grandchild?” Even though my father lives halfway across the world and our relationship was non-existent for many years he’s really become the father I always wished I had growing up and kept his promise about wanting a second chance.

  “Well, it goes without saying I want to spend time with you too.” He goes quiet for a few seconds before I hear a loud sigh come through the speaker. “Victoria, I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I want to be a part of your family and see my baby’s baby grow up. I know I’ve apologized a thousand times already but I’m sorry again for walking out on you.” Surprisingly I have no hurt or anger this time at his words. I’ve finally let that all go.

  “I know, Dad. I’ve forgiven you and I can’t wait to see you too.”

  When Jordan returns to the suite in the afternoon I’ve got a Friends re-run playing on the TV while scrolling through my phone. He removes his jacket, tie and shoes them joins me on the bed, giving me an extra-long kiss causing my body to melt against his.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself.”

  “What have up been up to?”

  “Christmas shopping.” I show him the screen with a bunch of girl’s toy ideas for our nieces.

  “Already?” He barks out a laugh.

  “I figured I might need to start shopping now since I might not get the chance to do it later if the baby decides to come early.” I rest my head on his shoulder, putting my phone aside, taking in the peaceful moment with him. In a few months there are not going to be many quiet moments like this one.

  “We’ve been invited to have dinner with the O’Reillys tonight.” He blurts the news out casually.

  “What?” I sit up and stare at him alarmed. He can’t be serious?

  “Yeah, the meeting went well and as I was leaving he told me to join his wife and him for dinner here at the hotel.”

  “We can’t!”

  “Why not?”

  “Because she’s the president’s daughter. We don’t hang out with the president’s daughter and her husband.”

  “They’re just people, Tori.”

  “Plus, I have nothing to wear.” I feel my eyes widen in panic. I see him looking at me, unsure how to answer in order to not get me upset. Lately everything I’ve put on has made me feel undesirable and I’m not even that big yet, besides my boobs which grow each day. They have doubled in size.

  “We can go shopping and find something for you, don’t worry.”

  “Easy for you to say, you’re not growing a human inside you. You just need to change your pants and shirt.” I frown at the thought of going searching for a dress that I will feel comfortable in plus will hold my breasts in. I’m already dreading tonight.

  Four hours later, after visiting half a dozen stores and twice as many tears, holding hands we walk into the hotel’s dining room. I’m wearing a flowing petrol blue, sleeveless, cocktail dress. It reaches just below my knees, the material crosses over my chest and has a belt which ties over my bump. Paired with nude heels, matching blue earrings and with my hair up I feel ready to tackle this dinner.

  The dining room is not overly large yet still elegant, decorated in an array of both square and rectangular tables with black or white tops, with either black or yellow chairs. The surrounding walls are either black or white as well, with gold light fittings shining down over us. The other couple is already here, seated at a table in the corner. I’m so nervous about this dinner and want to make my husband proud, he’s been working so hard with all these climate change issues and working on this bill is a big deal. They both stand when they see us approaching. She’s beautiful, her long blonde hair is hanging down in perfect waves, she’s dressed in a red, skin tight dress, showing off her curves while her husband is in a black suit, the same as Jordan. I’m feel frumpy compared to her. I stop and look down at myself.

  “You look gorgeous.” Jordan tells me, placing a soft kiss on my lips then continues leading me to meet our dinner companions.

  Introductions are made all around. They are a striking couple. If I remember correctly there was some scandal surrounding them a couple years ago however there was too much going on in my own life for me to know all the details. With the way Carter O’Reilly looks at his wife there is no doubt that they love each other.

  “Carter, my wife Victoria.”

  “Pleasure to meet you, this is my wife Ashley.”

  “Lovely to meet you.”

  We all shake hands then take out seats. I find myself opposite Jordan and beside Ashley O’Reilly. I’m nervous and don’t know what to do with my hands.

  “When are you due?” She asks right off the bat.

  “Around Christmas.” My hands finally rest on the top of my stomach.

  “How exciting. We have a little girl at home, her name is Claire. She’s a handful but we adore her. Her grandparents are on babysitting duty tonight.”

  The waiter comes over to take our drinks order and I ask for some sparkling water. Ashley orders the same.

  “If you can’t drink I’m not either, I recall all too well how it felt when my friends were having wine and I was enviously watching them.”

  “That’s sweet but you don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to. Tell me, what do you do?”

  Our husbands continue to talk business while we fall into easy conversation about babies and work. The atmosphere surrounding us is relaxed. I find myself laughing more than I thought I would as any nerves I had about having dinner with the president’s daughter and her congressman husband disappear. Jordan winks at me from across the table. It’s his way of saying, see, you were worried for nothing.

  In bed back at the hotel, naked and sated in my husband’s arms, his hands as usual are placed on my growing stomach.

  “I like them.” My fingers comb through his messy hair.

  “Who?”

  “The O’Reillys. They weren’t what I was expecting. I was afraid they were going to be some stuck up, posh couple.”

  “Yeah, they’re pretty cool. I’m excited about working with him.”

  Resting his lips against my stomach Jordan begins to s
ing a lullaby to the baby. I love how much he already loves the baby and is not afraid to make a fool of himself over it. I run my hand through his hair and down his neck. His warm breath as he sings tickles slightly but I keep still.

  “Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the-Woah!” Our baby kicked right against where he was resting his palm. “That was a hard kick, doesn’t it hurt?”

  “No. I think they’re telling you to stop singing. Your voice is terrible.”

  “Is that so?”

  He tickles me against my ribs, causing me to laugh out loud and kick my legs out. I attempt to get away but he’s too strong, keeping me pinned on the mattress. While his fingers attack my body his lips do the same on my sensitive neck by blowing raspberries. “Stop! I’m going to pee myself.” I say it loud and stern enough that he knows I’m not joking. He ceases his torture and hovers above me. The joy across his face is infectious. He’s grinning from ear to ear, his eyes shining. The smile he gives me could light up this entire hotel room. After all this time I still get butterflies when he smiles at me like that. I reach out, cupping his cheek. Without hesitation he places a kiss on my palm.

  “We’re halfway there, baby.”

  Jordan

  Who has ever heard of a Halloween themed baby shower? Two more short months to go before our baby arrives so our family and friends are getting together this afternoon to throw us a baby shower. When Becca suggested the theme, Tori’s eyes lit up and was all for it. I wanted something simple with a few blue and pink balloons, but this is what the mother of my child wanted so this is what she gets.

  The door to my sister’s house stands wide open. April offered to host it at her house, making it easier for her with the baby. Becca took charge of the decorating while my mother organized the catering, not allowing us to help in any way. We walk in and are met with a sea of purple, black, white and orange decorations. Banners and balloons have taken over the house. On the table set up in the living room is a large, two tiered chocolate cake with a plastic cauldron on top, the topper reads a baby is brewing, there are pumpkins with dummies stuck in them and painted on closed eyes to make them appear as they are sleeping, mini liquor bottles with tags reading baby making potion and as much candy as you can imagine covers every spare inch of space. Not to mention the fake cobwebs hanging off almost every surface. If that wasn’t enough, to top it all off Becca and April are dressed as witches.

  “Good you’re here.” April hugs us, placing a pink witch’s hat on Tori’s head too.

  “Wow, the place looks amazing. I want one of those cupcakes.” My wife zeroes in on the sweets immediately.

  “Go for it.” With a slight waddle she heads for the cakes, grabbing one she brings it to her mouth. She takes a bite and moans loudly. Since I’m right behind her I press my groin into her ass with my hands on her hips. “I can make you moan louder than that.” I whisper in her ear before taking a bite of the cake in her hand over her shoulder.

  “Behave.” She swats me away. “And get your own cupcake.” I head to the kitchen where I find my brother-in-law Thomas and Peter hiding out, away from the madness in the other room.

  “Join us.” They point to one of the empty seats beside them. Grabbing a beer out of the fridge first, I take my spot at the table. “Are you ready for the sleepless nights and mountain of diapers?”

  “I haven’t thought about it to be honest. Shit! I’m going to have to change shitty diapers.” I don’t even know how to change a diaper. Sure I’ve watched my sister and mother do it but I just realized how unprepared I am. What do I do if I can’t get the baby to stop crying? How will I know what’s wrong? Peter and Thomas start laughing at my expense.

  “I can tell from your panicked expression that you’re freaking out.” Thomas chuckles with a smug smile.

  “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

  “More than you know.” He tips his beer bottle towards me before taking a sip. “Welcome to the club.”

  Following lunch and a bunch of necessary baby shower games which I was forced to participate in, I’m in the armchair in the corner of the room cradling my nephew in my arms as he sleeps. My eyes trace his tiny ears, nose and lips, he’s so pure and innocent and perfect and has no idea what life holds in store for him. Pretty soon I’m going to be holding my very own one of these that I’m going to be responsible for. If that’s not a scary thought I don’t know what is. I hear Tori groan across the room causing me to look up.

  “My back is killing me.” She takes a seat in between both our grandmothers on the couch after lunch. I watch my wife place her head on her grandmother’s shoulder and hold her hand. “I’m not moving from here for the rest of the day.”

  “Make sure you rest as much as you can because you won’t be sleeping much when the baby gets here.” Her grandparents flew up from Florida for today and will be spending the weekend with us. I made sure she was here for Tori. If she can’t have her mother then this is the next best thing. The smile hasn’t left my wife’s face all day since seeing her, so I know I did good by bringing her here.

  “Have you guys decided on any names yet?” My grandmother asks.

  “No, she hates everything I come up with.” I answer from my spot across the room.

  “That’s because they’re terrible.”

  Amelia and Izzy are over in the corner coloring in when they pipe up out of nowhere. “If it’s a boy you should call him Cody.”

  “Cody?” I raise a brow at my sister in question.

  “He’s a character on a Disney show which they are obsessed with.” I simply nod and think to myself that won’t be happening.

  “Present time!” Becca announces coming into the room dragging a box almost as tall as she is behind her. Has she got the whole fucking baby store in there?

  It takes half an hour to open all the gifts we received. Our family and friends have been more than generous but seriously, we got so many clothes that the poor kid won’t get a chance to wear them all. Victoria would squeal and get excited over things I don’t understand, holding them up for me to see, I’d just nod in agreement that it’s great.

  “I have one more.” Tori’s grandmother says, reaching down into the bag at her feet, pulling out a rectangular shaped item wrapped in white tissue paper. She hands it to Tori with a small sad smile. “I was going through some old photos and found this amongst them. I had it enlarged and framed for you.” Ripping it open my wife gasps. Two seconds later her eyes flood with tears. She turns it around to the rest of the room quickly. I briefly see the black and white photo it holds, as well as the empty space beside it for a second photo. “That’s your mother holding you the day she brought you home. I thought you should have it and also maybe place a photo of you and this precious one beside it.”

  “This is… I can’t…I don’t know how to thank you.” She’s struggling to get the words out. I stand, handing the baby to Thomas then move across the room to kneel in front of her, taking the silver frame from her. Victoria looks so much like her mother in the picture and the love on her mother’s face is undeniable as she gazes down at her tiny daughter.

  “It’s beautiful.” I say, wiping her tears away. “I bet she’s looking down right now, laughing at how ridiculous you look in that hat.” That has her giggling.

  “I don’t want to disappoint her.”

  “You could never disappoint your mother. She was always so proud of you,” her grandmother comforts Tori, “You could never do any wrong in her eyes.”

  “I agree, I’m proud of you and you are strong and amazing and she helped you become this amazing woman I fell in love with.” I forget about everyone else in the room and speak what’s in my heart.

  “Thank you for saying that.”

  “I mean every word and I know just the spot where we can place this frame so she will be able to look over you both.” Tori nods and smiles lovingly and the heaviness of the moment passes with the help of Becca coming up with another game
to try and guess the baby’s sex.

  Stepping into my sister’s kitchen I find my father eating at the counter. I didn’t think he was going to attend today.

  “Hi. When did you get here?” I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and sit beside him.

  “Not long ago. Your mother insisted I make an appearance and I’m glad I did. What you said to her was beautiful.”

  “It was the truth. She’s incredible.” My father sighs then turns to face me with a serious expression.

  “When you were born, it was the greatest day of my life. I love your sister so don’t tell her this, but I was so happy to have a son, I hated letting other people hold you at the hospital. I imagined all the things I would teach you and the things we would do together as you got older, but reality unfortunately didn’t turn out the way. I wasn’t the father you deserved. You’re a better man than me, Jordan, don’t make the mistakes I did when it comes to your children’s happiness.” Saddened by his words and tired eyes my heart sinks. This is the first time I’ve felt he’s let me see his vulnerable side. I’m beginning to understand he’s a man who has regrets and is afraid to reach out and make amends for whatever reason.

  “It’s not too late, Dad. You can be the greatest grandfather to all your grandkids. Just be there for them. Besides, someone has to teach my kid about all things Spencer and boats and you’re the expert.”

  “I would like that. You are going to be the best father to that kid, I don’t doubt it.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.” For the first time in probably ten years I hug my father. He gasps and hugs me in return.

  At the end of the day after dropping Tori’s grandparents off at the hotel they insisted on staying at and carrying everything into the house I find her in the nursery, she’s in the rocking chair staring off into space in the darkness. We transformed what used to be her mother’s bedroom into the baby’s room. I turn on the lamp allowing a small amount of light to fill the space. Grabbing her hands I help her to stand then take her place in the chair, before settling her down in my lap.