by Emily Camp
I climbed out of the shower after rinsing my hair for days. I pulled it up in a towel. My phone buzzed. Disappointment hit me when I saw the text was from Trey, not Henry. Then guilt set in. Shouldn’t I be excited to hear from my boyfriend? I hadn’t seen him for two weeks after all.
It wasn’t a long message just a quick thinking of you.
I texted back me too, even though that was not the truth.
Then another text came in from Henry. There’s a party at Shawn’s tonight, want to go?
My heart sank. I couldn’t. What would everyone say if I showed up to a party with Henry when Trey was out of town. As much as I wanted to hang out with him, that would be a very bad idea. I texted back I can’t tonight.
Then Henry texted me a frowny face and Are you still sore about the ice cream?
This made me laugh out loud. No, just plotting my payback.
He replied with a laughing face.
Then I replied, Want to do something tomorrow?
Chapter 17
Nadia walked around my room, touching the photographs on the wall. She laughed and elaborated on some of them, telling me about what we were doing that day.
I leaned back on my hands. “Have I ever talked about Henry Nash?”
Diet Coke shout out of her nose. She put a hand to her face and choked as she sat the can down. “That was random.”
I walked to my dresser, picked up one of my candles and smelled it. I hadn’t lit this one since I’d been home from the hospital. It didn’t smell like something I would have chosen before, all flowery. I preferred fruity. “Last thing I remember he was my best friend.”
“I was here for months before I even knew you knew who Henry Nash was.” She sat on my bed, pulling her legs underneath her.
“I never talked about him?” Why wouldn’t I have talked to my best friend if everything happened that he said happened.
“I kind of …” She bit her bottom lip. “Hooked up with him and when I told you, you …” she looked down at my comforter and picked at a thread. “You got mad.”
“Hooked up with him?”
“We made out at a party.”
“I got mad about that?” What little I knew about Nadia, her and Henry would have made a good couple.
“You said that if I was your friend, I’d stay away from him. It was weird because until that day, I didn’t even know that you knew him. That and the fact that you were like half of the school’s power couple. Then later there was all the drama about him stalking you.”
“Did I ever say why I told you to stay away from him?”
She stared at me with her huge brown eyes and said, “No?” as if she wasn’t sure.
“He was my best friend for years. Now I’ve lost three years and he hates me.” I looked at my ceiling, blinking back tears. “He says I cheated on Trey with him.”
“Did you talk to him?”
“I went to his house.” I lifted a shoulder.
“I don’t believe him.” She stared out my window.
“I was hoping you’d help me fill in the blanks.”
She bit her bottom lip, her eyes blinking rapidly as she turned toward me. “There was this one time, I heard you arguing with him. When I asked you what it was about you just said that he was making things up. That he was obsessed with you. Then you found a box of creepy stuff in his room.”
“What was it?”
Nadia curled her nose. “Your hair brush with hair in it, chewed up gum, lots of half-naked pictures, like you getting out of the shower or getting dressed. Pictures you were obviously unaware of.” She grimaced when she continued. “A pair of panties.”
“That doesn’t seem like Henry,” I said. “He says I put it in his room, but why would I do that?”
“Now I know he’s lying. That doesn’t even sound like you.”
“It doesn’t?”
“No.”
I sat down on my bed and pulled a pillow to me. “Was I a horrible person?”
Nadia pulled her dark hair up and twisted a tie around it.
The hesitation worried me.
“Was I a good friend? Because I feel like I’ve been someone that I’m not the last three years.”
Nadia’s cherry lips turned into a frown and she picked at her fraying jeans. “You’ve had your moments, but who hasn’t?”
“So, I have been a terrible person.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Then what would you say?”
She looked me right in the eye and said, “That you don’t take crap from anyone. It’s one of the reasons I admire you. You’re my best friend for a reason, Sawyer, you’re beautiful, fearless and confident.”
I almost laughed when she said fearless. Seems like being afraid has been my primary emotion since I woke up in that hospital bed. And confident? That was a bit of a stretch.
There was a knock on my door and I called, “Come in.”
It was Benji lugging a box. “Your dad said you were looking for this.” He sat it down by my bed. Benji was wearing a t-shirt that sported his college logo and a pair of sweats. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at Nadia, then the wall, then back at me. “Sorry for interrupting.”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” I squatted by my box. It was like getting a Christmas present. This box could unlock the secrets of the last three years.
“I have to go anyway.” Nadia stood, her ponytail swinging. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” She didn’t even acknowledge Benji as she shuffled by him.
“What was that?”
“She doesn’t like me much,” he shrugged.
“Should I ask why?” I said opening the box. The dust that floated made me sneeze.
“We hooked up and I didn’t want to date her. She’s kind of bitter about that.”
“Ugh, all this hooking up. I just want to be fourteen again when life was simpler.” I pulled a couple of Barbies out.
“In a way, you are.” He sat on the other side of the box.
I found a sticker book and my elementary school yearbooks. A video game that had champion scrawled across it, a journal from fifth grade, when I first started crushing on Trey, a journal from sixth grade, and a few books. This stuff wasn’t going to help me. I still had all the memories from these years.
I sighed and leaned against my bed.
“What’s up?” Benji’s arm rested over his knee.
“This box is too old.” I leaned my head back in exasperation, it bounced off my mattress. “I need to fill this gap in my brain.”
“Sorry it doesn’t help.” He picked up my sticker book and turned it over.
“Were there any other boxes?”
“None with your name.” He put my book down and said, “Again, I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault at all. But … this is so frustrating.” I stared at the stupid box.
Benji nodded and looked at the wall. It was quiet for a minute and I thought about last night.
“Thanks for sticking up for me when I ran outside.”
“You heard that?” He’s cheeks turned pink.
“That you volunteered to be my babysitter? I’m sure there are far more interesting things you could be doing.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” His hand fell on my knee, which made me flinch. I stared at it for a second, but he made no efforts to move. I then nonchalantly moved away from him and stood.
“I’m exhausted.” I lifted my arms in the air and yawned.
He sat there, as if it took him a minute to get the hint. “Right.” He adjusted his sweats as he stood. “I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.”
“Thanks.”
I did need something, I needed my memories. That wasn’t anything that Benji could help me with.
Chapter 18
Henry raced up the tree trunk. Leaving me in the dust. After all this time, I still could not scale it like him. Despite my carefulness, a sharp prick stung my finger when I grabbed the final board.
<
br /> “Ouch.” I shrieked, Henry reached down and took my hand helping me the rest of the way up. “This place is dangerous.” I shook out my hand but couldn’t look.
“What’d you do this time, Montgomery?” He held his palm out.
I shook my head and pulled my finger to me.
“Quit being a baby and let me see.”
“No.” My heart pounded in my chest.
“Sawyer.” He waved his fingers, beckoning me to give up.
I pulled my hand out from under my arm, my finger now throbbing with pain. Then I held my breath and thrusted it toward him, turning my face away so I wouldn’t see the blood. If I didn’t see it, it wasn’t there, right?
He hissed. “That’s a nasty splinter.”
“Don’t tell me about it.” I squeezed my eyes shut.
Henry chuckled. That was nice, he was getting a kick out of my demise. I was going to pass out right here and he didn’t seem to care. “Let me get my knife.”
“No,” I yanked my hand back.
“Sawyer,” he said with a hint of exasperation and a smile, “you have to get it out, it’ll get infected.”
“I don’t care.” I never said I wasn’t a baby when it came to these things. I hid my hand under my bicep. He smirked as he dug in his pocket for his knife. I remember how proud he was of that thing when his dad gave it to him in the sixth grade. His mom wasn’t happy about it, but after lots of pleading she let Henry keep it. He had to promise he’d be careful. I wondered if trying to stab me with it counted as not being careful.
“I promise I won’t hurt you.” He held out his hand. His eyes soft and warm.
I whined and shook my head.
“Sawyer.” He said like a parent scolding their child.
“I don’t want to.”
“Quit being a baby.”
“Yes, I’m a baby.”
“Come on. This isn’t funny.”
“Then why are you laughing?”
“Give me your finger.” This time he was serious. I took a deep breath, squeezed my eyes shut, and jutted my hand toward him.
His fingers were soft and warm against mine. The cool tip of the blade made me flinch.
“Hold still,” he said. I tried to think about anything else but the splinter. I thought about the warm, July weather outside. Then I thought about ice cream which reminded me of when he dumped it on me the other day. My heart raced at the thought of his eyes staring into mine, then about kissing him. I shouldn’t think that. I was with Trey and this, this was Henry, I’d grown up with him.
“Done,” he said.
I opened my eyes. My hand still in his. He brought my finger to his lips and pressed a warm kiss to it. My breath hitched and I dropped my hand to my side.
“That wasn’t so bad was it?”
Not bad at all. I stepped forward. He took me by the waist and tugged me toward him. Our mouths collided and it was nothing like when he tried to kiss me playing hide and seek. He smelled like soap and tasted like mint and everything in me burst to life.
We disconnected. I kept my hands around his neck. He was so tall I had to stand on my tip toes to keep them there. “I shouldn’t …”
He nodded but kissed me again.
And in that moment, I didn’t think about Trey or Nadia or what Ambrosia or the others would say, I wanted to be with Henry.
Chapter 19
Trey walked in my room with a smile on his face like he’d just won the state championship. He had a duffle bag slung over his shoulder and on his head was a blue ball cap that said Ellsworth Football.
He handed me his white jersey.
“What’s this?” I said.
“Tomorrow’s game day. You always wear it for luck.” He sat his bag on the big round chair in the corner of my room.
I stared down at the jersey on my lap.
“You are coming tomorrow night, aren’t you?”
I hadn’t even thought about it. Football was the last thing on my mind. Going was one thing, wearing his jersey was another.
I said, “Sure.” Because maybe it would help me regain my memory. The last home game was homecoming, so that would have been the last night I had my memory. Maybe something would jog it.
“And you’re going to wear it?” He nodded to the jersey.
“Yeah,” I sat it beside me. “Can you tell me something else about before?”
“Before what?” He said looking down at his phone.
“Before homecoming.” I waved a hand at my head.
“Come here, babe.” Gah, I hated being called babe. He lifted my feet to his lap. “For starters you always sat in the stands with my jersey on and cheered for me.”
“Okay, we established that. Can you tell me anything about Nadia?”
He lifted his face to me, his eyes wide, “Why? What did she tell you?”
“Nothing. Should she have?”
His brow furrowed, and he glanced at his phone again. “No.”
“What did I think of her sleeping with my stepbrother?”
“She what?” his smile and eyes grew wide.
“Crap, was that a secret? See those are the type of things I need to know.”
“Whoa, I did not.” He laughed, “Isn’t that illegal? Wait till I tell the guys, Ryan’s been trying to get …”
“Do not tell people.” I pulled my legs away. Nadia hadn’t even been the one to tell me.
“Benji’s like 25.”
“He’s only 21.” I didn’t know why I was getting so defensive. “And I don’t know the entire story, like I don’t know if they actually slept together or just fooled around or something.” I tucked my hair behind my ear, immediately regretting saying anything. “What about my mom? Did I tell you about her?”
“Just that you only hear from her a couple times a year if that.”
“Did you ever meet her?”
“Nah.” He put his arm around me and slid closer.
“So, we were together three years and you never met my mom? You don’t find that weird?”
“That’s not my fault she’s never here. It’s not like I don’t know your family. I go golfing with your dad. I go to Thanksgiving at your grandma’s house.” His hand moved up and down my arm. I fidgeted. That must have given him the hint because he stopped.
“That’s not the point,” I said.
He tilted his head. “Are we still not okay?”
“I’m still trying to figure everything out.” I reached for the little card from my yearbook in my bedside table and handed it to him. “You’re thoughtful.”
He smiled at this, taking the card in his hand and turning it over. “I still feel this way. There’s no one else I want to have ups and downs with than you.”
“That’s sweet.”
“I’m sorry if I’m being pushy and all, but can you think about me? I have this girlfriend that I’m completely in love with and she’s with me but one day she hits her head and can’t remember. It’s rough.”
“I know, but I can’t just turn something on that isn’t there.”
“You said you want to work on your memories.” He reached up and tucked a hair behind my ear. His stormy eyes staring intently into mine. “Maybe if I kiss you …”
“I don’t know.”
“But you’ve had a flashback or something so your memories are starting to come back, maybe it’ll help.”
“Okay?” I agreed partly because I thought he did have a point. However, when he pressed his lips to mine, I felt nothing. His hands ran up my waist, grazing below my bra, the comfortable one I just bought. I have to say I didn’t have to sacrifice cuteness for comfort, not that I was going to let anybody see it.
“I brought condoms,” he whispered.
Whoa. I pressed my palms against his solid chest and pushed away.
He frowned, “I thought you might not be taking your pill.”
“I’m on the pill?” I gasped. “How often did we do it?”
“Look,” he reached for me.
>
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, we just have all these firsts that I don’t remember and you … you do.”
“I wasn’t trying to … I wouldn’t have pushed you.”
I let my shoulders relax and scooted to the edge of my bed. “I promise that I’m going to try to remember, but we have to take it slow. Like you have to remember I may have physically done this before, but in my brain I haven’t.”
“It’s okay. We can just sleep tonight.”
“No, I’m … I don’t think you should stay.”
“What? I’m sorry, Sawyer.”
“It’s not to punish you, I’m not comfortable.” I held up his jersey. “I’ll be at the game tomorrow wearing this, I promise, but we have to take it slow. I can’t do sleepovers right now or … anything beyond kissing. Your note said you’d wait for me.”
“And I meant it.”
“Okay, then. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He let out a sigh and lifted off my bed. “See you tomorrow.”
***
I sat surrounded by peers I didn’t remember being friends with let alone, spending entire football games with in the student section. Nadia wore a blue bandana in her hair and a blue ‘E’ was painted on her right cheek, she had on an Ellsworth Football sweatshirt with a big charging Elephant on the front. We scored again, Trey made the touchdown. A boy bellowed, “Number 2” in my ear, making me jump. Another clapped his hand on my shoulder. “That’s our man.” I didn’t realize he was the superstar of the team. That touchdown put us ahead by 16 points, two touchdowns and two, two-point conversions. I leaned over to Nadia who was engrossed in the game.
“I’m going to get a hot chocolate.” I wasn’t sure I was loud enough because just as I said that everyone cheered around me. We had the ball again. Not that I didn’t like winning, but this was getting kind of boring and cold. You would think being crammed in here I’d be warmer.
I maneuvered my way through the stands until I was finally free of the crowd. I made my way to the concession stand. Thankfully there wasn’t much of a line. A woman in an Elephants sweatshirt waited on me. “Hey Sawyer.” I felt horrible that I didn’t know who she was.
