by Jay Heavner
He turned to face them, nearly stumbled and fell, but Dark Cloud grabbed his arm and held him up. He knew what Tom was thinking. “They’re real, Tom. They’re real. I can see them, too.” Sarah went to Tom and thrust her arm under his arm to help hold him up. He looked at her, and a little smile came to his face that Dark Cloud noticed. The thud-thud-thud got louder as the choppers approached and went directly overhead. They became smaller as they continued south, becoming a dots that disappeared, though the thud-thud-thud of the rotors could still be heard faintly. This, too, soon went away.
They looked to the south for a few more moments. Tom regained his composure and began to feel awkward. The other two picked up on this and gently let go of his arms. Relieved, he continued. “As we were loading the dead and wounded into the chopper, I got hit. There was blood everywhere and pain like I’d never felt. The chopper was almost full when Chris threw me into the space left. As he did this, he took several rounds in his torso. With what strength I had left, I pulled him into the chopper, and he fell on top of me. We were nose to nose, and I could feel his warm blood pouring onto me. He looked me eye-to-eye and said, ‘Tom, I’m dying.’ I lied to him and said he wasn’t, but we knew he was. He said again, ‘I’m dying.’ His face twisted with pain, and he said, ‘Promise me this, Tom, promise me this. You’ll tell my father that I died in battle.’ I said I would, and then his face dropped, and his empty eyes just stared into mine. I closed my eyes and began to cry. That’s the last I remember till I woke up in a hospital. I asked about Chris, but no one seemed to know anything about him. They did a little checking for me and found out he hadn’t made it. I didn’t want to come here with this news, and you knew I almost didn’t.”
Dark Cloud said, “I’m glad you did. It gives me closure, and now I know my son died the good death of a warrior.” A small smile came to his face.
Sarah added, “Tom, I’m glad you came and shared this with us. No one should die alone without a friend. I’m glad you were there.” She went over to Tom and slipped her arm around his.
Tom nodded but could say nothing. No one spoke for what seemed an eternity but was just a few moments. Finally, Dark Cloud raised his hands to the sky and began to pray. “Live your life, so the fear of death can never enter your heart. Love your life, perfect your life, and beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and be a service to your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day you go over the great divide. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault is yours.
“When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes, they weep and pray for more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero coming home.” He lowered his hands and said, “Amen.”
In unison, Tom and Sarah said, “Amen.”
No one said anything. The sound of the wind blowing through the sagebrush was the only thing that broke the silence. A full minute passed before Dark Cloud said to Tom, “Again, thank you for coming. I now know my son died well. That means a lot to me. The People, the Dine’, value strength and bravery in our people.”
Tom nodded, “He was a good man. I wouldn’t be here today if not for him. I want to stay here and talk to him alone. I still have a few things I need to say.”
“Okay,” said Dark Cloud. He turned to Sarah, “Oh, don’t forget, the padre over at the church needed to talk with you about that job at the daycare. His call came in last night while I was at the Charter House. Remember? I told you last night.”
“Let’s go and leave Tom to say what he needs to, and we’ll meet him back at our house. That good with you, Tom?”
“Yes, it is. I’ll be there shortly.”
Dark Cloud and Sarah turned toward their home and were soon gone. Tom sat on the cold, red earth next to the new grave. “Well, old buddy, if anyone had told me a year ago I’d be sitting next to a grave of my best friend in the cold desert of Arizona, I’d have told them they were crazy, but here I am. It’s hard to believe you can become so close to another person in such a short time, but it happens.” A tear ran from his eye down his cheek. “Why I’m not six feet under, and you are, I’ll never know. It seems like if anyone should have died, it should have been me.” Tom was still for a moment. “Thank you for being my friend and showing me sacrificial love. I hope I can be half the man you were.”
The words barely left his mouth when Tom’s eyes filled with tears. He began to cry so hard his body shook. When he could weep no more, Tom wiped the wetness from his eyes and face and stood up. He reached in his pocket, pulled out some change, and laid a quarter on the small grave marker. “Chris, this is to say I was with you when you died. I was proud to serve with you. May you be at peace with your ancestors.” He slowly turned and began to walk away but turned back to the new grave. “Goodbye, my friend. Till we meet again.”
He headed toward Dark Cloud’s humble home. The cold and wind bit at his exposed skin. So much for the day feeling warmer. Maybe it was just him. He pulled the collar up around his neck and wished he had gloves to warm his icy fingers. The frozen ground crunched. Soon, he arrived in town, went down a short unpaved street, and found Dark Cloud’s home. Tom knocked on the door. No one answered. He tried the cold doorknob, which turned in his even colder hand. Tom walked into the warm house and sat down. He was tempted to leave, but couldn’t bring himself to do this without at least saying goodbye.
Ten minutes passed before Dark Cloud, and Sarah entered the house. “Man, oh man. It sure is cold out there,” said Dark Cloud. “Glad the weatherman says it’s going to warm up. I think they call it ‘Indian summer’ where you come from. Whatever it’s called, I’ll take it.”
“Me, too,” said Tom. “I want to thank you for all the kind hospitality you’ve shown me. Sorry, I scared you so last night.”
Dark Cloud said, “I’ve meant to talk with you about that. I’ve seen it in lots of soldiers just home from war. We called it battle fatigue, but I think they’re going to change the name of this condition to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Either way, I’d like to help. I had it after the Big War. What helped me was time up on the mountain where I took you, and the singers who did the ‘Enemy Way’ ceremony for me. I’d like you to stay. Go up on the mountain where I found needed rest from the war. You’ll find some peace there like I did.”
Sarah said, “I would like you to stay, too.”
A look of surprise came to Tom’s eyes. He did like it here. The desert had a beauty, unlike the hills of home, and Dark Cloud and Sarah had been so caring. “I don’t know what to say. It’s so tempting. I don’t have any set time to be home, but I’m concerned about my dad. As I told you at breakfast, one of the reasons the Army let me out was his health since he’s been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.”
Dark Cloud shook his head. “Again, I’m sorry to hear that. But I’d like you to stay. Tell you what, why don’t you give him a phone call and see how he’s doing. You can check on things back home. We have a phone at the Chapter House you can use.”
Tom thought for a moment. He liked the idea, but he needed to know about his dad. “Okay. If all’s well on the home front, I’ll stay.” A smile came to Sarah’s face.
“Good,” said Dark Cloud. “Let’s go make that call.”
All three left the warm home and walked the short distance to the Chapter House. Dark Cloud let them in and directed Tom to the phone in his office. He showed Tom how to get a long-distance line. Tom had his dad in West Virginia on the line in no time, and Dark Cloud left the room to give them some privacy. As Tom talked with his father, he heard Dark Cloud and Sarah talking, but he couldn’t make out what they said even if it was in English.
His father was happy to hear from him and glad he was well and with friends. Take your time he said, and enjoy the trip h
ome. There was no need to hurry. He was well and doing fine. The Parkinson’s was in the early stage, and it was hardly noticeable. He said the Army had blown it all out of proportion, but just the same, he was glad Tom was back in the USA. They made some small talk about the farm, before saying their goodbyes.
Tom got up from the table and left the room. Dark Cloud and Sarah were waiting for him. “Well?” asked Dark Cloud. “What did he say?”
“He said to take my time, and he was okay.”
“Good,” said Dark Cloud. “I’ve good some warm clothes and an arctic sleeping bag I can loan you. Go over to the Trading Post. Get what food you need and fill the bus up with gas. You’ll need it. And one more thing. Sarah says she’s going with you up on the mountain.”
Tom’s mouth dropped open, and he weakly said, “Okay.”
He looked at Dark Cloud and asked, “Aren’t you concerned about the two of us being together alone up there?”
Dark Cloud looked a little surprised. “She is of age and a full-grown woman. Nothing will happen to her that she doesn’t want to happen.”
Again, Tom was surprised, and another weak okay stumbled from his lips.
They left the Chapter House and headed to Dark Cloud’s home. Tom fired up the VW bus and went to the Trading Post and purchased supplies for two, gasoline for the van, and a pair of fur-lined gloves. Back to his host’s home, Dark Cloud piled two sleeping bags into the vehicle, and Sarah added two backpacks, one large, one small. The young people got into the van.
Dark Cloud said, “If anyone gives you trouble up on the mountain, which is unlikely this time of year, tell them you’re an Indian too, and if that isn’t enough, tell them you’ve got permission from Hosteen Benally. Everyone knows me.”
Tom looked at Sarah, who grimaced. She’d told her dad about his ancestry. “Thanks. Will do,” and a few minutes later, he drove up the twisting road to Buffalo Pass. The heater on the van slowly warmed the vehicle. Tom looked over at Sarah, who smiled.
I must be dreaming. Am I really in the middle of nowhere Arizona going camping with a beautiful girl I barely know? Yeah, I must be dreaming, but he secretly hoped he wasn’t. He’d enjoy it as long as it lasted.
Chapter 21
Tom awoke from restful sleep. Light from the moon shone through the windows of the VW bus. The air inside was crisp and cold, and he saw his breath. Where am I? Vietnam? Home in West Virginia? He heard a soft sigh from the person lying next to him. Her warm body touched his, and he remembered. He’d been on this majestic mountain with a beautiful young woman for the last week. It seemed like an unbelievable, beautiful dream. He looked at his watch, 5:00 AM. He turned his head to the east and saw a trace of light on the horizon.
The young, half-asleep woman spoke, “You have a bad dream, or are you getting up?”
“No bad dreams. Think I’ll get up and greet the dawn. How about you, Sarah?”
In the moonlight, he saw her stretch and yawn. She smiled and said, “Think I want to sleep a little longer. Why don’t you go to the point, and I’ll meet you there in a while? Got my watch set for 5:45, so I don’t miss the dawn.” She raised herself on one elbow and leaned forward for a kiss. Tom happily met her lips. “Go ahead. I’ll be there shortly.”
“Okay. I’ll do that. It’ll give me some time to think.”
She smiled, pulled the sleeping bag up to her neck. “Okay. See you at the crack of dawn.” She covered her head up with the cloth, wiggled a little to get comfortable, and her breathing became slow and rhythmic.
Tom looked at the sleeping woman next to him. How easy it was for her to go to sleep and how easy it had been for him this week to get to sleep and stay asleep lying next to her. Many nights since leaving Vietnam hadn’t been like that. Carefully, he put his pants and flannel shirt on. He had his socks on already. Cold feet at night were no fun. He pulled the laces on the heavy work shoes uptight and tied them in a bow as he tried not to disturb the sleeping woman next to him. Tom grabbed his heavy coat from the back of the passenger’s seat and put it on. It was as cold as the air in the van, and it made him shiver. The van auxiliary heater quit working on the second night, and they were thankful for the heavy sleeping bags. Tom smiled to himself. It was another reason to get close to her. The shared body heat in the sleeping bags kept them from freezing in the cold VW van, and she seemed to enjoy the snuggle time. He knew he did.
The coat now felt warm. Tom unlocked the side door and gently slid it open. The ground crunched as he stepped out. He exited swiftly, depressed the door lock, and gently closed the door. Sarah didn’t stir in her cocoon. The last thing he wanted was to have her awaken. Mission accomplished. He turned to the east and saw his warm breath in the pale morning light. The sky was showed a growing pale yellow on the far horizon. A short jaunt took him to the rocky point jutting out from the mountain.
`Each morning for the last six days, they’d met the dawning here. Part of him wanted her with him now, but more of him was glad she hadn’t come yet. He’d have alone time to think about Sarah and the last week. Never had he met a girl like her, so full of life and so sweet, but wise beyond her years. She seemed a little naïve about some things outside of the reservation, but he noted how well she read him, and that quality would be very useful for her and whatever husband she would choose. Husband! What was he thinking? He mulled this idea around in his head. Could she possibly be the one for him? They came from such different backgrounds. Her world was the Big Reservation. His was the old farmhouse at the base of Knobley Mountain and 100 miles in all directions with Cumberland, Maryland, at the center, but it was now bigger. He’d seen more of the big world, and he liked it. Could she adjust to his world? There was no way he would feel at home in this high and dry desert. He’d miss the green hills; he was sure of that. Could she live in his world? Did she even want him with such a commitment? Still, the way she looked at him spoke volumes.
She was so beautiful, so pleasant to be around. He didn’t see Sarah as a girl who’d throw herself at a man. They had kissed passionately, and her body felt so good touching his. He wanted her in more ways than one. He’d seen no desire to stop in her eyes or actions, but he stopped when he thought of his war injury. Could she accept him maimed as he was in body and mind? Tom pondered this. He was far from perfection in many ways.
Some people thought gold was the perfect thing to have, but all that glittered wasn’t gold. People bleed and died to have it. It seemed to cause trouble wherever it was or even was thought to be. The Navajos weren’t the only ones it had brought problems to. They’d been forced from their homes because of its empty promises. Perhaps people were better off without it. How many had been destroyed by it? For some, it seemed an addiction no more fulfilling than chasing the wind.
Maybe perfection on earth wasn’t a good thing on this imperfect earth. These thoughts troubled his sleep-fogged mind. The sunrise should bring some clarity to the new day, a gift from the Creator, Dark Cloud had called it.
Tom looked to the eastern sky and saw a cloud blocking the sun’s light. He glanced at his watch, 7:00 AM. Had he been here that long lost in thought, and where was Sarah? She should have been here some time ago.
The distant noise caught his attention. Was it Sarah? If it was an Indian, he or she wasn't trying to sneak up on him. It was hard to see for the small ponderosa and pinyon pines blocking his view. The person came closer, and Tom was pleased to see it was Sarah. “I’m over here,” he yelled.
“Be right there. Give me a minute,” she hollered back.
She made her way to the rocky outcropping where Tom sat. “Hello, handsome. Mind if I pull up a rock next to you?”
“You can pull up any rock in the house you wish, but I just have one question.”
“And what’s that?”
Tom did his best Humphrey Bogart imitation. “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid. Kiss me as if it were the last time.”
She smiled, closed her eyes, and puckered her lips for a kiss. Their lips locked pas
sionately for a long time. When it was over, Sarah smiled and asked, “Do you want me to round up the usual suspects?”
“Ah, Casablanca. I see you’re an old movie fan.”
“Old movies are all we ever see out here on the reservation.”
Tom smiled at her little joke, and she returned it. The rising sun touched Shiprock brightly illuminated it, And the immense rock casts a long, dark shadow toward Tom and Sarah. She wrapped her arm around Tom’s back. They sat this way just enjoying the sunrise and each other’s company. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” she said.
“Yes. I can see why Dark Cloud showed me this location he loved. If this doesn’t bring peace to your soul, I don’t know what will.”
“And beauty,” said Sarah.
Tom nodded his head, “And beauty.”
A cold wind picked up and whipped at the old, woolen army blanket the two had wrapped around them. Neither said much as they watched the day awaken. They huddled together, simply enjoying their time together and the shared body heat. Tom wanted to pinch himself to see if his good fortune was real or a dream. Sarah caught his eye and smiled as she had many times this week. Tom coyly smiled back, and Sarah glanced away toward Shiprock. She said, “My people, the Dine’, say the peak we call Tse’Bit’a’i’ was once a great bird that brought the Navajo from the north to their new home here. We consider it sacred. There are many other legends concerning Tse’Bit’a’i’.”
