“And why should he choose me?” he had asked the Assistant Secretary.
“Well, we have talked it over together, and I think that he prefers you to any other that has been named.”
“But he was so very hard upon me about the affair at the railway station.”
“I think he has heard more about that since; I think that some message has reached him from your friend, Earl De Guest.”
“Oh, indeed!” said Johnny, beginning to comprehend what it was to have an earl for his friend. Since his acquaintance with the nobleman had commenced, he had studiously avoided all mention of the earl’s name at his office; and yet he received almost daily intimation that the fact was well known there, and not a little considered.
“But he is so very rough,” said Johnny.
“You can put up with that,” said his friend the Assistant Secretary. “His bark is worse than his bite, as you know, and then a hundred a year is worth having.” Eames was at that moment inclined to take a gloomy view of life in general, and was disposed to refuse the place, should it be offered to him. He had not then received the earl’s letter; but now, as he sat with that letter open before him, lying in the drawer beneath his desk so that he could still read it as he leaned back in his chair, he was enabled to look at things in general through a different atmosphere. In the first place, Lilian Dale’s husband ought to have a room to himself, with a carpet and an arm-chair; and then that additional hundred a year would raise his income at once to the sum as to which the earl had made some sort of stipulation. But could he get that leave of absence at Easter? If he consented to be Sir Raffle’s private secretary, he would make that a part of the bargain.
At this moment the door of the big room was opened, and Mr. Kissing shuffled in with very quick little steps. He shuffled in, and coming direct up to John’s desk, flopped his ledger down upon it before its owner had had time to close the drawer which contained the precious letter.
“What have you got in that drawer, Mr. Eames?”
“A private letter, Mr. Kissing.”
“Oh—a private letter!” said Mr. Kissing, feeling strongly convinced there was a novel hidden there, but not daring to express his belief. “I have been half the morning, Mr. Eames, looking for this letter to the Admiralty, and you’ve put it under S!” A bystander listening to Mr. Kissing’s tone would have been led to believe that the whole Income-tax Office was jeopardised by the terrible iniquity thus disclosed.
“Somerset House,” pleaded Johnny.
“Psha—Somerset House! Half the offices in London—”
“You’d better ask Mr. Love,” said Eames. “It’s all done under his special instructions.” Mr. Kissing looked at Mr. Love; and Mr. Love looked steadfastly at his desk. “Mr. Love knows all about the indexing,” continued Johnny. “He’s index master general to the department.”
“No, I’m not, Mr. Eames,” said Mr. Love, who rather liked John Eames, and hated Mr. Kissing with his whole heart. “But I believe the indexes, on the whole, are very well done in this room. Some people don’t know how to find letters.”
“Mr. Eames,” began Mr. Kissing, still pointing with a finger of bitter reproach to the misused S, and beginning an oration which was intended for the benefit of the whole room, and for the annihilation of old Mr. Love, “if you have yet to learn that the word Admiralty begins with A and not with S, you have much to learn which should have been acquired before you first came into this office. Somerset House is not a department.” Then he turned round to the room at large, and repeated the last words, as though they might become very useful if taken well to heart—”Is not a department. The Treasury is a department; the Home Office is a department; the India Board is a department—”
“No, Mr. Kissing, it isn’t,” said a young clerk from the other end of the room.
“You know very well what I mean, sir. The India Office is a department.”
“There’s no Board, sir.”
“Never mind; but how any gentleman who has been in the service three months—not to say three years—can suppose Somerset House to be a department, is beyond my comprehension. If you have been improperly instructed—”
“We shall know all about it another time,” said Eames. “Mr. Love will make a memorandum of it.”
“I shan’t do anything of the kind,” said Mr. Love.
“If you have been wrongly instructed—” Mr. Kissing began again, stealing a glance at Mr. Love as he did so; but at this moment the door was again opened, and a messenger summoned Johnny to the presence of the really great man. “Mr. Eames to wait upon Sir Raffle.” Upon hearing this Johnny immediately started, and left Mr. Kissing and the big book in possession of his desk. How the battle was waged, and how it raged in the large room, we cannot stop to hear, as it is necessary that we should follow our hero into the presence of Sir Raffle Buffle.
“Ah, Eames—yes,” said Sir Raffle, looking up from his desk when the young man entered; “just wait half a minute, will you?” And the knight went to work at his papers, as though fearing that any delay in what he was doing might be very prejudicial to the nation at large. “Ah, Eames—well—yes,” he said again, as he pushed away from him, almost with a jerk, the papers on which he had been writing. “They tell me that you know the business of this office pretty well.”
“Some of it, sir,” said Eames.
“Well, yes; some of it. But you’ll have to understand the whole of it if you come to me. And you must be very sharp about it too. You know that FitzHoward is leaving me?”
“I have heard of it, sir.”
“A very excellent young man, though perhaps not— But we won’t mind that. The work is a little too much for him, and he’s going back into the office. I believe Lord De Guest is a friend of yours; isn’t he?”
“Yes; he is a friend of mine, certainly. He’s been very kind to me.”
“Ah, well. I’ve known the earl for many years—for very many years; and intimately at one time. Perhaps you may have heard him mention my name?”
“Yes, I have, Sir Raffle.”
“We were intimate once, but those things go off, you know. He’s been the country mouse and I’ve been the town mouse. Ha, ha, ha! You may tell him that I say so. He won’t mind that coming from me.”
“Oh, no; not at all,” said Eames.
“Mind you tell him when you see him. The earl is a man for whom I’ve always had a great respect—a very great respect—I may say regard. And now, Eames, what do you say to taking FitzHoward’s place? The work is hard. It is fair that I should tell you that. The work will, no doubt, be very hard. I take a greater share of what’s going than my predecessors have done; and I don’t mind telling you that I have been sent here, because a man was wanted who would do that.” The voice of Sir Raffle, as he continued, became more and more harsh, and Eames began to think how wise FitzHoward had been. “I mean to do my duty, and I shall expect that my private secretary will do his. But, Mr. Eames, I never forget a man. Whether he be good or bad, I never forget a man. You don’t dislike late hours, I suppose.”
“Coming late to the office you mean? Oh, no, not in the least.”
“Staying late—staying late. Six or seven o’clock if necessary, putting your shoulder to the wheel when the coach gets into the mud. That’s what I’ve been doing all my life. They’ve known what I am very well. They’ve always kept me for the heavy roads. If they paid, in the Civil Service, by the hour, I believe I should have drawn a larger income than any man in it. If you take the vacant chair in the next room you’ll find it’s no joke. It’s only fair that I should tell you that.”
“I can work as hard as any man,” said Eames.
“That’s right. That’s right. Stick to that and I’ll stick to you. It will be a great gratification to me to have by me a friend of my old friend De Guest. Tell him I say so. And now you may as well get into harness at once. FitzHoward is there. You can go in to him, and at half-past four exactly I’ll see you both. I’m very exact, mi
nd—very—and therefore you must be exact.” Then Sir Raffle looked as though he desired to be left alone.
“Sir Raffle, there’s one favour I want to ask of you,” said Johnny.
“And what’s that?”
“I am most anxious to be absent for a fortnight or three weeks, just at Easter. I shall want to go in about ten days.”
“Absent for three weeks at Easter, when the parliamentary work is beginning! That won’t do for a private secretary.”
“But it’s very important, Sir Raffle.”
“Out of the question, Eames; quite out of the question.”
“It’s almost life and death to me.”
“Almost life and death. Why, what are you going to do?” With all his grandeur and national importance, Sir Raffle would be very curious as to little people.
“Well, I can’t exactly tell you, and I’m not quite sure myself.”
“Then don’t talk nonsense. It’s impossible that I should spare my private secretary just at that time of the year. I couldn’t do it. The service won’t admit of it. You’re not entitled to leave at that season. Private secretaries always take their leave in the autumn.”
“I should like to be absent in the autumn too, but—”
“It’s out of the question, Mr. Eames.”
Then John Eames reflected that it behoved him in such an emergency to fire off his big gun. He had a great dislike to firing this big gun, but, as he said to himself, there are occasions which make a big gun very necessary. “I got a letter from Lord De Guest this morning, pressing me very much to go to him at Easter. It’s about business,” added Johnny. “If there was any difficulty, he said, he should write to you.”
“Write to me,” said Sir Raffle, who did not like to be approached too familiarly in his office, even by an earl.
“Of course I shouldn’t tell him to do that. But, Sir Raffle, if I remained out there, in the office,” and Johnny pointed towards the big room with his head, “I could choose April for my month. And as the matter is so important to me, and to the earl—”
“What can it be?” said Sir Raffle.
“It’s quite private,” said John Eames.
Hereupon Sir Raffle became very petulant, feeling that a bargain was being made with him. This young man would only consent to become his private secretary upon certain terms! “Well, go in to FitzHoward now. I can’t lose all my day in this way.”
“But I shall be able to get away at Easter?”
“I don’t know. We shall see about it. But don’t stand talking there now.” Then John Eames went into FitzHoward’s room, and received that gentleman’s congratulations on his appointment. “I hope you like being rung for, like a servant, every minute, for he’s always ringing that bell. And he’ll roar at you till you’re deaf. You must give up all dinner engagements, for though there is not much to do, he’ll never let you go. I don’t think anybody ever asks him out to dinner, for he likes being here till seven. And you’ll have to write all manner of lies about big people. And, sometimes, when he has sent Rafferty out about his private business, he’ll ask you to bring him his shoes.” Now Rafferty was the First Commissioner’s messenger.
It must be remembered, however, that this little account was given by an outgoing and discomfited private secretary. “A man is not asked to bring another man his shoes,” said Eames to himself, “until he shows himself fit for that sort of business.” Then he made within his own breast a little resolution about Sir Raffle’s shoes.
CHAPTER XLVII
The New Private Secretary
Income-tax Office, April 8, 18—
MY DEAR LORD DE GUEST,
I hardly know how to answer your letter, it is so very kind—more than kind. And about not writing before—I must explain that I have not liked to trouble you with letters. I should have seemed to be encroaching if I had written much. Indeed it didn’t come from not thinking about you. And first of all, about the money—as to your offer, I mean. I really feel that I do not know what I ought to say to you about it, without appearing to be a simpleton. The truth is, I don’t know what I ought to do, and can only trust to you not to put me wrong. I have an idea that a man ought not to accept a present of money, unless from his father, or somebody like that. And the sum you mention is so very large that it makes me wish you had not named it. If you choose to be so generous, would it not be better that you should leave it me in your will?
“So that he might always want me to be dying,” said Lord De Guest, as he read the letter out loud to his sister.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t want that,” said Lady Julia. “But you may live for twenty-five years, you know.”
“Say fifty,” said the earl. And then he continued the reading of his letter.
But all that depends so much upon another person, that it is hardly worth while talking about it. Of course I am very much obliged to Mr. Dale—very much indeed—and I think that he is behaving very handsomely to his niece. But whether it will do me any good, that is quite another thing. However, I shall certainly accept your kind invitation for Easter, and find out whether I have a chance or not. I must tell you that Sir Raffle Buffle has made me his private secretary, by which I get a hundred a year. He says he was a great crony of yours many years ago, and seems to like talking about you very much. You will understand what all that means. He has sent you ever so many messages, but I don’t suppose you will care to get them. I am to go to him to-morrow, and from all I hear I shall have a hard time of it.
“By George, he will,” said the earl. “Poor fellow!”
“But I thought a private secretary never had anything to do,” said Lady Julia.
“I shouldn’t like to be private secretary to Sir Raffle, myself. But he’s young, and a hundred a year is a great thing. How we all of us used to hate that man. His voice sounded like a bell with a crack in it. We always used to be asking for some one to muffle the Buffle. They call him Huffle Scuffle at his office. Poor Johnny!” Then he finished the letter—
I told him that I must have leave of absence at Easter, and he at first declared that it was impossible. But I shall carry my point about that. I would not stay away to be made private secretary to the Prime Minister; and yet I almost feel that I might as well stay away for any good that I shall do.
Give my kind regards to Lady Julia, and tell her how very much obliged to her I am. I cannot express the gratitude which I owe to you. But pray believe me, my dear Lord De Guest, always very faithfully yours, JOHN EAMES
It was late before Eames had finished his letter. He had been making himself ready for his exodus from the big room, and preparing his desk and papers for his successor. About half-past five Cradell came up to him, and suggested that they should walk home together.
“What! you here still?” said Eames. “I thought you always went at four.” Cradell had remained, hanging about the office, in order that he might walk home with the new private secretary. But Eames did not desire this. He had much of which he desired to think alone, and would fain have been allowed to walk by himself.
“Yes; I had things to do. I say, Johnny, I congratulate you most heartily; I do, indeed.”
“Thank you, old fellow!”
“It is such a grand thing, you know. A hundred a year and all at once! And then such a snug room to yourself—and that fellow, Kissing, never can come near you. He has been making himself such a beast all day. But, Johnny, I always knew you’d come to something more than common. I always said so.”
“There’s nothing uncommon about this; except that Fitz says that old Huffle Scuffle makes himself uncommon nasty.”
“Never mind what Fitz says. It’s all jealousy. You’ll have it all your own way, if you look sharp. I think you always do have it all your own way. Are you nearly ready?”
“Well—not quite. Don’t wait for me, Caudle.”
“Oh, I’ll wait. I don’t mind waiting. They’ll keep dinner for us if we both stay. Besides, what matters? I’d do more than that for you.�
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“I have some idea of working on till eight, and having a chop sent in,” said Johnny. “Besides—I’ve got somewhere to call, by myself.”
Then Cradell almost cried. He remained silent for two or three minutes, striving to master his emotion; and at last, when he did speak, had hardly succeeded in doing so. “Oh, Johnny,” he said, “I know what that means. You are going to throw me over because you are getting up in the world. I have always stuck to you, through everything; haven’t I?”
“Don’t make yourself a fool, Caudle.”
“Well; so I have. And if they had made me private secretary, I should have been just the same to you as ever. You’d have found no change in me.”
“What a goose you are. Do you say I’m changed, because I want to dine in the city?”
“It’s all because you don’t want to walk home with me, as we used to do. I’m not such a goose but what I can see. But, Johnny—I suppose I mustn’t call you Johnny, now.”
“Don’t be such a—confounded—” Then Eames got up, and walked about the room. “Come along,” said he, “I don’t care about staying, and don’t mind where I dine.” And he bustled away with his hat and gloves, hardly giving Cradell time to catch him before he got out into the streets. “I tell you what it is, Caudle,” said he, “all that kind of thing is disgusting.”
The Chronicles of Barsetshire Page 260
