Shock coursed through me. “Your wolf wants to hurt me?”
“For fuck’s sake, baby, my wolf wants me to give in to my urges. It wants me to pin you and fuck you senseless. I have to tell you, the red dress at the club didn’t help matters any. Neither did rubbing all over you, your breasts in my face, your legs spread open on my lap. And the change in your scent tonight pushed me over the edge.”
For several seconds, no sound was made. Jay’s wolf wanted to do me? I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that.
He exhaled slowly. “I just made it super weird between us, didn’t I? I should have pinched your ass after I said it. Then you’d have hit me and all would be right in the Gina and Jay universe. You’re going to start locking it down when I want to touch you, aren’t you? Like you used to do to me.”
I knew I could have lied and told him things would be awkward between us, so I could have an out for the way I felt about him. But blowing off the fact he’d shown vulnerability moved me. And the truth was, I felt something for him. It wasn’t something I was sure I wanted to admit to anyone, including myself, but it was there all the same. I didn’t let many men under my armor. Hell, I didn’t let many men or women under it. The burning need to let him know that things had changed in my eyes was so great, that I folded.
I hooked my index finger around his. Bravely, I looked up at him. “If I tell you something, you have to swear to me that you won’t laugh or belittle it.”
If he did, I’d probably stake him. Didn’t matter that stakes weren’t used for shifters. Wood was all around me, so it was all I had.
He nodded.
I wavered, unsure I actually wanted to admit to him what I had a hard time acknowledging myself.
“Gina?”
I wet my lips. “I’ve been having some issues over the past six months, too.”
“Who hurt you? I’ll rip their fucking heads off,” he said, growling again, sounding like he was on the verge of shifting.
“Jayson, stop.” I tightened my finger around his. “My issues have been when I’m around you.”
He stilled, his gaze cautious. “What do you mean?”
Laying myself bare before him wasn’t exactly easy for me. “It’s hard to explain. Before, the idea of you with other women was funny to me. All the teasing about you wanting to touch me and trying to get me to sleep with you was funny, and honestly a bit annoying sometimes.”
He closed his eyes.
“Jay…that’s kind of changed. I don’t know why, and I really don’t want to dig deeper into it right now.” I looked away, already totally understanding what the shift in views meant. But I couldn’t confess it out loud just yet. I wasn’t ready. “I swear if you mock this or try to proposition me with a lame come-on, I will beat you to the brink of death.”
He tugged me closer to him. “Talk to me, Gina. I’m here and listening. Tell me what exactly changed and when.”
Nodding, I looked at the floor. “About six months ago, it started to really bother me when the girls and I would talk, and one of them would bring up one of the many, many, many chicks you’ve banged. It, um…well, it hurt to hear about you with other women. I don’t know why. It’s why I asked you not to text me and give me details about you and your conquests.”
He touched my chin, and when I looked up, I saw his brown eyes were moist. “If I could go back in time and change things, I would. I didn’t know then. I swear to you. Had I known, everything would be different. You’re going to think this is a bullshit line coming from me, but it’s the truth.”
“Jay, you didn’t know what?” I asked, remembering him saying the same thing to me in his SUV.
“Gina, I don’t think you’re ready for me to tell you everything.”
I wouldn’t be able to handle details of his time with other women.
“Can we maybe not talk about this anymore right now? I don’t want to feel awkward around you,” I said, needing to get off the subject before I blurted out things I couldn’t take back. “Though, the idea you can smell me ovulating is still super awkward. Have you always been able to do that?”
He nodded.
I swatted him.
Laughing, he waggled his brows and winked. “Want me to offer to nail you while I’m hammering? Would that help to ease the fact I can smell that you’re ripe and it’s turning me on?”
Laughter escaped me, and the trepidation I’d felt letting him under my armor a little passed at once. “There’s the Jay I know and love. Let me really help here.”
“All right.” He guided me over to the sawhorses. He measured out something on the piece of wood there and marked it with a pencil before easing me in front of him, supporting the wood with one hand while he pressed his front against my back. Almost instantly I felt his body heat, and mine began to do the same. “Shit. This is a bad idea.”
“Because you’re worried you’ll get another hard-on?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder at him with a playful look on my face.
Jay reached down between us and adjusted himself. “All-the-time problem around you anymore.”
“I noticed when I was on the counter. And let me be the first to say, impressive. Very impressive.”
His deep laugh rolled over me as he used his other hand to pick up the saw. “Hold on. I need to get something. Don’t cut your arm off in the meantime.”
“Ha, ha.” I watched as he grabbed protective eyewear that I hadn’t seen him bother once with when he was sawing things. He eased them onto my face and pushed my hair over my shoulders.
The glasses instantly slid down my nose and off. I caught them and put them on again, only to have the same thing happen. Grunting, I put them on and tipped my head back, in an attempt to keep them on. It didn’t exactly work. “Christ, Jay, how big are you?”
“Pretty sure we’ve already established that,” he said with a wink.
I handed him the glasses. “These aren’t going to stay up on me.”
Hesitating, he looked at the saw and then me. He paled.
I leaned into him, my hand finding his arm. “You look sick at the idea of teaching me how to do this.”
“I kind of am,” he admitted. “What if you cut your hand off? What if you drop it and the safety fails, and it slices you wide open? What if wood shavings fly into your green eyes? What if you slip and fall, and a nail gun is close and plugged in and it goes off, nailing you in the head or something?”
It was easy to see he was spooling. I put my hands on his large shoulders and couldn’t find it in me to scold him for thinking I was some shrinking violet. It was sweet that he cared that much. And that meant something to me.
“Jay, if you’re uneasy having me around the power tools, I can do something else. I could paint the extra upstairs bedroom that you finished last week, if you want,” I offered.
He seemed to think about it before nodding. “That sounds good. Let me clean up here and I’ll help.”
Rolling my eyes, I snorted. “You don’t trust me enough to paint unsupervised. Afraid I’ll slip and impale myself with a paintbrush?”
“Maybe I just like being around you and don’t want to miss out on time with you.” He took my hand in his. “Let’s paint.”
He led me through his home, up the stairs and to one of the extra rooms. It didn’t take long before we were up and running.
I stood on the ladder and edged along the ceiling as Jay used the roller. As I got into the groove of it all, I began to hum and rock slightly on the ladder. After a few minutes, my ass began to heat. Turning, I found Jay totally and completely focused on my ass.
“Uh, Jay?”
His gaze snapped up to my face. He had the decency to blush.
I laughed. “Look your fill?”
“No. Turn around so I can look some more,” he said suggestively.
I smiled and got down to refill the paint holder I was using.
“Gina, what language was that song you were singing in?” he questioned.
I pa
used. “I’m not exactly sure. I’ve known it forever and a day. It’s something my father used to sing to me when I was little.”
He didn’t look away from me. “I didn’t know you could sing.”
Uncomfortable, I bit my inner cheek. “I like the color you picked for in here.”
“Want to go with me later in the week to pick out more colors for the other rooms?” He put the roller in the pan of paint. “We could make a date of it. Maybe grab some food, do whatever you want for a while and then pick out paint colors for the rest of the house.”
“You have got to be sick of me,” I stressed. “I’m a lot, and now that I’m benched from slayer duties, I’m here on your nights off, too. I’m about to save time and make you give me a key and let me have a drawer, since I’m nearly living here as it is.”
He eased closer to me and bent, his face near mine. “I’ll have a key ready for you tomorrow morning. You can have as many drawers as you want.”
The idea was hysterical. “Okay. In no way would I annoy the hell out of you.”
“I missed having you around the last few days,” he said. “But I’m not sure why you lied to me about why you didn’t want me around. You could have just said you wanted time away from me.”
My throat tightened. “Jay, that wasn’t it. I did want you around.”
“Then why lie?”
I swallowed hard. “I can’t talk about it. Zachariah’s orders. Please respect that.”
He was quiet for a moment before pressing a smile to his handsome face.
“How about we take a break,” he said, crowding his body to mine.
That was fine by me. I liked the feel of him.
“Let’s go grab something to eat. Sound good?” he asked.
I glanced down at myself, noting the fact I was in a pair of cut-off shorts, a white shirt, and a plaid, long-sleeved shirt that was made for a woman but mimicked a man’s. Not to mention I had on a pair of bright blue Chucks. “Uh, Jay, you don’t want to be seen with me like this.”
He laughed. “I think you look gorgeous. Let me get a helmet for you and we can go grab some food.”
I always liked riding on his motorcycle with him. It hadn’t happened a lot, but the few times it did, I liked being able to wrap my arms around his waist. “Sounds like a plan.”
We wrapped up the paint and brushes before heading back downstairs.
He hurried off, and when he came back, he had a black helmet that looked like it would never in a million years fit him. It had flames on the sides. As he handed it to me, I noticed the back of it had Fiery One painted on it. That was what he tended to call me at random times.
“Jay?”
“Don’t overthink it,” he said. “Just put it on.”
I did, and he helped with the strap.
He then took my hand in his and led me out of the back door to his bike. My white Jeep was parked next to it. Jay threw a long, powerful leg over the bike and straddled it before putting his hand out to me. He guided me onto the seat behind him. I put my feet where he’d taught me to put them and then slid my arms around his waist.
Jay caressed me before he turned the bike on. “Hold on, baby.”
I did.
8
I sat lotus style on the city bench, facing Jay. The night was beautiful so sitting outside worked out well. We’d ended up downtown, at a hot dog vendor that was open all night. It was one I stopped by on a regular basis because my work hours were nearly always night shift. The vendor was across the street from a park I enjoyed patrolling. The park had various iron sculptures throughout from local artists. Not to mention a beautiful fountain in the center.
“I could do this every night,” I said dreamily.
Jay laughed. “Get hot dogs?”
“Hey, these are great hot dogs. Did you miss the fact I ate three?” I asked with a smile.
Jay eyed me. “You’re a tiny slip of a woman. Where the hell do you put all the food you eat?”
“That was nothing. I once ate seven hot dogs in twenty minutes. Myra got sick watching me do it. I love food. I wish I could cook. Though, if I could, I might not leave the house. I’d just eat and eat.”
He laughed and took a sip of his soda. “I thought I knew you well,” he said. “But over the last several months, it seems like I learn something new about you all the time.”
“I’m a woman of mystery,” I said, chuckling as I sipped my soda. “Unless we’re discussing my menstrual cycle, and then I’m apparently an open book.”
Jay laughed. “I should have kept that to myself.”
“Ya think?” I countered.
He put his large hand on my knee. “Gina, can I ask why Zachariah is making you sit on the bench, especially with everything going on in the city, and hell, all over? Seems like this is the time he’d want you on around the clock. I know for a fact you’re the best slayer he has in this area. And I’d like to ask that you be truthful with me.”
Zachariah had warned me against telling Jay the truth, but I couldn’t outright lie to him. “I’m not in trouble or anything. And I have a lot of vacation time built up. Like fourteen weeks’ worth.”
That was true. I did have fourteen weeks of vacation built up. I wasn’t using my vacation time while on paid leave, but it was true that I had it.
He lifted a brow. “Fourteen weeks? Do you ever stop working and take a break?”
“No,” I said flatly before sipping my soda. “I mean, sometimes I have to miss a day or two if I end up in the med unit, but I don’t take personal time or vacations. Why would I? I don’t have anyone to spend the time with. I do my job and help at the rec center. That’s pretty much my life.”
He squeezed my knee. “I bet your parents miss you. You could fly back and spend time with them.”
I licked my lips and waited a few seconds before I spoke. “Jay, they kind of stopped asking me to come home when I turned eighteen and went off to college. They offered me money to travel if I wanted to over summer and winter breaks, but um, they prefer I not come home.”
He sat up more. “Why?”
I teared up but smiled wide, trying to cover it. “Wake up one day the summer before your freshman year in high school, turn into a supernatural killing machine, and everyone is suddenly freaked out by you. Win some. Lose some.”
“Afraid of you?” he asked, looking perplexed. “How can they be afraid of you? One of them has to be a supernatural, too. You know how it works.”
I sipped my soda. “Neither of them is supernatural.”
“Gina, that can’t be right.”
I put my hand over his on my knee. “Jayson, they’re not my biological parents.”
He tipped his head. “I didn’t know you were adopted. Do Lindsay and Myra know?”
“Lindsay’s known since we met. Myra learned later.”
“You don’t like talking about it,” Jay stated. “I’m sorry I pushed you for answers.”
“It’s fine, really. But imagine being them and adopting this child you thought was the perfect fit for your life, only to have her wake up one day and be more than human.”
He grunted. “Why are they afraid of you? Sure, you can kick ass, but you’d never hurt them.”
He rubbed my knee.
“When Lindsay and her father sat my parents down to explain what I was, which didn’t happen until about seven months after I came into my gifts, they looked horrified. And they couldn’t wrap their minds around it all. They pretty much heard I was born to kill and that was it. Then they heard monsters were real. That really drove home what they’d gotten themselves into.
“It’s cool though, because I had so many freedoms after that. Spent a ton of time at Lindsay’s. Her parents never judged me. Instead, her father would joke about me controlling any urges I might have with wanting to stake him because his wife really disliked dust.”
Jay’s jaw was tight.
“Before I left for college, my parents put extra locks on their bedroom door. Soon a
fter, they had all the locks changed, so my key no longer worked to open the house doors. When I came and went, one of them would let me in.”
“What about any other family members? Are they scared of you too?” he asked, looking as if he wanted to hit something on my behalf.
It was a kind thought, but I’d come to terms with how that part of my life had played out and didn’t hold any hard feelings against them. I’d tried to put myself in their shoes, and I could understand, to a degree, where they were coming from. They hadn’t signed up for the supernatural, and they were only human.
“I don’t have any other family. I mean, my biological father might still be alive somewhere, but I wouldn’t know him if he was standing before me. So no one. Unless you count Lindsay and Myra. Other than that, there isn’t anyone else. Maybe Zachariah, but that’s it.” I glanced away. “And you. You sort of feel like family to me in a way.”
“Gina.” The way he looked at me spoke volumes. He felt bad for me.
I didn’t need that.
“I don’t blame my parents. They were really good to me until I came into my gifts. They had no idea supernaturals were real, let alone their daughter was one. I haven’t actually talked to them at all in months. When I do, the conversation is about two minutes long. I tell them I’m alive and they say be careful and then hang up.”
“You know, if you married me, you’d have a huge fucking family. So many people around you that you’d be happy for alone time,” he said, patting my knee.
Sadness settled over me. “I’m good. The only time it bothers me is around the holidays. Myra goes to her mom’s. Lindsay goes to see her parents, and now I’m sure Exavier’s parents as well. I go nowhere, and the few people I’ve let close to me are gone. I take extra shifts at work, so others can spend time with their families, and I volunteer at the soup kitchen over on Ninth Street. I’ve learned to be alone a lot, but it’s hard around holidays.”
Bad Moon Rising: A Loup Garou World Novel (Tempting Fate Book 2) Page 6
