“Yo, what’s up?” I answer, wondering why my sister is calling me on Mason’s phone. Then I realize in my haste to get away I left my cell phone at the table.
“Mom needs you at the house when you can. The light in the kitchen went out and she can’t get the new bulb to fit properly.”
“You called me at work to go to the house and change a light bulb for mom. Really, Pipe? You kept my damn keys for two days and I had to call a cab to finally come get them back from you. Why should I go anywhere for you?” I slump down onto one of the benches and throw my head back, my breathing still heavy; half from my rage filled excursion on the speed bag and half from the images of Paige that won’t stop flying through my head.
“First, you deserved to suffer more than not having keys for a few days. Second, this is for mom, not me. Third, it’s one of those long florescent tube bulbs and you have to line it up just right. It’s a major pain in the ass for her to get done. Plus, you’re like eight feet tall and I’m like five foot nothin’. It’s easier for you. Do you really want mom to risk falling and breaking her hip, or something, over a light bulb?” She whines into the phone. If there is one thing my sister knows will make me do something for her without another question, it’s whining. I hate it.
“Okay, I’ll grab a radio and head out there now while we aren’t training or doing much.”
“Thanks Kale. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Pipe.”
With that, I hand Mason back his phone. “You okay, man?” He asks me as he is putting his phone in his pocket.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I stand, trying to shake my arms free of the tension.
“You’re tense and have this look like you want to murder someone, ever since Paige left.” His eyebrow raises and I can tell my friend knows something is up, but he knows not to prod.
“I’m good just have a lot on my mind that’s all. Look, I gotta go to my mom’s house for a bit. I’ll hear the radio if we have a call and meet you there, unless it’s a jump then I’ll meet you at the hangar.”
“Take your time, looks like it’s gonna be a slow shift anyway.” He pats me on the back, shoving one of the radios into my hand before returning to the poker game with our other teammates. I grab my cell phone and keys and head out.
Driving to my mom’s house, I pass by Paige’s childhood home. The simple, now almost run down little double wide trailer sitting on a cement slab looks harmless enough, but it still makes me wonder. My mom and sister both have given me some insight to the life she had within those four walls. My chest tightens thinking of all that Paige has endured. I have added to her inner pain, although unintentionally, but still I have caused her to be sad.
Pulling in my mom’s driveway, I let my head fall on my steering wheel. I know Piper said give it time, but the entire situation with Paige is eating away at me. Right this very minute, she is off with Rolando doing who knows what. “Ah, fuck!” I let out in a frustrated sigh and pound the steering wheel, shoving the door open while still kicking myself mentally.
Walking in my mom’s house, I go straight to the kitchen. The sight in front of me makes me laugh. She has managed to have the step stool out, the light cover is off, and the bulbs in the box are on the table. My mom is on the stool, hands over her head, holding one of the florescent tubes that apparently won’t come unscrewed. Her cell phone is on the floor ringing like crazy.
“Mom, you need a hand?” I say on a chuckle.
She lets out a little laugh in return, “Yeah. I thought I could do this, but it seems stuck. I had my cell phone in my pocket and called Piper when I realized it was going to be too much. The phone slipped and hung up on her before I could explain that I was stuck with it. Now your sister won’t quit calling, but I can’t let go or I’m gonna bend the prongs that hold the bulb and mess up the whole light. I see she called you, for which I’m grateful.”
Bending over, I retrieve the phone from the floor. Setting it on the table, I move a kitchen chair over to where my mom is. Climbing up, I grab the bulb so my mom can get down. She calls Piper while I change out the two bulbs and replace the cover.
After putting the chair back, I go to the counter to grab a mug and have a cup of coffee; maybe the caffeine will help with all this tension. The picture in the window sill catches my eye. It’s of Piper, Paige, and me at their college graduation. I am in the middle with my arms casually slung over both their shoulders. Piper and I are smiling at the camera, but that’s not what spikes my interest. Paige has one arm around my back and the other resting on my stomach while she’s looking up at me with a smile. Thinking back, she has always stayed in the background but kept her eyes on me. How have I not noticed her before?
“Kale?” My mom brings me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, mom. You need somethin’ else before I go back to the station?” I put the cup of hot liquid to my lips, wincing at the temperature and in my daydreaming I forgot to put any sugar in it. My mom notices my mild disgust and giggles, pushing the sugar bowl toward me on the counter.
“You know that’s my favorite picture of my kids.” She nods, obviously noticing my attention grabber only moments before and I nod.
“It’s a good picture, Mom. That was a good day, full of great memories for the girls.”
“The wheels are turning in that head of yours, Kale. Do you wanna talk about it?” She asks, pulling out the two chairs at the dining table. She expects me to sit and talk. Who am I to tell Mom no?
Sitting down, I look at the sincere expression on her face. The years have been good to my mom, she’s still beautiful. Her slightly greying dirty blonde hair is kept back in a loose bun, her brown eyes lined with only a few wrinkles. Without my dad, times have been harder than they should’ve been; she has remained steadfast and rock solid. Her hand slips over mine as it rests on top of the table and she pats it lightly, letting me know she has an inkling that something is up. I should know this by now, my mom can read me like a book.
“Mom, you know that moment when everything you thought you knew about someone turns out to be so wrong.” I say on a long sigh, leaning back in my chair and running my free hand over my face.
“Paige has sheltered herself in a means of protecting what’s left of her heart.” Her tone is one laced with sadness and her eyes go out of focus, seemingly looking into the past and remembering things that are better left buried.
“What makes you think this is about Paige?”
“I’m your mother, Kale, I know everything.”
The tone in which she says this makes me wonder does she know everything? Does she know that I can’t shake Paige? Does she know that no other woman has come apart and responded so easily the very first time with me? Does she know that my body is screaming that Paige was somehow made just for me, even when I don’t believe in all that bullshit?
“There is a different woman underneath it all, one that I know nothing about mom. She grew up with Piper; those were two inseparable. I should know her like I know my very own sister.” I lean forward and my hand slams down onto the table, making our coffee slosh around. She doesn’t yell at me like she would any other time, her eyebrow rises and she gives me a sweet smile; leaning in closer as her grip on my hand tightens.
“Kale, she’s not your sister. There is a difference in what you see in her. Paige had it hard, son. The people who were supposed to be the ones to build her up, let her down and, ultimately, broke a part of her.” I can see the tears trying to build in my mother’s eyes and I don’t want that. I finally grip my mother’s fingers in return and lean in, asking my mother for help.
“How do I fix it?” I whisper.
“Is that what you want, Kale? To fix Paige? If so, that’s not the answer.” She gives me that laugh that all women give to men when they are outrageously wrong about something. “Paige is who she is, flaws and all. You are who you are, fears and all.”
“Fears? What fears?”
I ask, my defenses coming up. I risk my life
with every jump, every fire, and she’s gonna say I have fears. My own mother, saying I’m afraid…pffft.
She gives me another giggle and leans back. “You’re afraid to fall. You’re afraid to let anyone new in because what if they are gone in an instant, like your dad…I get it Kale, I do. You’re jus’ like him. You know it took him almost a year to ask me out on a date in high school?” Her laugh is lined with a little sadness this time, but I smile right along with her, remembering the tales my dad used to tell of their high school courtship. “He was afraid to hurt me because he already knew he wanted to fight the blazes, but one laugh from him and I was done for.” She laughs again, sighing happily and shaking her head, making me remember the way my dad’s laugh use to make her do the same thing. “Paige is already in though, that’s the difference. You know her, but you’ve never really seen her until now.”
“I’ve seen her. She’s attached to Piper at the hip; they’re sort of hard to miss.” I shake my head, still trying to sort all of this out as the tightness in my chest starts to rear its head again.
She laughs. “Oh Kale, until Piper brought up Paige at dinner, you’ve never seen Paige outside of being Piper’s friend. Now you see her for the beautiful woman she’s grown into. It’s a lot to take in, give yourself time.”
“She is a beautiful woman.”
“She doesn’t see it that way, Kale. She needs a strong man with a lot of patience and understanding. Her mom wasn’t always so cruel. There was a time the sun rose and set on that little girl.”
“What happened? What changed?” My mom’s expression turns sad, angry even, and she starts to tap her fingers on the table; a sure fire sign that she is a little uncomfortable.
“Oh, years of neglect, loneliness, and longing for something unknown took their toll on Paige’s mom. Her dad worked long hours on that mountain side logging. That job has risks all its own. Wondering each day if he would come home or get injured wears a woman down, little bit by little bit. Add to that, upon his return he was so exhausted he would go straight to bed; well… it leaves a woman feeling like less of a woman. Believe me, I felt like that at times when your father would spend night after night sleeping at the station, but…” She stops, smiling in a different way for a long moment, then seeming to shock out of it when I squeeze her hand and she blushes. “Your father always did know how to make it up to me.”
“Mom…” I say in slight disgust and she giggles, waving away her happy day dream and clearing her throat.
“In time, Bev turned to alcohol and then began her verbal onslaught on Paige. Misery loves company, and all her short comings were easily used against a very young and innocent Paige. I remember one night I went to drop off something I had bought her at the grocery store, some of her favorite candy, I think it was it was on sale…Well, anyways, I remember walking up those little wooden steps jus’ at the time when she threw an empty vodka bottle across the room at Paige, screamin’ and yellin’ that it was her fault her husband didn’t love her anymore.” The disgust that passes over her expression surprises me; I’ve never seen my mother talk bad about anyone; this shocks me. “Paige was huddled in the corner, crying, and Bev said that I must have misheard her, but the number of empty and half empty bottles of liquor enraged me and I snapped on my best friend; pulling Paige and making her sleep over for a week.”
“I remember Paige staying over for a while and then more often after that time. Is that why you stopped talking to her mom?” I ask as my heart beat thunders in my chest thinking of the sadness and venom that Paige endured.
“Kale, I asked her to let Paige live with us. I wanted nothing more than to take away the pain and sadness inside that little girl. She refused. See, Paige’s dad was on the mountain side more than he was home, but when he was home, he was always doing stuff with Paige. Bev would hide her behavior when he was around, but the minute he left Paige took every verbal blow she was dealt. I wanted to save her, but it would have posed too many questions. If I had continued to pursue the issue, she would take Paige away from Piper and all of us completely. So, instead, I took a step back and did what I could from the sidelines.”
“Mom, she doesn’t see how beautiful, wonderful, caring, and amazing she is.”
“No she doesn’t, but you do. Show her, Kale. Show her what it is to be really loved, accepted, and cherished.”
“I don’t know that it’s love mom.” I shake my head furiously, but she just giggles at me again.
“Kale, she gets you in a way no other woman ever will. Paige has loved you from the moment she realized boys didn’t have cooties. She accepts you unconditionally. You’ve had blinders on for so many years. Take them off and really look, you will see that ache in your chest,” she pokes me, hard, making me flinch just a little, “…it can only be soothed by Paige.”
“How do you know?”
“Kale, I’m the mom, remember. I know everything.” She says with a smile and a wink.
“Well, she’s on a date with another guy while I’m sitting here with you. She may have already found someone to give her what she needs and moved on.” I put my head in my hands, shaking it back and forth trying to keep the images of her in that little lace dress with Rolando’s hand on her back from going any further in my head.
“Kale Matthew Benson, don’t you short change yourself! You aren’t one to be forgotten and dismissed that easily. Get your ass up and go get what you want. You’ll never know what it can be till you give it time to blossom.”
Fuck, her words dig deep and the fire lit in her eyes tells me she knows what I’m feeling. Maybe she does know everything. “Thanks for the talk and the break, Ma, but I gotta get back to the station. Love you mom.” With that I get up, kiss her forehead, and make my way towards the door.
“Don’t you think you should go somewhere else?” She calls, her voice edged in warning and advice. I turn back from the door, with my hand on the handle to look at her one more time. She’s turns towards me, her eyebrow raised with a stern look on her face.
My mom has given me a lot to think on. Maybe I will make a little pit stop before heading back to the station.
Instinct finds me parking across from Paige’s and waiting. I am tapping my thumbs against the steering wheel. Will they come back here? Will she invite Lando in? Will he go in? How long will they be at dinner? Looking at the clock, I could be here for a while. The station usually provides a distraction, but tonight I know it won’t. It is my job. I should be there. Hell, my focus is gone. I’m no use to anyone. This shit with Paige has got to be settled.
The flash of a car pulling up causes me to look at the clock; I have been sitting here for an hour. That’s got to be a good sign for me, right? They weren’t gone longer. Lando gets out of the car and walks to Paige’s door. Good guy. I may not like him takin’ my girl out, but I still expect him to treat her with respect and be a gentleman damn it. Paige steps out in that sweet as sin dress. Her hand gently trails on Lando’s chest. He leans in and I watch as he kisses her. My stomach drops as she reaches up and wraps her hands around his neck pulling him closer. Refusing to watch this further, I start my Jeep and pull away.
My opportunity has been missed. I let her slip away before I even realized I ever had her.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Kissing Lando is nothing like kissing Kale. No fireworks, no spark; not even a flicker. I have tried, really tried to give this a go. Leading Lando on would be a mistake, but not going out and giving it a fair chance would have been a bigger mistake. That is me, Paige Noreen Lockley-a mistake waiting to happen one way or another. The sound of a car pulling away on the street brings me out of the bland kiss and my inner ramblings. I pull away from Lando and hide my face against his chest.
“Not feelin’ it, huh?” He asks me with the gentleness that is Lando.
“I thought we could. I’m sorry. You’re great. It’s me, really.” I know cliché but it really is me.
His face is one of defeat, laced with understanding. Afte
r an awkward goodbye he leaves. First priority, getting out of this dress and these shoes, as much as I totally feel pretty in this outfit, I am uncomfortable as hell. Yoga pants and a tank top are my comfort, as I ponder my latest screw up. Settling in on my couch, with a glass of wine, I text Piper that I am home. My phone immediately pings with her reply.
This is earlier than I expected, on my way over!
Great, another awkward moment is on its way. I love Piper. Until this thing with Kale, I have always told her everything. It wasn’t my intention to let her in on everything that has happened with us, but I have never been in a position to hold back from her. When she gets here I am going to have to tell her that I am so hung up on her brother that I can’t move on with a hot, nice guy. Yeah, I’m sure she wants to hear me go on and on and on about the way her brother owns my heart, body, and soul.
The sound of my door opening gets my attention as I turn to watch my best friend come in. The giant bag, she considers a purse, on her arm falling to the floor as she makes her way over to me on the couch, settling in beside me.
“Okay girl, what happened and leave not one minute out?”
“Oh Piper, are you sure you want to hear this?” I ask, sipping my wine.
“Duh, why are you asking that?”
“Because it involves your brother,” I state firmly.
“Paige, you’ve been in love with my brother forever. None of this is a surprise to me or mom. Puh lease…enough with your stalling. Spill it, sister!”
“What do you mean this isn’t a surprise to you or your mom? What does your mom know? Oh. My. God.” I gasp, embarrassment overtaking me. “You did not tell your mom that I had sex with Kale, did you? Please tell me she doesn’t know. I will never be able to look her in the eyes again.”
“Hell no, I didn’t tell her shit. Apparently, when my brother was over changing her light bulb tonight, they talked...about you.”
Kale (The Fire Inside #1) Page 7
