His words start to piss me off. “If you knew she was waiting on me, why did you take her out?” I question without hiding my irritation.
“I’m not trying to tick you off. Let’s get real, though. If you had half a chance with her and knew the other dude was being clueless, you would jump on it. I took an opportunity you left open. She wasn’t ready to give you up yet.”
“Well, she’s got me now.”
“Good to know. Don’t fuck it up. They don’t get better than Paige Lockley.”
I know I’ve made a mess of things, but I am damn sure going to hold onto Paige. She is not getting rid of me that easily. Now, knowing she told Lando she wasn’t into him after their date, I am even more anxious and ready to get home to my girl. Finishing up quickly, I head home with a burn in my chest that is becoming a blazing fire that I don’t want to put out.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Piper keeps telling me to be patient with Kale. My mind can’t stop playing his words on repeat. My body, however, won’t stop craving his touch. Conflicted. That is where I am. It’s a bitch of a crossroads.
On one hand, my heart wants to have hope. If I take this chance on him everything could work out beyond my wildest dream or above any expectation I have ever allowed myself to have. One the other hand, I’ve never been good enough for my own mother – how could I possibly be good enough for Kale?
It has been three weeks since my accident. The orthopedic doctor said I didn’t need surgery after all, for my ankle, but I am currently sporting a large purple cast, covered in a giant black boot. The thing weighs a ton and bulky seems like an understatement.
My new roommate, also known as Kale, hasn’t left either. Nope, he has been firm in his ‘this is happening Paige, I’m not going anywhere’. Every night I go to bed trying to keep the distance between us. Every morning I wake up tangled up in him. His body is laid out on his back like it is when I fall asleep, and when I wake up I’m half laying on top of him. I can’t seem to stop my subconscious from crawling all over him. Even if his legs are sporting some pretty nasty bruises from my cast hitting him at night.
“What’s got you so lost in thought, baby?” Kale asks, taking me out of my musings and into the moment.
What a moment it is! Kale is standing in my kitchen in nothing but his workout shorts. Back from his early morning run so his muscles are tight and he is covered in a sheen of sweat making his golden skin shine. My palms get clammy as I drink him in. I can picture him naked right now. God, I want this man. The little voice in the back of my mind tells me that I need him, too. I need him to run his rough, work calloused hands all over my needy body.
“Just thinking,” I reply, trying to seem indifferent to the gorgeousness that is completely occupying my space and my brain, but a hot flash runs through me as my mind runs to where I really want to be; underneath him as he has his way with me right here on the table.
“Thinking about me naked?” He jokes with a cocky eyebrow raise.
When he winks at me, I feel the blush creep across my face. Guilty as charged, Officer Benson. Damn, I need to stop this. I’m all over the place.
He begins making his normal protein shake while I am at the table finishing my breakfast of cinnamon toast. This all feels so natural…too natural. Kale needs to get out of my space. Things need to go back to the way they were before shit turns sour.
“I’ve lost you again, where’d ya go?” He questions at my silence.
I only manage to sigh in response. I may have on my Raven panties today, but even her inter-dimensional, half-demon powers to control her emotions can’t help me sort out my own thoughts on how to handle Kale’s new found determination to be with me. Yes, he wants me now, but for how long? A month? A year? At some point, he will wake up and remember what a mistake I am. Being with him is my every little girl fantasy. I am real enough with myself to know it’s just that, though, a fantasy.
“Hello, Paige are ya with me today?” Kale asks laughing.
“Yeah,” I reply, hoping that will appease him enough to drop it.
“Seriously, what are you so lost in your head over? Is it work? If you need more time off just say so. I’ll make sure Ralph knows and doesn’t give you shit for it.” His concern is genuine. He is worried about me.
“No, Kale, work is fine.”
“Then what the hell are you so deep in thought over?”
He’s not letting me off the hook without some sort of answer. Not knowing how to answer, I spit out the very first thing that comes to mind, “Comic books.”
Before I can get up from the table, Kale is making his way over with a smile on his face. He is leaning over me as his hand comes up to cup my chin. Gently, he rubs his thumb over my jaw line as his lifts my head forcing my gaze to meet his heated stare.
“Babe, if you’re thinking about comic books, I’ll gladly show you some real live super-hero action right here, right now.”
My breath hitches. My inner muscles clinching in desire. My body no longer of my own control as my lust and desire for this man heat up exponentially. I lick my suddenly dry lips as Kale leans in closer. I feel his breath run down my neck as his nips at my ear lobe.
“I’ll be Superman to your Lois Lane any day,” He whispers against my ear causing me to shiver.
I close my eyes, inhaling his musky scent. His lips ever so briefly touch mine as his hand leaves my chin. I open my eyes to watch the man that I can’t seem to shake walk away from me, down my hall as if he owns the damn place. Well, he owns me: mind, body, and soul. I have got to find a way to stop this. I need a way to put distance between us. He will walk away and it will destroy me.
The silence around me is a welcomed moment to clear my head. No way, no how can I risk my heart to Kale. To lose him would be to lose myself.
Most men would find my love for comic book super hero panties as a turn off. Yet, here is Kale making it sexy as hell. I could so easily give him all of me. When he moves on, what will be left? How will I pick up the pieces?
Gathering my resolve, I hobble to the kitchen to put my plate in the sink. I showered while Kale was out for his run. This bag over my cast thing is a complete pain in the ass, but the quicker I show everyone, especially Kale, that I am perfectly okay on my own, the quicker Kale can move out and we both can move on. Piper is all about having her brother stay here. I, on the other hand, am not. Day by day, I am wanting more from him, and it won’t last.
Stumbling along, I stay quiet as Kale and I go about our new found morning routines together. It still takes me by surprise how easily we fall in sync together.
Ugh…here I go letting myself get comfortable. Stop it! I chastise as I make chicken salad for our lunches. Out of habit, I make a big enough batch for the boys at the station. I need to stop doing this to myself, but the boys may get a call and not have time to make a solid meal. I can’t help but think of taking care of all of them. This will all be ready, throw it on some crackers or bread and eat, and have the energy to battle the next blaze. Thinking of the team, I think of Lando.
“You’re never gonna keep a man.” My mother’s voice resounds in my head as a firm reminder that Kale needs to move on. I’m no good for anyone. Lando is a good man and yet, I can’t get past my hang-up with Kale to make that work. And Kale; well, Kale is more than out of my league.
The last three weeks, if I take away my injuries and my self-doubt, they have been the absolute most at home and comfortable I have been in my entire life. Kale and I have had movie nights, he has cooked for me, and we have laughed more in the last three weeks together than I have since my childhood memories with him. I tried to give him an innocent shoulder massage, but he made me stop, saying my touch simply was enough to start something he didn’t think I was ready for. Well, there goes an opportunity to use all those massage therapy classes I took with Piper.
Kale even had Mason and Piper come over one evening. We all just sat around and played Trouble. Yes, Trouble, the kids game with the popper in the m
iddle. Kale and I fought over who could be red, I won the battle of being red, but Mason won the game multiple times over. Piper and I used to spend hours playing this very game when we were kids. His mom, ever the sentimental one, held onto the old board game and sent it over with one of the many care packages she has put together and had Kale or Piper bring over.
Stuff like that makes this entire situation even harder. We aren’t actually together and already I don’t know how to let him go. Is this why Piper is always trying something off the wall? Anything will do to occupy her time and fill the void. He’s not even gone yet, but I feel the void. It’s the distance I am trying to maintain between us so I don’t lose myself to him completely. I’m on the verge already.
Kale has spent this time telling me repeatedly he’s in this for the long run. Not only does he say how much he wants to be with me, but he shows me in actions as well.
“Hello? Earth to Paige.”
Spinning around from my kitchen counter, I am met with the brick wall that is Kale’s chest. Catching myself, I grab at his biceps to keep my balance.
“Whoa,” I say not realizing he had crept up on me.
“Okay, what gives? You have been out of it all morning. We’re in a relationship Paige. You have to talk to me.”
“Kale, we are not in a relationship.”
“Umm…you want me, I want you. We live together. Yeah, babe, we’re in a relationship.” His cocky smirk makes me bite my lip to hold back a frustrated laugh.
“We don’t live together. You’re staying here, temporarily. There’s a big difference.”
He smiles at me further irritating me. I glare at him to convey my annoyance, but he just laughs.
“What?” He asks in mock innocence when I hit him in the chest. “You didn’t deny that you want me.” He adds arrogantly.
“Mr. Benson, you sir, are adding fuel to the fire of my frustrations.”
“Babe, the fire between us is one I plan to keep burning.”
“Kale,” I say in more of a sigh.
“Do you trust me?” He asks with a serious look on his face, as his hands come around my back pulling me to him.
“What do you mean?”
“Answer the question. Do you trust me? Think about this before you answer. Other than my one comment that was my own issue, not about you, have I ever let you down? Other than that night, when I fucked everything up by running instead of staying with you and sorting us out, have I ever left you? Other than our most recent situation, have I ever hurt you?”
Tears are building behind my eyes, damn this man. I swallow down the emotions as I answer him. “You’ve always been there when I’ve let you. Kale, you’re a good man. You’ve never not kept your word. No, you’ve never let me down, left me, or hurt me other than the one night. But, that was our first transition to something more than friends, Kale, and it blew up in both our faces.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry for the way I handled that. It was all so unexpected. You’ve always been around Paige. This thing between us, these feelings I have aren’t new as much as I didn’t notice them before because you are as much a part of me as I am you. We fit and always have. I promise you with every part of me, I will spend the rest of my days proving to you that you are not a mistake. The night we shared was the best night of my life. Do you trust me, Paige?”
His sincerity is pulling at me as a tear slips out and runs down my cheek. What answer do I have? I trust Kale with everything but my heart. Had we not started things in such in an intense manner maybe we wouldn’t be struggling now. Kale knows my feelings run deep, he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me. I nod my head in agreement rather than speak.
“Give me tonight, Paige. Agree to be mine, all mine, tonight. One night, Paige, just be with me for real; no holding back for one night. Let me show you how good this could be. You still want me to walk away in the morning,” he pauses, tensing his hold around me before continuing, “fine.”
Once again, I can’t form words. His hands come up to cup my face, as he uses his thumbs to wipe the tears that are now falling freely down my face. I nod my head as I grip his wrists. Everything is swirling in my head as his lips come down and brush against mine. It’s a slow torture as I finally concede, I now want this man to devour me. At least for one night…I don’t know how I am going to let go in the morning. I can’t fight this anymore, even if I only have him for one night.
This is for sure going to be the longest day I have ever had. Anticipation is both good and bad. After agreeing to give me tonight, Paige finished getting ready for work and I dropped her off at her office. I am going to go to Mom’s today. I need to show Paige she has always been there. Let her see my feelings run deep, wide, and long. She’s it, ‘the one’ as they say. I can see that now.
My phone rings, stopping my mind from continuing my planning for tonight.
“Hello,” I answer in a sharp tone.
“You coming to the gym?” Mason asks.
“Nah, I’ve got some shit to do today for Paige.”
“Oh look at you all domesticated an’ shit. And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” He mocks and I know the look on my friends face is a wide grin, displaying his smartass attitude towards everyone who has someone special in their life.
“Shut it, Mace. You find your woman and you’ll gladly go buy tampons if it means she can stay home and be more comfortable.” I laugh at him.
“Says the man who grew up with a mom and sister. How did you ever earn your man-card in the first place?” He retorts back to me.
“Low blow, bro. And those two women taught me cupcakes and chocolate really help when you have to pick up their other items.”
“All’s fair in love and war…talking about feminine products, you just declared war.”
“Fair enough. Gotta run, catch ya at the station Friday when we have rotation.”
Hanging up, I pull out of the county office and head to my mom’s house. The smile on my face is one I can’t stop. Walking in my childhood home, my mom calls me into the kitchen automatically. She is already pouring me a cup a coffee.
“Mornin’ Mom.” I greet as I kiss her cheek and take the coffee.
“How’s Paige?”
“Great,” I answer as I feel my smile involuntarily get bigger.
“I take it the two of you have sorted things, then?”
“Not exactly.”
She smiles her mom knowing smile. “And that’s why you’re here.” She states as she smiles at me.
“Yes,” I confirm as I take a sip off the mug.
“Well, what do you need?”
“You’re the mom, don’t you know already?” I ask in jest.
“Hmmm…something to show her how good you have always been together?” Her rings clink on her mug as she taps her fingers, her mouth pausing over it as she smiles to herself.
I laugh out loud at how on-point she happens to be. “Actually, I’m thinking maybe some of the photo albums where I can show her all the stuff we’ve done together already. I guess it’s time to own up to it. Yes mom, you do know everything.” I grab my chest in mock pain. “That really hurt to admit, I tell ya.”
She pats my chest lovingly as she passes me by. “Come on, loverboy, let’s see what we can find.”
I spend my morning at mom’s house, my afternoon making a few stops and setting up my place. Having spent so much of my time at Paige’s, I needed to clean up. For tonight, I need her in my space so she can see she has always been here. When I arrive at her office, I can’t help myself but to scoop her up and carry her out to my Jeep.
“What the hell, Kale?” She squeals, looking around at the people now starring at us.
“If I only get this one night, I don’t want to waste a single second. You need to keep the weight off your ankle anyway. This is a win-win, so let them stare.”
She laughs in my arms in that way that her eyes dance, making my heart skip a beat. She doesn’t have a clue just how much she means to me.
Once I have her settled in the Jeep, I round the hood and climb in the driver’s seat. Instinctively, I reach over and grab her hand. After brushing my lips over her knuckles, I lace our fingers together. As I change gears, I pull her hand with me with every shift of the manual transmission. It may not be the most comfortable thing, but I only have this one night, possibly, and I’m going to make every second count for something.
“Kale, where are we going?” Paige asks when we don’t make the turn off to go to her place. “If we are going out I need to change. I’m in my stuffy work clothes.”
Smiling over at her, I shake my head. “Trust me, baby.”
Once at my apartment, rather than let Paige fight with the stairs, I immediately scoop her up out of the Jeep. She doesn’t fight me or question me this time, instead she wraps her arms around my neck and sighs as she relaxes into me with her head on my shoulder and I hug her tighter. I don’t set her down until we reach my door step and I need to unlock the deadbolt.
Entering, I keep the lights dim as I take her by the hand and guide her to my living room and onto the couch. I have laid out the photo albums on my coffee table. Sitting down beside her, I lean over and kiss her gently. She is not resisting at all. She really is giving me this one night. As she kisses me back, I remind myself this is about showing her I want a future. Pulling back, I watch as her eyes dance in passion. Her gaze changes to one in question, searching for answers as to why I stopped kissing her.
“Paige, look around you.”
“It’s your apartment, Kale. I’ve been here before. It all looks the same. What am I looking for specifically?”
“You, you’re looking for you.”
“Why?”
“Babe, it’s always been you.” I have to stop and clear my throat, remembering what I’ve rehearsed saying all afternoon. “I didn’t see it before, but subconsciously you’ve always been with me. Paige, every picture in a frame in this apartment, including the one on my damn nightstand, has you in it with me.”
I watch as she sits up a little straighter and looks around taking in exactly what I said. She is in every picture with me. Most of them, my arm is around her as my mom and sister join us.
Kale (The Fire Inside #1) Page 11
