CHAPTER FOURTEEN
After dropping Piper off at Mason’s to handle him, I make the silent drive to Kale’s. He is shutting me out and I don’t understand. I know this has to be hard, but don’t close off to me, not when we have come so far.
After parking the car, I start to unbuckle when Kale puts his large, dirty hand over mine.
“Don’t come in, Paige. Go home.”
His hand leaves mine before his words can register in my brain. He is out of the car before the tears fall. Sitting in my car silently, I don’t know whether to go home per his instructions or go inside. Unsure how much time passes, I make a decision that could push Kale over the edge or save him.
Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Time to fight for my man, for what we share, and for what we are building together. Using my key, I let myself into his apartment. Making my way to his bedroom, I hear the shower running. Taking a chance, I remove my clothes, my glasses, and make my way to his bathroom.
Pulling back the shower curtain, I take in the very masculine man before me. His head rests against his forearm, his back remains to me. Water lines run down his body as the dirt and grime of his job wash away only leaving behind the invisible scars on his soul.
“Paige, go home.” He commands, not moving. Not daring to look at me. The tone, it makes me want to turn and leave but I know I can’t.
Ignoring him, I step inside the shower with him. His fist hits the tile where his head was resting mere moments ago. The skin breaks, blood mixes with the water washing over us both. My heart breaks at his rejection.
Cautiously, I reach out and run my hand along his cheek. Kale doesn’t respond verbally. In fact, his body tenses as he closes his eyes at my touch. I don’t know what happened in that fire other than Ryan came out injured and barely hanging on. Is this a reminder of his dad?
“He’s not dead, Kale,” I whisper trying to console him.
The dark laugh erupting out of Kale should have warned me what was to come. Kale is not one to make light of something serious. He is breaking moment by moment and piece by piece in front of me.
“Ryan isn’t dead, Paige.” His entire body shudders before he can once again steel himself to me. “Lando is.”
The tears freely fall once again. I have cried more in the last few days than I have in my entire life. Lando is gone. I watch Kale’s eyes battle to contain his emotions. His stare is reckless, distant, and cold.
“I’m here, Kale. You’re here Kale. It wasn’t you, baby. It wasn’t your time.”
I try reminding him he can’t replace Lando at Heaven’s gates. It wasn’t his time. Life is short. Tomorrow isn’t promised. No matter what Kale’s job is, there is no guarantee of him coming home today. Accidents happen, illness strikes, and sometimes you do the job you love to do and face the hazards of your duties. It doesn’t make any of this easier. Death and loss are never easy. Kale, though, needs to mourn the loss of Lando, not warp his mind to think it should have been him instead. One day…one day before I am all too ready he will probably face what Lando did today, or Ryan even. It is a risk that comes with their jobs. I pray it never comes, but one day it could happen and that is our reality. I don’t love him any less for it. It won’t be an easier, but today it wasn’t him and he can’t feel guilty about that.
Gently, I roll up on my tip toes to kiss him. I don’t ever initiate anything physical with Kale. I have never had to. Kale likes to be in charge. At first, I get no reaction. It is just my lips merely brushing against his. Will he reject me completely?
Pulling back, I watch Kale closely.
“You’re alive. Be alive right now. Don’t be lost to the grief.” I plead. Don’t be lost to me, I think to myself. I am finally comfortable in our love and now I feel it is being ripped away.
Violently, his lips crash down on mine. His tongue invades my mouth like he is storming Normandy. All control gone, Kale is all over me as his body presses mine into the tile wall of the shower. We are a mess pawing at each other. There is no control left in him. I want nothing more than to feel him inside me, to be joined together as one.
With little effort, he grabs my ass and scoops me up, wrapping my arms around his waist as he slams inside of me. I am ill prepared for his rough entry. My body quickly adjusts and I am on fire for more. His dick pistons in and out of me as he sucks and bites on my bottom lip. The pace is fast and I’m toppling over the edge before I can register the orgasm building inside me. He pulls off my now swollen lips and kisses my neck as I hold on tighter. He is close. I feel him tense and with two last thrusts, his warm seed fills me.
After a slow, tender kiss, he pulls out of me, setting me down on my feet. Without a word, he washes my body. My overly sensitive skin loving each caress. Once I am clean, he turns off the water. Not knowing what to say, I remain silent as we step out of the shower.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Kale asks as he dries off my body.
“No,” I shake my head.
I study him. His eyes are void of any telling emotion. He turns his attention to drying himself.
“Lose yourself in my body, Kale, be alive with me. I get it. Don’t push me away now. I love you. Please, baby, talk to me.”
“Nothing to say, Paige.”
His face tells me I will get nowhere with him on this tonight. Following him to his room, he tosses me a pair of his boxer briefs and a t-shirt. I watch as he silently slips on his own boxer briefs and climbs into bed.
Pushing back my tears, I climb into bed with him. My mind is unable to truly grasp that Lando is gone as I watch Kale lose himself to such a dark place.
“Sleep, Paige.” Kale commands as he lets me settle in laying half over him.
If only it were that simple to just sleep. After tossing and turning for I don’t know how long, I manage to drift to the land of slumber. Waking up to a very cold, empty bed beside me is very surprising. Walking out of Kale’s room, I find him in his same boxers sitting in front of the television. A television that is on, but locked on a channel he doesn’t have, leaving him staring at a blue screen.
“Kale,” I whisper drawing his attention.
Looking at the cable box, I see it is five fourteen in the morning.
“Paige.”
“Come to bed, Kale. You need to sleep.”
“This isn’t going to work.”
My stomach drops. No, no, no, this cannot be happening. We fought to have this. We are still fighting through my fears, through his fears. He can’t give up now. I have to show him. I make my way over to stand in front of him. He is looking at me, but it feels like he is looking through me. He’s here but not here.
“You need to go, Paige. I’m sorry for hurting you, but this…us… it isn’t going to work.”
“Ka-,” he cuts me off.
“No, I said this isn’t going to work. Leave it, Paige, and get the hell out.” His tone sharp.
He doesn’t move. His expression never changes. Seeing the fierce determination in his eyes, I do the only thing I know to do. I gather my things and leave. Without a word, I make my way out of his apartment. I don’t even remember the drive home as the tears flow freely down my face. Sending Piper a text, I let her know I have been sent away so she needs to check on her brother. I cannot force him to let me be there.
And I can’t force a place for me in his life. If he wants to be alone then I’ll leave him alone.
After two hours running, I feel like my feet may fall off, but I can’t shake the demons chasing me. Getting in my Jeep, I drive for what seems like hours before turning around and ending up at Mason’s.
Piper called not long after Paige left. I told her to back off and shut my phone off. I am in no mood to deal with my sister right now. She will push for me to be with Paige. I want nothing more than to be with her. I will not put her through a loss like this, though. No matter how much it hurts right now, she will eventually move on from me and have a full and happy life. One where she doesn’t wait by a scanner
wondering if the life flight called in was for me or worse…
Knocking on Mason’s door, there is no answer. Turning the knob, I find it is unlocked. Walking in I find the empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the counter. Over on the couch I find Mason sitting, staring blankly at the wall, a new bottle in his hand.
“Pass the bottle,” I say as I take the seat beside him.
“Everyone always leaves. One way or another, they leave.” Mason slurs to me.
“True shit, brother,” I reply, taking a large gulp of the Tennessee whiskey.
“You’re gonna leave too. Maybe not today, but you will leave. And Piper, she needs to leave. I’m no good for her.” His drunken ramblings continue.
“I’m not goin’ nowhere. Pipe, what’s she got to do with anything?”
“Your sister is be- you- ti- ful.” He stresses each syllable making me want to laugh if I wasn’t in so much pain in my heart already.
“My sister, huh?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m bad news. I have a curse. No one stays around. They either die or send me packing. Either way, no one stays. I have no one. Never have.” He grabs the bottle from my hand and takes a long drag, a good portion of it running down his chin and he wipes clumsily at it with the back of his hand.
“What’s that mean, bro? Whatcha gettin’ at?”
“Nothing, man. Let it go, forget I said anything.” He sets the bottle on his coffee table.
“Any news from the Captain?”
“Ryan is stable. Third degree burns cover forty percent of his body. Long road ahead for him. Rolando’s mom was notified. She’s asked for help packing his place so the team is going to do that for her today and tomorrow while she sets up the memorial service arrangements.”
“Well, I guess that’ll keep us occupied then. No jumping or calls until we get cleared by doc so we gotta do something.”
“Yup,” is all he says, grabbing the bottle, chugging some more and holding it out for me. “What a fuckin’ wonderful life we have.”
“Yup”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Are you ready?” Piper calls out from down my hall.
The question of the hour, the decade, oh, hell the question of my lifetime. Am I ready? Am I ready face the man who has shut me down at every turn the last two days? Am I ready for yet another rejection?
More than that, am I ready to say goodbye to a friend? Am I ready to say goodbye to Rolando? A man who was a perfect gentleman with me. A man who was a son, a brother, a friend, and a hero. No, I am not ready to say goodbye to him.
How do you go to a memorial service of someone you know being gone when you know you are alive, but feel dead inside? Without Kale, I feel like I merely exist right now. I’m just a shell of a woman.
Is today going to be the day of goodbyes? Will Kale continue to shut me out? He can’t turn me away because the memorial is open to the public. No one will turn me away from the service and Kale will have to face me even if only briefly.
“Paige,” Piper calls from my doorway.
“No, I’m not ready.”
I fight to push my tears back. I will never be ready. How does one prepare to say goodbye?
“Have you heard from my brother?” She questions, knowing his rejection has added to my loss.
“I called and left a message this morning. No return call or text. Add it to the twenty or so text and four phone calls in the last two days that have gone unanswered and unreturned.”
“He hasn’t sent anything since the first night.”
“Nope.”
Nothing. He has given me not one word since his text two nights ago. After leaving him early the other morning per his request, I sent multiple texts and called twice with no response. I sent him a text telling him, it doesn’t have to be like this. His reply haunts me.
Paige, stop. It has to be this way. I’m sorry I ever allowed myself to have you. Find a good, safe man, and move on. Leave me alone. My life doesn’t have room for you in it.
I have continued to reach out to him with no success. I drove to his house. His Jeep was parked out front, but he never answered the door. Whether he was home or not, I don’t know. I couldn’t bring myself to use my key and go inside.
“Whatcha gonna do about Kale?”
“I don’t know, Piper.”
Watching her, I can see the wheels turning in her brain. She wants me happy with her brother as much as I do, it’s evident in her eyes when she talks about us as a couple. Even though the last few months I have spent more time with her brother than her, she doesn’t begrudge me for having him. She doesn’t get upset sharing her best friend with her brother like I was afraid she might. No, my best friend genuinely feels Kale and I are meant to be together. Too bad he can’t seem to agree and stay with me.
“Please, Paige.”
“Please what?” I don’t understand what she is asking of me.
“Please, be strong for my brother. I know I have no right to ask this of you. Hell, I know if it were me, I’d give up and move on. Anyone else, I would say no man is worth being tossed aside because he’s hurting. Let it be his loss. But…this is my brother. My big brother, who has always been there for me. The man who has been a dad when I didn’t have one. The man that has had to be a man for far too long. He never really relaxed until you. These past few months with you are the first time I’ve seen my brother laugh, really laugh. He smiles when he’s with you.”
“Piper, I can’t force him to be with me.”
“He will get his head on straight in time. No other woman can make him feel. You make him feel. Don’t give up on him.”
“I make no promises. Piper, I can’t be pushed away every time something bad happens. I love your brother, but I can’t take this. I haven’t slept, I can’t eat, and I hurt so bad emotionally, I feel it physically. Just thinking of seeing him, my chest burns.” Tears fill my eyes.
She nods her head at me as I watch tears trickle down her cheeks. I hug her briefly before we leave for the service.
Pulling up, I take a deep breath as I get ready to climb out of Piper’s car. The trucks are all lined from Station Nineteen along the front of the church. Two ladder trucks backed up to each other, ladders raised and flags flying half-mast for their fallen brother. The trucks have been draped in black bunting and dark wreaths adorn the fronts of some of them.
Making our way through the parking lot, I can’t help but run my fingertip down the side of Lando’s car as they have it parked out front. Lost in my emotions, I don’t wipe the tears that freely fall.
Looking to the Heavens, I give my best smile as I whisper to the wind, “Adrenaline junkie. Never were one to do anything slow. The car is a reflection of the man: go hard, go fast, and go flying high. Missing you Lando.” I blow a kiss skyward hoping it reaches Heaven’s new angel. A breeze blows around me, almost as if I am being hugged by the air.
My chest tightens knowing Lando will never hug me again, he will never drive this car again. Piper pulling my hand takes me away from the vehicle. The church is filled as we enter. A picture of Rolando sits on a table that is flanked on both sides by the members of Team Tango in their uniforms. The crisp clothing is tailor fit to each of these bulking men. Each man’s badge covered in black as a sign of mourning a fallen brother. Ryan, still being in the hospital, is missing leaving three men on each side of Lando’s picture and badge. Fire Station Nineteen has their regular fire fighters lining the walls in uniform. All of these men, their faces reserved, trying to maintain composure.
My eyes automatically find Kale as we make our way down to the front. He is staring at the back wall of the sanctuary not looking at anyone or anything. I watch the heavy rise and fall of his chest. His nostrils flare as he is obviously struggling to breathe. He is hurting as he locks his jaw sternly.
Piper squeezes my hand, pulling my attention away from Kale momentarily. Following her gaze, Mason is a mess on the other side of Kale. His face unshaven, his eyes bloodshot, and his gaze is unfo
cused. While every other man in this room is sharp and distant, Mason is unable to remain still and unable to hide the loss he is feeling.
We reach the table. I run my finger over Lando’s badge. Piper hands me a tissue out of her purse. Releasing my best friend’s hand, I wipe my tears away. Pushing my glasses back on my nose, I move over in front of Kale. Looking up at the man towering over me, his gaze never moves from the back of the room. With trembling fingers, I reach out and squeeze his hand. His body stills. His breathing slows, and his head drops to our hands. When his hazel eyes meet mine, a single tear falls slowly down his cheek. He looks at me, his eyes silently expressing the pain he is enduring. Our moment is broken when the minister calls for everyone to take their seats. With a small squeeze, I remove my hand from his and make my way to the rows of pews.
Team Tango remains standing, while everyone else finds a seat. Watching Kale, he still is off in his own world of hurt, but he isn’t breathing as harshly. Mason is beside him, still fidgeting. The minister begins the service and I am certain there is not a dry eye in the place. A quiet fills the space after the minister’s final prayer.
“Channel twenty-two please.” Is announced.
Static sounds. The emergency tones blare through the silence of the chapel.
Dispatch is heard over the radio. “Station 4 to Team Tango, F-2.”
A crackle of static as there is no response. Dispatch again resounds. “Station 4 to F-2.”
Static.
“Station 4 to F-2, Rolando Hernandez, Team Tango, this is your last call.” The dispatcher announces.
A pause and the dispatcher continues, “Having heard no response from Team Tango jumper F-2, Rolando Hernandez, we know that Rolando has responded to his last call on earth and that the fire department in the hereafter has a new responder.
Rolando Hernandez served the citizens of McCall, Station Nineteen, and Krassel Yard for four years. We will forever be grateful for Rolando’s dedication and his family’s sacrifices during the time he was a Firefighter.
Kale (The Fire Inside #1) Page 14
