Who could blame her, though? Being around Kellan was dangerous to the stability she’d been working on for seven years. She had a life now. She was no longer that frightened, shy woman just starting to be on her own. And she felt as if she was risking it all by being here. With him.
But that decision had already been made and putting it off now wasn’t going to change anything. She reached for a brown leather briefcase on the passenger seat, took a breath and stepped out. A heartbeat later, though, the ranch house front door opened and a stunning woman with short, spiky black hair walked out. She was wearing a black coat, sky blue dress and mile-high heels, and she was laughing up at Kellan. He pulled his hat on while they talked, then the two of them crossed the wide porch and, at the top of the stairs, they stopped, hugged, then the still-smiling woman walked to her car, climbed in and took off.
Irina’s heart felt...sluggish. Stupid. Of course there were other women in Kellan’s life. Just because he had walked away from her didn’t mean he had signed up to be a monk. It also didn’t mean that she would enjoy seeing him with another woman. She hated that it could hurt so much.
Kellan turned his head, spotted her car and started down the steps. Irina couldn’t put it off any longer, so she walked toward him. Now, after seeing the beautiful woman with him, she was gladder than ever that she’d taken the trouble to look good. Her long strawberry blond hair was loose, hanging in heavy waves down past her shoulders. She wore black slacks, a deep red long-sleeved shirt and a heavy black jacket. The wind whipped past her as if urging her to get back in the car and leave while she still could. From the corral, she heard a couple of cowboys shouting and the sharp, high whinnies of horses.
But all she could see was Kellan. He looked every inch the successful rancher. His dust-colored hat was pulled down low over his forehead, somehow highlighting the piercing blue of his eyes. The collar of his heavy leather jacket was pulled up against his neck. He wore a dark green plaid flannel shirt and jeans that hugged his muscular thighs and stacked on the toes of his scuffed cowboy boots.
Ironic that he was the epitome of the American cowboy that she had once dreamed about, as a young girl in Russia. But in those childish dreams, there had been love and a happy ending. Not a broken heart and the promise of more pain.
Irina took a breath, but she was afraid it wouldn’t be enough to keep her calm. Every nerve ending in her body was awake and on alert. Her stomach did a slow swirl and her heartbeat thundered in her ears.
“Irina. I was coming to see you later today.”
Then it was better she’d come to him. She didn’t need him so close to her bedroom.
“Did I interrupt something?” she asked, nodding to where the woman’s sleek black sports car was disappearing down the drive.
“That’s Ellie Rae Simmons.” He shook his head. “She’s my executive assistant. Flew in from Nashville last night to take care of some business.”
“Oh.” His assistant. That should make her feel better, but that hug looked far friendlier than boss and employee. “It looked...different.”
One eyebrow winged up as he tipped his head to one side to study her. “Jealous?”
She didn’t even want to admit to herself that she’d felt a sharp pang of jealousy, seeing him with Ellie Rae. Kellan wasn’t hers. Never had been. But seeing him with that woman had twisted her insides into tight knots that were only now beginning to loosen.
“Of course not,” she lied smoothly. “I’ve no reason to be, do I?”
“No, you don’t.”
Well, that was honest anyway.
He folded his arms across his broad chest. “What are you doing here, Irina?”
“I want to talk to you about Buck.”
Instantly, his features went coolly blank. “I don’t need you to tell me about my father.”
“I think you do.” Of course, she couldn’t tell him everything. She’d made a promise to Buck and she wouldn’t break it. But there were things he needed to know.
“Irina,” he said tightly, “let it go. Buck’s dead and there’s nothing you can tell me now that will change that.”
“No. But there are things I can tell you that might change what you think of him.”
He snorted.
She looked around. The cowboys were watching them now, curious. She recognized a few of them from seeing them around Royal, but now wasn’t the time to say hello. Fixing her gaze back on him, she said, “Can we do this inside?”
It almost seemed as if he would refuse, but then he said, “Sure. Come on.”
He stepped back to allow her to go first, and Irina felt his gaze lock on her. It gave her a chill that swiftly became heat. Apparently she had zero control over her body’s reaction to the man. All she could do was hang on and hope her mind would win the battle.
“Let’s go in here,” he said, crossing the foyer into the great room.
She followed him and couldn’t stop her gaze from dropping to his behind, cupped so nicely by that worn denim. He set his hat, crown down, on a table, then shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it onto the nearest chair.
Irina took a moment to look around, since it was the first time she’d been inside. There was no hint of Christmas here, unlike at Blackwood Hollow. But the floor-to-ceiling windows on every wall offered amazing views of the ranch land and the yard and outbuildings. Sunlight flooded the space, highlighting the groups of overstuffed furniture covered in shades of blues and greens. The oak floor was gleaming and the wide expanse was broken up with dark red rugs. All in all, it was a comfortable room, with a distinctly male presence.
And, she thought, the words distinctly male described Kellan Blackwood perfectly.
Irina took off her coat and tossed it alongside Kellan’s. She kept a tight grip on the briefcase she’d brought with her as she asked, “Why were you coming to see me today, Kellan?”
He shrugged. “I’m still looking for information, Irina. It’s not a secret.”
“Well,” she said, “maybe I can help with that.”
Surprise flashed briefly in his eyes. “I wasn’t expecting that. Yesterday you were pretty clear about not helping me with Miranda.”
“This isn’t about your ex-stepmother,” Irina said. “This is about Buck.”
“No, thanks.”
God, he was as stubborn as ever. His eyes were cool, disinterested, and he might as well have been wearing a sign around his neck that read Not Listening.
“Kellan, he wasn’t the man you think he was.”
He laughed shortly, but there was no humor in it. “Is that right?” Shaking his head, he added, “Good luck convincing me of that. I knew the man my whole life, Irina. And you think you knew him better than I did?”
“Yes.” She lifted her chin and fixed her gaze on his, so even though he was letting her see nothing he was feeling, he could at least see for himself that she was serious. “A father and his children don’t always get to know each other as simply people. But I did know him like that and I can tell you that Buck helped people. A lot of people. Me included.”
His gaze narrowed on her. “What’re you talking about?”
Well, she’d come here to tell him the truth and she’d known that would mean sharing what he didn’t know of her own story. But at least, he was listening. “You know I was married before.”
“Yeah...”
She took a breath to steady herself before saying, “What you didn’t know was that I was a mail-order bride.”
“Are you serious?”
Surprise shone in his eyes again. Understandable. Most people didn’t realize that sort of thing was still going on. But it was and she sincerely hoped that in most cases it turned out better for the “bride” than it had for her.
“My younger sister and I were orphaned when we were very young and we used to dream of coming to America.” A small smi
le curved her mouth as she remembered, lying in the dark in the noisy orphanage, she and her sister whispering together. Making up dreams of love and husbands and being able to eat whatever and whenever they wanted.
“When we were older, Olga gave up those dreams and married a government official, but I joined an online dating service that matched up young Russian women with successful US businessmen.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” His question interrupted her and she paused to answer.
“Because I don’t like to think about it,” she admitted, though the whole truth was that she hadn’t wanted Kellan to know. It was embarrassing. She’d married a stranger in the hopes of a better life. And God, it was lowering for her to admit to having been duped.
Even as a model in Russia, her life hadn’t been great. And when Olga’s husband was transferred to a post far from Moscow, Irina had been desperately lonely. So when her friend suggested they both register on the mail-order bride website, Irina had taken a chance.
She swallowed her pride and continued, “Anyway, I was matched with Dawson Beckett, came to Texas and married him.” She tightened her grip on the briefcase handle as if it were the one stabilizing point in her world. “Dawson was much older than me, and he had certain expectations of a wife that I didn’t meet.” She’d been young and so naive and so far from home or anyone she could go to for help. “He found ways to...convince me to meet them.”
“He hurt you?” Fury in his voice warmed her heart even as Irina smiled but didn’t answer. She wouldn’t tell him what she’d suffered with Dawson. All the petty, demoralizing verbal abuse, along with the slaps, the hair pulling, the bruises in places no one else would see. There were some things she didn’t want to relive, even in the telling of it.
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“Hell yes, it matters,” Kellan ground out. “What the hell, Irina? Why did you stay with him?”
“Where was I to go?” she countered, defending herself, remembering her situation. “I didn’t speak English well. I had no job skills beyond modeling. I had no friends to run to. I was in a trap that I’d walked into willingly.”
He blew out a breath and shook his head. “You should’ve told me.”
“By the time we met, it was over and I didn’t want you to know,” she said. “But my misery isn’t part of the story. This is about Buck.”
“How did my dad fit into this?”
She smiled. “I met your father at a dinner party. I was one of a number of foreign brides attending and Buck noticed how badly Dawson was treating me.
“One of my husband’s friends was groping me and I slapped him. Dawson took me aside—” she took a breath before adding “—he hit me, in the ribs, where it wouldn’t show.” And in spite of the pain and humiliation of that moment, she smiled, remembering the rest of it. “Buck saw it all and he saved me.”
The memory of Buckley Blackwood getting in Dawson’s face and warning him to keep his hands to himself was still one of her favorites.
“Damn, Irina...”
She shook her head. “Anyway, Buck helped me get out of that marriage, gave me a job at the ranch and secured a work visa for me.” She lifted her chin, met his gaze and said, “He offered to pay for my college and law school, but I would only allow that if he considered it a loan so I could pay him back.”
She laughed a little at that, because in the end, Buck had won that argument, too. “In his will, Buck canceled my debt to him. My life has changed immeasurably, thanks to him. I came to this country looking for a prince to make my dreams come true. Now I am making my own dreams a reality. All because of Buck Blackwood.”
“You’re amazing.”
“No. What Buck did was amazing,” she insisted. “He helped me when he didn’t even know me.”
“I wish I could have seen Buck face down your ex,” he admitted, and it sounded almost as if he was sorry it had been his father to ride to her rescue instead of him.
“It’s not just me he helped,” Irina continued quickly. “Buck paid off mortgages so people could keep their homes. He gave a young couple the money they needed to try IVF when they were desperate for a child. He sponsored children to summer camps. He rebuilt an entire neighborhood after the last hurricane. And he did it all anonymously. I only know because he had me help him with much of it.”
While she talked, she watched Kellan’s eyes and was pleased to see that he was not only stunned but also a little humbled by his father’s deeds.
“The only thing he ever asked,” Irina added, “was that no one know who helped them. Of the few who did know his identity, as far as I know, I’m the first to break that promise to Buck. Because I think you need to know, more than Buck needs secrecy now.”
“I don’t even know what to say to all of this,” he admitted and pushed one hand through his short hair.
Confusion shone in his eyes and Irina took a deep breath. She’d taken a chance in telling Kellan all of this. Especially about her own past. It wasn’t something she liked to think about, let alone share.
Her brief abusive marriage was only a small part of her life, but it had been important in making her who she was now. In the years since then, Irina had learned to let the past go. To set that old pain aside and move on.
But she knew that was something Kellan had never been able to do. He’d lost his young wife in a car accident just a year before he and Irina had come together for that oh-so-memorable week. And she knew that pain would always be a part of him.
But he also used it as a club to keep away anything and anyone who might get too close to him, who might invite that kind of pain to revisit him. And as long as his past defined his present, his future would be empty.
Four
“You don’t have to say anything, Kellan. But I wanted you to know that there was so much more to Buck than you were aware of.”
Kellan felt shell-shocked. In a million years, he never would have pegged his father as some anonymous Santa Claus. Hell, he was surprised Buck had even noticed people in need, let alone helped them. Still, the fact that he had been kind to people outside their family didn’t absolve him from doing a crappy job as a parent.
“I’m getting that,” he said, nodding. “But as a father...”
“I’m not finished.” Kellan watched her set the briefcase she’d been holding close on to the coffee table and open it up. There were four file folders inside. She grabbed the first one and held it out to him.
Wary, Kellan looked from the file up to Irina’s eyes.
“You need to see these, too,” she said and waved the file to encourage him to take it. When he did, he felt her watching him as he opened it, half expecting a snakebite.
“Buck had one of these on each of his children. None of you were talking to him, so he followed you all as best he could.”
Kellan flipped through the articles, both newspaper and magazine, the pictures, the letters inside, and he felt the ground beneath his feet shift. There were things in that file he hadn’t thought of in years. Big and small, all of his achievements, every piece of his life was all here. From his first newspaper interview to the day his real estate development company became the biggest in Tennessee. Buck had kept everything. Even Shea’s obituary.
“He saved whatever he could find on you and your brothers and sister,” Irina was saying. “He was a part of your lives in the only way he felt he could be.”
A part of him softened toward his father. Had Kellan been wrong about Buck all those years? But as soon as he considered it, his mind argued, no. This file didn’t excuse Buck’s hard-ass attitude. His my-way-or-the-highway rule of life. His habit of cutting his own kids out of his life in favor of devoting every moment to his empire building.
Kellan’s gaze snapped to hers. “He should have talked to us.”
“Would you have listened?”
T
here was a ball of ice in the pit of his stomach and he didn’t like it. He also didn’t care much for that question because he knew the answer. “Maybe not.”
She shook her head sadly. “Maybe he felt that it was too late to try to build bridges to all of you. Buck told me that he knew he’d lost all of you long ago. That he hadn’t been there for any of his children. It was his one regret.”
Again, he felt a twinge of...something for the father he’d never really known. Kellan couldn’t stop flipping through the damn file. “But he didn’t tell us that when he could have.”
“No, he didn’t. And maybe he should have tried,” Irina admitted. “I tried to get him to contact all of you, but Buckley Blackwood was nothing if not stubborn.”
“Yeah. I’ll give you that much.”
“He wanted to be a part of your lives,” Irina said quietly. “He just didn’t know how to get past the mistakes he’d made.”
Kellan thought about that, and then a harsh laugh scraped his throat as he tossed the file back into the still-open briefcase. “Well, leaving our family home to Miranda sure wasn’t the way to do it.”
“I don’t know why he did that,” Irina said. “He never mentioned it to me.”
“Nobody knows why Buck did anything,” Kellan muttered and scraped one hand across the back of his neck. There was too much new information storming in his mind. A new side of his father? What was he supposed to believe?
Irina was standing there, just one long step away, and she was watching him, waiting. It was killing him having Irina here. In his house. He’d steered clear of her for years because being near her was too damn hard. But now that they were here together, he couldn’t imagine letting her leave, either. Maybe it was because she’d told him so much. About his father. About herself.
It drove him insane thinking about her all those years ago, alone and abused. If nothing else, he was grateful to Buck for stepping in to help Irina when she needed it most. But he couldn’t figure out how he felt about the fact that Buck had been as involved in Kellan’s life as he could be.
Tempting the Texan Page 5
