He said it’s Saturday. Dear god, it’s like Groundhog Day meets Sliding Doors!
Matthew came back carrying two steaming coffees and Hayley’s eyes followed his every move. His hair had become quite grey at the temples and his loose T-shirt indicated a trim midriff. His arms were thick and deliciously toned, and his back still looked as broad. Hayley had often thought his upper body resembled a sexy upside-down piece of Toblerone, minus the nougat bits. She swallowed hard.
‘Here,’ he said, handing her a mug. It had a picture of a skydiver and ‘If at first you don’t succeed – skydiving’s not for you’ written underneath. ‘Better? Still confused?’
She thought for a second. ‘No. Not as confused anyway.’
He smiled. ‘Put your feet up and we’ll leave when you’re ready. We’ll be home by lunchtime.’ He leaned over and nuzzled her neck, his coffee-breath warming her. ‘I’m so glad I finally convinced you to jump. It only took me seven years!’
Hayley’s voice went AWOL and without thinking she closed her eyes and leaned in towards Matthew, giving him full access to her neck.
‘Wotcha!’
Hayley jumped and opened her eyes. ‘Mark!’ She leapt up and gave him a hug.
He hoisted a backpack over his shoulders when she let go. Behind him the hangar was slowly filling up with other people kitted out in jumpsuits, looking at Neha with worried smiles. Neha gave Hayley the thumbs up with an inquisitive look. Hayley returned the gesture and nodded.
‘That was fantastic!’ Mark said, nudging Hayley’s shoulder. ‘Eh? What a day to jump.’ He flopped down on the chair next to them and Hayley sat too. ‘You ready to go?’ Mark asked.
‘Sure.’ Matthew got up and patted Hayley’s knee. ‘I’ll fetch our stuff,’
‘It’s good to see you,’ Hayley said to Mark.
Mark laughed. ‘See? I said you wouldn’t die.’
She grinned. ‘Is Ellen here too?’
Mark frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Couldn’t you get a babysitter?’
‘What?’
Shit. They don’t have Morgan?
‘Oh. Or someone to look after the dog?’
‘Eh? When did Ellen get a dog?’
Hayley stopped talking.
‘Everything okay?’ Mark asked, leaning forward. ‘You alright?’
‘I thought I was.’ Scratching her forehead she added, almost under her breath, ‘I am married to Matthew, right?’
Mark raised his eyebrows. ‘Eh? Well as good as.’
Before she could ask him what he meant, Matthew reappeared carrying a holdall bag. ‘Ready guys? Meet you out front?’
‘Just a sec,’ Mark said.
He walked over to Neha and slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him. Hayley’s mouth dropped open as she watched them kiss. Mark tucked a stray strand of hair behind Neha’s ear. A small and insignificant gesture, but undeniably intimate. Mark said something to Neha, who put her head back and laughed. They kissed again before Mark walked back to Matthew and Hayley.
‘See you later, love,’ Matthew called over to Neha.
She blew him a kiss and waved to them. ‘Bye guys. Thanks for letting me jump with you, Hayley.’
‘Wh-what the hell was that?’ Hayley stuttered at Mark as they left the hangar.
‘What?’
‘You and … and … that girl?’
‘What’s up with you? It’s been three years.’
‘But … but … what about Ellen?’ Hayley said, her voice shriller than she wanted it to be.
Mark shrugged. ‘What about her?’
‘Is she okay?’
‘Dunno. Don’t care. Ask her when you see her next.’ He pulled his backpack up and strode ahead of her, clearly indicating the end of the conversation.
Out in the car park, Matthew opened the door on a blue Toyota.
‘I’ll sit in the back,’ Hayley offered as she climbed into the seat. ‘That way you boys can talk.’
She didn’t learn much on the way home. Mark and Matthew gassed about the footie and upcoming matches, work and skydiving – but nothing overly personal. Hayley stared out of the window and watched the scenery go by. They’d got onto the M40, driven past High Wycombe and made it all the way to Uxbridge before she made a sound.
‘Where are we going?’ she said.
‘I’ll get petrol and we’ll drop Mark off at Boston Manor, right mate?’
‘Yep, that’s fine.’
Boston Manor? The tube station close to where Matthew lived?
Long forgotten images of the place burst into her mind. He’d had an open-concept apartment with a distinct but not unpleasant industrial feel with its floor-to-ceiling windows and exposed brickwork. Over dinner one night Matthew had said, ‘When my grandma died she left me a bit of money so I bought the apartment. It needed tons of work so it was cheap. I planned on selling it once it was finished but I love it, even if it’s a bit flashy for a maths teacher.’
They pulled into a BP station and Matthew got out to fill up the car.
Hayley cleared her throat. ‘Mark, about you and Ellen –’
‘Please don’t,’ Mark said. ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Everything’s been said already.’
‘But Mark, I –’
‘I said leave it.’
They fell silent until Matthew got back in the car and, after dropping Mark off at the tube station, Matthew drove back to his apartment. As they walked up the stairs to the flat, Matthew held her hand and she couldn’t help noticing the softness of his skin. She shooed the memories of him on top of her out of her mind.
He unlocked the door and opened it for her, then followed and put the holdall down. When he took off his shirt Hayley gulped as she assessed his flat stomach. She wanted to reach out and touch the hair that formed a thin line down his chest and disappeared into his jeans.
It’s just a glimpse … Would it count if we …? None of this is real … No, stop it!
‘I’m going to have a quick shower,’ he said, looking at Hayley as he pulled off his jeans and boxer shorts. ‘Why have you gone all red?’ He laughed. ‘Nothing here you haven’t seen before.’ He walked to the bathroom leaving Hayley to stare at his perfectly round, chocolate derrière.
She tried to snap out of fantasyland by looking around for a phone. Once located, she grabbed it and punched in Ellen’s mobile.
‘Hey,’ Ellen answered lazily. ‘How was your jump?’
‘Surprising,’ said Hayley. ‘Where are you?’
‘I’m taking Mum to her watercolour class. So, was she there?’
‘Who?’
‘Neha, dummy. Was she there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Those two still loved up then? No, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know but –’
‘Ellen,’ Hayley said. ‘What on earth happened to you two?’
CHAPTER 27
1996
Everything I Do
Matthew called a few days after their Mothercare encounter and they arranged to have dinner on Friday night. Hayley decided not to spend two hours getting ready but had a quick shower and reapplied her make-up instead, then settled for jeans, a white long-sleeved top and a pair of black suede boots. She wanted to look understated and casual.
Matthew took her to a restaurant in Brentford she’d never heard of called To Thai For.
‘If you can get past the name,’ Matthew said with a laugh as they walked past the elephant fountain and long wooden tables and benches, ‘the food really is to die for.’
They chatted over crispy shrimp cakes and gaeng keow wan gai. ‘You mentioned your brother has a disability?’ Hayley said and took another bite of the smooth, coconut-flavoured green chicken curry.
Matthew nodded. ‘Asperger’s syndrome.’
‘What’s that?’
‘It’s part of the autism spectrum.’
‘Is it serious?’
‘Well it’s not fatal or anything, so not seri
ous from that perspective. It’s a behavioural disorder. Makes social contact really difficult for him.’
‘Oh, that sounds awful.’
‘Yeah, it can be. Alan had massive tantrums until he was almost fifteen. They didn’t diagnose him until he was a teenager.’
‘Shit,’ said Hayley. ‘That must have been tough on all of you.’
Matthew chased a shrimp cake around his plate with his fork. ‘Nobody could understand why he acted the way he did. One teacher told Mum it all came down to bad parenting. Dad was fit to be tied.’ He shook his head. ‘Alan always had to do things in a certain way, you know, like put his toys away in a specific order.’ He smiled. ‘He never wanted me to help clear up.’
Hayley laughed. ‘That’s convenient.’
‘Definitely.’ He sipped his Singha. ‘When he was ten he’d grown out of this green jacket and Mum wanted me to have it. I was only eight, but I remember him having this massive tantrum. Mum gave in and he went to school wearing a jacket two sizes too small.’ He put his fork down and looked at Hayley, his green eyes sparkling in the candlelight. ‘Is this getting a bit heavy for a first date?’
Hayley reached across the table and touched his hand. ‘Not at all – please, continue.’
‘Well, Alan didn’t hurt people deliberately, only if you got in the way when he freaked out, but he never hurt me. He struggled through mainstream school and did well at the subjects he liked. But he’s different and, well, kids can be mean.’ He scratched his temple, seemingly recalling unpleasant memories. ‘He regularly came home with a bloody nose or a black eye.’
‘He was bullied?’
‘Relentlessly. When I was twelve I got sick of it, hid behind some bushes and pounced on the two kids that had beaten him up again.’
Hayley wrinkled her nose. ‘Uh-oh. What happened?’
Matthew grimaced. ‘The headmaster suspended me for a week and said if it happened again I’d be expelled.’
‘Oops,’ Hayley said. ‘And Alan?’
‘They never touched him again and I earned a reputation of being well ‘ard.’ He laughed. ‘As if! That’s the only time I’ve ever been in a fight. I like helping people, not hurting them.’
‘Is that why you became a teacher?’
‘I think it’s made me a better one. But anyway, enough about my incredibly fascinating past as a juvenile delinquent – what about you?’
She smiled and told him about her work at Simpson & Partners and how much she enjoyed her career. She described her family, Ellen and Mark, and how she loved being an aunt but sometimes wondered if she had a maternal bone in her body.
‘I know what you mean,’ he said, his warm laugh gave her goose bumps. ‘We were like lost sheep in Mothercare.’ As he touched her hand with his long, slim fingers, the butterflies in Hayley’s stomach woke up and fluttered around softly. ‘I’m really glad you spoke to me.’
They didn’t notice that three hours had passed until the waiter started putting the chairs on the tables in a not-so-subtle hint. As Matthew drove her back to her flat, Hayley realised how much she’d enjoyed his company, how calm she’d felt in his presence all evening.
‘I had a great time,’ he said. ‘Can I see you again?’
She looked up at him and smiled. ‘How about dinner again soon? There’s a new Italian place on Hammersmith Road that’s got rave reviews. Apparently their tiramisu is the best.’
‘Oh, I think I know the one. It’s got etchings of the Bridge of Sighs on the front window, right?’ He snapped his fingers. ‘What’s it called again?’
‘Antonio’s.’
‘That’s it! How about next Friday? Same time? I’ll pick you up?’
As Matthew leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek, an image of him on top of her, both of them grinding and writhing, filled her mind. She brushed it away. This time, she decided, she’d take things slow.
*
Ellen and Mark’s wedding in May the following year was a low-key event, with family and close friends. They got married in Bromley Parish Church and had the reception at The Partridge. The temperatures soared to the mid-twenties and, with hardly a cloud in the sky, birds in the blossoming trees seemed to be happily chirping their approval to Ellen and Mark’s marriage. Despite what Hayley had feared would lead to an unorganised, slapdash celebration, it couldn’t have been more perfect.
At the reception, Matthew and Hayley danced to Bryan Adams’ ‘Everything I Do’. Wedding DJs had finally resumed playing the song following a collective but unofficial ban, imposed because the tune had spent sixteen weeks at the top of the charts five years earlier.
‘They look happy, don’t they?’ Matthew said, his hands gently resting in the small of her back, her arms draped around his neck.
Hayley looked at her friends. Ellen resembled a sparkling mermaid in her fishtail wedding dress and her hair in a loose chignon. As Mark stood proudly by her side, their smiles could have powered all of Bromley, and probably beyond.
‘What do you think their secret is?’ Matthew said.
‘Soulmates,’ Hayley answered without a moment’s hesitation. ‘They’ve been together for nine years and will be for another ninety.’
Matthew leaned in and softly kissed her on the lips. Hayley closed her eyes and kissed him back.
I’m lucky to be with such a nice man.
She’d expected him to morph from perfect gentleman into an uncaring arsehole at some point, but he hadn’t. He phoned when he said he would, arrived on time and always held the door for her. He pursued his own hobbies and encouraged her to do the same – even convincing her to sign up for some fitness classes. He took an interest in her work and she in his, and, in the rare cases when they argued, it felt like a discussion more than a row.
Sex in his apartment on their fourth date had been, well, nice. More Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral than Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke in 9 ½ Weeks.
‘I hope we’ll be together for that long too,’ Matthew whispered in her ear, bringing her out of her thoughts and back to the wedding venue, and Hayley wondered why she couldn’t shake the feeling that they wouldn’t be.
Why isn’t what we have enough? What’s wrong with me?
CHAPTER 28
I Wonder …
Hayley heard Matthew humming in the shower as she pressed her ear to the phone.
‘What do you mean, what happened to us?’ asked Ellen. ‘Me and Mark?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why are you doing this, Hayley? You know what happened. I don’t want to talk about it. Anyway, I have to go or Mum will be late for class. I’ll call you next week.’
Before Hayley could respond, Ellen hung up and Matthew walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and another slung around his neck.
‘Ellen?’ he said. Hayley nodded. ‘Did she ask about Neha again?’
‘Yes.’
‘Shit. When is she going to accept he’s moved on?’ He shook his head and started rubbing his hair with the towel. ‘I wish they could have worked things out but I don’t blame him for leaving her. Not after what she did.’
Hayley wondered what she could say to get more information without sounding like an amnesia patient. ‘Do you really think it was that bad?’
Matthew raised his eyebrows. ‘What? Trying to get pregnant with someone else and planning on saying the baby was Mark’s? Yeah, I’d say that’s really bad.’
‘But Ellen would never –’ Then she remembered; a throw-away comment Ellen had made one weekend, a few months before what had turned out to be their last – and successful – round of IVF. Ellen had been at her lowest point and had given up all hope of ever having a child. Mark had organised a karting weekend with Rick and a few other friends, and Ellen and Hayley had stayed with Ellen’s cousin in Cambridge. They were at a pub when Ellen whispered in Hayley’s ear.
‘Don’t look now but a guy by the fireplace, the one with the grey shirt … he keeps looking a
t me.’
Hayley pretended to dig around in her bag on the floor for something and peered under her arm. ‘He’s lovely,’ she whispered as she sat back up. ‘Actually he looks a lot like Mark.’
Ellen nodded, her eyes downcast. ‘Maybe he could get me pregnant. The timing’s right. Mark would never know.’
‘Don’t be daft!’
Ellen’s eyes welled up. ‘But what if he leaves me because I can’t have a baby?’
She hadn’t meant it, Hayley knew that, it was the booze and desperation talking. But the comment had made Hayley suggest to Rick they offer to pay for a round of IVF.
She didn’t sleep with the guy in the bar. I was there. I know she didn’t.
Matthew had continued talking, ‘… such a waste. I hope you’ve stopped blaming yourself. I know you keep saying if you’d been there it would never have happened but it’s not your fault we had the flu.’
‘But she didn’t get pregnant …’ Hayley said.
‘Well no. But still. I don’t blame Mark for leaving her when she finally told him. Anyway. It’s been three years. She’ll have to get over it at some point.’ He smiled at her. ‘Hungry?’
Right on cue, a loud growl emanated from her stomach.
Matthew laughed. ‘I’ll take that as a yes. Fancy scrambled eggs on toast?’
‘I’ll make some,’ Hayley said, thinking it might bring some normality to the situation.
He rubbed his hands together. ‘Beautiful. Yours are much better. I think we have enough eggs. By the way, your ring’s on the bathroom cabinet. I moved it ‘cos I didn’t want it to disappear down the plughole. Give me a minute to put some clothes on and I’ll lay the table.’
Hayley almost answered that clothes were vastly overrated in her opinion but stopped herself and went to the bathroom instead. She slipped on the engagement ring, admiring the tulip solitaire as she twisted her hand around. She’d forgotten how much she’d liked it. Then she recalled the hurt in Matthew’s eyes when she’d given it back to him.
Time After Time Page 16
