by Kitty Neale
A hand covered hers, the fingers gnarled with arthritis and skin freckled with age. ‘Come on, Sally, tell us what’s wrong. As the saying goes, a trouble shared is a trouble halved,’ her gran urged.
Oh Gran, she thought as her hand was gently squeezed again, you’re going to be so ashamed of me. Yet she had to tell them, she had no choice. ‘I’m having a baby,’ she finally blurted out, feeling her face flame.
Silence – there was utter silence. Raising her face, she saw both her mum and gran sitting frozen like statues, staring at her in disbelief.
‘No, you can’t be,’ her mother finally gasped. ‘It takes two, Sally, and you ain’t had a bloke since you broke up with John. How can you be pregnant?’
‘Are you sure, Sally? I mean, how far are you gone?’ her gran asked.
‘I haven’t had a period for two months,’ she whispered.
Her mother’s eyes narrowed calculatingly. ‘That was about the time of Arthur’s going-away party, and if you met a bloke there, you’ve kept it bloody quiet.’
Sally jumped as her mum suddenly slammed her fist on the table, shouting, ‘Whoever it is, you’ll ’ave to marry him, my girl – and quick too!’
‘Calm down, Ruth,’ Sadie intervened, ‘Now, Sally, tell us, who ’ave you been seeing?’
She shook her head. ‘I haven’t been seeing anyone. I don’t know who the father is,’ she lied.
‘Don’t know? You don’t know!’ her mother screamed, jumping up and pacing the floor. ‘You must know, you soppy cow. Or are you gonna tell us yer the Virgin Mary?’ She added sarcastically.
‘Wait a minute, Ruth,’ Sadie urged. ‘There must be some explanation.’ She leaned forward. ‘Sally, did a man force himself on you? Were you raped – is that what happened?’
‘No, no!’ she exclaimed. What could she say? How could she hide the truth from them? ‘It was the party – I had too much to drink. There was someone, but I don’t remember who it was.’
Her mother marched across the room and Sally winced as she grabbed her arm painfully. ‘You’re telling me you got drunk, had sex with someone, but you don’t know who it was? You’re a slut, Sally Marchant, a filthy, dirty little slut!’
‘Stop it, Ruth!’ Sadie cried, ‘Shouting and bawling ain’t gonna solve anything. We need to think, decide what to do.’
Ruth’s eyes were like venomous slits. ‘Well, to start with she’ll ’ave to go away. Can you imagine the field day our neighbours would ’ave if they found out? Bleedin’ hell, there’s enough scandal in the Lane as it is. Don’t you remember how everyone reacted when Judy Wilson got pregnant without getting married! Christ, her mother walked around with her head down for ages, she was so ashamed.’ She threw a look of disgust at Sally. ‘Bloody hell, how could you do this to me?’ she spat.
‘I’m sorry Mum.’
‘Sorry? You’re sorry? My God, I could kill you.’
‘Ruth, that’s enough!’ Sadie shouted. ‘I’m ashamed of you, talking like that. Who are you to throw stones? Have you forgotten what you got up to during the war? Were you any less of a slut?’
Ruth gave an agonised gasp and dropped onto a chair. She folded her arms on the table, laying her head down on them as her shoulders started to shake with sobs.
Sadie got up to stand by her side, stroking her hair gently. ‘I’m sorry, but it had to be said. You’ve put your daughter on a pedestal, and when you do that it’s always painful when they fall off. Now come on, it’s not the end of the world. She’s not the first girl to get into trouble and she won’t be the last. We’ll work something out.’
They were quiet then, waiting for her mum to calm down, the dinner congealed on their plates. Sally hung her head, deep in thought. Mum had said she would have to move out, but where could she go?
It was her gran who finally came up with a solution. ‘I’ve got an idea. She could go and stay with Mary.’
Ruth raised her face, dashing away the tears with her fingers. ‘Yeah, she could do that, and we can tell people she’s got a new live-in job. But what about when she’s had the kid – what then?’
‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but for now I’m going to give Mary a ring and ask her to come round. I’m sure Elsie won’t mind if I use her telephone.’
Sally stood up; they were talking about her as if she wasn’t there, as if she had no say in the matter. ‘I’m going upstairs,’ she told them, quietly leaving the room, unable to bear the pain in her mother’s eyes any longer.
Mary arrived an hour later and looked absolutely dumbfounded when Sadie told her that Sally was pregnant. ‘I simply can’t believe it,’ she said. ‘When you rang and asked me to come round, this was the last thing I expected. Who’s the father?’
‘We don’t know and that’s why we needed to see you,’ Sadie told her daughter.
‘What do you mean, you don’t know? Won’t Sally tell you who it is?’
‘No,’ Sadie answered shortly.
‘But I don’t understand. This isn’t like Sally – there must be a reason.’
Ruth spoke at last, a scowl on her face as she said, ‘Oh, there’s a reason all right. She got drunk and had it off with a bloke, but can’t remember who it was.’
Mary’s face stretched into an expression of disbelief. ‘No, I’m sorry, I just don’t believe it. I know Sally – she wouldn’t do a thing like that.’
‘Huh, well I can assure you she did. Your precious niece opened her legs to a stranger and she’s got a bleedin’ bun in the oven to prove it.’
‘All right, Ruth, there’s no need to be coarse,’ Mary snapped, her lips curled with distaste.
‘Oh, I beg yer pardon, I forgot what a little prude you are.’
Jumping to her feet, Mary pulled her gloves on. ‘I don’t have to listen to this. I came round because Mum said you needed to see me urgently. I didn’t come here to be insulted.’
‘Wait, love,’ Sadie urged. ‘Take no notice of Ruth. She’s in a bit of a state, and surely you can understand why.’
Mary sighed with exasperation. ‘All right, Mum. I suppose you have a point.’ She sat down again, crossing one leg over the other and swinging her foot impatiently. ‘Now then, what are you going to do about this situation?’
‘We wondered if you’d let Sally stay with you?’ Sadie told her.
Mary blinked rapidly, obviously surprised at the request, but after a short pause answered, ‘Yes, all right. But how does Sally feel about it?’
‘She’ll do as she’s bloody well told,’ Ruth snapped.
‘Wait a minute though, have you thought this through? Yes, coming to stay with me will hide the fact that she’s pregnant, but when she’s had the baby, what then?’
‘I dunno, it’s come as such a shock that I can’t think straight. I suppose she could ’ave it adopted.’
‘That’s Sally’s decision, Ruth, not yours’ Sadie said tartly.
‘Well, she ain’t bringing it back here, so she won’t ’ave much choice.’ Then, pushing herself out of the chair and walking to the bottom of the stairs, Ruth yelled, ‘Sally, get down here!’
Sally agreed to their arrangements, happy to go to her aunt’s. They had worked it out that she could continue going to work by getting the bus each morning, but then things became heated again when they raised the subject of the baby.
‘You’ll ’ave to get it adopted, Sally,’ her mum spat.
‘No, never, I won’t do that. I’ll look after it, save as much money as I can while I’m working, and then, well …’she floundered.
‘Yeah, that’s stumped you, hasn’t it, my girl? You ain’t got any choice – you can’t keep it. Adoption is the only solution.’
‘There must be another way!’ Sally cried desperately.
‘Well, you can’t bring it home to Candle Lane. How are we supposed to explain you turning up with a child and no husband – answer me that?’
Sally couldn’t stand the poison in her mother’s voice and felt her eyes brimmi
ng with tears. It was her aunt who intervened. ‘I think we should worry about this later, Ruth. Let’s just sort things out one step at a time.’
‘Yeah, all right. I’ve had enough for one night anyway and me head’s splitting,’ she said, looking at Sally reproachfully.
‘Can I go back to my room now?’ Sally whispered, unable to stand much more.
‘Yeah, go on, get out of my sight,’ her mother said unkindly.
The next day Sally found it just as hard to tell Elsie and Ann. It was useless trying to hide it from them, the atmosphere at home would soon give the game away. Her mum was stiff with repressed anger and barely talking to her.
She hung her head in shame as she broke the news, but although they were shocked, they responded with compassion. The worst part was lying about the father. They looked horrified when she told them she didn’t know who it was, but unlike her mother, they were still kind.
‘Drink can do terrible things,’ Elsie said sadly. ‘I could see you weren’t yourself at the party and guessed you were still upset about John.’ She sighed. ‘These things happen and though it’s a bit late, I expect you’ve learned your lesson.’
Sally bit her lip painfully. John, she thought. Elsie thought she was upset about John! She wanted to scream, to shout, that it was Arthur she loved, not John.
‘Are you sure you want to go to your auntie’s?’ Elsie asked. ‘You could come to stay with us in Wimbledon.’
‘Yes, do come, Sally,’ Ann urged.
She was overwhelmed by their kindness. ‘Thank you, I’d love to, but all the arrangements have been made now. I’m to go to Tooting in about a month’s time. Mr Jacobs said I can carry on working for as long as I want and even said he’d keep my job open for me.’
‘He’s a good man,’ Elsie mused, ‘but I don’t know how you’ll be able to carry on working when you’ve had the baby.’
‘Mr Jacobs said I can take it to work with me.’
Elsie shook her head doubtfully. ‘It might work, I suppose, but it won’t be easy.’
No, Sally thought, it won’t – and where will I live? Her mother had been adamant that she wouldn’t have her back home with a baby.
‘Do you know, I saw in the cards that I was going to get news of a baby, and there I was thinking it would be from my Arthur,’ Elsie said, breaking into her thoughts.
‘Give them a chance, Mum, they aren’t married yet,’ Ann said.
Sally had to bite back the words that wanted to spring from her lips, almost telling Elsie that she would get news of another baby soon, that Jenny was pregnant too. She stood up quickly, afraid that she would break down. ‘I had better go, but when you move can I still come to see you in Wimbledon?’ she asked hopefully. ‘I’ll understand if you’d rather I kept away.’
‘Of course you can, Sally. Crumbs, you haven’t got the plague, love, you’re having a baby,’ Elsie told her, reaching out to grasp her hand. ‘If you need us, please don’t hesitate to let us know.’
Ann put an arm around her shoulders as they walked to the door. ‘I’m so sorry, Sally. It must be awful for you.’
‘I’ll be all right, don’t worry. Bye, Ann, bye, Elsie,’ she choked, as she hurried out.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sally’s eighteenth birthday in February came and went with little to mark the occasion. Elsie was moving on Saturday and her mother, already upset about her pregnancy, was now deeply unhappy about her friend’s imminent departure.
‘I think it’s about time you went to yer aunt’s, Sally,’ she said irritably, staring at her daughter’s stomach.
‘But I’m hardly showing yet, Mum.’
‘Yes you are. Look, I can see a bump already.’
‘Blimey, Ruth,’ Sadie spluttered, ‘surely there’s no need to make her go just yet?’
‘I ain’t having the neighbours tittle-tattling, Mum,’ Ruth said decisively. ‘If I can see it, you can be sure other people will notice too. You can go to Mary’s on Sunday, Sally.’
‘Yes, all right,’ she answered dully. What difference does it make, she thought. And perhaps it would be better to be away from her mother’s constant carping. ‘Do you mind if I pop round to see Ann? I said I’d give her a hand to sort her room out.’
‘No, I’ll be glad to see the back of you,’ Ruth said spitefully.
‘Stop picking on the girl,’ Sadie intervened, jumping to Sally’s defence. ‘I know yer upset about Elsie moving away, but you shouldn’t keep snapping at Sally like that.’
‘I’ll talk to her how I bloody well like,’ Ruth shouted. ‘She’s my daughter, not yours, and I wish to God that she’d never been born.’
‘Shut up!’ Sadie retorted. ‘I’m sick to death of the way yer carrying on, and saying that is the final straw.’ Levering herself up from the chair, she threw a look of disgust at her daughter. ‘I’m going to me own room, and I don’t think I can stand to be in the same house as you for much longer.’
With a stricken look at them both, Sally scurried out. Argue, that was all they did nowadays, and it was all her fault.
‘Are you all right?’ Elsie asked as soon as she stepped into her kitchen.
‘Yes,’ she said, blinking her eyes to stem the tears that Elsie’s concern had brought to the surface.
‘Give it time, Sally. Your mum will come round.’
‘No, I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me.’
‘Of course she will. Once you’ve had the baby she’ll love it, darling. She won’t be able to resist her first grandchild.’
‘Do you really think so?’ Sally asked hopefully.
‘You wait and see. Somehow I just know that everything is going to be all right for you.’
‘Oh, I hope so,’ she whispered.
‘I’ve sent a letter to Arthur to give him our new address,’ Elsie said now, changing the subject as she sat down, ‘but I’m worried about him, Sally. We’ve only had that one letter from him, and that was just after he arrived in Australia.’
Sally frowned. Arthur and Jenny must be married by now; after all, she was probably about six months’ pregnant. Why hadn’t he written to tell his mother?
‘Perhaps he’s still trying to move out of the hostel and is waiting until he gets a permanent address,’ she offered, unable to think of any other explanation.
‘I suppose that’s possible,’ Elsie said doubtfully, ‘but something’s telling me that it’s more than that.’
Seeing that Elsie was close to tears and hoping to divert her mind, Sally said, ‘With all these crates piled up I can see you’ve nearly finished packing. I came round to give Ann a hand.’
‘Oh, she isn’t in, love, she’s gone out with Billy. Her head’s in the clouds these days and she must have forgotten about it.’
‘It doesn’t matter, it wasn’t a firm arrangement,’ Sally assured her, dreading the thought of returning home. ‘I’m going to my aunt’s on Sunday, and as she’s on the telephone I’ll be able to ring you occasionally.’
‘Don’t just ring us, Sally. Come to see us in Wimbledon as often as you like. I’m going to miss you, love.’
‘Thanks, Elsie, I’m going to miss you too,’ and feeling a lump in her throat, she turned hurriedly to leave. ‘I’d better go now, I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she said huskily.
‘Bye, love. And keep your chin up.’
As Sally stepped out into the yard, she paused to look up at the sky. No stars were visible through the polluted atmosphere, but she could just see a misty crescent moon, and couldn’t help her thoughts turning to Arthur. Was the sky above him blue, the sun hot? His face floated into her mind, the gentle smile when he looked at her, the love she had seen in his eyes. A dog suddenly barked, snapping her out of her reverie. Cut it out, she berated herself. You’ve got to stop thinking about him. He’s gone, gone for ever.
It had been hard saying goodbye on Saturday morning. The removals van had left, driven by Bert’s partner, but Elsie and Ann had stood hovering on the pavement, their e
xpressions stricken as they gazed from the empty house to Ruth, Sally and Sadie, waiting outside to see them off.
Other neighbours came out to wish them luck, amongst them Peggy Green and Nelly Cox – and even old bossy boots Joan Mason looked sad as she said goodbye.
There had been tears, and hugs, until Bert finally ran out of patience and ushered his wife and daughter into the car.
And now I’m leaving too, Sally thought, as she loaded her cases into a taxi, sent courtesy of her aunt on Sunday morning. She climbed in, closing the door and giving a small wave to her mum and gran. The Lane was deserted as the taxi drove off, looking bleak and cold in the early morning light – as bleak as her feelings as she wondered what the future held.
After that awful parting, her aunt’s welcome had been surprisingly warm, lifting Sally’s spirits a little.
She soon became addicted to television, having only seen it on the odd occasion before. Now she watched it avidly every evening. Dixon of Dock Green, Emergency Ward Ten and I Love Lucy, they all took her into another world where she could forget her troubles for a while.
There was a slight softening in her mother’s attitude when she came to visit, and just lately she seemed jealous of Sally’s easy interactions with her aunt.
Now Sally was staring out of the window, her eyes scanning the street. It was Sunday morning and she was expecting her mum and gran. There they were, walking slowly along, her gran limping slightly. Time to give her some healing, she thought as she went to the front door to let them in.
Her mum as usual avoided looking at her stomach, but her gran gave her a wide smile. ‘How are you, Sally? Yer showing a bit more now.’
‘Fine, but my legs are swelling up. Sid’s put a stool behind the counter and insists I sit down as much as possible. He clucks around me like a mother hen,’ she added fondly.
‘Huh,’ was all her mother said.
Mary came in carrying the tea tray and Sally smiled when her gran gave her a grin, guessing what was coming. She still took great delight in winding her eldest daughter up and was now looking with glee at the biscuits piled on a plate.
