by Sandy James
How odd. He was going to fight for a relationship, something he’d all but vowed never to do after his father’s diagnosis, not wanting to burden a significant other with that sharp sword perpetually hanging over his head.
Yet the more time he spent with Joslynn, the more determined he became that they could—no, would—share something more than a bed. If Russ had his way, it would grow and evolve into the kind of love his parents shared, one that went beyond the here and now and embraced the future—even if his future might include a horrible illness.
That thought gave him pause. Was he setting her up for the prospect of watching him deteriorate?
For the first time since his father’s diagnosis, Russ wondered if his own future wasn’t necessarily written in stone. Was he truly doomed to be reduced to what his father was slowly and agonizingly becoming?
He found that he didn’t have the courage to find out for sure. His father’s doctor had offered genetic testing, but Russ had declined. For now he simply preferred to stay in a state of denial rather than discover that he was doomed.
Nothing in life was certain. Nothing.
Joslynn inspired him to take a chance. She was worth the gamble. Even if there might one day be a genetic storm coming their way.
Why throw his future away, especially if the odds might not be stacked against him—against them? Why not try to discover if the connection he felt to Josie could be more than a few tumbles between the sheets and an awkward parting?
“Well?” Josie had drawn her lips into a tight line. “You wanted to talk. Let’s talk.”
He hadn’t realized he’d lost himself so deeply in thought. “I think we should take things slow. Physically, I mean.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me?”
That statement made him laugh. “Of course I want you. I want you badly.”
She cocked her head. “Then I don’t understand, Russ.”
“I think we should take a little more time before we…get too physical.”
“Because…?”
He answered with honesty. “Because I think we might have something special here, and I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Special? You mean like boyfriend and girlfriend? No. No way.” She shook her head.
Russ blinked a few times, unsure why the tone of her voice was so adamant. “Why not?”
“I’m not looking to tie myself down,” Josie replied. “I’ve never been one for having a boyfriend.” She gave him a sharp frown as she again crossed her arms under her breasts as though hugging herself. Her gaze drifted away until she was staring at the wall.
It wasn’t what she said as much as how she said it. Adding the shakiness of her words to her body language, Russ realized there was a reason she was so resistant to the idea.
Joslynn was afraid.
But of what?
As always, he dove in headfirst. “What’s got you so scared?”
Her head whipped around, and she frowned at him. “Scared? I’m not scared.”
“Horse shit.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re terrified of getting involved with me.”
“I am involved with you.” She let out an inelegant little snort. “At least I was trying to be involved with you.”
He shook his head. “You’re talking about wanting sex. I want more.”
“More?” Her tone was incredulous. “What more could you want?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I want the whole damn thing. I want our own happily-ever-after.”
* * *
Joslynn let out a rueful laugh, not at all surprised when he glared at her in response. “There’s no such thing as a happily-ever-after, Russ. Those don’t exist.”
Russ cocked his head. “You really believe that?”
She shot him a curt nod, hoping he’d stop saying stupid things.
Life had shown her that all connections were fleeting. People might say they were in love, but what they truly meant was that they were in lust. The going got tough, and someone always left.
Fuck happily-ever-after.
Without another word, he strode over to a set of shelves next to his television. One of the tiers was full of picture frames, something she’d been too preoccupied to notice when they’d come inside. After picking up one of the frames, he came to sit next to her on the sofa. He set it on her lap. “Tell these two that.”
The picture was clearly old, a black-and-white image. Two smiling faces from long ago stared back at her—a beaming bride and groom, looking ready to take on the whole world.
“Who are they?” she asked, her voice only a whisper.
“My grandparents. Their happily-ever-after lasted sixty-one years.”
While Joslynn was inclined to shrug that story away, she didn’t. Not only would it hurt Russ’s feelings, but she wouldn’t negate what these two people had achieved.
Yet the idea of a couple staying together sixty-plus years was hard to grasp. There had to be something different about them, something that made their connection last when myriad others had broken apart.
Perhaps they were older when they said their vows, which meant their marriage was a commitment made between two mature people who’d had a chance to live and were ready to be tied down. She’d heard of those kinds of couples staying together. “When did they marry? In their late twenties? Early thirties?”
He chuckled. “Hardly. They tied the knot right out of high school. Grandma was barely eighteen,” he replied, lightly touching the photograph of the woman’s face. “Grandpa was close to twenty.”
Joslynn shrugged and set the frame on the coffee table. “I guess they were lucky.”
“My parents have been married thirty-eight years.”
She simply shrugged again.
“I like you, Josie. A lot.” The serious tone of his voice felt like a punch to the gut.
“I like you too, but liking doesn’t mean we’ll be successful in a relationship like your parents or your grandparents. They aren’t the usual. Not in this day and age. Couples don’t stay together anymore. Getting married is just the first step toward getting divorced. Relationships are nothing but heartache waiting to happen.”
He stared at her, frowning. “Are you divorced?”
The man was fishing for personal information, which was enough to make her squirm. “No.”
“Your parents are, though, right?”
She’d have to distract him from his inquisition. The last thing she’d wanted tonight was to start sharing her life’s story. Blabbing about her father’s betrayal, her mother’s emotional distance? Discussing how her own childhood trials had been what cost her parents any chance of happiness? Those were cards she had no intention of showing anyone, not even someone as special as Russ.
The sexual heat still flaring inside her made her want to show him that there were better things they could be doing. She put her hand on his thigh and inched up the thick muscle, hoping to give him something more pleasurable to think about. “Look, Russ…Can’t we forget this happily-ever-after stuff for now? There are ways we can spend our time that are a helluva lot more fun.”
His hand covered hers. “Is that really all you want? Just a roll in the hay?”
How was she supposed to answer that?
No man had ever been worth more than a “roll in the hay” to her. Except…
No, she wasn’t taking that trip down memory lane. Once upon a time, when she’d been young and stupid, she’d opened her heart and let someone in.
Her reward for that love and trust?
Her heart had been shredded and tossed right back to her.
Then there was her “beloved” father…
Another trip down wretched memory lane better left untraveled.
Yet Russ had her so confused, she wasn’t sure how to respond to his question. Yes, of course she wanted to sleep with him, to see how great they’d be together in bed. The desire for him racing throug
h her was deeper than she’d ever felt for any man, and the chemistry was undeniable.
But could that mean she’d finally found someone she was willing to open up to, to take a chance again? Someone with whom she could share something other than passion?
Fairy tales. Love was only for fairy tales, not for real life. “Relationships are doomed to fail, Russ. That might’ve worked for your grandparents, even for your parents, but people don’t stay together anymore.”
“What about Savannah and Brad?”
“They’re great together, but…” She shrugged. “Time will tell.”
“And the same for Chelsea and Ethan?”
“They’re all grown-ups. They’ve lived enough to know what they want.”
“Aren’t we grown-ups, too?”
All she did was shrug again, but his arguments were wearing her down, much to her astonishment.
Can he be right? “Maybe…But…”
He cocked an eyebrow. “So you’re not willing to give us a try? You’re not even going to give me a chance to prove you wrong?” He surprised her when he brushed his mouth over hers. A quick kiss that was over and done in the blink of an eye. “There’s something here, Josie. You know it as well as I do. There’s something that might just be that more that people are always searching for, and I want to know if we can have something special. I want to know that we are at least willing to try.”
* * *
Josie had been hurt. That much was plain. But when? By whom?
She wasn’t going to make things easy for him. This was going to be a prize Russ would have to wage war to win.
And deep down, his gut was telling him that was exactly what he should do. Fight for her.
He stood, pulling her up with him. Then he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she lay her cheek against his shoulder. “I like you, Josie. A lot. And I want you. But for the first time in a long, long time, I want to see if I might have finally found a woman I can share everything with.” He nudged her chin up so he could see her eyes. “You might not believe two people can stay together, but won’t you give me the chance to try to prove you wrong?”
Emotions played across her beautiful face, but Russ couldn’t read them. He was pretty sure there was no anger, but was she showing him fear?
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said. “I can’t read your mind.”
“I like you too,” she said.
He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I know a lot of other guys would shut the hell up and just take you to bed. But if we take that step now, too quickly, you and I both know we’re probably killing any chance of having something more long-term.”
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
He nodded.
Her lips pulled into a tight line. “I’ve never seen a relationship that works.”
“Never?” He wasn’t sure how to respond. “What about your parents?”
“Dad left the moment I got—he left before I really even knew him.”
“Grandparents?”
“My mother never knew her father. He died in Vietnam a few months before she was born. I’ve never had any contact with anyone from my sperm donor’s family.”
Sperm donor? No wonder the woman had commitment issues. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be.”
There was clearly more to the story, but she’d opened up a lot for one night. The rest would come with time and trust.
Russ kissed her, a slow, deep kiss. When he pulled back, Josie followed him, putting her lips against his again. Then she eased back and let out a small sigh.
“Okay,” she said with a brusque nod.
“Okay what?”
“Okay…you win. We do this the old-fashioned way. I can’t promise you anything…”
“I only want one promise,” he insisted. “Just be honest with me. That’s all I can ask.”
“Honesty, huh?” Her coy smile made his heart skip a beat. “Then I can honestly tell you that you’d better take me home now, or I’m gonna change my mind and jump you instead of letting us get to know each other.”
Sweeping his arm toward the door, he said, “Your chariot awaits, m’lady.”
Chapter Eight
The next day, Joslynn wasn’t surprised to find Russ waiting when she got to the park for her morning run. She was quickly discovering his tenacity, a trait she couldn’t help but admire. He was sitting on the same bench she usually stretched against, his arms draped casually over the back, his legs extended in front of him and crossed at the ankles.
At least he’d come ready to run, dressed in a Kentucky Wildcats T-shirt, dark shorts, and what looked to be brand-new Nikes that were suitable for jogging. The grin on his handsome face made her smile in return.
“You’re here,” she said when she reached him.
“I am.”
“Not too sore to try it again?”
“Oh, I’m plenty sore,” he said with a chuckle. “But I know the best thing to do is work through it. So tell me about this running program you’ve developed for me.”
Casting a glance back to her car, she frowned. “I need to get my tablet. I’ve got the whole thing programmed into an app and—”
Russ shook his head. “No need. Just give me the CliffsNotes version.”
“But I could get my tablet and show you—”
Coming to stand in front of her, he set his hands on her shoulders. “It’s fine, Josie. I’m not that picky about things.”
But I am! she wanted to shout.
The admission wasn’t easy. Keeping a tight rein on things was an enormous part of her personality, but it wasn’t until he’d thrown out the term that she realized exactly how much of a control freak she’d become. At that moment, she was fighting the nearly irresistible need to show him the running program she’d spent hours designing for him.
“Can’t we just…run?” he asked.
She shrugged. “I guess…”
His lips touched hers. Then he tossed her a smile that chased the frown from her face. “Let’s get to it.” Turning, he started jogging away from her.
Despite the urge to call him back to look at the tablet, she followed, happy to see no hitch in his gait that might show that his last run had caused any real harm.
Thankfully, the rhythm of the run and her desire to help him improve quickly distracted her. Before long, she was offering him suggestions and tips as they worked their way around the park.
She decided to forget the damn tablet.
* * *
Russ wasn’t about to turn into a big baby again. While Josie might’ve surprised him last time they ran together, he’d awakened that morning with the same mind-set he’d always had on the football field.
Show no pain.
The added benefit of their agreement from the night before was that he could concentrate on plans for things to do with her as a couple instead of focusing on the way his calves were screaming at him.
By mile three, he was getting close to admitting defeat. Before he could call a halt, she veered to a shelter with a picnic table. “I need to stop for a second,” she announced. Putting the front of her feet on the slab, she dropped her heels before rising on tiptoes. “My calves are tight.”
How did she know the exact thing he needed? He joined her on the slab, giving his own calves a much-needed stretch.
Eyes on his lower legs, she kept alternating between lowering her heels and then rising to her toes. “You might want to get some inserts. They’ll help those Achilles.” With a nod to his shoes, Josie said, “Those shoes look fine, but some good inserts will help you.”
“Want to go help me find some after we run?”
To his disappointment, she shook her head. “Much as I’d like to, I’d better catch some sleep. Got a shift tonight.” Straightening, she gave him a smile. “Ready to get back at it, or are you crying ‘uncle’ again?”
He returned the smile, catching his second wind. “Let’s see
exactly how far you can push me.” On that, he sprinted toward the running trail, enjoying her laughter as she quickly caught up with him.
Before he was entirely out of breath again, he said, “When do you have time off again?”
“I’ve got a three-in-a-row; then I’ll have two days off.”
“Wanna go catch dinner and a movie after your three days on?”
“Sure thing.” Pitching him a wink, she sprinted ahead of him. “If you can catch me.”
* * *
Later that evening, while on a break, Joslynn filled her Styrofoam cup with hazelnut coffee. Taking a seat at one of the tables by the window, she kept an eye on the cafeteria entrance.
Savannah had called, wanting to talk to her while she was on a break. Not a surprise since Jos had reached out to her friend in a bit of a panic after Russ had taken her home the night before. Even now, waiting for Savannah to show up, she felt as though she were on pins and needles.
Why? Because Russ had used the one word that could send her anxiety soaring.
“Relationship.”
He had turned down what had promised to be hot sex because he wanted to give the two of them time to get to know each other better. How old-fashioned was that?
Yet his logic stuck in her mind, twirling in her thoughts. She’d had a few “friends with benefits” over the years, and once the sex began, that was the focus of all of their time together. There weren’t any leisurely dinners where they talked about themselves. There weren’t any dates that included things like holding hands or exchanging sweet kisses. There was only the ultimate goal of physical satisfaction.
Joslynn’s pairing with Matthew had lasted nine months, the longest of any of her other…
Her other what? Relationships? Sex partners? Fuck buddies?
And in all that time, she and Matthew had shared practically no intimacy beyond the physical. She wasn’t even sure where he’d grown up or if his parents were still in the picture.
Maybe Russ was right. If they really wanted to get to know each other, it was probably better to keep their clothes on for a while.
