When she’d wanted to wear both her butterfly necklace and her mother’s dogwood one, her grandmother hadn’t said a word. Maybe there was hope for these children to grow up happy after all.
Farrin was vaguely aware of Drew taking one of her gloved hands and Tammie taking the other as everyone bowed their heads for the final prayer. Farrin didn’t bow, nor close her eyes. Instead, she stared at the coffin and those daisies shivering in the frigid breeze. Then she glanced at Dara and Jason. She already missed them and they were only a few feet away.
The prayer ended, and the mourners began to move away from the gravesite. Farrin was unable to move by herself, relying instead on guidance from Drew as he guided her back to his SUV. They followed the other cars in silence as they traveled the couple of miles to the Carlisles’ home in the Vista Ridge subdivision.
The ladies of the First Baptist Church had filled the kitchen with enough food to feed the town twice over. Drew fixed Farrin a plate, but she only nibbled on a dinner roll. How could these people eat? How was it even possible to force the bites past their tongues and into their throats without choking?
She tossed her full plate in the trash and walked outside. And kept walking despite the bitter cold and the snow flurries flying through the air. By the time she reached Faye’s house and her rental car, her feet ached and her legs were frozen. But rather than going inside to warm herself, she got into the car and drove away.
When she drove the length of the little one-lane road leading back to the Tandy Creek Cemetery and found herself staring out the window at the rows of tombstones, it surprised her. She’d returned to Oak Valley nearly five months before, and this was the first time she’d visited her mother’s grave.
Shame had kept her away. It was a day of endings, so it seemed only right that today should be the day she made amends and put that shame away forever.
She got out of the car and walked through the rows of leaning stones, some of them so old you could no longer read the inscriptions that might have adorned them. Tandy Creek Baptist Church was the oldest in the county, and some of the graves dated back to the late 1700s. In a much newer part of the cemetery, Farrin stopped in front of the stone she hadn’t seen in too many years.
“Hi, Mom.” She paused, almost wishing she’d hear her mother’s voice. “I’m . . . I’m so sorry.”
For not visiting, for running away, for saying those awful things, for being embarrassed of you.
“Please forgive me.” She sank to the ground, heedless of the wet, cold grass, and let the sobs take her.
****
“Farrin! Farrin, wake up.”
She came awake as if lifting to the surface of the ocean from the inky depths below.
“Dear God, you scared me.”
Farrin looked at Drew’s face in the darkness, lit only by the church’s small security light. Her body ached. Perhaps she’d frozen solid. Her eyes itched from the tears with which she’d soaked her mother’s grave. She was totally, utterly spent, but she’d said everything she needed to. And she’d swear that just before she gave in to exhaustion, she’d felt a soft hand caress her head.
Drew picked her up and carried her to his vehicle, buckled her in and turned on the heat full blast. The ride back to his house passed in a haze, his voice on the phone telling Faye he’d found Farrin and she appeared okay barely filtering through.
This man she’d grown to love more than she knew how to express carried her inside, straight to his bedroom, and took off her damp, dirty clothes. He placed her under the covers and after kicking off his shoes and suit jacket, crawled in beside her, pulling her body back against his to give her warmth. She didn’t realize how cold she was until she felt the heat of him. And then she began to shiver.
Farrin didn’t know how many minutes passed before she managed to stop shivering. She lay staring at the window, wondering if Janie was sitting on one of those stars, healthy and whole again, watching her and smiling. The thought gave her comfort. And courage.
“Drew?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
He tightened his arms around her. “I love you, too.” He said the words as if he’d known about her love all along.
****
“When are you leaving?” Drew asked at the breakfast table the next morning.
She knew what he meant by the way he asked the question. “This afternoon. I need to get away for a while, get my head back on straight.”
He nodded, whether he truly understood or not. She wasn’t sure she did. All she knew for certain was that she needed to leave Oak Valley, flee from the new sorrow attached to it now. Maybe then she could decide which life she wanted to lead.
Saying goodbye to Jason and Dara was more difficult than anything she’d ever done, and Dara wouldn’t release her hand until she swore she’d come back. Of course she would. She had friends here, an investment about which she couldn’t seem to make a decision. And a man who meant so much to her, it was frightening.
****
“Turn around,” Farrin said, spinning her finger in the air. Erika, the house model, spun, showing all sides of the newest bridal design. “That looks good. Thanks.”
Erika, used to the routine, stepped off the podium and headed for the dressing room.
Farrin looked at Justine. “What’s next?”
“We head for the airport.”
Farrin looked at her watch, surprised to see another day had flown by. Since returning to New York six weeks ago, she’d fallen back into old habits — keeping a very crammed schedule and working to exhaustion. Only this time it wasn’t so much a deadline pushing her as a desire to not have time to think. Whenever she stopped to rest, she remembered how much she missed Janie, the twins, Faye and Tammie. And Drew.
She talked to him every night and, bless him, he didn’t push her. He never ended a call without telling her he loved her and that he missed her, but he didn’t demand to know when she was coming back. He’d given her the time away she needed, and she’d filled it with Fashion Week, a night at the Oscars, a trip to Rome to consult with an Italian heiress on a wedding gown, and the millions of other tasks that kept her busy. Now it was time to go back and see how life in Oak Valley would feel without Janie. Time to figure out what she wanted to do about the inn and where she and Drew went from here.
The grand opening of Faye’s, a new beginning full of hope and excitement, seemed the perfect time to go. And Justine had bugged her so much about her “other life” that she’d invited her to come along. Wait until Oak Valley got a peek at her.
By the time they had their flight and the last stretch of interstate behind them, Justine was wondering if she’d made a mistake. “Don’t they have streetlights out here?”
“In town. This is not a street. It’s a county road.”
“The road to where, the bottom of a coal mine?”
When an opossum trundled out in front of the car and Farrin had to hit the brakes, Justine gasped so hard she choked and started coughing. After getting her breathing under control, she asked, “What was that?”
“Around here, we call them ‘possums.”
“What the hell?”
“Basically, a big, cross-eyed rodent whose sole purpose in life is to be run over by cars.”
“How long are we staying here again?”
Farrin laughed, and her lungs balked at the unfamiliar reaction. When was the last time she’d laughed? Maybe seeing Justine so incredibly out of her element was the cure for what ailed her.
If the trip had unsettled Justine, five minutes at Faye’s house made the experience a distant memory. The two hit it off from the moment Faye gave her a hug, a giant slice of devil’s food cake, a glass of cold milk and said, “That is the most interesting hair I’ve ever seen. Farrin, what do you think the ladies at the Homemakers Club would think if I came in with spiky maroon hair?”
“That you’d been on vacation and forgot to bring your brain home.”
The next
day, it seemed half the county showed up to check out the culinary offerings at Faye’s, which was funny in a way since half the county had probably tasted Faye’s cooking at one time or another. Still, they were packed, and Faye, Opal and the half dozen waitresses and one additional cook were kept constantly busy. And Tammie was doing brisk business in the bakery nook as well.
“Farrin!”
She spun to see Dara running down the inn’s main hall, then stooped to accept the girl in her arms. Jason came up at a normal pace, but she hugged him just as hard. “Hey, you two, I’ve missed you.”
“We’ve missed you too,” Dara said. “I heard you brought a girl with purple hair.”
“That would be me,” Justine said from the doorway to Farrin’s office.
“Well, that’s not really purple,” Dara said.
“Maroon. But I’m thinking of changing it to pink.”
“Cool.”
“You do know I have to draw the line somewhere,” Farrin said. Justine was already a standout in the garment district where everyone wore twenty shades of black and tried to blend into the walls so only the products stood out.
“I figure if I ever go too far, I can shave it off and start over.”
“That’s what I need, a bald assistant.”
“It looks full,” Jason said as he looked into the restaurant.
“Oh, those people are leaving,” Dara said. She looked up at Farrin. “Are you going to eat with us?”
The front door opened and Jewel Carlisle walked in. Even though they’d been on better terms when she’d left, old habits indeed died hard and Farrin’s stomach muscles tightened.
“You go on in. I’ll be there in a minute.”
As if sensing she needed to be alone, Justine followed the kids into the dining room.
“Hello, Farrin,” Jewel said.
“Hello. How are you?”
“As well as can be expected.”
“The kids seem to be doing okay.”
Jewel looked across the crowded dining room to where her grandchildren sat at a table next to a window. “Kids are resilient, though they have their sad moments.”
Farrin watched as the twins took their menus and Justine laughed at something Jason said.
“May I talk with you for a few minutes?” Jewel asked.
“Sure.” Farrin tried to ignore the instant apprehension and led the way into her office. They both sat, neither appearing comfortable.
“First, I must apologize for how I’ve treated you. You did nothing to deserve it. In fact, you were nothing but kind and giving to Janie and the children. I thank you for that.”
“It was my pleasure.”
“I know Janie asked you to adopt the children because you can give them a wonderful life.”
“You needn’t worry. You’re their family.”
“I’m worried, but not for the reason you think. Fred and I are getting older, and not many people know this but he’s been having a bit of heart trouble. Losing Janie has been extremely hard for him, for both of us. And even though we made peace, I still feel regret for how miserably I failed at raising my daughter. I hate that she wasn’t happy.”
“She turned into a fine woman, so you must have done something right.” Farrin figured circumstances and something inside Janie herself was what had made her a good human being, but Jewel seemed genuinely regretful and she didn’t deserve any more pain.
“What I’m trying to say is Fred and I have talked it over, and we think Janie was right. You can give them a life we can’t, opportunities, a youthful energy we no longer have.”
“You want to give up your grandchildren?” Now that the shock of Janie’s death was beginning to fade, were the Carlisles reverting to their old ways?
“No. We still want very much to be a part of their lives, but as grandparents. Who knows how many more years we have left. And I don’t want them to be uprooted again should something happen to us.”
Farrin thought of all the reasons why she couldn’t be a mother to Jason and Dara, but she couldn’t voice them. “Have you discussed this with the children?”
“Yes, and evidently Janie did, too.”
“They never said anything about it.”
“We all told them that you loved them but that you might not be able to step into that role. To not say anything until you’d decided one way or the other.”
“What do they think about it?”
Jewel paused for a moment, as if a little sad to reveal the answer. “They’d love it.”
Before today, before seeing the kids again and realizing how much she’d missed them, she would have said “no”. But some deep desire, some instinct prevented it now.
“I need to think about it.”
“I understand. It’s a big step and if you decide you can’t do it, we’ll do the best we can.” Jewel stood and slipped her purse onto her shoulder. “I appreciate you considering it. I want them to have as happy of a life as they can. They’ve already been through too much at their age.”
Farrin sat motionless long after Jewel left, staring at the wall. Could she do this? Did she want to? Would she be able to adjust her life to accommodate two children who needed an abundance of love and attention? Never had she faced such a difficult and important decision. Starting her own business and buying the inn were inconsequential in comparison.
“You okay?” Justine stood in the doorway, a concern on her face Farrin had never seen before.
Farrin nodded. “Just thinking.”
She thought of nothing else for the next two days. Even when she was working, greeting inn guests, spending the evening with Drew, the question kept rolling over and over in her mind.
A heavy rain blew through the valley and over the mountains, and spring blossomed in its wake. Farrin hiked to the Cane Ridge overlook and sat for hours, simply thinking. Why had Janie asked her this favor? Because she had money or because she though she’d be a good mother? Or both? Did it matter?
By the time she pulled herself away from the expansive view of the awakening valley, she’d made her decision.
When she returned to the inn, Farrin slowly walked through every room on both floors, examining how much it had changed, remembering how Janie had thrown herself into helping the transformation from old, neglected building to beautiful, inviting inn.
Who would have thought Farrin would have found so many kinds of love here? Love of a place, love of children, love of good friends, love of a man who’d been waiting so patiently while she went about her own life.
When she walked to the window in her office and looked out into the glorious garden, she spotted Drew and Dara sitting on a bench talking. How right that picture looked.
She followed the garden path to where they sat. “You two look like you’re up to something.”
“Drew was telling me what all the different flowers are,” Dara said, her eyes bright with interest.
“Maybe he’ll show you his gardens sometime.”
“He just said the same thing.”
“Great minds think alike,” Drew said and winked at Farrin. He stood. “I’ve enjoyed our talk, but I have to go meet a client. See you lovely ladies later.” He started to walk down the path.
“Wait, you have to kiss Farrin goodbye.”
Farrin caught the mischievous look on Dara’s face.
“Is that so?” Drew said then retraced his steps. When he stopped in front of Farrin, amusement spread his smile wide. “I think the girl has a good idea.” He lowered his lips to Farrin’s and planted a gentle kiss.
When Drew pulled away and said “I’ll see you later” like a promise, Farrin watched him walk away with her heart racing. When she glanced back at Dara, the girl had the biggest look of satisfaction on her face.
“You look quite proud of yourself.”
“I told him he should ask you to marry him.”
“You did? And what did he say?”
“He said that he thought that was a very good idea.”
>
If she thought her heart had been racing before, she’d not known the meaning of the word.
“You do love him, don’t you?”
Farrin sank onto the bench next to Dara, who’d evidently taken up the roll of Oak Valley’s youngest matchmaker.
“Yes.”
“Then you two should get married, and we can all live in Drew’s house by the river and run through the flower gardens smelling all the beautiful flowers.”
Farrin had an image of Janie doing that in Heaven, and she smiled. “So, do you think you’d like to live with me?”
“Yes.”
“Does Jason feel the same way?”
“Yes.”
Farrin looked back at the inn, watched as a couple stopped on the front sidewalk to look at the dress display in the window. “Do you think I should keep the inn?”
“Yes.”
Farrin chuckled. “You are full of yes.”
“If you marry Drew, you’ll be here anyway. And . . . and Mom’s shop is here. I don’t want someone I don’t know to own it.”
Farrin took Dara’s hand. “Then they won’t.”
That ivy wrapped itself around Farrin, but instead of choking her this time, it comforted.
****
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Farrin found Drew sitting in his gazebo overlooking the river. Without a word, she slid in beside him and snuggled close. Together, they watched as a heron took flight at the sound of a fishing boat powering by. The breeze brought the mingled perfumes of the garden’s flowers.
“I hear you had quite the interesting conversation with Dara this afternoon,” Farrin said.
“I did.”
She took the leap. “I decided to adopt the twins. And keep the inn.”
He relaxed, and until then she hadn’t realized he’d been tense. “So, you want to stay here in Oak Valley?”
“Yes. I’ve already put my home on the market.”
“What about your business?”
“I’m going to gradually move it here. I’ll keep a showroom and a couple of employees in New York, but the headquarters will be here.”
Dress Me in Wildflowers Page 25
