by Stacy Gail
That snapped her back to the present. “So…what?”
“Are you going to invite me in?”
“If I let you in…” She would have sex with him. No doubt in her mind, as soon as the door closed she’d be all over him like a cheap suit. That was how bad she wanted him. At least her body did. Her mind, though… “No. I’m not going to invite you in.”
If anything, his eyes got blacker. “You sure about that?”
“I’m not sure of a lot of things, but I’m definitely sure about that.” Following her gut, she grabbed a handful of his slim-fit T-shirt and pulled him with her as she abruptly abandoned her apartment and all but ran him toward the roof-access door and away from temptation.
“Nighttime isn’t the best light to show me how your rooftop garden’s going.” Tag’s drawling comment barely registered as they walked out onto the roof. She almost never went up there at this time of night; it seemed oddly surrealistic, with the sound of the city below somehow muted, but that barely registered as she turned to face him.
“This isn’t about my garden, or art, or even the frigging rooftop.”
“Then why the hell are we up here?”
“Because if we stayed in my apartment we’d be having sex now, and I don’t have sex with people I don’t know, and certainly don’t understand.” She crossed her arms and tried to breathe normally. “I have questions.”
“Yeah?” He wandered to a squared-off concrete structure that housed the building’s ventilating system, and leaned against it. “What kind of questions?”
“What are you doing? With me,” she added when he slow-blinked. “Are you dicking around with me because you’re still pissed about what I did at your press conference? Do you hate me because of that? Is it your goal to drive me crazy, or out of Chicago, or… or what? What is your goal, your ulterior motive, with me? Just tell me straight up so I can get the fuck out of your way and we can both get on with our lives.”
His eyes narrowed, and suddenly he was anything but relaxed. “Is that what you want to do, Ivy? Get out of my way?”
“I…” She searched her mind for the answer, but it was impossible when the thought of having this strange and exciting man gone from her life left her feelling cold. “No. I don’t know. I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure? Because I need you to be damn sure about me if this ride we’re on is destined to go anywhere.”
“I’m sure I’d be missing out on something that could be amazing and maybe even life-changing if I did hit the eject button,” she replied, while stress made her face so tense it felt like she was wearing a mask. “I just can’t help feeling like you’re playing me, and that is one thing I will never stand for, Tag…whoever you are. Geez,” she said on a half-laugh that had more to do with frustration than humor. “There, see? Right there. That’s my point.”
“What?”
“I don’t even know your name. Is it any wonder I have no idea who you are or what you’re doing?”
“Ashe Taggart. I’ve always hated my first name because of fuckin’ Pokémon, so I’ve used Tag ever since I can remember.”
Ashe Taggart. That was nice. “I got a glimpse of the info Scout handed out to the media today. Thanks to her and that nasty Jonah Buckwald guy who seemed to pore over every damn word in that file as soon as he got it, I’m betting the world’s going to know my life story back-to-front by the end of the week. But the info on you was a lot… less. Just that you’re a native Chicagoan, born and raised in Back of the Yards, and you were discovered in your early twenties by the person who’s now your agent, Maude Brinkley. I know all that. Everyone knows all that.”
He lifted a broad shoulder. “Your point?”
Seriously? “My point is simple—I don’t know you. You’re a stranger to me. You ask me to be sure about you without giving me the first idea of who you are. You say you want to have sex with me, then stop just at the very point where the actual reason to have sex in the first place is about to happen—”
“That’s what this is about,” he said, folding his arms while a corner of his mouth tilted up. “You’re pissed off I wouldn’t let you come, then made you sit for an hour in front of the press, squirming in your seat and dying of the frustration of not being satisfied. If it helps any, I was in the same damn boat. Whatever you felt, I felt it, too.”
“That’s not what this was about.” Though she wasn’t about to deny the relief that washed through her at his admission. Yes, she’d been a hot mess, but Tag had seemed fine with walking away from her. Not only had that been humiliating, it was also disheartening that he’d appeared completely unfazed. “It’s about not understanding anything about you, or what you want from me… and yeah. It’s about you leaving me hanging today while you turned off what I thought you were feeling like it was nothing. Like you felt nothing. No desire for me, no interest—nothing.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” At that, he straightened and stalked toward her, but she held her ground. If this was the proverbial hill she was going to die on, then so be it. “I suffer through the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had in my life, and you think I didn’t feel anything?”
“You’re the one who chose that misery, pal, because you’re the one who walked away just when things were getting good.”
“Understand this right here and now,” he enunciated very carefully, coming to a stop just inches away to again loom over her like she was a freaking toddler. “When I’m inside you for the first time, it’s not going to be a hit-and-run office bang we’re destined to forget ever happened. I took one look at you, with your fire and your passion that’s so immense you fucking glow with it, and I knew you deserved to be treated like a queen. And when it comes to fucking a queen for the first time, you do not rush the damn process by doing a quick hit-and-run office bang.”
Each word he spoke managed to decrease the size of her lungs until she could barely breathe. “Just when I think I’ve got you figured out, you turn around and say something like that,” she said, helplessly shaking her head. “How is it you can have such a beautiful and maddening way of talking, when you come from the same neighborhood I do? Who are you, really? Why is it you look at the world the way you do?”
“What way is that?”
“I’m not a queen. I’m not fiery or passionate or any of the other things you’ve said. Nobody I know thinks like that, much less talks like that.”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t realized yet that I’m not just anybody.” His eyes burned into hers as he reached out to cup her chin to hold her still, as if he thought she was capable of looking away from him. Ha. “What I am is fucking thankful no other man has ever come along and treated you like the queen you are. Their loss. My gain.”
Her heart skipped. Until that moment she hadn’t known a handful of words could do that to her. “I’m not sure what you think you’ve gained. Ever since I met you, I haven’t been sure of anything.”
His thumb caressed the line of her jaw. “What are you not sure of?”
“You.” That was it in a nutshell. “Who you are. What you want from me.”
“I thought that was obvious.”
“If it were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. Is it sex?” Because if it was, they were wasting a monumental amount of time talking.
That had his eyes narrowing. “Let me be real clear on that point. Sex will always be something I’ll want from you, even if I live to be a hundred and they’re still making little blue pills.”
Why did he have to be hot, talented and funny? It wasn’t fair. “Okay, then. Let’s just do it and get the pressure of that first time out of the way.”
For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her before he did the exact opposite, and let her go instead. “You’re still not getting it.”
“Correction—I’m still not getting you.”
“So try. Ask me anything. For you, I’ll be an open book because I think you’re worth it.”
&
nbsp; Ivy stared at him as a million possibilities tumbled through her head. “Did you mean to do that edging thing? Minnie said that’s what it’s called, what you did to me earlier today.”
He tilted his head. “Minnie’s a fountain of information.”
“I probably would be too, if I weren’t so picky about who I choose to date.”
“Nothing wrong with picky.”
“You’re still not answering the question. Did you mean to do that edging thing with me?”
“Hell yeah, I did.”
She kept her breathing even through sheer force of will. “Why? Why would you do something like that?”
“You didn’t like it?”
Talk about a loaded question. “Up to a point. Then I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”
“Did your friend educate you, or do I need to explain how hot it can make a body when satisfaction is withheld, but always with the promise of it eventually being fulfilled?”
Since she was experiencing that very thing, explanations were kind of moot. “Is this what you do with your women? Rev them up with edging until they’re trembling nymphomaniacs with nothing but crazy-wild sex fantasies playing through their minds?”
He grinned suddenly. “Why? Is that how you are right now?”
Gah. “Answer the question.”
“I don’t have women, tiger. I’m working on one woman in my life right now, because I’m picky, too. If you want to know who she is, look in a mirror.”
Heaven help her, she wasn’t going to make it through this conversation. “Working on me. What does that even mean?”
“It means you’re a wild one, Ivy, and I think you’d be the first to admit that. Wild is great and God knows I love it…as long as I know I’ve tamed all that beautiful wildness and have it under my control.”
She sighed as that freaking word cropped up again. “We really should have had this conversation on top of a taller building.”
“Why?”
“Because if I push you off the roof from here, you probably won’t die. No one tames me, damn it.”
“There you go again, waging war when it’s not needed.” As if to tempt her to follow through with her threat, he sat down on the low wall that framed the roof area. “Let’s go back to edging for a sec, because I need to learn more about you. I take it you’re not a fan?”
She was as shocked as anyone when she hesitated. “I’m not a fan of being toyed with. Or worse, being shown my place. For the record, because I really feel I need to make this clear to you, my place is wherever the hell I decide it is, Tag. Don’t you ever doubt that.”
“That’s my wild tiger,” came the purring response. “You’ll get no argument from me. Your place is wherever you decide it is.”
That was easier than she thought. “Okay, then.”
“Thing is, I like control even better than I like oxygen, and considering breathing’s the thing that keeps me alive, that’s a big-ass statement about who I am. You should probably take a moment to appreciate that.”
That brought her brows together. “Um… okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Actually, no. What are you saying, exactly?”
“I’m saying I’ve got my work cut out for me when it comes to you. The way I see it, I’ve got to convince you that you want your place to be wherever I decide it should be, and above all else I want you to be happy about making that decision. Bottom-lining it for you—I’m going to do every fucking thing I can think of to tame you.”
Her pulse thudded at that. “Better men than you have tried.”
As she watched, his mouth flattened. “Remember how I said I like control? I do that with structure and rules. Rule number one is that we don’t talk about men in your past, or women in mine.”
That seemed fair enough. “As long as things are even, I’m all for it.”
“Good deal.”
“What are your other rules?”
“For as long as we’re hooked up, you don’t have any other man in your life but me. I don’t have any other woman in mine.”
Again, that sounded fair. “Is that what we are now? Hooked up?”
“I don’t give a shit what label you feel comfortable putting on it—I’m good with whatever, just as long as I’m making myself clear. If we’re together, that means we’re exclusive. Understood?”
She nodded, trying not to freak out over the feeling that she’d just made some kind of commitment. “What else?”
“I don’t have anything etched in stone, tiger. The rules get set up as we go. Personally cussing me out is disrespectful—that’s a big deal to me. You know that already.”
“You do know that there are times when you deserve to be cussed out, right?” Really, it had to be said.
“Hell, yeah, I know it. What’s more, there are times when you deserve it too, but I now refuse to go there. I called you a bitch once, and I’m still upset with myself for that.”
She bit down on her lips and told herself that no man could be this perfect for her. There had to be a catch. “Why are you upset with yourself? At the time, I think I deserved it.”
“It upset me because I respect you without reservation, and I’m not going to tolerate anything less than that respect being returned. If it’s not, a price will be paid.”
Not cussing him out was going to be a challenge since she knew she could make a sailor blush, but she didn’t want to get stuck on any one point. “What else?”
“I call or text, you pick up that phone and answer. I’m not so crazy that I’d keep track of you every damn minute of the day, because I’ve got my own life to take care of and I know you’re just as busy with your own hustle. But when I do call you, don’t ghost me.”
She took in an audible breath. “I’ve been on my own for so long that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be answerable to anyone else.”
“Again, I’m proposing a two-way street. If you want to call when we’re apart to check to see if I’m still breathing, do it—I don’t give a shit. Hell, if anything, it shows you care.”
If he hadn’t assured her that this was a two-way street, she would have felt so smothered she would have promptly looked for the nearest exit. But as it was, the give-and-take equality of it was oddly comforting. “Why such a tight leash on everything?”
“That’s the way I like it.”
“Yeah, but why? Did bad relationships teach you to pay more attention to the person you’re dating, or something like that?”
He hesitated, when she was learning it wasn’t in his nature to hesitate. “I’ve lost a lot of things in life, and I’ve never forgotten what that feels like. To lose. To be powerless. Shit like that left me with a real fucking problem about not being in control.”
That didn’t sound good. “What do you mean, a problem?”
“Nothing too scary. I just made a promise to myself when I was growing up that one day I’d be the one who’d be in charge of the world around me. The moment I was old enough to keep that promise, I took charge and never looked back. I’m in a good place now, and it’s a place I fought like hell to get to. I’m not going to lose any part of it without a fucking fight, so I keep a tight hold on the reins and I don’t apologize for making sure my world stays stable.”
Ivy watched the emotions sift through his expression. Unless she was very wrong, there was a world of darkness going on behind those eyes. “Okay, I get that.”
“Good.”
“Or at least I get most of it. But you might want to remember who you’re talking to, Tag.”
“What makes you think I’m forgetting?”
“Maybe not forgetting,” she amended, trying to be generous. “Maybe you’re just suffering from George Lucas male-woe that some guys seem to think it’s cool to fall into.”
“Okay, I’m intrigued,” Tag said after a moment, frowning. “What the fuck is George Lucas male-woe?”
“See, Anakin was adored by his mom and respected as a genius pilot, right? Sure, he w
as born into slavery, but you’ve got to admit he had it better than most. But when he got a broken heart, he got all emo and dark and laughably stupid, and turned into fucking Darth Vader. Talk about an overreaction,” she said, rolling her eyes. “In sharp contrast, Princess Leia saw her entire planet and family blown up right before her eyes, but did she turn to the dark side? No. She sucked it up, put on her mean face and became the backbone of the rebellion. She lost way more than Anakin, but he was the one who turned to the dark side. That’s basically George Lucas male-woe.”
He digested this with a slow blink. “And…do you have a point?”
“My point is, you know I’ve lost a lot, too. I’ve had to stand over the graves of every single family member I’ve ever had. I’ve had to put them all in the ground, and now there’s no one else but me. I’ll admit you might have a valid point when you say all that death turned me into someone who wages war whenever I feel threatened. I’m fucking Princess Leia, so, yeah—waging war is what I do. But all that death in my life didn’t turn me into a control freak. So, either you’re suffering from George Lucas male-woe, which is fine and I promise not to hold it against you, or there’s a lot more going on here than you’re willing to share.”
“Jesus, that mouth of yours,” he muttered, eyes narrowed. “You calling me a liar?”
“I’m calling you not completely honest, and this hits up against a rule of my own. If we’re going to do this, if we’re going to get serious about… you know, getting serious, we’ve always got to be honest with each other, Tag. No matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter how inconvenient it is, we have to always speak the truth. If you can’t do that, I need to know it right now, because that’s my one and only rule that’ll make or break this deal.”
He mulled that over for so long that she began to think he wouldn’t answer. Then he nodded once. “Fair enough.”
She breathed a sigh of relief, and that told her a shocking truth. Whether she admitted it or not, she was already more emotionally invested than she realized. “So? Was it a bad relationship that did it? Did someone break your heart?”
“This isn’t some emo bullshit, George Lucas male-woe I’ve got going on here. My need to keep a tight leash on everything goes way back.”
