And just like that, Ally, our ray of sunshine, lightened the mood. Her, and the donut.
We sat and talked for another hour or so. I told them probably more than they wanted to know about what happened between Chance and me before we moved onto other topics. Ally showed us photos on her phone of some of the designs that she was working on for Emmett’s boards—some of which were for the school.
“You sure you’re ok, Tam?” I asked again once we were back in my truck.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “You know the unknown is always the hardest for me.”
“Still no word?”
“They are still talking about having me go to Denver in a few weeks to have more tests done.”
“If you want me to go with you, just let me know,” I offered gently.
“Thanks,” she replied with a half-hearted smile that killed me. “Jessa?”
“Yeah?” I glanced over to her as I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment.
“If you don’t see it, maybe it’s time to read yourself again.”
She didn’t know that I’d been choosing cards almost daily; it wasn’t a full reading though.
“Maybe,” I agreed, hugging her over the arm rest as she got out of the car. “Let me know about Denver.”
This morning had been filled with hurt and agitation, but just a few hours with my girls had put things into much-needed perspective.
I wanted Chance. I wanted all of his dirty comments and heart-stopping compliments. I wanted the raw, crazy, and demanding sex. I wanted the compassionate and caring man who’d always held the door open for me, who carried into the house far too many boxes than was safe just so that I wouldn’t have to carry any. I wanted the man who’d demanded everything from me, yet would do anything for me—like give up his pride on the mountain. I wanted Chance because I’d never stopped loving him.
Seven of Cup (Reversed): You are hiding something from yourself that probably has to do with subconscious emotions. You are refusing to examine yourself and ask what it is that you truly want.
“HONEY,” I BLINKED AT BETTY’S voice, “I know you think that I’m just here to stare at Mr. Master’s very fine rear-end, however, I do prefer to do it under the guise of some sort of exercise.”
I shook my head. I’d zoned out again, leaving Betty sitting on the leg machine waiting for my next instructions—instructions that were the last thing on a mind currently consumed with inappropriate thoughts of the giant dick from my weekend.
I mean because Chance was a giant dick. Not that I was thinking about his giant dick.
Ok, maybe I was thinking about that a little… a little too much.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. I’d been out of it all morning—and not just because I’d made sure to be up at the crack of dawn so that I could get a workout in and blow off some steam. Coming home to a still-empty house yesterday after coffee and brunch with my girls was defeating—until I walked into the kitchen.
A case of La Croix sat on the countertop with a note taped to the top.
‘To make up for last night.’
For the cans that he drank of my water? Or the words that he said? Both.
This was Chance. Notes and gifts, followed by whispered apologies between sheets when not even a molecule of oxygen could separate us. The reminder of our past made me angrier than the fact that he had come and gone before we could talk.
The back of the note told me why.
‘Don’t wait up, J-bird. Have to go with Frost. You better think of me when you moan tonight.’
I actually laughed, the cocky ass assuming that I would have to pleasure myself without him around. In defiance and expectation, I stuck around downstairs for most of the evening with the secret hope that a change of plans would bring him back sooner. My lonesome evening was filled with various play-by-plays of how to break the truth of our past to him without it destroying either or both of us. I tried to shore up some sort of defense incase that wasn’t possible.
But sure as shit, when night fell I swore I was so emotionally exhausted that sleep would come easily. Instead, the only thing that came easily was me. Thinking about Chance. My lip was still indented from my teeth biting it as the image of Chance’s face buried between my thighs the hottest piece of personal porn I’d ever seen. After the first round, I stripped out of my pajama shorts—that were soaking wet—and fingered myself again to the image of Chance losing it as I swallowed his dick.
“Why don’t you just tell me about it?” Betty asked. “Then I can give you an answer and we can move on with this silly business.” She harrumphed, sliding her legs to the side of the seat, preparing to dismount from the machine.
“Miss Betty,” I said with a small chuckle, “I don’t think there is an answer to this.”
“Honey, at my age, there is always an answer to everything.”
Sighing, I moved to her side, helping her off the seat and leading the way over to the mats where we could stretch.
“Does this have to do with that devastatingly handsome ex-beau of yours?”
“You know, I’d feel marginally better if you at least wouldn’t reference how handsome he is every time the subject comes up. Devastating? Definitely. Handsome? I refuse to comment on.”
“Oh dear. Did you sleep with him already?” she exclaimed. “I bet my Bridge group that it would be at least another week. Oh, bugger…”
“Betty!” I gasped. “Are you seriously betting on my sex life?”
“Well, dear, when you get to be my age, you have to take what you can get.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I opted for a groan that fell somewhere between tortured and entertained.
“Well, you can keep your money because I didn’t sleep with him,” I retorted as though it were some kind of retaliation.
“Oh, wonderful!” She paused. “Wait, is that the problem?”
“No!” I exclaimed.
“Oh, I see,” she nodded. “You want to sleep with him; that is the problem.”
“Maybe. But it’s so much more than that.”
“Is it?” Those annoyingly perceptive eyes caught my gaze. “Honey, don’t make life harder than it is. If you want to sleep with him, then do it.” She paused to adjust her pants. “But not until next week because I have ten dollars on the table.”
“Why do I feel like your advice is slightly tainted for your own benefit?”
She chuckled and continued, “It is. But it’s also the truth. You are making this too difficult, dear. Maybe I wasn’t clear the last time I suggested this, but even with my old, decrepit eyes, marred by cataracts,” Man, she was laying the drama on thick today, “I can see just how much you want that man; I don’t blame you. And the way he looks at you…” She trailed off and shook her head.
“And how is that?”
“Like you’re one of the Seven Wonders of the World.”
Yeah, maybe because the two of us were history.
“So, you think I should sleep with him—for the ten dollars—and because I want to? Even though there are lies between us? A past? And the fact that he insists on his intent to hurt me?”
She bent her head towards me conspiratorially, “Let me tell you one of the two secrets in life: the things that bring us the greatest happiness will always have the greatest ability to hurt us. If you avoid the potential for hurt, dear, you avoid the potential for true happiness, too.”
I swallowed down her words. I did want Chance. I wanted to help him. I wanted him. Badly (if this weekend was any indication.) I wanted him to know the truth. I wanted to love him. And mostly, I wanted him to love me. Again.
It had been eight years, maybe I shouldn’t be as comfortable with that realization as I was.
“Plus,” she continued, stretching her hips like I’d shown her yesterday, “after I win this bet, I’m going to make another one that he won’t be able to hurt you in the end. It’s like that time I had heart surgery. I was not thrilled with the doctor or the fact that he had to c
ut my chest open, but as much as I might hate the process, I’d be dead without it—without him. So, he can be miffed about what happened between you two, but you don’t destroy the one thing that can save you.”
She shrugged her shoulders like she’d just explained to me how two plus two equals four. “Self-preservation, dear. Pure and simple.”
There was a good chance she was going to win her ten bucks and subsequently lose it—but I wasn’t about to tell her that now. I barely got through a few things that I wanted her to start trying at home to improve flexibility before she was up and about to run off towards Kyle since he just finished with his morning appointment.
What. A. Riot.
“Alright, Miss Betty. I will see you next week.”
“Keep me posted, dear.” She waved and began to walk away. “Oh!” Spinning back to me, she added, “I know what I was going to say. My advice, dear, to both of us, is this…” She paused again. “Oh, drat. I keep forgetting the stupid thing. What is it that you young folk say nowadays?” I gaped. “Ah! ‘You only live once!’”
YOLO.
And then she was gone.
Seriously. Y.O.L.O. was her advice. Laughing, I made my way up to the lounge area where I could write my notes before grabbing lunch.
‘YOLO’ was fine. My concern wasn’t about living once… My concern was that I’d only loved once.
“So, what’s the over-under for today?” I looked up as Kyle came to stand next to me in the gym. It was five-of one so Chance wasn’t late yet.
“He’ll be here.” There was no way in hell he was missing another appointment according to his note; Kyle didn’t need to know though that I had insider information because I was now living with the man in question.
One eyebrow raised. And then before there was any more debate, my gorgeous ghost strolled in—his eyes trained only on me because I was the one he was haunting.
“Good luck.” Kyle sent me a half-smile and then had the good sense to make himself scarce before Chance made it over to us.
He had the same sweats on that he was wearing Friday night. I kept my eyes focused on his ‘devastatingly handsome’ face, knowing that he’d worn them on purpose. But keeping my eyes above his waist wasn’t helping much. Today, he had on a tighter work-out shirt that molded to every inch of his torso.
My, oh my.
“Hi.” I asked thickly, swallowing slower than my mouth was watering. He looked fine and his eyes weren’t bloodshot so I knew that there was a good chance that at least drugs weren’t involved with the situation with Nick.
“Hey.”
“You want to change?” And maybe put some shorts on instead of the sweats that make me want to drool.
He raised an eyebrow and grinned. “I’m good… unless that was your way of telling me that you’re interested in taking off my sweats again.”
I rolled my eyes and groaned. “No.” I walked towards the calf machine, expecting him to follow me.
“Really?” He smirked, taking a seat. God, I hated that smirk for rubbing my lies in my face. Clink. Another ten pounds added to the weight from where we should have started on Friday.
“I see you weren’t kidding.” He didn’t balk at the weight, only wincing slightly as his legs began to move.
“How does that feel?” I smiled triumphantly.
“Like you,” he grunted.
“I don’t understand.” And I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Tight… on my muscle…s.” He was throwing gasoline on top of an already raging forest fire.
“Oh my,” I laughed and glanced towards the other end of the gym.
My skin was crawling because Monroe was watching us with the sourest look on her face.
“Don’t be jealous,” Chance said gruffly.
“I’m not,” I retorted. I hated that she looked like she owned him just because she’d sucked his cock.
“Did you get my note?” he asked, redirecting the conversation.
“I did. And the water.” I nodded and then added quietly, “Thank you.”
“I half-expected you to have your shit repacked and have disappeared by the time I got back—that’s why I figured I’d better get you the La Croix.”
“Oh yeah? I’m not sure whether I should be flattered that you are trying to bribe me to stay or insulted that you think you can get rid of me that easily,” I teased, watching as his movements became more strained with exertion.
“Definitely flattered.” There was that seductive half-smile again—the one that made my heart skip.
“Lucky for you,” I began breathlessly, “I have nowhere to go.”
He shrugged. “There’s always Tammy’s.”
My head shook back and forth. “No… it looks like both of our friends are going through something… difficult… and my staying with her would only add to her stress.” I left it at that though. I was curious about Nick, but asking Chance about it again before we really had an opportunity to talk would be a mistake. With a nod, I stepped back, indicating that he should get off the machine so we could move to the next.
“Alright, let’s give your legs a break and just do some back work.” We moved to the cable machine and I set a decent weight for him to warm up with.
Recalling bits and pieces of our conversation last night, I decided to open up round two with, “Have you told Wyatt that you are considering the position?”
“I’m not considering it,” he replied flatly.
“But you said—“
He spoke to finish my sentence, “That I would go with you to the mountain at the end of this week and depending on how that goes, I will decide what to do.”
My recollection of the conversation was slightly different, but there was no point in rehashing it now; once we were out on the mountain, he would see how wrong he was.
“I’m telling you though, I’m just not that great a teacher. And I have a bum knee. In what world is that a good idea?”
“In the world where you were one of the best in the sport, where you have tons of valuable information to share. The world where you’re still perfectly capable of snowboarding, just not competing like a crazy person at the risk of permanent damage.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “And why do you think you are horrible? You taught your sister the triple cork. And you taught me.”
I didn’t have that much of a death wish.
“I taught you a lot of things, J-bird,” his eyes roamed me up and down and my traitorous body flicked through each snapshot of all the things he could be thinking of.
“You taught me how to snowboard better—how to do tricks, instead of just flying down the mountain…” I’d already known the basics; I was more of a mountain rider than a park rat, but when Chance and I started dating, we’d spent time in the park while he practiced so he took the time to teach me how to do some simple tricks like a frontside grab.
“Yeah,” he laughed. “So?”
I shifted to put weight on my other foot, trying to disguise the ache that was gnawing between my thighs. “And you were hired to teach in California. Don’t be so stubborn, Chance.”
He just grunted in response.
Of course, I was right. Pursing my lips, I increased the weight by fifteen pounds for his stubbornness.
He didn’t even blink. And neither did I—watching as the veins in his arms bulged with the effort, the sinew of his muscles engorging as blood and oxygen flowed into them. It was like he was being carved out in front of me—and I stood there breaking apart with wanting him.
“Since when do you back down from a challenge?” I upped the weight again and he glared at me but pushed himself harder.
“I.” Press. “Don’t.” Press.
I shrugged, making it look like I thought that he was. “I think it would be incredible… I think you would be incredible.” The weight slammed against the machine as he let go of the cables.
His chest was heaving as he closed the distance between us. The sheen of sweat made my ghost glisten.
Not yours, Jessa.
“You know what I think is incredible?”
I knew exactly where this was going. Somewhere it shouldn’t and everywhere I wanted it to.
I know that you’re no good for me, I thought as he stood here waiting for my response, and it makes no sense at all that I still keep coming back for more.
“What?” I could have found myself easier in the ocean than I could in his eyes.
“Your pussy underneath my mouth.” His voice had dropped and our surroundings fell away. “My tongue licking that honey from deep inside of you until you come. Incredible is you drowning me with your pleasure.”
My mouth parted. Was it time to go home yet?
Yeah, even if I had proof that this was going to break my heart in the end, I was going to be with this man whatever the cost. It was like getting chemo for cancer—I would cure myself of my paralyzing desire for him even if it slowly destroyed me.
His forefinger underneath my chin pushed my jaw shut. “You know what else would be incredible?” he asked again softly with a dangerous grin. “Hearing you scream my name, instead of muffling it alone in your bed with the door shut as you finger yourself and imagine it was me—when I’m standing right outside.”
Oh, God.
Betty was right. I was going to give in. No one likes a half-assed resister anyway.
“Although, that was pretty hot, J-bird,” he smirked, “remind me to watch you pleasure yourself one of these days if I manage to be able to keep my hands off of you.”
“Let’s move on.” I squeaked like Mickey Mouse trying to redirect his freaking steamboat. Ignoring his satisfied smirk, I told him to go change and that he’d finish up in the Hydroworx. The pool room hadn’t really been working out in my favor lately, but it was the only thing that got him and his hot, sweaty, sexy mess out of my immediate vicinity. Right. Now.
I noticed Monroe watching Chance, the sour look on her face practically curdling when he walked right past her on his way to the locker room without even giving her a glance. At least she knew better than to follow him without an invitation—that would have been disastrous on her part.
Enjoy the Ride (Winter Games Book 3) Page 23
