“Well, that’s the other thing I really called to tell ya, Baby J,” he drawled slowly. My hand planted on my hip and I bit my tongue waiting for the other shoe to drop. “Mick and I are movin’ to California.”
My mouth moved for a good few seconds before any sound came out.
“What?” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. My brothers were Texas boys through and through—and now they were moving to California? “Why? How? You need to start explaining right now, Miles Madison.”
This time when I caught Chance’s bright sapphire stare, it was slightly calmer realizing that I was talking to my brother.
“Mick and I decided that we are going to start our own construction company and we need to do it on our own terms, in a new place.” He sounded like there were more factors going into that decision but before I could ask, he continued, “So, we’ve been looking around, upgraded the truck, and finally decided on Carmel Cove in California. It’ll be cooler since it’s up north, but it looks pretty nice and lots of great new construction goin’ on. It’s gonna be good, Baby J. We’re gonna be good.”
I knew he was trying to reassure me, but I hardly heard much after he said they were moving to Carmel Cove. Immediately, my eyes had flicked to Chance, remembering that name from the night he’d told me about the time he spent in California.
“Carmel Cove?” I repeated again in somewhat of a trance, watching Chance look up at me. “I know someone who was just there.”
He held my gaze as he dished out pancakes onto our plates.
“Oh, yeah? Who?”
I blinked, turning away from the kitchen and realizing what I’d said. I quickly stammered, “No one. Never mind.”
My brothers didn’t know the whole story about Chance. They knew I’d left someone when I left Colorado and heartbreak is a hard thing to hide. I didn’t tell them it was my fault, I didn’t tell them about the baby. Naturally, they assumed everything was Chance’s fault and I just let it go because never in a million years did I think I would end up back with him.
“Ok…” Miles’ voice trailed off, teetering on the edge of demanding I explain. “So, what’s new with you? Is Tammy still surviving your tornado-like living habits?”
“Breakfast, Jess,” Chance said behind me and I jumped.
He’d set our plates on the table, the steam still rising from the egg frittatas and the chocolate melting from the chips in the pancakes.
“Who was that?” Miles demanded, the edge that had been on the horizon of his tone now front and center.
“Umm… Well, Miles,” I said weakly, “I guess I have a few things to tell you—“
“Jessalynn,” he growled into the other end of the phone and I winced. Whenever I was in trouble, I went from ‘Baby J’ to the serious merging of my first and middle names.
“Trying to tell you, Miles,” I said firmly, “that I moved out of Tammy’s place a few weeks ago. Ally offered me to stay in her house which I accepted. Long story short,” really long story, “Chance is living here now, too. I mean, not just living. We’re kind of…”
My mouth went completely dry. What did I say? That we were dating again? That we were back together? That I loved him all along?
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Miles roared and I winced, pulling the phone back from my ear so he didn’t blow out an ear drum, and allowing Chance to hear what was going on.
“Give me the phone,” Chance demanded, stalking towards me with his hand out.
“No, it’s fine. I can handle it.” My hand covered the bottom of the phone as I replied to Chance.
“Not a question, J-bird,” he said firmly, prying the phone from my fingers and holding it up to his face even as it vibrated with the intensity of Miles’ questions coming from the other end of the line.
I knew about her brothers even though I’d never met them. And judging from the anxious expression on her face, they knew about me—and not good things either.
When we broke up, I’d been angry. I’d felt betrayed. But I’d kept to myself because talking about Jessa, even in the worst ways, reminded me just how much I felt for her.
Knowing the truth about that night, I could imagine what it was like for her when she moved to Texas—and it was nothing like the story I told myself before where she was happily screwing whoever the hell she wanted. No, she’d moved to Texas heartbroken for what she felt like she had to do. And Jessa wasn’t like me; she wouldn’t push her family away—especially decent guys like her brothers.
That’s why I took the phone. She wasn’t the only one responsible for what happened in high school and it was my intentions that needed to be made clear—not just to him, but to her.
Tapping the speaker button, I held her eyes as I continued this conversation with her able to hear every word.
“Miles,” I said tightly, “it’s Chance.”
There was a beat of silence but I could hear his bear-like breaths on the other end.
“What are you doing with my sister?” he growled.
“I’m winning her back.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that I fucked up a long time ago and I’m determined to make things right. I’m determined to give her what she deserves because she’s everything to me,” I replied hoarsely because there was no sense in beating around the bush. I watched as Jessa’s hand reached up to cover her mouth. “So, I think what she’s trying to tell you is that we’re back together and we’re living together. You good with that?”
“Not particularly.” He cleared his throat. “But if it’s what she wants…”
“I’m hoping it is but you’ll have to ask her.” My eyes held her hostage. I watched the steady, rapid beat of her heart make the skin of her neck pulse.
“Don’t hurt her, Ryder,” he threatened with a low voice. He didn’t have to add what would happen if I did; I knew and I was ok with it. “Put Jessa back on the phone.”
I saw the heavy emotion pooling in her eyes as she bit down on her lower lip. I wanted to kiss her just as much as she wanted to kiss me but not right now.
“Miles?” I choked out, holding the phone back to my face after I’d turned the speaker off.
“Can’t say I’m happy about it Baby J,” he said hoarsely. “Know what you were like when you came back home. Don’t want to see you heartbroken again.”
“I know, Miles, but I’m ok.” I hoped he could hear the reassuring smile that crept onto my lips as I spoke.
“So, you want this? You want him?”
My smile grew.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Because you love him?”
Here, I faltered. I’d only just admitted it to myself this morning and now my brother was demanding the truth: I did love him.
“How did you know?” I asked with a soft voice.
He sighed with the kind of weight that is only carried with experience.
“Only the things you love can break your heart, Baby J, but when you trust it back to the one who broke it, well, you’re either a fool or it’s meant to be. I’ve been the fool, Baby J… but you’re no fool,” he replied roughly and my heart squeezed both at what this meant for me but also because of what it told me about him. “Still don’t like it all too much, but can’t say that wouldn’t be the case for any guy. As long as you’re happy, Baby J.”
A small watery laugh bubbled from my lips. “I am.”
“Alright. Good.” I heard the beeping of his truck as he turned it off. “Well, I just got home. Gonna run some errands and start looking for a place to stay. Trying to get out of here by the end of the month since our lease is up anyway.”
“Ok. Good luck with everything. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Love you, Baby J. You know we’re always here if you need anything.”
“I know, Miles. Thanks. Love you.”
I ended the call and let my phone drop onto the table, overwhelmed with the brief conversation with my brother.
She’s everything t
o me.
My heart skipped again as I replayed the words.
“You alright, J-bird?” Chance asked.
“Perfect,” I said, stepping into his waiting arms.
With a growl he kissed my forehead and murmured, “Really want to kiss you, babe, but if I do that, I won’t be able to stop. And I made you breakfast and I’m determined for you to eat it while it’s hot.”
I laughed, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting the tension of the moment slowly diffuse away. My stomach growled again in agreement with him.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said as I pulled back.
He brushed a strand of pink out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “Yeah, I did, J-bird.” He pulled out my chair for me. “You’re mine. And it’s about time I made it clear that I have no intention of letting you go.”
I couldn’t stop myself from rising up to kiss him hard on the lips before quickly dropping into my seat before it could lead to more.
“Playing with fire,” he growled as he took a seat next to me.
Shooting him a grin, I loaded up a forkful of eggs. “Not yet, but later I’ll take my Chance,” I teased with a wink as we both dove into our food.
Breakfast was delicious.
Not as delicious as the sight of him making it for me—or cleaning up after it. And definitely not as delicious as hearing him call me his. Again.
Miles was right, I mused as I waited for Chance to finish at the sink and make his way back over to the couch and to me; whatever happened and come what may, what we had was meant to be.
THE CRUNCH OF THE SNOW underneath my snowboard boots was like a mallet coming down in a courtroom, signaling my sentence. My entire body was tight with anger, anticipation, and dread—all feelings that I’d never experienced on the mountain before.
It was still snowing, albeit much more lightly than it had overnight. The estimate was somewhere in the range of four to six inches of fresh powder that now coated the trails of Snowmass. The peaks that loomed in front of me taunted me, dared me to conquer them knowing full-well that I couldn’t.
What the fuck was I doing here?
“You ready?” My head flicked to the side to see Jessa approaching—white snowpants with a bright purple jacket, her pink hair braided down her one shoulder, and a matching pink and purple tie-dye scarf and hat. She looked like a goddamn mountain pixie with all her bright colors and mischievous smile.
Fucking magic. That was why I was here.
“Do I have a choice?” I grumbled. I held my free hand out in front of me, the other still holding my board, after that the world might implode underneath me once I strapped it to my feet.
“You always have a choice,” she retorted.
My jaw ticked. “You sure you’re allowed to be taking me here? Instead of keeping me at the gym.”
I heard the rub of her sleeves against the body of her jacket more than I saw her shrug.
“It’s your last appointment and you’ve done excellently.” Professional Jessa took over in her tone. This wasn’t flattery. This wasn’t her being nice because she wanted my dick inside of her later. This was her telling me the perfect truth; I was healing. “I submitted all of my notes this morning to Dr. Lev, telling him that I think you’ve progressed beyond what we were hoping for and that if you want to move forward with another restorative surgery, that is up to you.”
“That’s it? I’m done?” I asked and then followed with a smirk, “You think you’ve fixed me?”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” She rolled her eyes, patting her hand on my chest. Then realizing what she was doing, she stopped and stared at her mitt as it rested over my heart. “’Pride’ is your name, not mine. All I know is that you are healed enough where doing this,” she glanced over to the chair lift, “shouldn’t be a problem. It also means that you are officially no longer my patient so, I think we are in the clear for taking the day to celebrate on the mountain.”
“No longer your patient?” I drawled, grabbing her wrist and slowly tugging it down over my chest. “I think I still have a few muscles that need to be fixed.”
Her cheeks flushed and she let me guide her hand all the way down to the waist of my snowpants, almost making it to the base of my dick before she pulled her hand back.
“Are you trying to distract me?” she accused. “Is the great Chance Ryder afraid of what’s going to happen on the mountain?”
My fist flexed for a second and my gaze flicked to the white waterfalls to my right.
“Of course not.” I smiled with more confidence than I felt. “Lead the way, J-bird.”
The snow crunched much more melodically underneath her weight. I dropped my board down in front of me, preparing to strap in when one of her white boots stepped onto it. I glanced up as her gloved hand grasped the front of my jacket and she pulled herself up to slant her lips over mine.
In less than a second, I had her in my arms. I clung to her like she was a fucking lifesaver and kissed her like she was my only source of oxygen. For that moment, my anxiety and anger disappeared.
When she pulled back, those feelings began to creep back into my body the way the cold slowly and effectively worms its way through all your layers and begins to freeze you cell by cell.
“C’mon.”
I tried not to put any weight on the fact that this was the first time I’d strapped a snowboard to my foot in over six months. Considering that prior to that, I probably hadn’t gone a day without it attached to me, it could have meant a lot. I pulled on my helmet as I began to push over towards the lift, following behind her.
So far, so good.
I wasn’t going to take it for granted though.
“What are you thinking?” she asked as soon as we claimed our seat on the chairlift and the safety bar was down in front of us.
I sighed and stared down at the slopes below, watching the small dots of skiers and snowboarders as they traced imaginary lines on the white sheets of the slopes.
“You know when someone asks you to define a word, but you can’t figure out a way to do it without using the word in the definition?” I asked, trying to see her eyes underneath her orange reflective goggles. “That’s how I feel. I feel like the only word to define me is one that no longer can be used in my definition.”
“Snowboarding doesn’t define you, Chance,” she replied. “There are so many pieces that make up who you are and yes, snowboarding is one of them—an important one—but not the only one.”
I sat silently, trying to find some way to disagree with her even though I know that she is right. My pride wanted to disagree. My pride wanted to argue with her that this was what I was best at which meant it was the only thing that mattered.
But my heart demanded its silence.
“Chance,” she continued quietly. Her neck warmer slid up over her mouth and she paused to tuck it back down so she could speak clearly. “You see the snowboarders down there?” I didn’t have to see her eyes to know that they looked down at the mountain below. I nodded in response. “Actually, even me. Most of us—most snowboarders—they strap a snowboard to their feet.”
I laughed. Of course. “Yeah? And what do the rest of us do? Strap it to our head?”
“No. Stop.” She playfully swatted my arm. “Most of us strap a snowboard to our feet, but some… few… like you… when you come to the mountain, you strap your snowboard to your soul.”
My laughter died.
“When you have something like that as a part of your life, it can never—will never—be an all or nothing. You will always find a way for it to continue to feed your soul.”
I lifted the bar up as we approached the end of the lift, letting her words sink in.
“Guess we’ll find out,” I mumbled as my board touched the packed snow of the dismount slope.
Pulling to a stop, I turned back to watch her slide up next to me.
“What now, Yoda?”
I watched her strap in her other foot before she ros
e up to face me.
“Now, Chance,” she grinned at me, “we just enjoy the ride.”
Turning her board, she slid right around me, heading down the trail that was at my back. I shook my head bending down to lock in my choice and my injured leg to my board. I shifted slightly between my heels and toes, testing how it felt. It was hardly any movement, but I felt no pain.
Turning, I saw the flash of purple disappearing around the first curve. I could catch her easily.
The Glades.
She’d chosen to take us through the glades. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been up here—or off the park. The last time had probably been with her.
I stared at the obscene whiteness in front of me. With the sunlight, it was difficult to even distinguish the trees that stood snow-covered out of the ground.
But the dread was gone, replaced with unbiased uncertainty.
In the untouched snow, anything could happen.
Before I could second-guess myself, I began to move, slowly at first to test out how moving and turning felt on my knee. I felt pressure and the flexing of muscles that hadn’t been used like this for months—but no pain.
I felt the few snowflakes that managed to touch the skin between my mask and my goggles. They melted on my cheeks like tears of joy from the mountain that realized I’d come home.
Feeling comfortable, I picked up speed so I could catch Jessa. I was more cautious now, I could feel it. I was more respectful of the mountain. I was more respectful of myself and my limits.
I swung to a stop, showering Jessa with snow.
“How is your knee?” Her goggles were off so that she could see me. And she could see the life that was beginning to bloom back inside of me. But she didn’t question it. She let me keep it to myself; she let it soak in, unhindered by questions and discussion. She knew it was how I worked.
“Seems ok.” I reached down and unstrapped.
She nodded and moved back towards the lift. No warnings. No ‘don’t over-do it.’ Unlike in my appointments with her, she let me be the judge of my own limits and my gut clenched as the love I had for her swelled so quickly it made me nauseous.
Enjoy the Ride (Winter Games Book 3) Page 29
