A sob escaped me, the perfect accessory to the weakest point in my life—the point where I felt like every decision I’d ever made up to that moment was a mistake. The moment where, because the future felt like a giant unanswered question, I began to question everything about my life and myself.
“I-I wanted to beg your forgiveness and beg you to come down here because I was so lost and you were my mountain. You were the only thing that had ever been true… and I, selfishly, needed you. In that moment, I didn’t care about your dreams. I didn’t care about anything that I thought you deserved except what kept you with me.”
“Oh, Jess… baby… fuck…”
My fingers clutched into him as he pulled me closer, kissing any part of me that his lips could reach.
“I should have known,” he said thickly. “I should have known better than to think you would ever think about Frost like that. I should have—fuck. I just… Fuck… I just saw you… with him… and my fucking pride blinded me. I loved you so damn much that when I saw you with him, all I could think was that you must have never loved me at all.”
“Don’t…” I sobbed. “I never should have done it. I never should have left.”
Warm hands cupped my cheeks and tipped my face up to his.
“Is that when you called me?”
I stared up at him. My mouth parted but no words came out. It was when I called him… but to tell him that in my weakest moment, he’d, unknowingly, thrown my cry for help back in my face. I couldn’t say it, but I didn’t have to for him to know the answer was yes.
“God, I’m such a fucking idiot,” he said even though his lips were glued to my skin. “I was out that night… partying… trying to drown every memory of you. I remember seeing your call… I remember the rage… I remember telling whoever the hell I was with to answer… Fuck.” His words were choked and a second later I felt his tears slip between his mouth and my skin. “Tell me the rest, J-bird. Tell me, lean on me… You’ve carried this alone for so long. Let me carry it with you.”
“I was lost and confused and hurting so, so much, Chance. There was blood. Too much blood that night. S-so I went to the emergency room.”
“Alone?” he demanded.
“Yeah… I-I couldn’t think. Everything was happening so fast. And then there were needles and tests and pain. And loss. Another part of me… another part of me that was also yours… gone. Just like my heart.” The tears came harder and faster now. “I-I called my parents in the morning.”
“So, you were alone?” His voice was so tight with pained anger, I was afraid he might snap. “You were alone. And all because I didn’t answer the goddamn phone.”
It was then that I felt how his body shook with mine. It was then that I felt him break with me.
Tears. Salt water. Saline. Something so simple that can do so much. Used to wash wounds and infections, saline pulls out the bad and even though it can’t fix the damage, it allows the body to be able to do its job: to heal. And that’s what our tears did. They didn’t fix our mistakes. They didn’t fix the loss—the wound. But they cleansed it. They allowed us to heal each other.
“We can’t go back, Chance,” I said through my crying mess. “We can look back now and say all the ‘coulds’ and ‘woulds’ and ‘shoulds’ that we want, but none of it can change who we were or what we felt in that moment.”
“I should have—“
I kissed him to silence him, tasting the mix of tears between us. “We were young. We were young and maybe what we had was too much for us to handle then. Maybe we had to live and learn… learn that sometimes the things that are meant to be forever aren’t always meant to happen right in that moment.”
“I love you, Jessa Lynn,” he whispered against me. “I’m sorry that I was a proud asshole. I’m sorry that I fucked up. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for our baby, but more importantly, that I wasn’t there for you. But I swear to God, the mountain, and you, that you are my forever and that wherever this ride of life takes us, I will always be by your side.”
And then he held me as I sobbed all over again. He rocked me as he asked to hear the rest of whatever I could… would… tell him about that night in the hospital and the moment-to-moment life I lived after. He wiped my tears as I cried, and when I finally finished telling him about how this took the last piece I had of him from me, he kissed me and told me over and over again that nothing would take him from me ever again.
And then he repeated over and over that he loved me.
He said it so much that it started to not even sound like words anymore. Just sounds. Sounds that only my heart could hear.
“You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met, Jessa. You went through this all alone when you shouldn’t have and then you came back here, put up with all my shit, and to top it all off, you were willing to sacrifice yourself again to heal me.” He planted soft kisses in every spot where he wiped one of my tears away. “I don’t deserve you. But I will, I promise you.”
“I think we’ll have to agree to disagree.” A watery laugh escaped me. “I pushed you away. I lied to you. I kept the truth from you because I was afraid of letting you in. I don’t deserve this, but I will. I promise you.”
“Can I ask you something?” He brushed a stray pink strand away from my face.
I nodded.
“What is The Star?” My head cocked to the side. “The card in your deck.”
He nodded to the side table that sat next to the armchair where I saw a singular Tarot card—the Star—lying by itself on the surface.
“How did that get there?”
“When I came home last night and you were upstairs,” he began, his hands absentmindedly rubbing the muscles at the top of my ass, “I sat down and your deck was on the table in front of me. So I cut it and picked a card.”
“What hand did you cut it with?” I immediately asked.
“My left…” I’d have to explain to him later that typically your left-hand is more associated with your emotions and inner self; it is used when doing a reading to draw the cards that are supposed to depict those emotions.
I bit my lip. The Star. After the Tower.
“It means that you’ve endured what life has thrown at you. That anger and revenge has burned out, leaving you open to happiness and new meaning for your life.” My voice broke as a tear slipped from my eye. “It means hope—hope for a brighter future.”
“I don’t have to hope for it, J-bird. You are my future,” he murmured and my heart swelled.
He kissed me, his lips tugging softly at first and then more insistently on mine. And I let him in—to every part of me. I felt his cock stirring underneath me; it had been half-erect for most of our conversation, never going completely limp. Now, it was hungry again, sliding eagerly against my folds.
Moaning, I rubbed my hips over his length, pressing his hardness into my clit.
“No matter what happens, J-bird. There’s no one I’d rather take this ride called life with,” he rasped as his hand came up to knead my tit.
I arched into him, biting my lower lip as his fingers found my painfully tight nipple—toying and teasing it until I was gushing all over his cock.
Kissing along the tightly trimmed beard on his jawline, I bit down on his earlobe. He hissed and jammed his arousal up against my swollen core.
“I love you.”
My sex clenched all the way to my womb. I was drunk on him and his words and his love. In a stupor, I straddled him, raising up onto my knees so that the head of his cock tapped against my entrance.
Staying steady against his hands that now firmly gripped my hips with a gentle pressure to have me sink down on his length, I said, “I love you, Chance.” I stared at him through heavy lids, my body begging to be filled again. “There’s no one that I’d rather enjoy this ride with.”
And then I collapsed on top of him, impaling myself with his thick cock.
The flames of the candles shook as I rode him. A slippery, smoky, slapping rhyth
m resonated through the room. Tears streamed down my face from the pleasure as he hit my G-spot over and over again—he hit it and then pushed right through it.
With a jerk, he yanked my torso to his, whispering, ‘I love you’ against my mouth to push me over the edge. I took him down with me, hearing his groan as he erupted inside of me again, warmth gushing over every corner of my sex.
We fought for the same air, trying to come back down.
“How much do you love me?” I asked, staring into his eyes.
“Too much,” he answered with a smile.
“How much is ‘too much?’”
“Never enough.”
The World: This card signifies completion and fulfillment and is closely associated with the Wheel of Fortune, reflecting the progression of time and the chances involved in the human experience. Everything has come together and you are in the right place, doing the right thing, feeling fulfilled and complete. In a sense, this card also heralds the new beginnings that naturally emerge out of the completion of a cycle.
HOW MUCH I LOVED TO watch her sleep was only topped by the need I had to be inside her. She looked so peaceful, the sunlight brightening her already bright hair as it came through the windows of the master bedroom.
The day she promised me forever was the last moment either of us thought about her living elsewhere. But we did decide that instead of staying in my old room, this was now our home, and so we’d moved up to what was my parent’s room. The bad news was that I inevitably knocked over some sort of make-up shit every morning on my way into the bathroom. The good news was that I threw away every fucking pair of underwear she had when I’d helped her unpack.
I’d already moved the sheet off of her, watching the soft rise and fall of her chest. I was going to marry her. I was already thinking about the ring. And how. And when.
Mostly, I was thinking about how fucking soon.
J-bird.
My wife.
She sighed in her sleep and immediately my body hardened. I loved when she had wet dreams. Fuck, I loved it. The way her nipples peaked in the air, the way her thighs would start to rub together.
My mouth watered when I saw the soft skin of them start to glisten.
I waited though. I waited until I could barely distinguish my name on her lips before I shifted lower, carefully spreading her legs so I could settle between them.
Softly, I blew over her slick, swollen folds.
Last night, we’d traded oral in the shower before bed, both exhausted from the day. This morning, I regretted every second that my dick wasn’t inside of her. She whimpered again and I knew whatever I was doing to her in her dreams was about to get a whole lot better—and a whole lot more real.
“Oh, God, Chance…” she gasped as her hips rocketed against my mouth. I grinned even as my tongue was shoved deep inside her.
I loved waking her up like this—and making her late for wherever she had to be.
Groaning, her fingers speared through my hair at the sharp pleasure as I ate at her and brought her wide awake. My mouth wasn’t getting her orgasm this morning, though. Still, I slowly and longingly kissed her sweet little pussy, dropping a hard kiss on her clit before I looked up to her needy, glazed eyes.
“Good morning,” I rasped, my smirk not hiding any of my lust.
She whimpered and shifted her hips underneath me. She’d been close in her dream and I’d just left her right on the edge.
“You always do this,” she panted.
“You always dream of me,” I returned, kissing up to her begging tit. “Can’t help it if I’m jealous of dream me, J-bird.”
“You can’t be jealous of yourself,” she whimpered as I sucked the hard peak into my mouth. Her hips ground in the same rhythm of the pulls of my mouth.
“I don’t want you coming with dream me. And my mouth had its turn last night. There are other parts of me that are in line for your pussy.” I couldn’t stop my growl as her leg shifted up and rubbed over my dick making it jump in anticipation.
“You might be too late for that,” she said, her eyes glinting humorously.
I scowled, annoyed that I really was starting to feel a little jealous of dream me.
“What was I doing? In your dream…”
She continued to just smile at me until my teeth clamped down on her nipple and she arched up into me with a yelp of pain and a rush of pleasure on my leg.
“I-I was kidding,” she cried. “I was kidding, Chance. Please… I need you…”
Not getting away that easily, J-bird.
“Tell me what I was doing.” I laved over the bud again, enticing her to obey me while I remember what my cock looked like smashed between the two perfect globes as I came all over her chest.
“I… I told you that you couldn’t s-stop yourself from coming inside me when I come around you…” she began, her eyes drifting closer to shut. “You said that you could…”
“And…?” I asked through gritted teeth, my dick already imagining the feel of having to hold back an orgasm through hers.
“Y-you couldn’t…” She whimpered again, thrusting her nipple against my lips.
I sucked hard, giving her what she needed as my hand cupped the other mound, kneading it firmly.
I moved over her, my face in front of hers with a grin, as I positioned myself between her thighs. “Looks like I’ll have to show you why real me is so much better than dream me.”
Her legs locked around me as I pushed inside her. Hot, blinding heat locked around me. She arched against me until I was completely inside her.
Fuck.
A sweat broke out on my forehead, wondering if I was going to be able to out-do dream me…
With a grunt I began to ram inside her, hooking one of her legs up under my chest so I could hit the deepest part inside her. At least dream me—and my mouth—had brought her to the brink. It only took a few punishing thrusts before her muscles exploded around me.
My teeth locked into her shoulder as I felt my eyes bulge from my head. The tight flexing around my cock made my heart pound with the restraint needed to not explode inside her.
“Fuck,” I swore as I pulled out of her, my cock dripping with her orgasm.
“You survived,” she said breathlessly, with a grin as those dancing, magical eyes stared up at me.
Still seeing stars, I pulled her up roughly by her arm, planting a punishing kiss on her mouth before I had her on all fours on the bed, facing the mirror I’d installed at the base.
My face was hard and determined as I positioned my hips and my dick behind her. Her face, framed by tousled pink waves, was a mix of sated pleasure and an even hungrier desire.
“Mine.” I slammed back into her and she jerked forward at the invasion.
My body was shaking, sweating, with the need to let go. Not yet.
I pulled her up so that we were both on our knees, with my cock buried inside her. My hands snaked around to her tits as I commanded, “Touch yourself. Make yourself come.”
Her head rolled back onto my shoulder as I saw and felt her fingers work their way between her folds.
I didn’t move. Moving would have me lose it. Instead, I stayed still, focused solely on surviving the clench of her core as she played with her clit. I watched in the mirror. I watched my hands knead her swollen breasts. I watched my fingers play with her pink nipples, how pulling and tugging on them made her hand move faster. I watched the way her mouth dropped as her fingers moved faster and faster. I felt her body tighten, her chest not really breathing until she crashed around me again.
It was only sheer will that held me back the way her body milked me with strong, sure pulls.
“Real me is better, right, J-bird?” I growled.
“Only if real you comes inside me now,” she cried.
Oh, fuck.
I felt the waves of my release coming.
I let her fall forward onto her hands, one of mine holding her hip steady, the other reaching around for her swollen c
lit. Pinching and rolling, I brought her right back up the slope from where she’d just fallen. Her ass rocked back against me as she approached another orgasm. Meanwhile, I was sweating with exertion, my whole body slick as I dragged her back to the level that I was at. And when she got there, I began to move.
I pulled almost all the way out before ramming back inside her. Her scream of pleasure brought me closer. This was what I wanted: her pleasure that came both from my fingers and from my dick hitting that sweet spot inside her. Her body began to vibrate against me and I knew she was about to crumble. I couldn’t even see anything, the last time I pushed all the way inside her before she came I was so far gone. Thank God, she screamed my name as her body fractured into a million pieces around me
My head threw back, my neck bulged out as I roared my release. I pumped into her as the strength of her orgasm not only pulled it from me, but clenched so hard that our cum sputtered and squirted out from between us.
She sagged back against me and I gently laid us back onto the bed, pulling her tight against my chest.
“I love you,” she said breathlessly.
“Real me or Dream me?” I teased.
“Mmm… still deciding…” she taunted.
I gripped her stomach possessively. “Dream me can’t do that,” I replied. “Dream me also can’t bring you dinner. Or rub your feet.”
She giggled and pulled my hand up over her heart.
“Dream me can’t propose to you. Dream me can’t marry you.” Her laughter stopped. “Dream me can’t put a baby inside you.”
“Chance…” Her breath always caught when I talked about the future like this.
“I want it all with you, J-bird,” I said as I kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ve wanted it all for a long time… and I never thought I’d be able to have it.”
I swallowed hard, my chest squeezing with suffocating strength to think about how I would have continued to live if she hadn’t come back into my life. No… I would have been alive, but I don’t think I would have called it living.
Enjoy the Ride (Winter Games Book 3) Page 35
