“Sometimes I can’t sleep.” He treaded back to the pool and stepped down into it. The water reached to his waist. His hands touched the surface and swished back and forth in motion.
I sat at the edge of the pool, my feet dangling into the tepid water. “Me, too,” I said. I hadn’t been sleeping, not since my grandfather died. It had been a long time since I’d had a good night’s rest.
“I got tired of laying in bed thinking way too much,” he said and then leaned back onto the water and floated on his back. Jesse should’ve been born with gills. He made swimming and diving look so effortless, like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. He turned over on his stomach and swam toward me. “You coming in?” he asked, staring up at me.
I glanced down at my outfit. “I’m in my pj’s, Jesse.”
“So.”
“I can’t,” I said, even though I really wanted to. The water felt good. It was a nice contrast to the cool night air. The pool looked enticing.
“Suit yourself,” he said and swam toward the other side of the pool.
I sat there and pondered for a while. A part of me told me to get back in my car and drive home. The other part clung to him like a magnet and really wanted to be there in that pool with him–to spend time with him–to have fun like before. Without another moment’s hesitation, I jumped in the pool and let the water envelop me. I shot up from the bottom–all of me completely soaked–and saw Jesse beaming.
“Thought you’d get in,” he said with a smug expression.
I rolled my eyes and he laughed. I put my hands down in the water and lifted them up, quickly creating a splash and dousing him with tons of water. “You better swim fast, Finn!” he threatened.
I saw the look on his face. He meant it. I swam quickly away, but he caught up to me in no time. He moved his submerged hands forward, a gush of water came at me all at once. I closed my eyes, trying to keep them from burning from the chlorine. I tried to retaliate. My small waves of water paled in comparison to his tidal waves.
“I surrender! I surrender!” my voice gurgling. “Come on, stop it, Jesse!” I whined.
It became quiet, the water lapped against me, still in motion from the chaos we had created. I opened one eye to see if it was safe. He raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Quit being so smug,” I said as I tried glaring at him through my water-filled eyes.
We both flipped onto our backs and floated around in the pool, staring up at the moonlit sky. Water filled my ears, allowing me to hear absolutely nothing. It was one of the most peaceful moments I’d had in a long time. I heard him talking but wasn’t sure what he was saying. I lifted my head a little from the water.
“What’d you say?”
“I come here on the nights I’m not working,” he confessed.
“You’re not sleeping much,” I said, more as an observation than a question. He had never had that much trouble sleeping when we dated.
He stopped floating on his back and swam toward the edge of the pool and hoisted himself out of the water. He sat down, his feet and calves still submerged. I swam in his direction and treaded in the water.
“So are you and Everett dating?” he asked.
“No,” I answered.
“But you’re going to the dance with him,” he pressed.
“Yeah. Why?” I asked.
He shrugged. “No reason. I guess I’ll see you guys there.” He said it nonchalantly, like it was no big deal, which bothered me.
“You’re going?” I asked.
“Yeah. I go every year.”
I wanted to ask with whom but decided against it. If he wanted to tell me, he would. And, I didn’t want it to look like I was dying to know even though that was the case.
I descended into the depths of the water, almost touching the bottom, and swam forward doing a lap to the far end of the pool. I shot up to catch my breath and saw Jesse still sitting outside of the pool, leaning back, resting all of his weight onto his hands. I swam another lap and decided to rest for a minute. I laid my arms on the concrete deck, resting my chin on them.
“I love coming here,” he said, looking over at me. “Do you still dive?”
“I did at school once. But since then, no.”
“That’s a shame. You were getting really good last summer,” he said and then stood up, walking my way and offering me his hand. “Let’s dive, Finn.” I formed an uncertain expression. “Come on,” he said encouragingly.
I relented and grabbed a hold of his hand as he effortlessly pulled me up and out of the water. He lifted me as if I were light as a feather. I stood across from him, my hand still holding his. My old t-shirt was soaked and clung against me, revealing each and every curve. Jesse glanced down at me and then averted his eyes in the opposite direction. If it had been daylight, I would have sworn that his face was flushed. Because I know that even though it was cooler out that night, my face was incredibly hot.
I followed him to the diving board. “You first.” He motioned with his hand.
I stepped onto the diving board, placed my hands up to the sky and dove right into the deep end of the pool, touching the smooth concrete floor with the tips of my fingers, and then slowly swam upward toward the surface. Jesse stood on the diving board and dove in right after me, doing a flawless swan dive. He shot up from the depths of the water in one rapid move.
We swam to the shallow end of the pool and sat side-by-side on the bottom step, the water hitting me at my shoulders and Jesse at his waist. “How come you can’t sleep?” I asked him.
He took a while to answer me. “Nightmares,” he finally said.
“Nightmares?” I repeated and turned my head in his direction.
His forehead creased. “I’ve seen some things that have stuck with me. Firefighting isn’t glory all the time. Not everyone is saved. Sometimes, the images won’t go away, no matter how much I want them to.” His lips turned down. “There’s one image that still haunts me and probably will for the rest of my life.” He grimaced.
My voice was almost inaudible, “What happened?” I wanted to comfort him, to be his friend.
“It’s not a pretty story, Finn.”
“That’s okay,” I told him. “I can handle it. Sometimes talking about things helps you heal.”
He gave a thoughtful expression and then took a deep breath. “How are you holding up?” he asked me, completely changing the subject.
“We’re not talking about me, Jesse.”
“It’s hard to talk about,” he admitted, shaking his head.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
He took another deep breath and finally said, “We got a call that there was a house fire. This house was out in the middle of nowhere, on one of those deserted roads–it was way out in the sticks. Someone miraculously drove by and saw smoke rising above the trees and called 911. By the time we got there, it was completely in flames. The call just came too late.” His face was stressed. “We all knew it was beyond saving when we got there.” He paused for a minute and then continued, “I was in charge of room searches. The heat was so intense. It’s hotter than anything you’ve ever imagined, Finn. Everything in the house was on fire. We didn’t know if anyone was still in there and knew if they were, the chances that they were alive were slim.” He grew quiet for a moment. “When I reached the back of the house, the room was soaking wet, the flames were almost out. It was mostly just soot and burnt timber. Everything was black. I opened a door–I think it was a closet door,” he said and stopped for a long minute. “Inside were two burnt bodies sitting in fetal positions. One was a child; the other was his mother. It’s the most horrific sight I’d ever seen, and I just can’t get it out of my head,” he said with a horrified expression.
I could see the agony in his pale blue eyes. What he had experi
enced was too much for anyone to witness, even someone as strong and resilient as Jesse. How could anyone sleep after seeing that?
I wrapped my arm around him. “I’m sorry, Jesse.” It was the only comforting thing I could think to say. At that moment, I realized how little I had experienced in my life compared to what Jesse had. He was years ahead of me. What he had seen, what he did every day, it was more than I could ever fathom. He was a hero and the price of being one meant seeing all of life–including the ugly, frightening side that most people tried so hard to avoid.
He didn’t say anything for a while. We just sat there, side-by-side, staring at nothing, listening to the sounds of nature, an owl hooting, its call constantly changing, crickets chirping, and in the far distance, coyotes howling, their voices mimicking the sound of babies crying. After several minutes of silence between us, he said, “Let’s dive again, this time off the high dive.” He nudged me on the shoulder and then stood up, motioning for me to follow him.
Maybe he was just changing the subject because it was personal? Maybe it was too personal since we weren’t dating anymore? I wanted to know Jesse again, to know what was going on with him day in and day out, but he could open the door as quickly as he could shut it. Could we be friends, I wondered? Was that what we were? Because I didn’t know what this was.
“One more and then I need to go home,” I answered and then got out of the pool. I needed to get my thoughts together. Being around him made me feel confused.
“Okay, one more, Finn.” He faintly smiled and then we trekked to the high dive, ready to take the plunge from high in the sky, again.
“Ladies first,” he said.
I climbed up the steps and quickly glanced down at him when I reached the very top. He was smiling encouragingly. It felt strangely like the previous summer when we were dating. I looked around, seeing the tiny twinkling lights miles and miles away. I clasped my hands together and dove right into the pool. Jesse followed right after me.
We both got out of the pool at the same time. The cool air sent an instant chill down my spine. Goosebumps instantly formed all over my body. I started to slightly shiver. Jesse’s chest was covered in tiny goose bumps. I wrapped my arms around me trying to create some warmth. The cold summer’s night air had made its mark. I pulled the heavy, wet t-shirt and shorts away from my skin trying to ring them out as much as I could, shaking my hair and trying to dry off. Jesse came from behind me and bundled me up in a huge beach towel.
“Here. Use this,” he said.
I spun around. We were so close, so incredibly close. “It’s yours, though.” I couldn’t stare up at him because I was really nervous. Instead, I continued to look at his bare muscular chest with all the tiny bumps that had invaded it.
“Finn, I live two blocks from here. I’ll dry off by the time I get home. You can’t drive home sopping wet,” he said, looking down at me. “Plus, you’re freezing.”
I could feel his eyes on me. I had to tilt my head up or else I’d look like an idiot just standing there gazing at his chest. But I was so anxious and being close to him like that made me feel that way. I wrapped the towel around me tighter to create warmth. I was so cold and continued to stand there shivering while my teeth chattered endlessly.
“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice shaky.
“You’re really cold, huh?” He rubbed his hands up and down on my arms. “Warming up?” he asked and then in an instant, he took his hands off of me, like he hadn’t realized what he was doing until that second.
“Yeah,” I answered. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him, how I hated that he couldn’t sleep, how he was my best friend and I missed talking to him, and that diving with him again was one of the best things I had done in weeks, but I didn’t. I was too scared to– afraid of rejection–of putting my feelings out there and not having them reciprocated. Instead, I didn’t utter one word and began to move toward the gate.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” he said, increasing his pace to catch up with mine.
I stopped moving and looked at him. “You’re not going home?”
“Nah. I’ll probably stay here for a while longer. I’m still wide awake.” He opened the gate for me.
We got to my car. I unlocked the door and opened it. “It was fun diving with you again,” I said. It was more than fun. It was exactly what I needed.
He gave me a warm, heartfelt smile. “It was, Finn. Thanks for keeping me company.” I sat down in the car and closed the door. I rolled the window down. He bent down and added, “Drive careful.”
“I will. Try to get some sleep.” I turned the ignition and put the car in reverse, backing away as he stood there and watched me.
Chapter 20
I finally felt comfortable running the diner–not exactly confident, but comfortable enough that I felt like I knew what I was doing–most of the time. Things were starting to click–to make sense, and I was making fewer mistakes and more prudent decisions. Nana hadn’t had any offers except from Mike Wyatt. No one seemed to be interested in buying the diner, and that was fine by me. The problem was summer was zipping by in a flash, too fast, which meant that I would be starting classes at Harrison within a month. This made me wonder what would happen to the diner. How many months would it sit closed until there was a buyer? Was I just doing this to prove something to myself, to my grandfather, to everyone else, to show them that I was capable?
It was more than that. It was more than just dealing with the grief, than just proving a point. It made me feel whole, like I had a purpose. For the first time in my life, I was passionate about something which was both simultaneously exciting and utterly frightening.
“I better start baking for tomorrow night. I’m sure Sidney will want to help,” Nana said.
“Probably. I do, too. I haven’t helped you bake a pie in a long time.” I wanted the house to smell like it used to–warm and welcoming, like life was in it.
“This will be the first dance I’ve gone to without your grandfather. He always met me there for a few dances. He never stayed long; just long enough to make an appearance and dance a few of the slow dances with me. I’m gonna miss our dances tonight, honey.” She looked at me with a sad expression and then touched my arm. “Get Sidney down here and let’s make ourselves some pies.”
***
The three of us baked for hours that night. Sidney made a peach pie; Nana a cherry pie; I made chocolate peanut butter pie–my grandfather’s favorite. It was fun, the three of us baking together, and seeing my Nana like her old self made me feel better. I knew that being at the dance was going to be difficult for her, but she never backed out of her commitments.
Sidney found a date for the dance. His name was Tony, and he was a friend of Matt’s. She wasn’t thrilled about being his date and decided to settle for him because “he would do” for the night. I think she agreed to go with him because she was desperate to have a date for the dance even if that meant going with someone she wasn’t even interested in. That was one of the major differences between Sidney and me. Going on a date with someone that I didn’t even like sounded like a waste of time.
Tony arrived before Everett did. He was too early, which irked Sidney. “Geez, talk about desperate,” she muttered under her breath. “I told him seven o’clock. It’s frickin’ six thirty-five.”
“Maybe he can’t tell time,” Nana teased. The two of them had gotten close, and their relationship was nothing but sarcastic banter on a regular basis.
Sidney made an annoyed face. “Obviously he can’t,” she said and then put on the most fake smile I’d ever seen. “Hi Tony. You look nice,” she said.
I don’t know how she did it, but Sidney was a master. “You look great,” he said. His face was red; he appeared nervous and was sweating slightly.
“Thanks. Let’s go.”
“Nice to meet y’all,” he said to Nana and me before Sidney literally dragged him out the front door.
“Poor thing doesn’t stand a chance,” Nana said when they left.
“He’s already smitten. Sidney has that effect on men.”
Nana looked at me and then at what I was wearing. “You look pretty,” she said.
I felt pretty. My hair was slightly curled; my make up simple.
“Thanks,” I said, pulling on the straps to the light green sundress I had borrowed from Meg.
“Those are cute shoes,” she said, staring down at my floral ballerina flats. “No flip flops tonight?”
I shook my head. “No, not tonight.” I learned from attending last year’s dance that wearing flip flops was a bad idea when you’re dancing.
She put on her red cardigan and picked up her purse from the coffee table. Nana was dressed in denim capris, red Keds, and a red gingham button up shirt. “Listen, I’d like to stay here and watch you become embarrassed when your date arrives, but I’ve got to get to the dance. It’s bad enough I only helped with set up for a couple of hours. They’ll come after me with pitch forks if I don’t show up soon.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“Well, regardless. I’ll see you tonight.” She kissed me on the cheek and opened the door to leave.
I sat down on the couch. Then I stood up and looked out the window. Then I sat back down on the couch. I was nervous and antsy. I hadn’t really gone on a lot of dates in my life: one in high school with Trace Johnson, tons with Jesse, and then this one with Everett. There was something about him I liked, even though I didn’t know what that something was. Maybe it was because he was so nice? Really, he was a stranger to me, and I wondered if I was going out with him because he was so good looking.
After going to the bathroom for the millionth time and walking back and forth to the window and then back to the couch to sit down for a few seconds only to get up again, Everett arrived. I saw him approach the door and opened it before he could knock. I know that’s not proper date protocol; in fact, it probably made me look kind of desperate. Sidney would have berated me for appearing so anxious, but I wasn’t into following social customs. It was ridiculous to make him knock on the door when I knew he was there.
The Year I Almost Drowned Page 20
