"I don't care." Then his hard mouth slammed down on mine.
Chapter 14
Nikolai
What the fuck am I doing?
Hannah is not mine. I didn't want to own anyone. This whole relationship was a pretense. However, that didn't stop the tidal wave of lust, anticipation, and possessiveness that rolled through me when I walked in and saw that she was half dressed. I came in here with every intention of apologizing for being an asshole. I’d even started to apologize, but after seeing her body, her full breasts pressing against her forearms in a feeble attempt to hide from me, I was completely derailed.
I felt satisfaction pound through me when I looked at her, exposed, fragile, and untouched. That’s the part that jumped to life when I realized that no other man had ever seen her like this. I was sure of it. That asshole, Jeff, had kept her a virtual prisoner for all of high school, so I'd bet my left nut she was a virgin. Hell, I doubt she’s ever even been kissed before.
It was that understanding, that knowledge, that blazed through my bloodstream like a virus. No one had ever seen her body. Nobody else knew she likes lacy underwear, or that her nipples are deep pink, or felt them harden and jump under their touch. Only me. I didn’t think my dick had ever been this hard in my life. I wanted to reach down and give it a rough squeeze to make sure I didn’t come in my pants like a fucking kid.
I press my mouth hungrily against Hannah’s, holding her face with one hand, while the other reached around her waist and crushed her against me. Her awkward reactions, her sounds of surprise and passion, her tentative touches to my shoulders and arms, confirmed to me that this was likely her first real kiss. This evidence sent fire through my bloodstream and made my cock throb like a sore tooth. I hadn’t even put my tongue in her mouth yet, and I was ready to fuck her.
I’d never cared about the sexual history of any of my previous partners. Live and let live. I was hardly a virgin, so what right did I have to judge them? Yet…yet there was something about the sweet vulnerability of Hannah's previously untouched lips.
I lightened the pressure of my mouth and laid soft kisses against the seam of her lips, rubbing the tip of my tongue against them to coax them apart. Power surged through me as I felt her tongue tentatively reach out to mine. Her reaction had me fisting my hand in the hair at her nape, holding her still for my rampaging mouth. I wanted to consume her.
I deepened the kiss and my hand reached up to start lightly rubbing her still exposed nipple, lightly pinching and pulling. She jumped as if poked with a cattle prod, but then slammed her hips against mine. I couldn’t stop my hands from reaching down to pull those slim hips even tighter to my groin, grinding my painfully hardened dick against her.
My mouth drifted away from her swollen mouth, down her neck where I bit and sucked on the base of neck. I’d never given a girl a hickey in my life, but I had to rein in the need to leave my mark all over the soft skin of Hannah’s neck, making sure anyone who looked at her knew she was unavailable.
Hannah was moaning and grabbing at my shirt, her head tipped back against the wall, gasping and panting at each new way I manipulated her body.
I kissed my way down to the nipple I’d been steadily kneading. It was deep rose and rock hard, begging for my mouth. I held up her full breast with my hand and wrapped my lips around the hard tip, sucking deeply. Hannah practically screamed with pleasure, her nails digging into my scalp. While her unbridled response made my cock jump, she was so loud I had to reach my other hand up and cover her mouth.
My full attention back on her swollen nipple, I lightly bit the hardened nub, trying to see how much pain she could tolerate. She loved it all, her head moving back and forth against the wall, steadily moaning behind my palm, jerking her hips in attempt to lessen whatever ache I imagined she was feeling between her legs. Taking my hand from her mouth, I pulled the other side of her bra down and gave her right nipple the same treatment with my lips, tongue and teeth, while I pinched and pulled the left one. Her nipples were so sensitive, if her escalating moans were any indication, I briefly wondered if she could come from this alone.
I was practically drugged with need for her. I wanted to throw her to the floor and devour her, then lock her in my room and never let anyone near her again.
That thought stopped me short.
This wasn’t me. I didn't react to females like this. I abruptly pulled away from Hannah’s body, but nearly got sucked back in again after seeing her flushed, passion-drugged face and swollen lips.
Jesus Christ, I needed to get away from her.
Eyes still closed, Hannah finally became aware that I had stopped kissing her, and I watched an adorable frown start to come over her features. She finally, slowly, opened her eyes to see what had happened, and was confronted with my undoubtedly closed and angry expression. I couldn’t help it. I was being torn apart with lust, while simultaneously being angry as fuck that she had this effect on me.
I slowly pried my hands off of her and pushed her hips gently away from my rock-hard dick. I could tell she didn’t know what to make of any of this, and her floundering innocence was making this even more difficult.
"I'm sorry," Hannah blurted, as she quickly pulls up her bra straps and covers her exposed breasts. I felt guilty as fuck that she was acting so self-conscious.
I scowled. "For what?"
She frowned and shook her head. "I don't know. Everything just stopped, and you’re being so quiet and intense, I didn't know what to say." The red on her face was now creeping towards her ears as she struggled to control her insecurity and discomfort. I wanted to reassure her, but I was too fucked up to deal with it.
"Look, Hannah, I'm sorry that happened. I didn't mean to touch you like that. I know this is just pretend, that we do not have a relationship. It won't happen again." Her jaw dropped, and I could tell she was stricken and confused. I needed to go. Badly.
"Katya will drop you off." I opened the door, but paused to take her in one more time, looking so sexy and sweet at the same time, and then left as fast as possible.
Chapter 15
Hannah
I stood staring at the closed dressing room door feeling dumbfounded. My thoughts were like marbles scattered on the floor. What happened? Why had he left? My face was hot as I scrambled to put on my sweatshirt, which Nikolai had dropped at my feet. My face burned in embarrassment at his sudden rejection. Did he find me unattractive? That seemed unlikely, because even though I was a virgin, I knew what a penis was and how it functioned, and I had felt his, bigger than I ever imagined, rubbing against me. It hadn’t seemed disinterested.
Maybe he was turned off by my lack of experience? I mean, he had to be used to girls who knew a lot more about sex than me, which, admittedly, wasn’t saying much. What I had done with Nikolai was pretty much it.
I reached up and felt my lips, warm and swollen, and realized I had a lot to process. My first kiss. My first…grope? Make out session? What did you even call it? Remembering Nikolai’s face as he looked at me, touched me, kissed me, gave me goose bumps. It was all so amazing, the feelings and sensations. I’d be walking on air, if not for Nikolai storming out of here like he was leaving the scene of a crime.
I slowly gathered myself, finished dressing, and tried to figure out which clothes to keep. A part of me definitely wanted to keep the last outfit, considering the strong reaction Nikolai had to it. As I stood there trying to pick, Katya walked in with a look of confusion on her face.
"What did you do to Nikolai?" She then took in my appearance and asked, “What happened in here?”
"What are you talking about?" I asked cautiously.
"He walked out, told me to buy everything you had picked out and to drive you home. Then he ran out of here like he was on fire. Now I see you,” she said, gesturing to my face. “Your mouth swollen, your hair all messed up…what happened?" The rising tone of Katya’s voice indicated her suspicions about how Nikolai and I had spent our time in the changing room.
Feeling heat burning my cheeks, I quickly started gathering clothes. "Nothing. I don't know what's wrong with him." Katya stood there and stared at me while I manically folded a pair of discarded pants. She smirked at me knowingly, her hands on her dainty hips.
“What happened between you guys?" She held up her hand as I opened my mouth. "Before you lie to me again, I should tell you—you're a terrible liar. I can tell already something happened, so instead of us tediously going back and forth a million times, just tell me what happened."
I took a deep breath and plopped into a chair. "He kissed me."
Katya expression brightened as she clapped her hands and jumped up and down a few times. Her childish response made me crack a smile. “Oooh, I knew something was going on here! I love it. Tell me everything!” She then threw up her hands to silence me. “No, wait. Don't. Let's get all this shit wrapped up and you can tell me in the car. I have an appointment at 6."
"Wait, I can't get all of this stuff," I responded in shock, looking around at the massive mound of beautiful clothing.
Katya shot me a look filled with exasperation. "Of course, you can. In fact, it’s already been paid for, so let's get some bags and get the hell out of here."
"Who paid for it?" I don’t know why I asked. I already knew the answer.
Katya raised a perfectly arched brow and gave me another look that implied my brain was malfunctioning. "Who do you think?"
I was going to protest because the gift of these clothes was staggering. However, Katya had the demeanor of a drill sergeant, so I knew I would never win this battle. We gathered my purchases and walked out to the parking lot.
After pulling into traffic, she pinned me down with her insistent, golden-green gaze and demanded I give her the whole story.
I sighed and sat there for a second. I honestly hadn't even allowed myself to fully process what had happened in the dressing room, so retelling it to Katya felt incredibly overwhelming.
"I don't really know what happened. He walked in when I was half-dressed,” I began. Katya’s eyebrows jumped at that. “He knocked, and I thought it was you and told him to come in." Katya gasped in delight. She even clapped her hands again, silently this time.
I snorted and rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm.
"Go on," she urged.
"Well, I think he was going to apologize for being so obnoxious about my clothes, but then...." I trailed off, trying to remember the rapid sequence of events that led up to me pressed against a wall, half naked, being kissed over and over by the hottest guy I had ever seen.
"Then...." Katya prompted impatiently, moving her hand in a get-on-with-it motion.
"I don't know, then suddenly we were kissing. Or he was kissing me. Then he pulled away, looked at me like he wanted to punch a hole in the wall, and stormed out."
"Huh," Katya responded, a small frown on her face, struggling to understand Nikolai’s confusing behavior.
Join the club.
As reluctant as I had been to share what happened with her, I was now getting desperate to hear her feedback. She knew Nikolai far better than I did. What the hell did his behavior mean?
"Well?" I finally prodded. "What do you think is going on with him?"
"Well, I get why he kissed you. I mean, he likes you, right? Why would he be doing all this stuff with the clothes and getting all jealous? I just don't get why he left so pissed." She turned forward and frowned in thought.
Okay, I’d been wondering what Katya knew about our arrangement. And now, I knew. Nothing. I had a dilemma before me. Did I tell her, and let one more person into this secret, or did I keep it to myself?
I wanted to confide in her. Katya had been amazing today. I’d never felt so at ease with someone I had just met. She was nice, and friendly, and fun, and I didn't really have any friends. She’d also known Nikolai for a very long time and would be a valuable resource for information about him.
I realized that I was really no longer afraid of Nikolai. All the fear had now been transformed into infatuation, and I’d developed a crush of titanic proportions. Having an ally like Katya was appealing on many levels. It would be nice to have someone in which to confide all of these new and out-of-control feelings. That she knew Nikolai so well was an added bonus.
I sighed for the ninetieth time during this conversation. "Okay, I have to explain something about my and Nikolai's relationship." I launched into the entire story about Jeff, and how I had been trying to handle him for my entire high school existence. I explained how his behavior had been escalating, and that I was becoming afraid. I finished by explaining my proposal to Nikolai, and how he ultimately agreed to take care of it.
During this recitation, Katya had pulled into a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot so she could devote her entire attention to staring at me in shock. Her face went through a series of dramatic expressions, from bugging her eyes to dropping her jaw to lifting her eyebrows to her hairline. At the end, she stared at me mutely.
"What?" I finally asked.
Katya looked ahead for a minute, then looked back at me. "First off, I want to say—fuck this Jeff Connors guy. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this, Hannah, seriously.” Katya touched my arm to convey her compassion. She was the best. “Now, as far as Nikolai is concerned—I’m just…surprised. He isn't known as nice guy. In fact, any friends of mine who have hooked up with him say he's a total asshole. He’s indifferent, emotionally closed off.” I felt an uncomfortable twinge of jealousy at hearing about the other girls he’d hooked up with. I mean, I knew they existed, but I sure didn’t want to hear about them.
"Well, he hasn't exactly been super friendly, Katya, even if he's helping me out. I mean, look how he acted today."
Katya shook her head emphatically. "No, Hannah, today he wasn't indifferent. He was possessive and controlling. Erratic. I know it's hard for you to see the difference, but there is one. I didn't think much of it at first, because I thought you guys were dating or he was into you, or something. Nikolai acting like that if he was your boyfriend makes sense. But, in the context of what you're describing…no."
"So, what do you think is going on?" I asked, hanging on the edge of my seat to hear her continuing analysis. Since my dealings with the opposite sex ran the gamut from disastrous to non-existent, I was totally perplexed.
Katya looked thoughtful. "I've never known Nikolai to have a girlfriend. That's why I was so intrigued by you. Now, I'm beginning to believe he might really be into you but does not like it. At all."
Great.
Chapter 16
Nikolai
When I left Hannah in that dressing room, my dick was throbbing, and anger, frustration, and confusion were fighting for dominance inside my head. I wanted to find the easiest fuck I could to burn off his lust and rage. To push Hannah and her hot fucking body out of my mind. After getting in my car, I even went so far as to scroll through my phone to find an easy lay.
I found a girl listed as "Blonde from Club." I was such a dick, but I didn't care. I opened our chain of text messages and stared at the phone. I hated that I was hesitating to text her. I hated even more that I knew the reason for my hesitation was in a dressing room in the mall. Fuck.
I was saved from making a decision either way by a knock on the window of my car. My father's head enforcer, Drago, stood there, looking at me with a smirk. I knew the reason for that fucking smirk, too. This was how soft Hannah was making me. The Nikolai of two weeks ago would have noticed this guy five cars away. I would have clocked him immediately, because that’s how I’d been trained. I needed to get this fucking female out of my head.
I got out of the car, leaned against it, and crossed my arms, carefully adopting an expression of boredom.
"What's up, Drago?"
"You getting soft, boy?" Drago asked in a soft Russian accent, still smirking. I hated when he called me boy– he was only in his late twenties, for Christ’s sake. However, Drago was huge, around six feet four inches of solid muscle. He had ru
thlessly short dark brown hair that was slightly longer on the top and grey eyes that looked like two pieces of flint. I guessed he would’ve been considered good looking, in a mean, rough-looking way, if it weren't for a scar that ran from his left temple, down the side of his face and curving under his jaw—a memento from tangling with some Yakuza members in Chicago.
I ignored his mocking question. “Fuck you. What do you want?"
Drago immediately dropped the smile.
"We need to talk." He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. "Things are changing, Nikolai. Your father, he’s making bad decisions."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Speaking against my father to another member of the organization was a death sentence. Even though I actually agreed with Drago, it was a dangerous move to initiate a conversation like this.
"I know you have been slowly distancing yourself from the family, and I know why."
Unsure of where this conversation was going, and if he was maybe testing me, I gave him a blank look. “What do you think you know?” My father was a crazy fuck. It would not be unheard of for him to send Drago to fuck with my head.
“I know what you found out this summer, about the girl. You did a pretty good job hiding it, but I’ve known you a while, Nikolai. I could see the change in you. Your father may not have understood what happened, but I did. And you know why your father didn’t understand? Because I covered for you.”
I searched Drago’s face to see how he was planning to use this information but stayed silent.
“You think someone can just disappear without us noticing, Kolya?" Drago asked, using the Russian diminutive of my name.
Drago was talking about the issue that had driven me away from the organization I had once coveted. When working for my father at the beginning of the summer, my role was expanded due to my availability and anticipated entry into the organization full time. My father looked at this as an internship of sorts. A way to initiate me into the organization before I became a vor.
Nikolai (Dangerous Love Series Book 1) Page 7
