“You. Are. Mine. I don’t care if I don’t see or talk to you for a week, two hundred days, three years or two decades. You will always be mine. No amount of time or distance will ever change that Leila. Does that answer your question?”
I thanked God we are on the phone. He was seething.
“It answers the question.” Yep. Brain to mouth was broken. I poked the angry, snarling bear. “But you should know, since you haven’t communicated that prior to now, I thought we were over.”
“What does that mean Leila? You’re telling me something without saying it?” He was quiet for a minute, then the bear lashed out. I think he may have ESP.
“Son of a motherfuckincocksuckin’ bitch. You fucked him?” he roared through the phone. So much so I had to pull the phone back. “You let that piece of shit, no good motherfucker touch my fuckin’ pussy? Because that is mine!”
“Shut up Jax!” I yelled back, but he was still cussin’ and muttering things about killing Brody slowly. “Please just listen.”
“I swear to Christ Leila.” But he finally stopped.
“No. I did not sleep with him, fuck him or let him touch me like you are thinkin’ Jaxon.” Okay, here goes nothing. “But he did kiss me.”
The line was silent. It was so quiet I pulled the phone back to see if the call was still connected. I pressed the phone back to my ear. “Are you there?”
I heard a long sigh. “Yeah. Did ya kiss him back? How many times he kiss you? When did it start?” He was eerily calm now.
Well, fuck me. Why did he have to ask all this shit?
“Yes. One time. Yesterday,” I answered quickly in the hopes to skim over the yes.
Silence.
“Jaxon?”
“Yeah babe?” he rasped, one syllable at a time.
“Why does everything always seem to be so hard? Why can’t we just have a normal relationship like we used to?” I asked.
“I don’t know Leila. I want, more than anything, for us to be good.” He paused. I felt a but coming on. “But we aren’t right now. And I’m not sure how to fix what I’ve broken. What we’ve broken.”
He was right. He didn’t do this alone. My situation with Brody was a big part of our issue. He was the main problem for our fights. Well, that and the club.
“But I want to baby. More than I want my next breath. I don’t wanna come home one more time and walk through our house and not see you there. I don’t want to go to sleep in our bedroom alone.” He stopped for a minute. “Come home. To me. Let me fix this.”
“I want to Jaxon. I do, but you’re not there. You’re never there anymore.” I fought the tears. “If I thought you’d be there and not turn around and ride out for the club, I would come home. But right now I need someone with me at all times. Someone to take care of me in case something happens or I start having contractions again. And you can’t do that.”
“But he can,” he says abrasively.
“Jane can, and she lives here. Yes, Brody is helping to take care of me, but, honestly, it’s mostly Jane. She’s become like a second mom to me Jax, and I really need that,” I explained.
“’Cept that she’s probably telling you that you belong to him.”
I knitted my brow together. “Actually, her exact words were, ‘Just be true to yourself and follow your heart. Love never fails.’ She’s really wonderful Jax. I can’t wait for you to meet her because she’s gonna be in our lives, like a grandma to this little girl.”
“Listen babe, I hate to say it, but—”
“No, please don’t say it,” I begged.
“I gotta go baby. I don’t wanna but I gotta. I’ve ignored three calls and a shitload of texts. Prez is probably flippin’. I’ll try to call you back later tonight. I’m gonna get this shit wrapped up and come and get you. I love you Leila.”
Well, that did it. My resolve shattered and I cried.
“Baby please don’t cry. You’re killing me here. I’ll see you soon. I promise. Later babe.”
“Bye Jax. I love you too. Please be careful.” I wiped tears away with the sleeve of my sweater.
After ending the call I sat and reflected on how I felt, knowing he wanted me back and knowing that’s what I wanted too. As I sat there glowing, basking in the knowledge that somehow, some way Jax and I would find our way back to each other, my daughter rolled and dragged her tiny foot across my tummy.
Looking down, I realized that if I decided to forgive Jaxon and take him back, I was going to have to break it to Brody, my little girl’s father. He had changed so much over the past several months. He had become the doting, expectant father.
He opened up to me and became the man that I once fell in love with. He was charming, charismatic, funny and sweet. He was everything I ever thought I wanted in a husband and father. The thought of hurting him gave me a physical pain in my chest and made me nauseous. I felt my heart breaking at just the thought of possibly telling him I was going back to Jaxon.
That kiss we shared was mind blowing and made me think of all of the things we could have been.
Sitting there watching my stomach stretch in different direction, I wondered how to choose between the man who stole my heart and the one who imprinted himself on my soul. I couldn’t help but think of Brody and how we had made this tiny miracle, together. It was in that moment I realized that I still loved him, despite what I told Jaxon.
I needed Drew. Whenever I was in turmoil Drew was my go-to. This would be the most important, life altering decision of my life. I needed to vent and he was the only one who would truly understand my issues trusting Brody or Jaxon again.
I never would have believed I could be in love with two people at the same time. Two very different people.
But, sitting here, I realized I was.
And I hated myself for it.
LEILA, JAXON, AND BRODY’S STORY CONTINUES IN
TORN,
COMING FALL 2015!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A.F. Crowell’s love of books did not start until her husband forced her to watch Twilight one weekend when they were snowed in. From there her love only grew. Contemporary romance, paranormal, YA, and dystopian are her preferred reads, but she also loves Patricia Cornwell novels. Pushed is her debut and the first book in the Torn Series. It will be followed by Pulled, book two, and Torn, book three.
Crowell lives in Charleston, SC, with her husband and also her two boys, who at seven and eleven share her love of reading. The family has two dogs, Diesel, a German Shepherd rescue, and Dez, a black Labrador Retriever.
For more information on release dates and upcoming work, please visit:
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