‘And you’re always telling me how disappointed they are.’
‘They’re not disappointed. At least, not with the lifestyle or the job I chose, even if they’re pissed off about Hunter. They just imagined me going into something more…’
‘Better paid and much sexier?’ Spencer finished for her.
‘Something like that. But you’re always telling me that it’s like that with you and your parents too.’
‘Yeah, I suppose so.’
‘I guess that has a lot to do with why we click.’
‘The difference is that we can put a bottle of wine in front of my mum and dad and they’ll forget any disappointment in their only son and have a good time. Yours don’t drink, so what do we do?’
‘What I’ve always done – live my life the way I choose and to hell with what they think. They can accept it or they can get worked up, but I won’t get worked up.’
Spencer sighed. ‘I wish I could think like that. But this afternoon I’ll have two sets of parents disappointed in me.’
Tori kissed him. ‘You’re taking this way too seriously.’
‘It matters. It’s our future.’
‘Exactly. It’s our future, nobody else’s. As long as we stay strong, that’s all I care about.’
‘You’re amazing, you know that?’
‘Kinda… So are you going to kiss me or what?’
‘My parents are in the next room.’
‘So that means you can’t kiss me?’
‘A kiss won’t be enough.’
‘Damn straight.’ Tori reached beneath the sheets and he stiffened against her hand.
‘Tori!’ he squeaked.
‘Tell me you don’t want to,’ she breathed.
‘Of course I do.’
‘Then what’s the problem?’
She kissed him, and he rolled her onto her back, gazing into her eyes. He wanted her, and it was like he had never wanted her so badly, almost as if he knew that troubles were coming and this would be the last time. ‘It’s the next room. They’ll hear…’ he said.
‘We’ll just have to be really quiet then, won’t we?’
It was underhand, he knew that, but Spencer had enlisted his mother’s help in getting Tori out of the way while he went to see Millie. Ostensibly, he wanted one of the wonderful potions she created, something to bring his stress down to a level he could cope with. But he wanted to talk too, and Millie – and sometimes even Dylan, when the mood took him to be serious – was a good listener. At Spencer’s request, Jenny had insisted that Tori accompany her to the supermarket outside the village so that they could get in Christmas supplies and also get to know each other a little better, and despite the motivations for this, Spencer didn’t think it was a bad thing. Lewis had been overjoyed to rediscover the scooter he had left in the garage still started up, despite Spencer not being around for the last year to keep it running for him, and he had thrown himself into delighted tinkering with it that lasted well into the afternoon. Whoever the culprit of the early morning vomiting session was, Spencer didn’t ask, but as they both looked as fresh as the clear morning that greeted them, he guessed they’d recovered pretty quickly.
Now Spencer found himself pushing open the door of the Old Bakery to find Ruth behind the counter with Millie instead of Darcie, while Dylan was out back wrestling with a batch of soda bread.
‘Spencer!’ Millie smiled, Oscar strapped in a baby carrier at her front. ‘On your own today? I heard it was a heavy night after I left… I suppose they’re all hungover at your place?’
‘Actually, they’re not bad. Mum has taken Tori shopping and Dad is tinkering with his bike.’ He looked at Ruth. ‘You don’t look too bad either, and I’m sure you drank us all under the table.’
Ruth grinned. ‘Once you’ve shared a bottle of Navy rum and lived to tell the tale you can drink anything the Dog and Hare has to offer.’
‘What can we get you?’ Millie asked brightly.
Spencer paused, glancing at Ruth, who watched with a bit too much interest. He needed to talk to Millie, alone, and he had gone to all this trouble because Millie would know exactly the right thing to say and do to ease his mind. She seemed to understand his current predicament too, because she turned to Ruth.
‘Would it be a huge problem to call at the Dog and Hare for me? I think we delivered short on their order this morning and I don’t want to leave Colleen in the lurch for the lunchtime trade, so I could do with you taking half a dozen pies over.’
Ruth looked as though she wanted to argue, but then she nodded. ‘I’ll be back before you can say steak and kidney.’
‘If you pop in and see Dylan he’ll sort you out with the stuff to take. Just let him know that he needs to do it because I’m serving Spencer and I might as well feed Oscar at the same time.’
Ruth headed for the kitchens out back and Millie turned to Spencer. ‘I can always tell when something isn’t right with you. So, come on, what is it?’
‘I know. That’s why I wanted to come and talk… I mean, I know you’re busy and I used to be able to talk to Jasmine but…’
‘Of course. Sit down and I’ll get us a drink.’
‘No.’ Spencer shook his head. ‘I don’t want to put you to a load of trouble. I just want…’ He hesitated.
‘What?’
Spencer lowered his voice. ‘I know that you don’t always agree with people’s reliance on your herbal mixes but… God, Millie, I could really do with something to calm me down right now.’
‘My tonics?’ Millie smiled. ‘If you’re asking for one of those, then I know you’re serious. You’re not like Ruth, asking for them every day for everything from wrinkle repair to making the postman fall in love with her. You’re really that stressed? I don’t know that a potion would be anymore use to you than a nice cup of chamomile tea and a chat, if I’m honest, and that’s not me trying to get out of making one for you, because you know I will do whatever you ask if I think it will help.’
Spencer took a seat at an empty table and Millie joined him. ‘My mum and dad are here, and that’s bad enough, but Tori’s are arriving later today, and I feel as if I’m going to explode with the stress.’
Millie frowned. ‘Why? It might be a bit nerve-wracking because they’re your future in-laws, but you’ve met them before and you don’t usually have any social hangups. Just be your wonderful self and it’ll be fine.’
‘They don’t like me one bit – Tori’s parents. I don’t know if I mentioned it before. They wanted her to marry some son of a family friend. He’s everything I’m not, of course, so why wouldn’t they?’
‘But Tori has told them you’re the one? And they know you’re engaged?’
‘Yes. At least, I think so.’
‘Surely they’ll make an effort to get along with you now that they know all this?’
‘Yes, but…’ Spencer stopped. What exactly was he trying to say here? Millie was right, there was no logic in him feeling so worked up. The stress was coming from somewhere else, somewhere within himself, but he couldn’t put a name on what it was.
‘Have you tried telling Tori how you feel?’
‘Not really. I don’t even know where to begin.’
‘There’s not a lot you can do to fix things if you can’t even talk to her.’
‘Oh, I can talk to her. I mean, she’s amazing, of course she is and we can talk about almost anything…’
‘Then I don’t understand the problem.’
‘I can talk to her about almost everything. Just not this.’
Millie frowned. ‘I’m sorry, Spencer, but you’re not making a lot of sense. Perhaps you can work through the thing that you want to say to her with me? Saying it here might help you make some sense of it all, get your thoughts in order, help to turn it into something you can articulate to her when you see her…’
Spencer gave her a tight smile. Millie was so patient and understanding, it was no wonder Dylan had been tamed by her. She had a way of
being able to look into a soul and see only the good in there. And whatever was broken, she could fix. It was a strange but wonderful quality to have. He took a deep breath. He could trust Millie, and perhaps it would be good to air his feelings, vague and difficult to express though they were.
‘I have this awful feeling of foreboding,’ he said slowly, ‘and how I don’t know whether I see us staying the course…’
Millie’s eyes widened. ‘Is that really how you feel?’
He sighed. ‘I don’t know. I love Tori, but I’m not sure about any of this. Somewhere along the line I’ll hurt her, or I won’t be good enough, or she’ll wish she’d married that smug bastard her parents are so keen on her getting with. I don’t even know what’s going on in my own head and it scares the hell out of me. That makes me an annoying git, doesn’t it?’
‘No,’ Millie smiled. ‘It makes you a good person who understands what a huge commitment marriage is and takes that seriously. You just want to be right, and more people should be like that before they leap into marriages that are doomed from the start. But you need to tell Tori how you feel.’
He shook his head. ‘She wouldn’t understand like you do. She’d take it personally, and she’d probably dump me. Not to mention that her parents would be throwing a party at the first sniff of trouble.’
‘Do you know that for certain? How about you just broach the subject of putting the wedding off for a little while? I know you said July when I pushed you the other day, but it was sort of on a whim, wasn’t it?’
‘She’d see that the same way, and I wouldn’t blame her. The thing is…’ He ran a hand through his hair and glanced towards the kitchen doors. ‘I thought everything was rock solid myself until I came back.’
‘To Honeybourne? But it’s not the first time you’ve been back since you and Tori got together. You came back for the bakery opening and—’
‘I know. But I didn’t stay. I didn’t have time to really see…’
‘Jasmine.’ Millie stroked a hand over Oscar’s head to quiet him. ‘I had wondered.’
‘You could tell? You could see it?’
‘Not really. But those sorts of feelings are hard to just forget about and I know how much you cared about her. Do you think that’s really the issue here, though? Or is she just an excuse to explain your own doubts and fears that have more to do with commitment than with old flames?’
He shrugged. ‘I wish I knew the answer to that. I’ve never thought of myself as a commitment-phobe before.’ He smiled slightly. ‘That was always Dylan’s territory.’
‘Quite. It’s funny how life can turn things on their head. Would you like me to talk to Tori? Or Jasmine?’
‘And say what? I’d sound like a bastard and they’d be right to think it – I feel like one for even having this conversation or these thoughts. Tori is an incredible girl, more than I could have hoped for or deserve, and I ought to get her down the aisle as quick as I can. You’re the only person I could say all this to and know that I wouldn’t be judged.’
‘There is your first problem. You think that you don’t deserve happiness, and if you’re not careful, that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know this because it very nearly happened to me when I first arrived in Honeybourne. It was you who saved me – with your wisdom and understanding and your support. You showed me that everyone who tries to give happiness deserves to get it back. You should spare a bit of that for yourself. If anyone deserves happiness, it’s you, Spencer, and maybe when you start to believe that, you won’t be programmed to self-destruct at the first sign of it.’
Spencer was quiet for a moment as he gazed out of the window.
‘Do you love Tori?’ Millie asked gently.
He turned to her and nodded.
‘Then love her. Nothing else will matter in the end if you hold on to that.’
Spencer’s reply was cut short by Ruth and Dylan coming through to the main shop.
‘I’ve been through the order sheet for the Dog and Hare,’ Dylan began as he strode over to the table, Ruth waddling behind in his wake, ‘but I can’t see that anything was missing. At least, Colleen ticked it all off as received.’
‘Oh…’ Millie smiled absently. ‘My mistake then.’
Dylan glanced between her and Spencer, frowning for a moment, and then gave a brief nod of understanding. ‘Alright, Spence?’
‘We were just talking about the arrival of Tori’s parents,’ Millie said. ‘I think Spencer wants to know if he can hide out here until Christmas is over.’
‘I wouldn’t blame you, mate,’ Dylan said, clapping him on the back with a grin. ‘Christmas makes me feel like that full stop.’ With another nod, Dylan went back through to the kitchens. Ruth stood next to the table with an expectant expression. And then Oscar began to cry.
Millie gave Spencer an apologetic smile. ‘I’d better feed him before the slates fall off the roof with the volume.’ She turned to Ruth. ‘Could you manage the counter for half an hour on your own?’
Ruth trotted off and Millie faced Spencer again. ‘Do you still feel you need the thing we talked about?’ she asked in a low voice as she watched Ruth get organised at the counter. ‘I could sort you one later.’
Spencer shook his head slowly. ‘I think you’re right. It’s my head I need to sort out and it’s probably not something that a potion can do.’
‘I think so. But stop letting your head tell you what to do and follow your heart. Sometimes your instincts are your best guide.’
Spencer stood up. ‘Thanks, Millie. I don’t know what I ever did without you.’
‘Any time,’ she smiled. ‘See you later. And good luck.’
Jenny cursed as the gear slipped out again. ‘Sorry,’ she said, throwing a glance at Tori who was sitting next to her. ‘I’m not used to right-hand drive cars now, and I haven’t driven in the snow for years.’
‘I don’t mind a little coarse language,’ Tori smiled.
‘That’s lucky, because you might hear quite a bit today. It probably would have been safer for us to hop onto Lewis’s scooter than me drive this thing.’
‘You’re doing ok,’ Tori said. ‘Everyone gets nervous driving in snow. We’re used to it back home but even I don’t take the car out unless I have to.’
‘Bless you for being so polite,’ Jenny said, peering at the road ahead, ‘but I know that’s all it is. I’m a disgrace to women drivers everywhere today. So much for my principles of women’s lib.’
‘How far is it to the store?’
‘Damned if I know. It wasn’t even built when we left Honeybourne. I think Spencer said it was about three miles out, and this is a straight road. I doubt they’ve covered it in trees to make it sit sympathetically with the surrounding countryside so we would be pretty dim if we missed it.’
‘Depends on how much snow has been dumped on it,’ Tori said mildly.
‘Good point,’ Jenny laughed. ‘Now I know we’re on the same wavelength. Let’s turn around and get the boys to come shopping and they can look for it in the snow.’
‘What do we need to buy today?’
‘I forget… There’s a list somewhere in my bag.’
‘It’s just that, well, it seems a bit silly to come all this way unless it’s for something really essential. I don’t suppose Spencer has put you up to this? A way to make us be friends?’
Jenny fired a grin at her. ‘You’re not daft, are you? He just wants everyone to get along – it means a lot to him.’
‘Oh, I don’t mind. It’s just the sort of thing he’d do.’
‘He always was the first person calling for harmony – hated fighting and confrontation, even as a child.’
‘What was he like?’
‘As a boy?’
Tori nodded.
‘Quiet, thoughtful… more likely to have his head in a book than be up a tree. He was a bit more outgoing after he made friends with Dylan. Not that I had any problems with him reading books.’
‘Th
ere’s an age gap of a couple of years between them, isn’t there? Spencer says he’s older than Dylan. How did they become such good friends? I know from teaching the kids at Riversmeet Elementary that the year groups don’t often mix to that extent.’
Jenny shrugged. ‘To be honest I don’t know. Lewis and I thought it was an odd friendship at first but it brought Spencer out of his shell so it was obviously a good one in the end.’
‘But they fought… What was that over?’
‘Spencer wouldn’t say at the time and he’s never said since.’
‘Does he usually tell you everything?’
Jenny was silent for a moment. ‘I suppose he does really.’
‘So that’s odd, right?’
‘A little,’ Jenny conceded.
‘Don’t you wonder why he doesn’t tell you?’
‘It’s his business. I’ve never been the prying type of mother. It wasn’t like he was a little boy when it happened – they were both grown men and old enough to sort it for themselves. When he’s ready Spencer will tell me. If he doesn’t then maybe I don’t need to know anyway.’
Tori fell silent as she mulled over Jenny’s statement. Knowing how her own mother would have reacted to such a situation, she couldn’t quite believe that Jenny would be content to let it slide without demanding so much as a word of explanation. Didn’t she care about Spencer? Didn’t she want to know what had driven him and his supposed best friend to fight – a fight that, by all accounts, had meant they hadn’t spoken for years afterwards?
‘I think I can see the corporate hellhole up ahead,’ Jenny said, nodding towards a vast, flat-roofed building on the horizon.
‘The what?’
‘Supermarket,’ Jenny replied.
‘I guess you don’t much like shopping.’
‘It’s a necessary evil. I like independent shops, though, not these monsters of mediocrity. There are some lovely ones in Barcelona where I get my food whenever I can.’
‘I’ve always wanted to go to Spain,’ Tori said, sensing a change of subject might be in order. ‘I’ve barely travelled anywhere outside the US at all.’
‘I suppose you’re a long way from everything,’ Jenny said as she swung into the giant car park of the supermarket. ‘A lot of Americans don’t get to travel much outside their native country, or so I believe.’
Christmas at the Little Village Bakery Page 11
