by M. R. Joseph
"Anyway, I remembered that the second time we met was on the deck of the house in Sandy Cove. I remember he was with a girl. They were doing it, right?" Willow and Craw look at each other, then at me nodding.
"And I saw his tattoos and that's how I knew it was him." The more I talk the more I’m remembering! Holy shit! I remember hearing screams, I remember grabbing a knife and going out on the deck. The more I say, the more Willow and Craw solidify all this. But then my mind is clear and thoughts drift into them and I suddenly feel like shit. I put my head down, playing with my fingers in my lap. I recall this man’s friendship. I remember long conversations over coffee and fun times with our friends. Sadness makes my head hurt. It makes my heart hurt in a way, too.
"Hey, Har. This is fantastic that you remember something but why do you look so sad?" Willow asks.
"’Cause it is sad, Wills. I broke his heart, didn't I?"
She grabs my hand and pats it. "He broke yours first, sweets. He thought it was best for you, but when he realized it wasn't, it was too late and we all know the rest of the story."
I feel the tears fill my eyes. Sometimes I feel like a cold fish. I guess I don't consider his feelings as much as I should. I know what I read in his letters to me, but have no recollection of any of it. I read the story. I read the love story of a boy and a girl who fell in love. I know it’s not easy for him. Nothing about me is easy for Cruz.
"It doesn't make it any easier, Willow. Seeing him the other day, it made me sad and angry. He looked great but I could see the hurt in his eyes. Please tell me I didn't imagine it."
Craw speaks over Willow, both of them battling over what to say.
"Har, he is doing better. He is doing things with his life he never thought he'd do. Yes, I’m not going to lie and say he's over you ’cause that's just plain dumb, sister. He loves you deeply and is doing his best to deal with everything that is going on.”
Not fully satisfied with that answer, I still nod and swipe a tear from my face.
I hear a slight knock at my door and in walks Daniel.
"Oh, I’m sorry, Harlow. I didn't mean to interrupt. You have company. I was just seeing if you were headed to the teachers’ lounge."
I wave him in and I push myself out of my chair. "No, they’re not company. Come in, Daniel. I don't think I have formally introduced you to my baby brother, Crawford." Daniel extends his hand out to Craw and he takes it.
"Call me Craw. Nice to meet you."
"Daniel Mathewson. Pleasure’s all mine." The two men shake. Daniel turns to me. "How are you feeling, Harlow?"
He looks genuinely concerned. "So much better. Thank you again for everything."
'Well, you looked as though you were in pain. I’m so glad you're better."
We all stand there. Willow's eyes are wide as saucers, Craw, well Craw's face I just can't figure out.
"You, um, aren't feeling well, Har?" Craw asks me.
"Oh, you know. The norm. Daniel noticed and went and got my pills for me since I left them in my lunch bag downstairs."
Willow looks at Daniel with stars in her eyes.
"That was so nice of you to do that for her, Daniel."
Daniel shrugs. "I didn't want to see her in pain."
I see Craw roll his eyes and silently hope Daniel didn't see that.
"So, Craw, I understand you are student teaching here? Congratulations. This is an excellent school."
Craw just nods. Awkward silence erupts.
"Well, I am going to go down to the lounge and just um, grab my lunch. I have papers to grade. We have a class trip tomorrow for my department so I won't be in all day tomorrow, but I will see you Saturday evening?"
I smile. Actually I beam at the thought of seeing him Saturday night, but feel sad I won't see him tomorrow.
"Yes, you will. Seven, right? Oh, you need my address." I forgot to give it to him. I jot it down on a sticky note and hand it to him.
Daniel sticks out his hand to shake Craw's again. "I better be going. Nice to meet you, Craw. Miss Taylor." He nods to Willow.
"’Bye, Daniel." Willow waves to him, tossing her blondness over her shoulder.
Daniel walks out the door and all I can do is watch him as he exits. So does Willow.
I start to gather my things to go to lunch. I hear Willow tapping her heel-cladded foot.
I look up at her and she's looking at me like I’m one of her students and she's getting ready to give the third degree.
"What?" I say.
"You have a date with him, as in like he's picking you up at your house and taking you out and then you're going to have a meal with him, and it is a possibility that bodily fluids may be exchanged."
Craw turns toward the door, fingers in his ears. "I didn't hear that, Willow. That's my sister."
She smacks him on the arm.
"Oh, seriously, Craw. The girl hasn't gotten any in months. Give her a break."
His eyes have fire in them. "Like I said, not hearing this about my sister."
I laugh and hold my hand to my face, feeling it flush with the image of Daniel in my mind.
"Yes, I am going out with him. And I seriously doubt that bodily fluids will be exchanged. I’m not like that. First date getting some stuff. Not me." Craw and Willow look at each other and begin to hysterically laugh at me.
I shake my head, knowing damn well what they are laughing at.
"Ha, ha. Very funny."
Craw's face turns a bit serious. "You, um, er, you like him, Har?"
"Of course she likes him," Willow spews out. "Did you see him, his ass? Did you hear him? That fucking accent is enough to make any girl drop to their knees and make him whip it out."
Craw spins around clearly disgusted by Willow's words.
"Christ, Willow. Stop with the sex stuff and Harlow in the same context. And no, I didn't get a good look at his ass because I’m not gay."
"You don't have to be gay to appreciate a fine ass."
And now I have to end this conversation before Craw blows his top.
"To answer your question, Craw, yes. Yes I do. I like him a lot. He's easy to talk to, easy to joke around with and I want to go out with him."
Even though I can't say it out loud, I secretly think about him touching me. Kissing me. Worshipping my body. I think about him making my body do the humming thing. Yes, I guess it's true. I’m horned up, incredibly attracted to him, and hoping with all the hormones that rage through my body that he at least kisses me. Long and hard. Passionately.
They stay eerily silent and I’m starving.
"Can we go eat now?" I see Craw grab Willow's arm and hold her back.
"Um, Wills. I have a question for you regarding one of your classes I sat in on earlier this week. Can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Sure. Har, you go ahead without us. We will meet you down there." I shrug and head out the door to the teacher's lounge.
As I walk down the hallway and pass Daniel's classroom I see him at his desk, a huge smile on his face as he grades papers. He's biting his lip and tapping his pen on the desk. I wonder what he's thinking about. Science can't be all that amusing in order for him to smile like that. In my mind he's thinking of me. Thinking about the anticipation of our date. As I try and walk by quicker than I am possibly capable of, he hears me, pops his head up and winks when he sees me, and all I can focus on are his eyes. All I want at this point are those eyes to only look at me.
***
And I shopped. Yes, I shopped. I spend my Friday evening at the mall. I went to a store I have never been to. I bought a dress and new shoes, and I had a mani and pedi. I’m waling through this mall swinging my bag around like I’m walking on air. Jesus, this is euphoric. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothing.
I decided on a pale pink on my toes and nails. My fingernails used to be chewed down to the skin, but I guess since I was in a coma for six weeks, I didn't have a chance to gnaw on them. Since then, they have grown out and are strong, ma
king me feel even more feminine than I ever have.
My phone buzzes in my purse as I grab a Chai tea from a local coffee bar in the mall. It's a number I don't recognize, but I answer it regardless.
"Hello?"
"Harlow?" Oh, damn that accent.
"Daniel? Oh, hi. How'd you get my number?"
He sighs. "Oh, I’m so sorry for my stalker-like tendencies, but I got it from the office. Rose, the secretary gave it to me. I’m embarrassed."
I laugh into the phone, "Don't be. I should have given it to you the other day. You sound a bit frazzled. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, God. I just...I don't want to have to do this but I need to cancel our date tomorrow evening."
I feel the blood rush from my face and the euphoric feeling I felt not so long ago has dissipated.
"I’m, um. Sorry to hear that but I understand. Are you okay though?"
He moans into the phone and makes a few noises, then I hear a muffled sound like he's covering up the receiver. I can sort of hear him and he's speaking to Henry.
"Yes, darling. Give me a minute, Chicken. Daddy's on the phone."
He comes back on the line.
"I’m so sorry ’bout that. The reason for me canceling is I forgot Ally was going on holiday for a few days and I have no sitter for Henry. I’m just.... Oh God, Harlow. I just wanted to see you, badly I must admit. See, I sound like a stalker again."
I laugh at his charm and how he stumbles over his words and how he says he so badly wants to see me. What do I do? I know what I do. I reach in and grab my new 'Harlow balls' and because I in turn want to see him so badly, I make a suggestion.
"Well, we don't necessarily have to cancel, ya know." And I wait for him to ask why. A split second later, "Really? And why is that?"
"Does Henry like pizza?"
"Yes, he does." Daniel answers with more of a questioning response.
"Give me your address. You supply the beer, and I'll grab the pizza. I already know he likes ice cream, so let's keep our date. We'll just turn it into a half-a-double date."
I hear him laugh and smack his lips together. "A half-a-double date?"
"Sure. Unless Henry has his favorite teddy bear to join us, then yes, half-a-double date."
"I like the sound of that. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"At seven."
"Harlow?"
"Yes, Daniel."
"I’m glad we are half double-dating."
I smile into the phone. "Me too."
***
So I didn't return the dress, I'll use it at a later date, but I did buy a new pair of jeans and shirt. I say screw it. I never shop and this new-found fashion sense of mine has me excited. I go to my favorite pizza shop, pick up pizza and then go to Riley's Ice Cream Shop and grab a few to-go dishes. Chocolate for Henry, and strawberry for Daniel and me.
I follow the directions Daniel gave me to his house. I pull up to an adorable cape-cod style home, with white with blue shutters and a tiny front porch. I see some of Henry's toys scattered in the front yard. A little football, a wagon, and a huge bouncy ball. I rub my hands on my jeans, nervously biting my lip and checking my face in the mirror. I smooth out my hair then quickly stick it up in a ponytail. I suddenly feel the need to give myself a pep talk.
Okay, Harlow. This is it. Just go ahead and whatever happens, happens. You can do this. You want to spend time with him, with Henry, so just go and have a good time. He wants to see you, badly. Badly. And so do you.
I grab the pizza box and the bag of ice cream, leaving my crutch in the car. I don't even get a chance to knock on the door when it opens and I see Daniel holding Henry in his arms, both of the handsome men smiling broadly at me.
"Good evening, Miss Hannum. Henry, say hello to Miss Hannum."
Henry is sort of buried in Daniel's shoulder wearing Sponge Bob pajamas, but he peers up with one eye and addresses me in the sweetest little voice, "Good evening, Miss Hannum. Did you bring me pizza?"
I laugh and Daniel corrects him, 'Henry, that's impolite."
"That's okay. And yes, Henry, I did bring pizza and also a special treat if you eat all your dinner." His head pops up and his eyes go wide. He makes an 'O' face at Daniel, and Daniel does so in return. He puts Henry down and the small boy takes my hand and pulls me quickly into the house. Daniel rolls his eyes and I shove the pizza box and bag of ice cream in his hands.
The house is quite modest. Dark hardwood floors and the walls are a lovely shade of taupe and tan. It's clean and orderly with the exception of some toys out and about in the living room. Cartoons play on the TV.
Henry tugs at my hand. "Miss Hannum, wanna see my room?" I look up at Daniel who looks relaxed and freaking hot in his faded jeans and baby blue T-shirt, which hugs his slender body accentuating it in all the right places.
He nods to us. "Sure, go ahead and I'll dish out the pizza." He winks at me and Henry leads me up a few steps to his room. The walls are painted a sky blue with stars, clouds and airplanes painted on the walls. A tiny bed with plenty of plush animals lay a top of it. He brings me over to look at his bookcase that rests against one of the walls. He pulls out a book. Shel Silverstein's, The Giving Tree.
He hands it to me. "This is my favorite book of all time." He opens in front of me and points to the first page. "Daddy reads it to me every night. It's his favorite, too."
I struggle a bit but get down on the floor and sit with my legs crisscrossed. Henry assumes the same position.
"You know what, Henry? This is one of my favorites as well. Would you like me to read it to you?" He nods anxiously.
I begin to read the story to him and he rests his chin in his hand, resting his elbow on one knee, focused so intently like it's the first time he has ever heard it being read to him. I don't initially look up but I feel a presence in the doorway of Henry's room. I glance up and see Daniel standing there, leaning against the frame. His eyes are full of majestic wonder and the corners of his mouth inch up in a smile. I wink at him and go back to reading. When I’m finished, I hand the book back to Henry and he immediately goes to put it back on the bookshelf. He runs over to his bedside table and grabs a framed picture and brings it to me. Handing it to me, I see it's a picture of a small toddler in the arms of a beautiful raven-haired woman.
He points to it. "That is my mum. She has angel wings, you know." I look at it, my heart squeezing in my chest at the sight of this beautiful woman holding her precious boy. I feel such sadness but when Henry tells me about her wings, but there is no sadness in his voice, only excitement.
I look up to Daniel who has sadness in his eyes but still manages to watch us and smile.
"Yes, I know she does. Your daddy tells me she is a beautiful angel and you know the best part about her being a beautiful angel?" He shakes his head no.
"Well, the best part is she's your guardian angel and she looks down on you from Heaven and protects you with her wings."
He looks confused. "Protects me?"
"Sure. Like when you skin your knee and your daddy puts a band-aid on it and it only hurts for a few minutes after? Well that's your mommy's angel’s wings making the hurt go away." He grins at me like he gets it.
"I like that." I nod at him and hand the picture back to him.
"Me, too." He puts the picture back and runs out of the room yelling “pizza, pizza”. I try and get up and Daniel, without hesitation, has his hands on mine, pulling me up carefully off the floor to a standing position. I blow a piece of loose hair off my face and it flops down again. I didn't do a very good job of removing it from my face, but Daniel takes care of that. He reaches out with one of his long, slender fingers and tucks the hair behind my ear, sending a loopy-de-loop feeling right to my gut. I shiver realizing now after these past few weeks that I’m not shivering ’cause I’m cold. It's his touch. Even though warm and comforting, soft and soothing, it brings my whole body to life. Just the slightest of touches, just a simple, small gesture can make my body act like it's surrounded by a
beautiful ice storm.
He grazes my cheek as he slowly and methodically takes his finger away.
I tuck my hands in my back pocket and bow my head. He raises my chin with his finger again that allows me to look right at him.
We stare. No words are spoken. Just bouncing smiles off each other until we hear Henry call for Daniel that he wants pizza.
"We, um, better get the little monster fed before he starts eating the wallpaper." He holds out his arm letting me go first out of the room, down to where Henry is waiting.
***
This is a house full of love, full of joy, and full of laughter. The three of us eat pizza, play a game or two of Memory with Henry, and eat our ice cream. Just watching the two of them together makes my heart sing with delight. They pretty much finish each other’s sentences. It amazes me the kind of bond they have. It's such a sight to see. I’m envious. I’m not an envious person but looking at them squeezes my heart and i’m reminded once again how Chad Knox took that away from me. It was my decision but his actions were the direct result of the decision I made.
I can see Henry growing tired as he rubs his eyes and yawns. Daniel gets up from the table and announces it's bed time for Henry. The child doesn't fuss, only grabs a small soft blanket off the end of the sofa. It looks tattered and worn, clearly used kindly and lovingly.
"Henry, wish Miss Hannum a goodnight, go brush your teeth, and I'll be right up to tuck you in and read our story, okay?" Henry nods and pulls Daniel's hand down so he can whisper something in his ear. Daniel motions to him toward me.
"Go ahead and ask."
"Miss Hannum, could you read the book to me again?"
"I'd be honored, Henry. Go brush your teeth first and I'll be right up."
He grins widely and sprints for the stairs.
Daniel stands at the bottom of the steps and stares up until he hears the sound of water being turned on. I go into the kitchen to collect the empty paper dishes and trash and find the trashcan to start disposing of them.
"Harlow, you are my guest. You really don't have to do that."
I turn to him smiling. "It's no big deal. I like it."
