Saving It

by Monica Murphy

  Molly lifts her chin, her expression stony. “What?”

  “I’m totally disappointed that my other best friend can’t be happy for me.” I walk away from her. She calls my name, but I don’t turn around. Instead, I go to the advisor’s desk and ask Mrs. Watters if I can go to the bathroom. We’re ten minutes away from lunch, and I’m pretty sure she’ll let me leave.

  “Of course. You don’t have to bother coming back if you’re done with your work for the day,” Mrs. Watters tells me with a faint smile.

  “I am. I’ll finish the flyer tomorrow. Thank you, Mrs. Watters.” I buzz out of the classroom before Molly can stop me, and I head for the bathroom, locking myself in a stall and taking a few deep breaths before I handle my business.

  But my brain is full of jumbled thoughts, every one of them confusing. Annoying.

  They’re even a little dark and depressing.

  Like maybe Josh isn’t in to me after all. Maybe I was second choice. He could’ve been lying about the entire Whitney Gregory thing. She might’ve rejected him and he came to me looking to hook up with me instead.

  He’d seemed so sincere though, telling me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me. The way he kissed me and held me and touched me…he likes me. He has to.

  The bell rings for lunch, and within seconds girls are storming into the bathroom. One voice rises above the rest, and I recognize it immediately.

  Kaylie. My friend. Josh’s ex-girlfriend. She’s always been loud. She told me a long time ago it’s the only way she can be heard in her house, and considering her noisy brothers and sisters, the theory makes sense.

  The problem is that she’s talking so loud about something I both want and don’t want to hear.

  “I asked Josh to winter formal,” she says to whoever’s with her.

  Say what?

  “Josh Evans?” I don’t recognize the voice, but she sounds shocked.

  “Yes, my Josh.”

  I hate how possessive she sounds. He’s not her Josh.

  “What did he say?” the other girl asks.

  “I told him to think about it. He seemed like he wanted to go. I kind of want to go find him right now so we can talk, but I don’t want to be too pushy,” Kaylie says.

  Oh God. Is he seriously considering going to winter formal with Kaylie? What about me?

  I smack open the stall door and go to the sink so I can hurriedly wash my hands, then go find Josh. Kaylie is standing nearby with her friend—I recognize her vaguely, she’s a junior on the softball team with Kaylie—and I offer them both a quick smile.

  “Eden,” Kaylie says, turning to study me. “Have a good break?”

  “Had a great one,” I say truthfully, though I should also add the words confusing and weird to my break description. But I don’t. Instead, I smile at her and her friend, dry my hands, and yell out a cheery, “See ya!” as I bolt out the door.

  I head toward the senior parking lot, hoping Josh will already be out there. I have to beat Kaylie. I have to get to Josh first. I have to—

  “Eden.”

  I whirl around to find Cole standing in front of me, a scowl on his face. Crap. Could this get any worse? “Hey, Cole,” I greet him weakly, my gaze darting everywhere in search of Josh. I wonder if Cole is going to apologize for what he said—more like how he said it—on Saturday night.

  “What happened Saturday was total bullshit,” he says, the disgust clear in his voice.

  My mouth drops open. Did he really just say that?

  “You shouldn’t have walked out on me like that, Eden. I was trying to apologize to you for what I did,” he continues.

  I snap my lips shut. “My walking out shows you how much I value your apology, Cole.”

  His expression turns downright thunderous. “So that’s it? You’re done? You’re over me, over us?”

  Glancing around, I make sure no one’s paying any attention to us. This is the last place I want to have this conversation, in the senior hall during lunch. There are so many people around, but I don’t think they’re listening. “Cole, it was over a long time ago,” I say gently. “When you broke up with me last time. I think it’s best we don’t revisit our relationship anymore.”

  That was the kindest way I could think of putting it, and he still manages to look furious. There’s no pleasing him.

  “So all the history, all the time we’ve spent together, you’re willing to just throw it away,” he says.

  “You threw it away by cheating on me!” I throw my hands up in the air for emphasis, but I don’t know if he gets it. “There’s too much history between us, Cole. Too much built up resentment and old hurt feelings for us to make this work again. Can’t we just be friends?”

  With an impatient shake of his head, Cole doesn’t say a word. He stomps off instead, pushing through the double doors that lead to the parking lot with a violent shove, letting in a blast of cold air before the doors slam shut behind him.

  Sighing, I look over my shoulder to find Josh a few locker rows behind me.

  And Kaylie’s with him.

  Ughhh this is like the worst teen movie I’ve ever seen, I swear.

  I lean against the nearest locker and blatantly watch them, not caring if I get caught. She says something to him, twirling a strand of golden-brown hair around her finger, her dark brown eyes sparkling and her smile wide. The flirtation is painfully obvious, and I’m half tempted to walk over there and call her out on it.

  But I don’t, because Kaylie is my friend. And Josh is my friend, too. He’s just turned into a friend with…benefits, I guess. Which makes everything weird and uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to do about it.

  So I handle my troubles in the best way I know how.

  I run away from them.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Eden

  After school, I got a ride home from Abraham of all people. It’s so weird, but since I don’t have my own car—that will happen when I go to college next fall—and I’m mad at Molly and avoiding Josh, that leaves me relying on Abraham.

  And he steps up, too, readily agreeing to take me home. We talk about miscellaneous stuff on the drive to my house, until he hits me with a Josh question when we’re still about five minutes from my neighborhood.

  That’s when things get a little sketchy. At least, on my part.

  “Josh was looking for you at lunch.” A hesitation, then Abraham decides to go for it. “Were you avoiding him?”

  I stare straight ahead, not looking at Abraham. “Did he say he thought I was avoiding him?”

  “No, but I wondered if you were.” Another hesitation. “I saw you in the hall right when lunch started, watching Kaylie talk to Josh.”

  I sink lower in my seat, still keeping my gaze fixed on the windshield.

  “He talked to her for like, less than a minute, which you’d know if you’d stuck around. Josh doesn’t like her,” Abraham adds. “He likes you.”

  “How do you know?” I turn to look at Abraham but he is, of course, driving and paying attention to the road. “Did he tell you? Oh God, did he tell you what happened between us?”

  “Sort of.” Abraham has the decency to look uncomfortable, which makes me uncomfortable. “He didn’t give me any details, so don’t worry.”

  I cover my face. Josh is the king of giving up all sorts of details, so Abraham is lying through his teeth. “I’m so embarrassed,” I mumble against my palms.

  “You have nothing to be embarrassed over. He never said anything to me beyond the two of you hooking up. I have no idea what exactly happened between you two. Your secrets are safe.”

  Whatever. I want to believe him, but it’s hard. I know Josh. He loves to talk about his love life, share painfully intimate details so he can dissect every little thing in order to figure out what he should do next. He told me so many things about the girls he’s been with over the years, things I never wanted to hear. Things those girls would die over if they found out I knew. So no way is he keeping our little
moment from Saturday a total secret.

  Josh must’ve told Abraham something.

  “He’s totally into you, Eden. He has been for years; he just never realized it until now,” Abraham says, as he turns right and onto my street.

  My curiosity gets the better of me. “What about…” Oh, God. I can’t do this. I can’t.

  I have to.

  “What about what?” Abraham sounds confused.

  “Um, you.” My voice is small. I bet he didn’t hear even me.

  “What about me?”

  Ah crap, he did hear me. “I thought.” I swallow hard and close my eyes for a brief moment. Saying this isn’t easy. “Josh told me that—you liked me.”

  Abraham starts laughing. Like downright hysterically. I let him get it all out, becoming madder and madder with every second that passes.

  “What’s so funny?” I ask once his laughter starts to die. I cross my arms. “Is it that hilarious, thinking you might actually like me?”

  “Eden, you’re taking this all wrong. Seriously.” He pulls over, directly in front of my house, and kills the engine. “I don’t like you like that. I never have. I said that on purpose to bug Josh.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I was hoping he’d finally make a move and end the suspense. We’ve all been waiting for the two of you to get together.”

  “So he only hooked up with me because he thought you liked me?” I’m bewildered. A little insulted. I don’t know what to think.

  “No, no. His feelings for you finally bubbled close to the surface, I guess. I don’t know what exactly pushed him, but I don’t think it was me. He knows I told him I liked you to get a rise out of him anyway,” Abraham explains, his gaze meeting mine.

  My heart is sinking, and my mind is spinning. “Can I be honest? I’m doubting everything that’s happened between us,” I whisper. I hate the doubt that’s creeping into me, but I can’t help it. Seeing him talk to Kaylie at lunch shook me. Barely a week ago he was sort of admitting he wasn’t over her. I even pushed her on him, adding her to his list, though that made him mad. Will he toss me aside for Kaylie? They do have a lot of history between them.

  Plus, we might’ve fooled around, but we didn’t have actual sex, and that is his ultimate goal. Maybe he’s ready to move on from me. Maybe he’s eager to get back with Kaylie and have that quick hookup he so desperately wants. Not that I would call Kaylie quick hookup material but…

  You never know.

  And if he is willing to give Kaylie another chance, where does that leave me?

  All alone and sad and crying and feeling sorry for myself.

  Ugh, I need my thoughts to stop being so dramatic.

  “If you’re doubting everything, then you should stop avoiding Josh and go talk to him about it,” Abraham says.

  “You make it sound so easy.” I sort of groan. Man, I’m pitiful.

  “It is, if you’d just open your eyes. You and Josh talk all the damn time, Eden. What’s the big deal about this particular conversation?”

  It’s the biggest deal ever, I want to tell Abraham, but I keep my mouth shut. This particular conversation will put our entire relationship on the line. I know what I want—Josh. But does he want me? Or is he realizing that maybe he wants Kaylie more?

  If he goes back to Kaylie, that will kill me.

  “Talk to him, Eden. Stop wasting your time sitting here with me when you could actually go be with him.”

  My mouth pops open. “But…”

  “Go. Get out.” Abraham waves an impatient hand at me before he starts the car. “I mean it. Go talk to him.”

  I reach out and punch his upper arm, making him yelp. I’m surprised at how muscular he is. My knuckles hurt. “Why don’t you drive me over to his house then.” It’s only a few blocks away.

  “Deal.” He puts the car in drive and off we go, my stomach going into full on nauseous mode the closer we get to Josh’s house. It doesn’t help that Abraham doesn’t say a word. He remains quiet the entire drive and by the time he pulls into Josh’s driveway, I’m sweating.

  “Thanks,” I murmur as I reach for the door handle.

  “You’ve got this,” Abraham tells me, briefly squeezing my shoulder. I glance back, offering him a faint but nervous smile. “Go get your man.”

  I burst out laughing. “Why are you being so supportive?”

  “Because you make our friend happy,” Abraham admits, his voice quiet. “Because the two of you are good together, even if you dumbasses never even saw it. I’ve been seeing it for years.”

  I’m speechless. I wouldn’t know what to say even if I could speak.

  “Get out of my car, Sumner,” Abraham says, chuckling.

  I do as he says, slamming the door extra hard, earning a scowl from Abraham for my efforts. He pulls away as I head up the walkway, my footsteps slow, my stomach churning. I tell myself this is no big deal. Josh and I talk every single day. Josh and I have had countless conversations over the years. Josh and I have kissed and touched each other only a few nights ago, and now we’re ready to take our friendship to the next level.

  The door swings open before I manage to walk up the porch steps, and he’s standing there wearing black basketball shorts and a dark gray Nike sweatshirt. In other words, he’s wearing a typical Josh outfit. So why does he look extra good? Why do I want to run up the steps and tackle hug him?

  I’m about to when I notice the scowl on his face, his defensive stance. He looks…

  Pissed off. And kinda hot, too.

  “Hi—” I start to say but he cuts me off.

  “You’ve avoided me all day.” His tone is accusatory, making me take a step back.

  “No, I haven’t,” I say quietly. But he’s right. I have avoided him.

  “Don’t lie to me, Edes. If this,” he waves a hand between the two of us, “makes you uncomfortable, then tell me now so we don’t completely ruin our friendship.”

  I slowly walk up the three porch steps, my gaze never leaving his. His expression is wary, he’s got his defenses up, like he’s afraid I’m going to hurt him, and I stop just in front of him, tilting my head back so I can look into his handsome face. “You’re right. I have avoided you all day,” I admit.

  He looks taken aback by my confession but recovers quickly. The mask is up, one I recognize. I’ve seen that look before, when he’s trying to pretend he can handle whatever’s thrown at him, even if he’s scared shitless. “Why?” he asks gruffly.

  “Because now I don’t know how to act around you, Josh. It feels…weird between us.”

  “Good weird or bad weird?”

  I smile since that question is so Josh-like. “Good weird. Confusing weird.”

  His lips curve in the faintest smile. “I know what you mean.”

  That’s all he says, yet it’s enough. He gets it. He gets me.

  “I’ve missed you today,” he says, his voice soft, his gaze hot as it skims over me.

  My heart starts racing at his confession. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  “Come here.” He takes me in his arms before I can say or do anything else, and he tugs me close. I go to him easily, wrap my arms around his waist, bury my face against his chest so I can inhale his woodsy, masculine scent. He feels good. Warm and solid and—dare I think it—all mine. I banish all negative thoughts from my mind when he slips his fingers beneath my chin and lifts my head up so our mouths can meet in a sweet kiss that turns hot within seconds.

  I have no idea how long we kiss on his front porch, but a car honking as it zooms past on the street is finally what makes us spring apart from each other. Josh’s hair is wrecked by my fingers and his cheeks are ruddy, his mouth swollen. I can’t help but grin at him, and he beams at me in return.

  “You’re a mess, Edes.”

  “So are you, Joshy,” I say in my awful baby voice.

  He bursts out laughing and turns toward his front door, pushing it open. “Want to come inside?”

  I hesitate, sinking
my teeth into my lower lip. Walking inside Josh’s house right now ensures something is going to happen. Possibly something major. Do I really want to do it on a cold Monday afternoon after school? When we have to hurry since we’re worried Josh’s mom is going to walk in the house at any moment?

  No thanks.

  Plus, there’s the Kaylie thing. I should ask him about it. But will I look like a possessive psycho if I do? I have no right to question who he talks to. It’s not like I’m his girlfriend.

  “Want to come over to my house?” I suggest.

  He frowns and pulls the door shut. “Isn’t everyone home?”

  Yes, that’s why we should go there, I want to tell him. “Travis bought a new video game.”

  “The Street Fighter revamp?” Josh rubs his hands together.

  I nod. “That’s the one.”

  “Let’s go then,” he says, already heading toward his truck. I fall into step behind him.

  Thankful for the distraction.

  …

  Josh

  You know how things feel like they’re going so good it’s almost…too good?

  Yeah, that’s what’s happened these last few days. Ever since Eden and I first sort of hooked up and sort of confessed our feelings for each other, everything had been going great. With the exception of that one blip on Monday, when Edes avoided me all day at school.

  Her avoidance became worth it with the hot way we made out on my front porch, which is ridiculous if you think about it, because come on. We put on a show for the neighbors, and Mom would’ve died if she knew what we were up to, but no one ever said a word.

  It was our little secret.

  And that’s how it felt this past week, you know? Eden and I aren’t really together, but then again, we are. We hang out during school whenever we can. I held her hand in the parking lot when we walked to my truck yesterday. I kissed her for almost an hour after basketball practice last night, when she came by to bring me the sweatshirt she borrowed.

  She never borrowed my sweatshirt. She used that as an excuse to come over so we could sneak into my backyard and make out in the gazebo.