by Jacob Grimm
“Yes,” she said, “I’m emperor.”
“Oh,” said the fisherman, and he gazed at her for some time, “it’s wonderful that you’re emperor.”
“Husband,” she replied. “why are you standing there like that? I’m emperor, but now I also want to be pope.”
“Oh, wife,” said the husband. “Why do you want to be pope?”
“Husband,” she said. “I want to be pope!”
“No, wife,” said the fisherman. “The flounder can’t make you pope. It won’t turn out well.”
“Stop talking nonsense, husband!” said the wife. “If he can make me emperor, he can also make me pope. Go there at once!”
So the fisherman went off, but he felt rather queasy. He was trembling, and his knees began to wobble. A strong wind swept across the land. The water rose up in waves, and the waves splashed against the shore. Ships were in distress as they were tossed up and down by the waves. Though there was still a little blue in the middle of the sky, the horizon was completely red, as if a heavy thunderstorm were coming. Then he stepped forward and said:
“Flounder, flounder, in the sea
if you’re a man, then speak to me.
Though I don’t agree with my wife’s request,
I’ve come to ask it nonetheless.”
“Well, what does she want?” asked the flounder.
“Oh,” the man said, “she wants to be pope.”
“Go back home,” said the flounder. “She’s already pope.”
Then the man went home, and when he arrived, his wife was sitting on a throne two miles high and was wearing three large golden crowns on her head. Numerous bishops and priests were standing around her, and there were two rows of candles on either side of her. The biggest candle was as thick and as large as the highest tower, and the tiniest was a church candle.
“Wife,” the man said as he took a good look at her, “are you the pope?”
“Yes,” she said, “I’m pope.”
“Oh, wife,” he said, “Isn’t it wonderful that you’re pope. You must be satisfied. Now that you’re pope, you can’t become anything greater.”
“I’ll think about it,” said the wife.
Then they both went to bed, but she wasn’t satisfied, and her ambition prevented her from sleeping. She kept thinking of ways she might become greater than she was. When the sun began to rise, she sat at the window and thought, “Aha, I could also make the sun rise!” Then she became quite grim and poked her husband and said, “Husband, go to the flounder. I want to be like God.”
The husband was still half asleep, but he was so shocked by what she had said that he fell out of the bed.
“Ah, wife,” he said. “Be content and remain pope.”
“No,” his wife said. “I won’t have any peace of mind and won’t be able bear it until I can make the sun and moon rise. I want to be like God!”
“Ahh, wife!” the husband said. “The flounder can’t do that. He can make you emperor and pope, but he can’t make you God.”
“Husband,” she said and looked ghastly, “I want to be like God. I want you to go to the flounder at once!”
Now his limbs began to tremble, and he was filled with fear. Outside a great storm was raging so much that all the trees and mountains were shaking. The sky was pitch black, and there was thunder and lightning. Black waves rose up in the sea as high as mountains, and they all had crests of white foam on top. Then the fisherman said:
“Flounder, flounder, in the sea,
if you’re a man, then speak to me.
Though I don’t agree with my wife’s request,
I’ve come to ask it nonetheless.”
“Well, what does she want?” the flounder asked.
“Oh,” he said, “she wants to be like God.”
“Go back home. She’s sitting in your piss pot again.”
And that’s where they are still sitting this very day.
20
A STORY ABOUT A BRAVE TAILOR
I
Once in the little city of Romandia a tailor was sitting and working, and he had an apple lying nearby. There were also many flies around the apple as was usual during the summer time. The tailor became angry, and he took a piece of cloth. Then he hit the flies on the apple and killed seven of them. When the simple-minded tailor saw this, he thought that he had taken care of the situation quite well, and he soon had a beautiful suit of armor made for himself and also had golden letters inscribed that read: Seven with One Stroke. Then, dressed in his armor, he went onto the street, and whoever saw him believed that he had killed seven men with one stroke. After that, everyone was very terrified of him.
Now in the same region there was a king whose praise resounded far and wide, and the lazy tailor made his way to king’s court, lay down on the grass, and slept. The royal servants, who went in and out of the castle, saw the tailor in the splendid suit of armor and read the inscription. They were very puzzled about what this warrior was doing in the king’s courtyard during a time of peace. They thought he was undoubtedly a great lord. The king’s councilors, who had also seen the tailor, informed his majesty that this man could be very useful whenever there might be a conflict. The king was very satisfied with their advice and soon summoned the well-armed tailor and asked him whether he wanted to enter his royal service. The tailor answered right away and told his majesty the king that this is why he had come and asked him to tell him where he might be of use to the king. The king immediately accepted him into his service and gave him special lodgings.
Now it didn’t take long for the knights to show the good tailor their ill will. They wished the devil would cart him away. But they were afraid that, if ever they had differences, they wouldn’t be able to stand up to him because he had killed seven with one stroke. So, they continually thought of ways to get rid of this warrior. Finally, they discussed the situation with one another and agreed that they would all go to the king and ask to be released from his service, and the king granted their wish.
The king was sad to lose all his knights on account of one man, and he wished he had never laid eyes on him. Indeed, he actually wanted to get rid of him, but he didn’t dare to discharge him for fear that the tailor might kill him and all his people and take over the his realm. The king pondered the situation for a long time, going back and forth in his mind, until he hit upon a plan. Since he needed such a strong and powerful warrior, he summoned the tailor and offered the following proposal: there were two giants living in a forest in the king’s country, and they were causing great damage by robbing, murdering, and burning people. Nobody could get near them because they tore apart anyone who approached. Neither weapons nor anything else helped. However, if the tailor could conquer these two giants and kill them, the king promised him he would receive the king’s only daughter for his wife and half the kingdom as dowry. Moreover, one hundred knights were to accompany him and lend him assistance.
The tailor felt good about this proposal, especially since he would become the king’s son-in-law, and he replied that he’d like very much to kill the giants, but he didn’t need the help of the knights, for he knew quite well how to kill the giants. Then he went to the forest, and after he left the knights at the edge of the woods, he entered and began looking to see if he could find the giants in the distance. After he searched for a long time, he found them sleeping and snoring beneath a tree. The tailor didn’t have to think long about what to do. He quickly filled his shirt with stones and climbed up the tree under which they were sleeping. Then he threw one stone after another on the chest of one of the giants until he woke up. The giant became angry with his companion and asked him why he was hitting him. The other giant excused himself as best he could. Then they lay down to sleep again, and the tailor threw a stone at the other giant. He, too, became angry and asked his companion why he was throwing stones at him. They quarreled for a while, but since they were tired, they let it pass, and their eyes closed again. Then the tailor threw a stone at t
he first giant again with all his might, and the giant couldn’t tolerate his companion doing this anymore. So, he hit him violently because he thought that it was his companion who had struck him. Well the other giant didn’t like this and stood up. They both became so furious that they ripped trees from the ground and began beating each other to death. Fortunately, they didn’t tear up the tree that the tailor was sitting in. When he saw what had happened, he summoned his courage, which he normally didn’t have, and climbed cheerfully down the tree. Then he stabbed the giants with his sword a few times to create wounds and left the forest to meet the knights, who asked him whether he had seen the giants.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve slaughtered the two of them and have left them lying beneath a tree.”
The knights doubted very much that he could come away from the giants without being wounded. So they rode into the forest to inspect this miracle and found everything just as the tailor had said it was. While they all felt astonished, they also felt great horror. Indeed, they felt worse than ever. They feared that he might kill them all if he suspected that they were his enemy. So they rode home and told the king about the tailor’s deed.
Now the tailor wished to have the king’s daughter along with half the realm, but when the king saw that he had killed the giants, he regretted that he had promised his daughter in marriage to the unknown warrior and began thinking of a way to break his promise, for he had no intention of giving his daughter to him. So he said to the tailor that there was a unicorn in the forest that caused great damage by harming fish and people, and if the tailor captured the unicorn, the king would give him his daughter.
The tailor was satisfied with this proposal. So he took some rope, went to the forest, and ordered his escorts to remain outside. He wanted to enter alone, and as soon as he went into the forest, he saw the unicorn charging at him and intent on killing him. However, the tailor was nimble, and he waited until the unicorn was very close before jumping behind a nearby tree. Meanwhile, the unicorn was running at full speed and couldn’t turn, so that it thrust its horn into the tree so hard that it became stuck. When the tailor saw this, he went to the unicorn, put the rope around its neck, and tied it to the tree. Then he left the forest and announced his victory over the unicorn. Once the king learned of the tailor’s triumph, he became tremendously sad and didn’t know what to do, for the tailor continued to desire his daughter. So once again the king demanded that he perform a task and capture a wild boar that was running around in the forest, and if he succeeded, the king would immediately give him his daughter. The king’s huntsmen were to lend him a hand. So the tailor went off to the forest with the huntsmen, but he ordered them to stay outside, and they were pleased, for the wild boar had already given them such rough treatment that they had no desire to chase it, and they thanked the tailor very much. Once the tailor entered the forest, the boar charged at him, foaming at the mouth and gnashing its teeth, and sought to trample him to the ground. Fortunately, there was a chapel in the forest where people often rested, and it was nearby. When the tailor saw it, he ran inside and jumped right out again through one of the windows. The boar followed him inside, while the tailor ran around on the outside, slammed the door shut, and locked the boar in the little church. Then he went and announced to the huntsmen that he had captured the boar. In turn, they rode to the king and informed him of the tailor’s deed.
It’s not clear whether the king liked it or not, and that doesn’t matter. He had to give his daughter to the tailor. However, I’m certain that if he had known that the hero was actually a tailor, he would have put a noose around his head instead of giving his daughter to him. As it was, the king had to give his daughter to this stranger but with grave concern. Thereafter, the tailor didn’t ask much but just thought about becoming the king’s son-in-law. So the wedding took place with little joy, and a king was made out of a tailor.
After he had spent some nights lying next to his bride, the tailor began talking in his sleep and said: “Boy, finish that jerkin and mend the trousers fast, or else I’ll give you a whack on your head with my yardstick.”
Well, his wife happened to hear all of this, and she went to her father to complain. She begged him to help her get rid of this husband who was nothing but a tailor. The king was cut to the heart when he heard that he had given his only daughter to a tailor. So he consoled her as best he could and told her to leave the door of her bedroom open that night. Then he would post some servants outside, and when the tailor began to talk, they would go inside and do away with him.
The king’s daughter was content with this plan. However, the king had a weapons-bearer at his court who was kindly disposed to the tailor, and he had overheard everything. So he went quickly to the young king and informed him about the plot against him and advised him to protect himself as best he could.
The tailor was very grateful and assured his friend that he knew how to take care of this matter. When night arrived, the tailor went to bed with his young queen and pretended to fall asleep, while she secretly got out of bed, went to the door, opened it, and then got back into bed. As soon as the tailor heard this, he began to talk loudly as if he were talking in his sleep and so loudly that the servants outside the door could hear him.
“Boy, finish that jerkin and mend the trousers fast, or else I’ll give you a whack on your head with my yardstick! I’ve slain seven with one stroke, killed two giants, captured a unicorn, and trapped a wild boar. Do you think I’m afraid of those fellows waiting outside my door?”
When the men heard the tailor’s words, they fled as if the wild host of hell were after them, and nobody wanted to do anything to him after this. Thus the tailor remained a king for the rest of his life.
II
One summer morning a little tailor was sitting at his table by his window. Just then a peasant woman came down the street and cried out, “Good jam for sale! Good jam for sale!”
The tailor stuck his head out the window and called, “Up here, my dear woman, you’re sure to make a good sale with me!”
When the woman came up, he inspected each of the jars and finally bought a quarter of a pound. Afterward he fetched a loaf of bread, cut a full slice for himself, spread it with the jam, and placed it on the table next to him.
“You’ll taste good,” he said to himself, “but first I want to finish the jacket before I take a bite.”
So he began to sew and made big stitches out of joy. Meanwhile, the smell of the sweet jam rose to the flies, and a lot of them flew and landed on the jam.
“Hey, who invited you as guests?” the little tailor said and chased them away. But it didn’t take long for the flies to come back in even larger numbers. My little tailor became angry, and he grabbed a piece of cloth from under his worktable.
“Wait, I’ll let you have it!” And he whacked them.
When he withdrew the cloth, he counted to see how many flies he had hit, and there were twenty-nine dead ones before his eyes.
“You’re quite a man!” he said to himself, and since he was so delighted with himself he cut out a belt and embroidered it with: Twenty-nine with one stroke!
“Now you have to go out into the world!” he thought, and so he tied the belt around him and searched his house for something to take with him, but he found only a piece of old cheese, which he put in his pocket. And as he set out on his way, he caught a bird and also stuck it into his pocket.
His way led him up a high mountain, and when he reached the peak, he came across a huge giant who was sitting there, and he said, “How are you, my good fellow? You’re gazing at the world, right? Well, I happen to be on my way into the world.”
The giant looked at the tailor contemptuously and said, “You’re a miserable creature!”
The little tailor responded by opening his coat to show the giant his belt. “You can read for yourself what kind of man you have standing before you!”
The giant read the words Twenty-nine with one stroke! and thought that it meant th
e tailor had slain twenty-nine men. Therefore, he began to show some respect for the little tailor. Nevertheless, he wanted to test him first. So he took a stone in his hand and squeezed it until water began to drip from it.
“You’re not as strong as that!”
“I can do that as well,” the little tailor said, “if that’s all you have to show.”
He immediately reached into his pocket, took out the soft cheese, and squeezed it until the liquid ran out.
“That beats yours, doesn’t it?” the tailor declared.
The giant was puzzled, and so he picked up a stone and threw it so high that it could barely be seen with the naked eye.
“Now, you do the same!”
“That was a good throw,” said the tailor, “but even so, the stone had to return to the ground in the end. Now, I’m going to throw one that won’t ever come back.”
He reached into his pocket, took out the bird, threw it into the air, and the bird flew away for good.
“How did you like that?”
The giant was astounded. So he decided to join him, and they continued walking together until they came to a cherry tree. The giant seized the top, where the fruit was ripest. He bent it down, handed it to the tailor, and told him to eat some of the fruit. But the little tailor was much too weak to hold on to the treetop, and when the giant let go of it, the tailor was catapulted into the air. After he had come down again, unharmed, the giant said, “What’s this? Don’t tell me that you’re not strong enough to hold on to that twig!”
“That’s nothing,” the tailor responded. “Do you think that something like that is really difficult for a man who’s slain twenty-nine with one stroke? Do you know why I did that? I jumped over the tree because some huntsmen were shooting there in the bushes. Let’s see if you can jump over it yourself.”
