by Carys Jones
Marie smiled thinly. Lately each time she closed her eyes she was greeted by only darkness. She’d not returned to Azriel for quite some time. Had her world already disappeared? The thought made her feel nauseous. Marie leaned forward and spluttered uneasily.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Sebastian held her in his strong arms and positioned her so she was upright. He lowered himself to her eye level and tenderly stroked her cheek.
Marie looked at him and saw the handsome, boyish smile he so rarely wore in her presence and felt a deep pang gnaw within her. She’d loved this man once, she knew it. Her heart pulled her towards him, remembering what had once existed between them. There were shadows beneath his eyes but they didn’t deter from his handsomeness. She opened her mouth to speak when something glittered just beyond her peripheral vision, causing her to quickly turn her head.
The last time she’d seen something sparkle in the corner of her eye it had been either the glint of Orion’s golden eyes. Heart pounding Marie searched the room for him but there was nothing there.
Slowly, she looked back at Sebastian but she suddenly felt uneasy, as though they were being watched.
“I need to lie down,” she sighed.
“Okay,” Sebastian looped his lean muscular arm beneath her and carefully guided her the short distance to the bedroom.
The small room was another ode to the colour pink. The bedding was pink, emblazoned with white butterflies which seemed to dance across the fabric. The lampshade on the ceiling bore a matching design and there was a photograph of Marie and Sebastian on the wall, held within a bright pink frame.
“I’m starting to get sick of pink,” she admitted as she lay down in the bed as Sebastian drew back the duvet for her.
“Me too,” he smiled. “But you always used to love it. You said that pink was the colour of romance and so you wanted to surround yourself with it.”
“I sound crazy,” Marie laughed.
“Yeah, but the good kind of crazy,” Sebastian leaned down and kissed Marie’s forehead. He paused briefly before standing back up as his own memories began to engulf him.
This was the bed where they’d first made love. It was after their sixth date when they’d gone to the theatre to watch a terrible play which seemed never ending. Eventually when they walked back Sebastian had been prepared to head home when Marie suddenly asked if he’d like a cup of tea, her eyes sparkling flirtatiously.
Sebastian’s heart leapt with nervous anticipation as they ascended the triple flight of stairs within the building hand in hand. In her apartment for the first time he’d been overwhelmed by the presence of pink, but when Marie explained why she loved it so it only served to further endear her to him.
So many people had lost their sense of wonder to cynicism but not Marie. To her, the world was still a place bursting with possibilities. Sebastian wanted her outlook to rub off on him so that he too could have a renewed, optimistic outlook.
No tea had been made that night. Stood by her sofa they didn’t even get the chance to sit down. Sebastian had started kissing her; deep passionate kisses which made his knees weaken. They’d parted, just briefly, and in that moment Marie took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom. No words needed to be exchanged; they both instinctively knew what they wanted to happen.
On the bed by which he now stood Sebastian had made love to Marie for the first time and his whole world had changed.
“Are you okay?” it was Marie’s turn to look up at him with concern as her eyelids began to feel weighted. She fought to remain awake.
“Yeah,” Sebastian shook his head, sending the remnants of the memory in to the ether. That night had been magical. He looked sadly at Marie, surely they could bring that magic back?
“I was just remembering our first night here,” he admitted, hoping that something might stir in Marie and she’d turn and look at him, smiling flirtatiously and declare that of course she remembered that night, how could she possibly forget?
Instead his fiancée looked at him blankly.
“Was it a good night?” she asked, opening her mouth as if to roar like a lion but instead she yawned.
“It was the best night,” Sebastian smiled sadly. “I hope you remember it someday.”
“Mmm,” Marie murmured, already drifting off to sleep, unable to fight her fatigue anymore.
Sebastian loitered by the bed for a moment, listening as her breathing deepened. The wonder of that first night still hung in the air around him. His adult life had been defined by that night. Marie had shown him the limitless potential of true love. She’d placed a spell upon him which had yet to be broken. She made his life wonderful. He owed it to her to wait around until she returned to who she had once been. He owed her everything. There was no way he was going anywhere, even if it took years, even if she never came back to him truly, he’d be there, by her side, waiting.
*
Amanda Pickens tightened the designer trench coat she was wearing around herself as she hurriedly ascended the steps which led her out of the underground and up on to the street. Cold air bit hungrily at any exposed skin as she took a moment to familiarise herself with her surroundings. She was in a part of the city which she wasn’t accustomed to visiting. She was there on a humanitarian errand, at least that’s what she told herself.
Pausing by the window of an overused laundrette Amanda fished in her pocket for her mobile phone and re-checked the address she was trying to locate. She sighed wearily to herself as her breath misted before her. It was early December and it was already unbearably cold. Each morning when she ventured out of her luxurious apartment complex there was a sparkling white sheen upon the pavement which meant walking around in her stiletto Louboutin’s was almost impossible. But she persevered. A broken ankle was a small price to pay for style.
But now she was in a part of London she loathed. She’d stayed on the tube far longer than normal, watching her familiar stops pass by her in a blur as she waited. She waited long enough that the train was dredged out of the ground like some mystical creature and finally allowed to experience fresh, open air. Amanda looked out in astonishment at the grey sky and equally grey houses. She was so accustomed to travelling like a mole beneath the ground that sometimes she forgot that people did still actually travel at street level.
The navigation system on her phone told her that she was close to her location. Amanda braced herself, this time not against the cold but against whatever awaited for her at the destination which had been set to her mobile phone. Marie’s fiancé had offered a vague warning at the end of their phone call earlier that week, citing how Marie wasn’t herself.
At the time Amanda thought nothing of the comment. Of course Marie wasn’t herself, the young woman had been almost churned up by a lorry. But there was something about the way he said it which unnerved Amanda and left her shivering with unease.
The card which everyone had signed at A and G Advertising resided in her Birkin bag like a lead weight. She was reluctant to keep moving but she pressed on knowing she owed it to all the people back at the office who were concerned about Marie’s wellbeing. She owed it to Marie to carry on and face whatever changes had taken place in the young woman.
Yet Amanda lingered a second longer, fearing that perhaps the changes Sebastian spoke of were physical. Was Marie now deformed? The thought sent goose bumps racing along Amanda’s own immaculate flesh. She was willing to put on a brave smile and be polite but if Marie had become some sort of gargoyle she doubted she could maintain a pretence of civility.
With reluctant determination she continued on her journey, her heels chiming along the pavement alerting everyone around her to her presence. She just hoped that the following hour would be painless.
*
“Amanda is here,” Sebastian came over to the sofa after accepting an incoming call via the intercom which was connected to the hallway of the building.
Marie’s eyebrows pinched together and pointed downwards.
“Y
ou used to work together,” Sebastian explained. “I thought it would be nice for you to see a familiar face. Besides, everyone at A and G has been worried about you.”
“A and G?”
“The advertising firm where you work, or used to,” Sebastian explained.
“Advertising firm?” Marie was deep in thought for a moment before shaking her head.
“Sounds boring,” she concluded.
“Yeah,” Sebastian smiled, “you weren’t that enthralled by it.”
“Then why did I stay-”
Marie’s question was cut short by a sharp knock at the door. Not a succession of knocks, just the one. Blunt and precise. Sebastian opened the door and from her position on the sofa Marie could see a tall blonde woman in the doorway wearing a long beige coat. As she entered the apartment Marie had the opportunity to take in her full visage.
The visitor, Amanda, was utterly flawless. She had long blonde hair which ran down her back, each strand perfectly straight and not a single one out of place. The clothes no longer hidden beneath the coat which she handed to Sebastian looked sumptuous and expensive. She was wearing a white woollen jumper matched with a tight black pencil skirt. She looked like a goddess. For one brief bewildering moment Marie wondered if this visitor was actually from Azriel? She certainly had the statuesque figure to fit in with everyone there.
“Can I get you a drink?” Sebastian kindly offered.
“Coffee, black, no sugar.” Amanda didn’t even look at him as she replied, her attention was fixed on Marie. She was studying her intently, like a child looking over a new creature they’d just discovered, taking in all its features.
“Marie you look…” Amanda paused for a moment, squinting at the younger woman. “Well,” she finally declared in surprise. “You look well.”
“Thanks,” Marie replied uncertainly as Amanda rummaged in her bag before triumphantly retrieving a bent white envelope.
“This is for you,” she grandly presented the envelope to Marie as though within it were the secrets to the universe.
“Thanks,” Marie accepted the envelope and placed it beside her on the sofa, having no interest in opening it.
“Everyone at A and G sends you their best,” Amanda smiled, revealing two rows of perfect teeth.
Marie squirmed slightly on the sofa which instantly sent a sharp stabbing pain surging up from her legs and in to her back. Her eyes sealed shut as the colour drained from her face.
“Are you alright?” Amanda asked, alarmed.
“She’s just still in a lot of pain,” Sebastian explained, handing Amanda a fresh cup of coffee.
“Aren’t you on meds?” Amanda delivered the question to Marie who slowly opened her eyes and wearily nodded.
“She’s on some,” Sebastian stepped in again with a response. “But they make her too drowsy so she’s trying to go without them as much as she can.”
“Oh, honey, take the pills,” Amanda insisted. “That’s what they are for. You don’t want to be in pain, it washes you out.”
Marie didn’t like to admit that the real reason she was trying to wean herself off her pain medication was that each time she fell in to a drug induced doze she dreamt of Azriel. And whilst she loved to dream of its golden buildings and scented air she hated waking up in her tiny apartment. The pain of existing in the real world was far greater than any she experienced as a result of her wounds.
“I’m fine,” Marie announced stiffly.
“Well I’m just glad you are alright, from what I heard you were in a truly terrible accident.”
Marie was silent. People often prompted her to relieve the accident. Perhaps they were hoping that she’d recall seeing some white light which would allay their own fears about their mortality.
“So how long until you are fit and well? Will you be coming back to the office?” Amanda enquired. She’d never been one for small talk.
“Marie needs a few more months of recovery time yet,” Sebastian hastily explained, loitering close by in the kitchenette with his own mug of coffee in hand.
“But then she’ll be looking to return to A and G, won’t she?”
“No,” Marie answered sharply. She had absolutely no desire to return to any aspects of her former life. Why should she? There was a whole world out there over which she ruled as a princess. Nothing else could possibly compare.
“Sweetheart,” Sebastian crossed the small distance between the kitchenette and the sofa and placed a hand upon Marie’s knee, careful not to apply too much pressure.
“I know it’s a long way off and daunting to think about but eventually you are going to want to get back to normal.”
Normal. People threw the word around as though they knew what it meant when in reality, no one did.
“I’d be happy to have you come back to A and G but I can’t keep the position open forever,” Amanda shrugged nonchalantly. Sebastian turned his head away from the visitor and scowled. He’d hoped that inviting a former colleague would brighten Marie’s mood but it looked as if the encounter would only serve to darken it.
“Then give the job to someone who wants it,” Marie told her former boss. “Because I won’t, ever.”
Amanda’s eyes, framed by thick false lashes, shot open with surprise.
“I think I should go,” she said tersely, stretching out the neon pink cup she was holding which was now half full of oaky coffee.
Sebastian took the cup from her and went to open the front door.
“Marie isn’t herself,” he said, dropping his voice as Amanda wriggled in to her coat. Anger made her cheeks flush. She couldn’t believe she’d braved this part of London only to be treated so rudely.
“Perhaps you had some epiphany when you had your accident and now you think you are destined for great things,” Amanda turned her vitriol on to Marie.
“But let me tell you, Marie you’re not. None of us are. And the sooner you realise that the better. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt this time. You’ve been through an awful lot, I get that. But the next time I see you, in several months, if you still insist on not returning to A and G then I will give the position to someone else and believe me, there are dozens of young people just lining up for such an opportunity! You’d do well to remember that!”
Amanda turned and left in a cloud of anguish and vanilla. Even after Sebastian had closed the door Marie could still hear the sharp shrill of her heels clicking down the stairwell.
“You didn’t have to be so rude,” Sebastian told her wearing a weary expression.
“Didn’t I?”
Sebastian nodded slightly.
“She was a little…abrupt.”
“A little,” Marie scoffed. “I should have told her to stick her job up her-”
“I’m just trying to make your life feel more normal,” Sebastian came and sat beside her on the sofa. Now that her wounds were less deep Marie could tolerate the shift in weight upon the fabric more easily.
“I don’t think I’d have ever liked that woman,” Marie looked at the doorway where moments earlier Amanda had been.
“She’s an acquired taste,” Sebastian agreed. “But you can’t fault me for trying,” he lifted Marie’s hands in to his own. They always seemed so small and fragile when he held them, as though Marie were a precious china doll.
“Just tell me what to do to make you happy,” he looked at her pleadingly.
Marie saw the sadness behind his eyes, the way his smile always fell flat. He was a man with a broken spirit and he didn’t deserve it to be that way. He was trying tirelessly to hold on to the memory of what had once been between them. The least Marie could do was try and help him a little.
“You must be going stir crazy sitting in this apartment day after day,” he added, glancing around the minute space.
He was right. Marie had counted the cracks on the ceiling, seven, the stains on the carpet, four, and the smudges upon the main window, seventeen, numerous times. The apartment was starting to feel more l
ike a holding cage than a home.
“Okay, let’s go out,” Marie nodded. She could walk relatively unaided now, so long as she had her crutches with her. Orion hadn’t returned to her dreams for weeks. It was time she accepted that Azriel might forever exist just beyond her reach. It was a horrific realisation but one Marie had sensed was coming for quite some time.
“Great, we’ll go wherever you want, just name it,” Sebastian was smiling, his eyes creasing at the corners slightly as he did so.
“The cinema,” Marie announced. “I’d like to go and see a film at the cinema.”
Films offered a window in to another world, escapism. And right now Marie needed to escape the minutia of her own life more than ever.
