by Carys Jones
“Of course,” he gave her knee a reassuring squeeze.
“Okay, well…” Marie took a deep breath, unsure how to begin. “After the accident, when I was in a coma, I went somewhere.”
“You went somewhere?” Sebastian’s eyes widened with surprise but other than that his expression was guarded. He didn’t want to reveal anything through his mannerisms which would deter Marie from proceeding with her story.
“Yes,” Marie confirmed. “I woke up after the accident in a different place, in a different world.”
“A different world?”
“Yes. I woke up in Azriel.”
“Azriel?”
“It is the most amazing place I have ever been to,” Marie gushed excitedly. “Everything is different there. The grass is such an amazing green and everyone wears these bright, beautiful clothes and their eyes sparkle with gold and the houses are gold and sparkle in the light,” she was speaking quickly, running her words together.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Sebastian said gently.
“But the most amazing thing about it is that I am their long lost princess! I am the princess of Azriel and I belong there.”
Sebastian couldn’t conceal the pitying glance he gave Marie when she finished speaking.
“It’s true,” Marie declared knocking his hand off her knee. “I went there. I had my coronation and I wore dresses that looked as though they had been woven with a rainbow and I need to get back there. People keep approaching me, telling me I must return!”
“People approach you? What people?”
“Random people, when I’m alone, they come up to me and beg me to return to Azriel.”
“Marie-”
“Azriel is where I belong, Sebastian. You asked me what has changed and I’ve told you.”
For a moment there was silence between the two of them. Marie’s cheeks were flushed and adrenalin was darting through her system, making her heart rate quicken. She’d finally found the courage to speak the words aloud, to accept that Azriel was real.
The silence was disturbed by a brisk knock on the bedroom door immediately followed by the door being swung open to reveal Carol Schneider standing on the landing wearing a bright red jumper on which was sewn a smiling reindeer. Her outfit was accessorised by Christmas Tree shaped earrings and a head band which read; Merry Christmas.
“Morning lovebirds!” she addressed them both, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Marie, your Dad has made eggs benedict as a treat so put your dressing gown on and come enjoy it! Miracle on 34th Street is on the television so we can all sit and watch that together.”
“Okay, Mum.” Marie nodded.
“Sounds lovely, Carol,” Sebastian politely smile.
Still beaming Carol closed the door and they heard her footsteps retreat back down the staircase.
Marie glanced uneasily at Sebastian, unable to read him. Did he think she was crazy? Would he now send her to the nearest asylum and wash his hands of her?
“You believe me…don’t you?” she asked, her voice small.
Sebastian knew he had to choose his words carefully. Marie had confided in him.
“I believe that you think you went there,” he told her.
“I did go there.”
“Okay.”
“And I need to get back there.”
“Okay.”
“Stop saying okay,” Marie moaned, getting to her feet and pulling on her pink fluffy dressing gown.
“I opened up to you,” she added angrily.
“I know,” Sebastian said as he got up and stretched some more. “But how do you think it makes me feel when you tell me that this isn’t where you want to be? That with me isn’t where you want to be?”
“That’s not…” guilt flooded through Marie causing her body to stiffen. How could she be so callous as to not consider Sebastian’s feelings in all of this? She could have been more tactful in her delivery of her desire to return to Azriel.
“Sebastian, it’s about more than us, don’t you get it?” she tried to explain. “I belong there, I’m their princess. Without me, Azriel will diminish and the people there will cease to exist. I have to return there to save them.”
Sebastian remained looking hurt as he pulled her in to his arms, the dressing gown making her feel soft against his skin.
“I understand that to you this is all very real,” he told her.
“It is.”
“I think you should talk to your parents about it too.”
“You do?”
“Yes,” Sebastian nodded, releasing her from his arms and cupping her petite chin in his hand.
“Like me, they love you. They just want to know what is going on with you.”
“Okay,” Marie’s pink lips pulled in to a slight smile.
“Now go enjoy your eggs benedict I just need to shower.” Sebastian ushered Marie out of the room and leaned wearily against her bedroom door. It appeared that things were much worse than he’d previously feared. Marie had lost her mind. It explained the change in mood, the new persona she had adopted. But it also meant that she needed help. As her fiancé, Sebastian’s couldn’t have her institutionalised, but her parents could. With their consent she could get the help she truly needed. But first they needed to hear her talk of Azriel and her royal destiny; they needed to see how crazy their daughter had become.
*
“You always loved this movie,” Carol said as she sat beside Marie, their breakfasts carefully placed upon their laps.
“You would cry when Father Christmas signs to the little deaf girl at the store.”
“Uh huh,” Marie was only half listening to her mother as she hungrily ate down her egg and breakfast muffin covered in hollandaise sauce.
But as she focused on the movie the story resonated with her. Here was someone claiming to be someone special, someone magical and no one believed them. Everyone thought Kris Kringle was crazy when he said he was Santa Claus. They even put the poor man on trial. Her predicament was painfully similar. She too was someone special trapped in the real world and struggling to find a way back.
“I do like this movie,” Marie confirmed as she finished with her breakfast and commenced washing it down with a fresh cup of tea.
“I love all the Christmas movies, they are so magical,” Carol smiled. It felt reassuringly normal to sat side by side with Marie, watching festive movies and eating a special breakfast. It was a routine they had observed for many years and one which she hoped would never end.
After she’d given birth to Marie someone bought her a card which stated; A Daughter is the Greatest Gift of All. And she truly believed that. Marie was the most wonderful thing to have ever happened to her and she loved her unresolvedly.
“I’m so glad you are here for Christmas,” Carol admitted, growing tearful as her emotions began to overwhelm her.
Sebastian entered the living room to see Carol’s eyes watering and Marie looking intently at the television screen. He wrongly assumed that she’d already divulged in her delusions of Azriel.
“Did you tell your Mum?” he asked from the doorway, his hair still damp from the shower and clinging to his head.
“Tell me what?” Carol asked with interest, turning away from the television to face him.
“Marie, tell me what?” she prompted her daughter, eager to learn whatever she needed to be told.
“Marie told me why she’s been acting oddly since the accident. She told me that something happened which changed her. Why don’t you tell your Mum, Marie?”
“Yes, sweetheart, you can tell me,” Carol urged, reaching for the television remote and silencing the movie.
The sudden absence of sound drew Bill’s attention and he entered from the kitchen looking concerned.
“Marie, you need to tell your parents everything,” Sebastian urged. “You need to tell them about Azriel.”
Carol and Bill exchanged a confused look.
“Well, what is it?” Carol urged.
“You can tell us anything, sweetheart,” Bill assured her. “We just want to help.”
The three of them looked expectantly at Marie and so, taking a tentative breath she commenced telling them about Azriel.
Once Marie had finished speaking a tense silence settled amongst them all. Carol and Bill Schneider tentatively exchanged worried glances, unsure what to say.
Sebastian had positioned himself upon the arm of the sofa, his body tense and stiff. He gazed at his hands which were resting on his lap with intense interest.
Nervously, Marie awaited her family’s verdict. She had been standing in the living room but her legs were beginning to ache, reminding her how of fragile her mended bones still were. Carefully she walked over to the sofa and sat down. Still no one spoke.
Carol twirled her golden wedding band round and round in a never ending cycle whilst she bit her lip and continued to offer quick glances at her husband.
“Well somebody say something,” Marie eventually prompted, unable to withstand the wall of silence any longer.
Sighing, Carol turned to her husband for instruction on how to proceed. Bill Schneider coughed awkwardly and looked across at his daughter.
To him, she was still the little girl with the pigtails who called him Daddy, the little girl who needed him to mend her doll’s house and teach her how to ride a bike. In his eyes she remained innocent and perfect. He couldn’t accept that she was broken. He couldn’t accept that the accident may have damaged her in ways he couldn’t possibly understand.
“Sweetheart,” he looked affectionately at Marie but sadness tugged at the corner of his mouth, causing it to droop.
“This place you say you went to-”
“Azriel.”
“Azriel, yes,” naming the world clearly made Bill uncomfortable. “This place that you think you went to, where you were their princess, it all sounds wonderful-”
“So wonderful,” Carol interrupted offering a bit too much enthusiasm. “It sounds just beautiful Marie! You’ve always had such a vivid imagination.”
The latter part of her statement caused Marie’s eyes to darken.
“I imagine it seemed very real to you, sweetheart,” Bill continued carefully. “But you have to understand that you never went anywhere. We were there the whole time. You never left the bed. This place, this Azriel, it exists only in your mind. You understand that, don’t you?”
Marie placed her arms across her chest, holding herself together.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand,” she said so quietly that her words almost went unheard.
Sebastian turned to look at her, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
“Marie, I know it feels very real to you,” he began softly. “But you have to understand that it was all just some wonderfully vivid dream. Apparently they are very common when people are in a coma.”
“Then why are people approaching me here, in this world?” Marie demanded tearfully. “Why do people keep telling me that I must return to Azriel, that they need me?”
Carol raised a hand to cover her mouth, her eyes wide. This was a part of the story which hadn’t previously been shared.
“People are approaching you?” Bill asked, his voice stern yet concerned.
“Yes,” Marie nodded. “They come up to me and tell me that Azriel needs me, that I must return there.”
Bill flicked his gaze over to Sebastian who just shook his head sadly.
“I’ve not seen anyone do that.”
“Because you’re not there!” Marie almost screamed at her fiancé. “They only ever approach me when I’m alone.”
“Do you think that’s because you are imaging them, sweetheart?” Carol asked as though she were questioning a child’s insistence that they had seen reindeer fly upon Christmas Eve. It was impossible and therefore only a product of an overly active imagination.
Marie scowled at her mother and hugged herself tighter. Why wouldn’t they believe her? She should have known that they would never understand. They wanted to keep her here, in this mundane world where she was nobody. They didn’t want her to fulfil her destiny of being a princess.
In a surreal contrast to the tense atmosphere of the room Christmas songs merrily played out from the television on the wall and the train continued to orbit the tree which sparkled in the early morning light, oblivious of the emotional vacuum opening up around it.
“I was there,” Marie declared with confidence. “I was there, I know I was. I don’t care what any of you say. I went there and I touched the grass, I tasted the air and I met people. I met Orion and Leo and they were real, dammit. Everything was real.”
“You never left the bed,” Bill told her again. “Every day we watched you and prayed you’d wake up. You didn’t even move.”
“You were surrounded by all these machines, Marie, that were breathing for you. You couldn’t have gone anywhere. It was all just a dream.” Carol produced a bunched up tissue from her cardigan sleeve and began to dab at her eyes.
“It’s likely that you have post-traumatic stress disorder,” Sebastian moved and sat beside Marie, gently placing a consolatory hand upon her knee.
“It’s really common in people who have been through something as traumatic as you have. You start to blur the boundaries of what is real and what isn’t. It’s like your mind’s way of coping with what happened to you.”
Marie locked in on the word disorder. They thought she was crazy. All her talk of Azriel they perceived as some product of her mind’s reaction to the accident. She should never have said anything.
“You all just think I’m mad,” she said bitterly.
“No, no of course not!” Carol immediately responded. “We just think you’re…unwell. And that you need help.”
“Help?” the only thing Marie needed help with was returning to Azriel.
“I’ll speak with Dr Colton and see what he suggests,” Sebastian was speaking to her parents now, speaking over her as though she didn’t even exist anymore, as though she was still bound to the hospital bed, paralysed by her wounds.
“I don’t need help,” Marie declared emphatically, jumping to her feet. “I need to get back to Azriel, to where I belong.”
“Marie, you belong here,” Bill snapped at her. “This is your home. You’re not some princess in an imaginary world.”
Enraged Marie ran from the room, her feet hammering up the staircase with as much speed as her healing limbs could afford her. She entered the pink hole that was her bedroom and slammed the door shut, locking out her family and their narrow minded view of her.
*
“It’s worse than we thought,” Bill sighed in the aftermath of Marie’s exit. She had not fled from his presence like that since she was a teenager. Back then he could forgive the behaviour as teenagers were known for being difficult. Marie got angry if she couldn’t stay out late with her friends or keep seeing the boy down the road who had a motorbike. Those problems were so trivial compared to what was happening now.
“She truly believes that she’s been to that place, that she’s their princess,” Sebastian stated sadly.
“It explains why she’s been so distant,” Bill ran a hand across his lined face. The physical injuries inflicted upon his little girl in the accident were so horrific that his heart struggled to bear it. Now, to discover that it wasn’t just her body that had been damaged but also her mind, it seemed too cruel a fate for a woman so young, so beautiful. It seemed horribly wrong.
“She’s our princess,” Carol whimpered tearfully, the tissue she was holding to her eyes now soaked with her despair. “But that doesn’t seem like it’s enough for her anymore.”
“She just needs help,” Bill said decisively.
“That doctor who has been seeing her, what does he say?” Bill asked his potential son in law.
“I don’t think he knows the extent of her delusional,” Sebastian admitted. “I’d need
to call him and see what he suggests. I imagine he’d consider putting her in some sort of institution, at least until she was better.”
Carol let out a sob and hurriedly stood up.
“I’ll go make us all a cup of tea, and take one up to Marie, she’ll be fine, she just needs time,” she fled towards the kitchen, not wanting to hear talk of putting her daughter away.
“She’s imaging people coming up to her,” Bill noted thoughtfully. “That’s pretty extreme. She’s just not herself, you must see that?”
