by Tilly Hart
I panted as my rant came to a close, my insides aching as she edged toward the door.
‘I just don’t know what you wanted from me.’ Rebecca’s voice was a barely audible whisper, the tears falling freely over her cheeks.
‘All I wanted was you.’
As her hand pushed the door handle down, I sped over and slammed the door closed, pulling her to me for one last kiss. She didn’t resist; she let me kiss her in a last, emotion filled pleading with my lips. I tasted the salt from her tears, and felt her body react to me even then, after everything. A slight flicker of hope emerged deep in the pit of my stomach as she let out a soft whimper.
‘Please don’t go,’ I whispered as I broke the kiss. ‘It’s not safe.’
‘I can’t stay here.’ She pushed me gently backwards and opened the door, walking out of my life as quickly as she’d leapt into it and taking any hope I had with her.
Why fight what I am if it made no difference to how people viewed me?
Eleven
Rebecca
A vampire.
I’d been falling for a fucking vampire.
When I’d hoped for a bit of adventure, that hadn’t been high on my list of hopes. A sexy biker, sure. But an undead one? No way.
And it hurt. He may not have lied to me, but he was holding back some serious information, all while I’d been staying with him, in bed with him, in the bloody shower with him.
It was raining out, but I was glad for the daylight. It meant that in a twist of luck, Jed couldn’t come after me. I wandered for half an hour, letting the rain wash over me, until I stood outside a store shivering in my cold, wet clothes.
What was I going to do? I had nowhere to go. Ben was still messaging me daily, demanding my return, but how could I go back after being with another man? And how could I tolerate a life without passion when I’d had a heady glimpse with Jed?
The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and a prickle of apprehension stole over me. I glanced around as seeds of dread sprouted in my stomach.
The street was busy despite the rain as people went about their day. Then I saw a man across the street staring straight at me, a menacing grin creeping over his face. My heart nearly stopped in my chest as Jed’s warnings filtered through me. He’d told me it wasn’t safe to leave, but there was no way that the werewolves could have known who I was… Could they?
I told myself I was just imagining it; the guy was probably just some creep, there were plenty of them in the city. All the same, I didn’t want to hang out and find out.
My pace quickened as I made my way down the street, picking through the people. The man followed. I dove down a side street at a run, throwing myself around people, and from the squeals behind me, I knew he was doing the same.
Fuck.
I had to hide. To buy myself some time.
A glance over my shoulder showed the man gaining on me, and my footsteps hammered on the ground almost as quickly as my heart hammered in my chest.
I didn’t want to die.
I turned through a series of alleys that ran behind the shops and restaurants, trying doors as I went. My breath burned in my lungs as I ran, my feet hitting the hard cement painfully. Every door was locked, and my hope faded as I heard the man’s panting breath coming behind me. I threw myself around a corner, and to my surprise, the next door I tried was open. Slamming the door behind me and activating the latch, I stormed through the building to the shouts of the owners and tore through the front door, slipping into a small bookshop and hiding out in the back behind a large shelf of books.
I could barely speak as my breath came in short, terrified bursts. The owner was an elderly woman who took one look at me and locked and shuttered the door and brought me a sweet cup of tea.
‘I don’t know who you are running from, but do you want me to call someone? The police?’
As if the police would believe that I’m running from a potential werewolf after killing one and shacking up with a vampire. No, I couldn’t rely on the police. Jed would’ve been able to help even if I hadn’t burnt that bridge. There was only one person who could help me, the person I least wanted to call. Ben.
‘No, it’s okay. I’m so sorry for barging in like that. I’ll ask my… friend… to pick me up. Can I stay here until he does?’
The woman smiled and nodded, sitting across from me on a low stool. With regret burning in my fingers, I text Ben the address and asked if he could pick me up as soon as possible. I didn’t blame him for the curt reply I received. He’d said yes, at least.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked, slipping me a cookie, I couldn’t have eaten it without throwing up even if I’d wanted to. My breathing returned to a normal level slowly, though adrenaline kept soaring through my body, leaving me jittery. The woman smiled gently at me and left me to gather myself. Eventually I spoke, letting my jumbled thoughts wander outside of my brain.
‘Would you choose the potential for happiness over a steady life? I can have safety, and normality with someone I don’t love, or potentially have something much more passionate with someone who’s life is dangerous, and who is wholly unsuitable.’
‘As someone who’s just witnessed you run in here like a rabbit running from a gun-toting farmer, I should tell you to go with the secure, safe option.’ I sighed and nodded. ‘But as a woman who has lived many years in an unsatisfactory relationship, I need to tell you to follow your heart. I chose the steady option, and all these years later I’ve done nothing with my life other than look after this damned book shop that my husband adored. I only wish he’d loved me a fraction as much as he loved these books. Never settle unless that is truly what you want.’
‘Even if it could be deadly?’
‘I’d prefer a brief life filled with love that a long life without it.’ She smiled and reached out to pat my hand before busying herself putting more books on the already heaving shelves.
There was a bang on the door and I jumped out of my skin, fresh terror rushing through my veins.
‘Rebecca, it’s Ben, open up!’
Ben didn’t ask about the immediacy of my text, or what prompted it. He didn’t ask about where I’d been, or why he picked me up on the other side of the city. He didn’t apologise for using me like a baby machine - albeit a faulty one - nor for the things he’d said to me. He acted as though the entire episode hadn’t happened.
‘I cleared it with work for you to take a few days off with stress-induced anxiety.’ Ben stared out of the window as he drove, his eyes never drifting over to me.
‘Um, thanks.’
‘And I’ve booked in your next round of treatment, they’ve said we can press forward after a two-month break.’
‘What? When did you do that? After I text you?’
Ben smirked. ‘No, as soon as the last round failed. I knew you’d be back.’
I took a deep breath to temper the wave of anger that reared up in me, leaving me quaking in its wake. ‘I don’t want to do it again, Ben. If you need kids to make you happy, you can adopt, or use a surrogate. I can’t go through it again. I don’t want to.’
Ben sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘Rebecca, stop with the melodrama. You called me.’
‘I needed help, and you don’t even care what happened to me, or where I’ve been, or who I’ve been with. All you care about is having fucking babies.’
‘I can forgive any discretions. I’d prefer to take you back after your little episode than to start again.’
Clarity hit me like a sledgehammer. Ben really didn’t care about me. I was just a figurehead, a stand in acting under the role of girlfriend for Ben. He didn’t care that I might have been with another man, which confirmed that he didn’t care about me, only what I could give him and how many years he would have wasted if I left.
I couldn’t be with Ben.
Not for another minute.
There was only one person I wanted to be with, and come hell or high water, it was Jed. I didn’t know
how it could work, spending my life with a vampire, but I would regret it forever if I didn’t try.
‘Stop the car!’ Ben didn’t flinch, and neither did he slow down.
‘Listen, Rebecca,’ he said, while locking the doors, ‘I’m not putting up with your shit anymore. You’re coming home and you’ll come to your senses.’
‘Ben, you don’t love me, and I don’t love you. We spend our time avoiding each other in the same house. You don’t want to go places with me, or laugh with me, or be intimate with me anymore. All you want is someone who will go along with your lists and plans and goals, and I’m not that person. I know it, and you must know it too.’ Ben didn’t answer, but his grip tightened on the steering wheel and his jaw clenched. ‘Please Ben, this isn’t what we need. I know it will throw you off course, but don’t you want someone who you adore? Someone who wants to have your children as much as you do? You are only twenty-eight, there is so much time to fall in love again.’
‘Love is for idiots. Structure and stability trumps feeble emotions. Do you think anyone is still in love after eight years together? My parents couldn’t stand each other. But they did the right thing and worked through it. They built a safe life for us kids. I want that for my family.’
‘And that’s why I can’t be a part of it. I was never enough for you, I need someone who cherishes me, not someone who will battle through life to tolerate me.’ Ben pulled the car to a halt and sneered at me, his words heavy with resentment.
‘You were the worst choice I ever made, Rebecca. You have always been needy and demanding, but I looked past it. You won’t find another man who will put up with your shit. Walk away and I never want to see you again. No calling me for help, no asking for money. You leave and that’s it, I’m done.’
His face fell as I smiled. Come what may, I’d made my choice. I only hoped Jed could bring himself to give me another chance.
‘I’m sorry Ben,’ I said, reaching over him to unlock the doors. 'I hope you find someone who is everything you need.’
He said nothing as I left, and as soon as I clicked the door closed behind me, he drove off at speed.
All I had to do was make my way back through the city to Jed without being captured by vengeful werewolves.
And then… to beg for his forgiveness.
Twelve
jed
Pres snarled as I kicked my bin with ferocity. ‘Would you calm the fuck down?’
‘She left. I told her, and she left. Now what?’ The bin upended on the floor, spilling day old food, used blood bags and other debris over the floor. It did nothing to calm the tension bubbling up.
‘Now you move on and stop this one man pity party. She’s a human, what did you expect?’
‘We were human too, once. We weren’t born this way, I didn’t ask for this, why should I be punished for it?’ It wasn’t the first time Pres and I had had that argument, even if it was the first time over a human love interest.
‘Does it matter that we didn’t ask for it? It’s what we are, and we have to get on with it. You want a human playmate? There are plenty of them out there. But don’t be going to pieces over a girl you barely knew. You must have expected this, didn’t you think she’d wonder when you couldn’t go out in the day? Why you could never go to a theme park, or a weekend away without having to hide during the daylight? Why people go through spates of hunting us down? You can’t just ignore what you are to play happy families.’
‘I really liked her Abe.’
Pres gave me a small, wan smile. ‘It doesn’t matter now. We’ve got bigger problems than you being a lovesick vampire. There’s been no word from Calvin, and Greyson’s been spotted out, so he’s still whole and hale at the moment. Time is running out. You need to get us invited in before it‘s too late.
It killed me how easily Pres had discarded my feelings, but bar his own soulmate, he didn’t care about anyone else’s happiness.
‘Come on, I’ll get you a drink.’
It had been hours since Rebecca had left, and day ticked on into night. I ignored my exhaustion and sat next to Angus as he watched another noisy game show, while one by one the other vampires emerged from their slumber. Rebecca’s absence didn’t go unnoticed.
‘Lost your toy?’ Vance grinned as he took up a seat by the bar, downing a tequila and smirking.
I ignored him completely, my eyes narrowing as I stared at my drink.
Emmeline stretched out her long legs and came over, reaching her arms around my shoulders and kissing me on the cheek. ‘I can always help distract you, if you need it…’
Pres picked her up by the waist and gave her a look. ‘I don’t think so, Emmeline.’
‘I’m not a child, I’m hundred of years old. You can’t play the daddy-says-no card anymore.’ Pres’ jaw stiffened.
‘Maybe I can’t, but there will be no intervampire relations going on under my roof. I am President of the Guardians of the Underworld, and I will allow nothing that will give me more shit to worry about.’
Emmeline rolled her eyes and smiled. ‘I wasn’t proposing marriage, just a minor stress relief.’
Len opened the outer door, and for one sickeningly sweet moment I thought it was Rebecca. Much to my disappointment, Pippa stumbled into the room. Vance stood as she did, but she sauntered right past him and landed heavily in my lap, her eyes glazing as she looked up at me.
‘You look tired, Jed. You could take a tiny taste and you’d feel much better.’ She pouted as I shrugged her off. She reached forward and took hold of my fingers, guiding them up to her pulse point and goading me with the steady thump beneath my touch. Despite my revulsion at the blood junkie, the vampire within leapt at the promise of the energy that soared through the humans veins. For a moment I considered it. I remembered the sheer relish of feeding directly from a human. I remembered the delicious gasp as fangs pierced through flesh, and the struggle as the potent venom rendered my victim unable to resist. The rush of power and the resulting strength and stamina. ‘The girl has nothing I don’t, and I can offer you more. I won’t hold back the thing you really need. Have you ever done it while fucking? Imagine the two combined—’
‘Get off of me.’ I stood up sharply, my senses coming back to me like a sledgehammer to the head. I tipped her backwards onto the sofa and stood up lest she pounce on me again. ‘I wouldn’t touch you if you were the only woman on this fucking earth. You disgust me.’
Pippa didn’t even flinch, she just turned around and advanced toward Vance, her deadened gaze fixed on nothing but the next high.
‘Jed?’ Rebecca’s voice was soft as she came into the room and I had to steady myself against the couch.
She came back.
Her hair was a mess, her jeans were brown at the knees, and all down one side. Her eyes were puffy and red. She was still the most beautiful thing I’d seen. ‘Can we talk?’
The room had hushed as everyone watched and waited. Pres looked fit to burst.
‘Come on,’ I said, going over to her and taking her hand. ‘We’ll go to my room.’
I’d been so sure that she had left for good that my hand trembled on the door handle, and I held my breath as she entered my room, dropping her bag on the floor and crumpling in a heap.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘I’m so sorry. It was just a lot to take, but I don’t want to leave.’
I knelt down next to her and pulled her tight to my chest, breathing her in as her tears left a wet patch on my tee-shirt. ‘I didn’t think I’d see you again. I was so worried, but I couldn’t come after you in the daylight.’
‘It took me leaving to realise that this is where I want to be. I don’t know how this can work, but I know I’d regret not trying.’ Her red-rimmed eyes focused on my face, and I traced a hand down her tear stained cheek.
‘You walked back in here knowing we are vampires, if you can do that we can make anything work.’
I kissed her tenderly, trying to kiss away the pain in her eyes as she shook be
neath my arms. She murmured between kisses, her voice barely loud enough to make out. ‘I’ve done safe and steady, Jed, I’ve done the nine to five, I’ve lived knowing safety and security, but none of it made me as happy as being in your arms did. I don’t know how it will work, or whether you’ll still want me when I’m old and wrinkly and you’re still as hot as you are now. I can’t imagine how it will be never to go out with you during the day, to live my life by night and in the shadows. But I want to try, if you’ll have me.’
The flicker of hope inside me fanned into a blaze as she spoke, and I grinned like a fool. ‘I’ll have you. Through thick and thin, through war and peace, there is nothing I want more than to be with you.’
‘I would have always regretted it if I hadn’t come back, even knowing that you are a vampire.’
‘I’m glad you came back. I can’t promise you what lays ahead, but I can do my utmost to protect you from whatever happens.’
Rebecca’s body convulsed with a shudder as her eyes flicked toward the door. ‘They are still out there. The wolves. One almost got me.’
My nostrils flared as the desire to go out and hunt the fucker down took over. ‘I should never have let you go out there.’
‘It was my choice, and I don’t regret it. I had to go to realise what I was leaving behind. There is a lot I need to wrap my head around, but already I feel better knowing I’m with you.’ Rebecca’s cheeks flushed as she squeezed my hand, bringing me back to her.
