by Aly Martinez
My tears continue to fall from my eyes as I quickly shake my head. “No.”
“I’m so fucking stupid. Why did I let it go on so long?” He begins to pace.
I finally calm down enough to speak. “Mason, I’m sorry. I take it back.”
“Walk away, Lace. I told you I wouldn’t leave, and I won’t. So I need you to go now.”
“Mason, please. Let me talk. I’m not ending this!”
“Well you should. This has disaster written all over it. You need to cut your losses while you still have Hunter.”
“Who are you trying to convince here? You or me? I don’t want this to end and I just got physically ill at the idea of not being with you.”
“What the fuck do you think is going to happen here? We all just live happily ever after, buy one big house, and take turns sharing you for the next fifty years? For fuck’s sake, can’t you see this is going to destroy us when it ends? Hunter and I are effectively done as best friends. I see the way he looks at you, and neither one of us is going to let you go without a fight.”
“Then don’t make me choose.” I walk over, wrapping my arms around his waist.
Mason knows nothing about the struggle that is going on in my head. He doesn’t understand that I’m terrified of this ending, and not because I would have to choose—that would be the easy part. I’m scared because, when this ends, I have to admit to myself that I have finally found the only person who has ever truly owned me. And I have to trust that he won’t ever leave me.
“Lacey,” he says to catch my attention. I pull my head away from his chest and look up into his sparkling blue eyes. “You may not be mine, but I’ll forever be yours.” Without hesitation, he slams his mouth over mine, pulling me in for a hungry kiss.
His tongue slides into my mouth, and I struggle to keep up. The kiss is wild, and the passion behind it should scare the shit out of me. It’s more than lust. Hell, he just told me it’s more than that, but Mason’s mouth erases all logical thinking. I thread a hand into his soft hair as I climb up his body, desperately needing more. I wrap my legs around his waist as he continues a relentless rhythm in my mouth.
“I want to be with you, Mason. Fuck me,” I beg, regretfully pulling away. “I want to feel you moving inside me when we kiss.”
“Here?” he asks, still licking at my lips.
“Please.” I cover his mouth once again. God, he tastes so good. His tongue alone has me near orgasm.
“I can’t. I don’t have a condom. When we get home—”
“I’m on the pill. I’m clean. Please just take me. I need to be with you, Mason.”
“Are you sure, Lace? I need you to be sure about this.”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
With only a groan and without putting me down, he reaches between us and undoes his pants. Not even a second later, he drags my panties to the side and slams into me. I let out a cry until just as quickly his mouth crushes into mine.
Against the wall, in the back alley of a bar, I lose my virginity to Mason Wynn. It may not be the first time I have ever had sex, but it is the first time I have even been with a man I love, even if I’m too scared to admit it. No condom and nothing between us—well, nothing except his best friend and my absolute fear of commitment. But close enough.
“SO WHAT NOW?” MASON whispers against my lips as we both come down from the high that follows an amazing orgasm.
“I guess we have to go back inside.” I kiss his lips repeatedly. I can’t get enough. I’ve been starved for him for entirely too long.
“Do you want to talk to Hunter or do you want me to do it?” He returns my every kiss.
“Talk to him about what? You ready to go home already?” I smile against his lips, but he freezes.
“Um, I was thinking more along the lines of telling him that we are going to be together from here on out.”
“What?!” I scream and back out of his arms. “Where in that conversation did we decide that we were cutting Hunter out of this?”
“About the time you said you wanted to be with me, and I made love to you without a condom,” he bites out in a mixture of anger and confusion.
“Mason…I think you were reading into things. I…” I’m shocked as shit. I don’t think I led him on at all. I replay the conversation in my head but come up empty-handed. “I’m sorry if I led you on—”
“You’re kidding me, right? This is you being a brat, right? Lacey, my come is dripping down your fucking leg and you’re sorry you led me on?” Apparently the whole condom-less thing meant more to Mason than it did to me.
“Jesus, there you are.” Hunter strolls out the back door. “You know I was just kidding about the blowjob thing,” He glances down as Mason buttons his pants. “But obviously you took me very serious.” He walks over, giving me a quick kiss. I’ve always loved the way Hunter kisses, but after kissing Mason, his lips just feel wrong now.
“Awesome,” Mason huffs. “I’ve got to get out of here. She’s all yours.”
“I see the blowjob did nothing to improve your shitty attitude,” Hunter says, stepping forward.
“Fuck you. I don’t want any part of this clusterfuck anymore. You got her?”
“Mason, please. Let’s just talk tonight,” I beg, beginning to panic all over again.
“Do. You. Have. Her?” he says very slowly to Hunter while ignoring my comment altogether.
“Yeah, take off. Do whatever the fuck you need to do in order to get your ass off your
shoulders. Next time I see you, you better be off your period.”
“Fuck you. Speaking of periods, let me know when you starts yours, Lace. Or at least where I should send the child support.” He doesn’t linger any longer. Mason storms off around the side of the bar.
“Oh my God! What the fuck just happened?” I whisper, sinking to the ground.
“Funny. I was going to ask you the same thing.” He turns to face me, hands positioned firmly on his hips. “What did he mean about child support? Are you pregnant?”
“No!” I shout, appalled by the question.
“Then what the fuck did he mean?”
“We had sex, but he didn’t have a condom.”
“You what?!” Hunter shouts.
I’m barely clinging to the edge of a panic attack and now I have to deal with Hunter freaking out that we didn’t use a protection. Fantastic!
“I’m on the pill. I’m clean, so you have nothing to worry about,” I quickly explain for the second time tonight. I might be talking, but in my mind, I’m trying to formulate a plan that doesn’t have me puking all over the sidewalk but still has me ending the night in Mason’s arms.
“Oh my God, he’s in love with you. Shit. Shit. Shit!” Hunter screams as he starts pacing back and forth.
My head snaps up. “What? No, he isn’t.”
“This is going to kill him. Lacey, shit! Wait, did he kiss you too?” He pauses, looking back at me.
“Yeah,” I respond, and instead of Hunter’s words shoving me off the anxiety mountain, they immediately calm me. “What’s that mean?”
“It means he’s in fucking love with you!” he yells and immediately resumes pacing. Only this time I jump up and start pacing with him. “I should have seen this after he punched that Sean guy. He hates any kind of physical violence. Fights usually get him all pissy, but he was almost giddy after that one. Damn it!”
“Stop pacing and tell me what the hell you are rambling about. He’s not in love with me. He just left me!”
“So this isn’t exactly where I wanted to have this conversation, but I don’t have much of a choice now.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I asked him last week if I could talk to you about me and you becoming a real item.”
“An item? What is this, eighth grade?” I snap.
“I figured I should talk to him first, but he picked some bullshit fight about the new horses to avoid the conversation. I just figured he was pissed about being c
ut out.” He roughly shoves a hand through his hair. “I had no idea he was interested in you for anything but sex. He barely even talks to you.”
“We talk every night for hours!” I have no clue why I feel the need to defend my relationship with Mason to Hunter, but I do.
“Really?”
“Yes, really! Now get to the part that makes you think he’s in love with me.”
“Shit! Well, Mason spent his whole life listening to his dad tell him that he was an accident. He took every opportunity he had to remind Mase that he never wanted him, and neither did his mom. That was the reason he gave Mason for why his mom left. Something about her not being able to handle raising a child she never wanted. I think it was more that he was an abusive fucker. I refuse to believe that he beat the shit out of Mason on the regular but never laid a hand on Mrs. Wynn. However, that is just me speculating. I’ve never asked, and Mason has never told.
“Anyway, ever since he started having sex, Mason has been religious about using condoms. He dated a girl for two years in college and never once did anything without one. We got hammered one night and he told me he didn’t want to create another accident like himself. A child that he would eventually hate as much as his dad hated him.”
“And the kissing thing?” I ask.
“Well that’s just his personal rule. He’s never kissed a girl we shared, although we’ve never shared a woman for more than a few nights. I never really found it all that odd until you came along.”
“Wait, so he’s really never had sex without a condom?” I ask, stunned. I always use protection these days, but before I swore off relationships, I had a boyfriend. It might have been rare, but I’ve definitely done it.
“Not that I know of. Although I’m not exactly an expert on Mason’s dick.”
“He told me he’d forever be mine.” I close my eyes, admitting to myself for the first time that Hunter might be right. I’ve felt it for weeks and it’s terrified me. But knowing that Mason might feel the same way has me ready to sprint after him.
“Lacey, you’re going to have to be really creative to find a way to let him down easy. This could break him.”
“What?” I ask when suddenly it dawns on me that Hunter really doesn’t have a clue about my relationship with Mason. (And it doesn’t even scare me to call it a relationship at this point.)
It isn’t Mason I have to let down easy at all.
“You should know a few things.” I start preparing myself to end things with Hunter. “I spend every night talking to Mason. In a way, I know him better than I do you. You fall asleep and he and I stay awake for hours. Hunter, he’s amazing. He gets me and believes in me and trusts me. He’s quiet, but the way he looks at me says more than his words could ever express. The best part is I look at him the same way. From the very first night, my connection with Mason has been intense. I recognized something in him right away. I’ve just been too scared to admit it. ” I confess it all. I don’t want to hurt Hunter, but if he has some delusional idea that he and I have anything close to what Mason and I have, I need to crush it now.
“No, Lacey.” I know he wasn’t expecting that answer. I also know it’s killing him to hear.
“Hunter, I need to go find him.”
“So what does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?” he asks, tossing his hands out to the side. The hurt can’t be hidden on his beautiful face. “Damn it, Lacey. Can’t you see I want to be with you? Just me and you. I want us to form that bond that you think you have with Mason. Lacey, I’m fucking crazy about you, but if I tell you I love you now, I’ll sound like an ass. I want to say it when you can appreciate it and not when it sounds like I’m just saying it to compete with my best friend. I want you, Lacey. Stay with me.” He moves to grab me, but for the first time, I move away from Hunter Coy.
“Mason needs me,” I say quietly.
He barks out a laugh. “No he doesn’t! Mason is a loner, always has been. He doesn’t attach himself to people. He may have had a shit past, but that’s not why he’s quiet and likes to watch. He watches because he is trying to figure out how to make things better. He’s a trainer through and through. He trains things, Lacey. He takes them in a raw form and molds them into something beautiful. He’s going to mold you and try to change you. And when he is done, he will walk away and consider it a job well done. I’m the only person he has ever stuck with. He doesn’t need you, Lacey. ” Two months ago, his words would have terrified me. Hell, two hours ago they would have had me on the run. But now that I think Mason loves me, I’m blind to anything but that.
“Well none of that matters, because I need him,” I say matter-of-factly.
And with that, I turn away from an amazing sure thing. I have no doubt that Hunter loves me. I’m not blind. And on a scale of one to ten, Hunter Coy is an off-the-charts catch. He’s kind and loyal and would probably spend the rest of his life taking care of me. The only thing he isn’t…is Mason Wynn.
I RUSH AROUND THE corner of the building, hoping to catch a cab back to Mason’s place when, suddenly, I stumble. I barely catch my balance as I try to figure out what tripped me. I look back and can faintly make out a silhouette sitting against the wall. His knees are pulled up, his head cradled in his hands.
“Mase?” I ask, heading back in his direction. “What are you doing?”
“I promised you I’d never leave. I couldn’t stand there any longer, but I couldn’t just leave either.”
“So you’ve just been sitting here eavesdropping?” I try to make a joke as I squat down next to him.
“Pretty much.” He finally lifts his eyes to mine, and the fear and pain inside them forces me to my ass beside him.
“Jesus, are you okay?”
“Not even close.”
“Mason…”
“I can’t go back to that, Lace. I can’t watch him touch you. He’s my best friend, and I have hated him every minute since he said he wanted to take you away from me. I can’t live wrapped up in that kind of hate, but I also don’t think I can live without you. I’m sorry if that’s what you want, but I can’t do it anymore.”
“I don’t want that either. I thought you said you were listening?” I scoot in close to him. He’s made no attempt to touch me, but I need to touch him. I rest my head on his shoulder, and he gently leans his down on top of it.
“I was listening, but you didn’t have a chance to hear me.”
“So was Hunter, right?” I ask, begging for the answer.
He lets out a loud breath. “Yeah, pretty much spot-on. Well, except for the whole trainer bit. That was a stretch, even for him. I don’t want to change you, and obviously I won’t leave.” He shrugs.
My heart begins to race over the fact that this could actually be real. “I can see that,” I tease.
“I’m sorry if I was a dick back there. It’s just that I’m so fucking scared you will chose him.”
I move around to face him and kneel between his legs. I make sure his blues are looking at me. I want him to understand this and know that it’s more than just a sentence. “It was never a choice, Mase. It was always you.”
“I…I do need you. But not for the reason you think. It’s not because I’m broken. It’s because I can’t figure out how I would even begin to move my life forward without you. I don’t want just the nights anymore, Lace. I want the days too. For once in my life, I feel like I have something I can really be proud of. I want you to be mine for everyone to see. Not hide it like it’s some dirty little secret. Is that something you think you could handle?”
“I think I could handle just about anything except losing you.” Tears pool in my eyes as I prepare myself for what I’m going to say next. Still holding his gaze, I free us both. “Mason, I love you.”
Without hesitation, and before I even finish, he says, “I love you, too.” I watch, stunned, as the most mesmerizing smile covers his face from ear to ear. He blows out a breath. “Oh shit, that felt good.” He starts laughing.
I’m grinning like a fool, staring at this deliriously happy version of my dark cowboy. I begin to laugh right along with him when suddenly he stops.
“Wait. Just so I’m not reading into anything, did you just agree to be my girl and admit that you love me and can’t stop thinking of me naked?” He flashes me an unabashed grin.
“Yes to all of the above, although I don’t exactly remember saying that last part.”
“It was obviously implied.” He stands up, pulling me to my feet along with him.
“Mason Wynn, are you cracking jokes now?”
He pulls me hard against his body. “I’m really fucking happy right now.” He kisses me hard, but the smile never leaves his lips.
“I want to go home,” I whisper against his mouth.
“I’m probably going to be homeless and unemployed tomorrow.” He kisses me again.
“You don’t think Hunter would really do that to you, do you?”
“Nah, but I think is probably for the best if we get some space for a while. He’ll eventually come around, but he’s really stubborn. If I stick around and he has to watch you and me together, he’ll eventually explode. Lacey, I love you, and there is nothing that will ever change that, but Hunter is my only family. One day, we are going to have to deal with him, but I think he needs some time before he deals with you. I’ll go by myself and talk to him in the morning.”
“Okay.” I stand on my tiptoes to give him another kiss “Want to go back to my place tonight?”
“Lacey, I’ll follow you anywhere.”
“Anywhere? Because I could have a lot of fun with that!” I wink over at him.
“Well, not anywhere.” He surprises me by pushing me back against the wall. He drags his tongue up my neck before stopping at my ear. With a deep rumble, he growls, “Sometimes I’ll lead.”
