BOATMAN: Shove us off, please! (The proprietress sends two people down to shove them off.)
PROPRIETRESS: Enjoy the ride!
BOATMAN: Please sit flat, gentlemen.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Here, now, lover boy, let’s begin your initiation with the secret transmission on how to ride in a skiff. The way a skiff works, if you don’t sit cross-legged, leaning back on your elbows with your head hanging down, puffing away at your pipe, the boat will be hard to row. So doing that will please the boatman. Look, look, on the other side of that hill over there is the home of the famous Ippyō, who can mimic every kind of performing art. But with all this talk of this and that, I was forgetting that we have something important to discuss. You see, we won’t be able to go to Shōtō-ji temple after all. Did you really think we were going to Shōtō-ji?
YOUTH: Yes, well, it’s a bit too late for going to Shōtō-ji now, isn’t it?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: My thoughts exactly! The truth of the matter is, Shōtō-ji was actually just camouflage; what I was scheming at19 all along was really a trip to Yoshiwara. I don’t suppose you mind if we go to Yoshiwara?
YOUTH: No, as long as I get home early, that’s all right.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: If you’re going to come along, it’s no time to be talking about early and late. Since you’re going with me, there’s no way you’ll be getting home early. Unlike going with certain uncouth boors, you’ll find that going with me will be an extraordinarily enjoyable experience. And so it should be. When I say that I’m going, all the sophisticated playboy brothel-owners in Yoshiwara come running—to say nothing of all the jesters.20 Last time—get this—the son of the owner of the Tsurube noodle shop,21 of all people, tagged along to party with us. Lord, this boat is slow! Look, we’ve only just made it to Outcome Pines!22
BOATMAN: We left Outcome Pines behind us quite a ways back.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Um-hm . . . well, you see, we’ve come quite some distance. Ah, here we are at the Konokimi-Yamabushi riverbank.
YOUTH: Who are Konokimi and the Yamabushi?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Ah, now there hangs a tale! In Yoshiwara, you see, sometimes a man’s looks are not as important as his style. On this bank lives a combed-back fellow23 some eighty years old. He’s been carrying on a great love affair with one Konokimi. This man has such style that every last one of Konokimi’s clients has been driven away and been cut off by her. I myself have taken him on and made love to her any number of times, but it looks like this time even I may not prevail.
The Man-About-Town goes on to give the Youth advice on a variety of topics—including how he should style his hair, how he ought to dress, and what shops the gentleman visitor to the licensed quarters should frequent to acquire the most fashionable accoutrements (such as a tissue case and a tobacco pouch)—nonchalantly revealing, in the process, how knowledgeable and well connected he is.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: I’m always calling over the owner of Sumiyoshi-ya24 for one thing or another—look, just come out to my place anytime you want. It’s a bit difficult for me to send you a letter: it might look like I was trying to corrupt a young fellow—for a person with my reputation, it’s a bit difficult. Do you have a nom de plume?25
YOUTH: Perhaps you would be so kind as to choose one for me using one of the Chinese characters from your own.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: In that case, take the ban from my pseudonym Banchō and call yourself Bankei. From now on, you’ll be just like me: everywhere you go they’ll call you “Mr. Bankei,” “Mr. Bankei.”26 And that reminds me of a story. The other evening I was in the Matsu-ya in Nakano-chō, dressed to the nines and puffing on a thick pipe, when the jōruri reciter Tōjū27 comes over and sits down next to me and we get to talking. So the courtesan from the inner suite28 comes over and starts coming on to Tōjū. She really wanted to come on to me, but she felt intimidated, so she did various things to let me know how willing she was. Then she asks Tōjū in a low voice, “What’s his name?” So Tōjū says, “What, you don’t know his name? He’s called Mr. Banchō.” I could tell by her expression that she wanted to say “Mr. Banchō,” but instead she merely tossed her head archly and said, “You gentlemen enjoy your stay here this evening,” and stood up and left the room (it seems a client had just arrived). So this very night I’m going to go back to that house, and under the pretext of hiring an apprentice courtesan,29 I’ll wait until it gets very late and everyone has settled in for the night; and then I’ll sneak into this courtesan’s chambers, see, and without even romancing her, right away—considering the way she acted earlier—right away I’ll make it with her. Now, when I say “make it,” I’m talking about sleeping on three layers of futon30 instead of with the original apprentice courtesan; about secretly being served chazuke and whatnot;31 about knocking that courtesan’s socks off to my heart’s content until daybreak;32 and about staying on late, until full daylight, and then going home. Now how’s that for the perfect lover-boy plot, eh? That’s how they all turn out in my Yoshiwara. This boat is getting nowhere! No, no, it looks like we’re getting there at last.
BOATMAN: Where would you like to get off?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: OK, let’s see, now . . . at Ichigawa-ya I owe money, of course, and at Yoshino-ya they’re so snooty I can’t stand them. Where shall we go?—I know! How about that Yamamoto-ya fellow I met just recently? There’s still one boathouse inn that takes me for a big shot!
BOATMAN: Where shall I tie up, then? Uh, . . . sir?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Right, tie up at the Yamamoto dock.
BOATMAN: Yamamoto-ya! Yamamoto-ya!
YAMAMOTO-YA PROPRIETOR: Hey! Somebody’s arriving! (He comes out to the dock to welcome them.) Well, what a surprise! Welcome—come on up! Yes, you can just tie up right over there.
MAN- ABOUT- TOWN and YOUTH: No, no, right here will be fine, right here will be fine. (They climb lightly out of the boat.)
YAMAMOTO-YA PROPRIETOR: Please feel free to have a quick smoke, if you like.33 (The Man-About-Town and the Youth both sit down.)
YAMAMOTO-YA PROPRIETRESS: Why, it’s Mr. Banchō, the client who rode up to Suidōbashi Bridge yesterday morning!34
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: In future, I hope to be dropping by now and again. Mistress, look and see if my hair is coming undone.
YAMAMOTO-YA PROPRIETRESS: Not a bit of it.
MAN- ABOUT- TOWN: May I please have a hand towel moistened in hot water and wrung out?
YAMAMOTO-YA PROPRIETRESS: Certainly, sir.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Here, I’ll supply my own hand towel.35 (He pulls out a pale blue hand towel, takes it back moistened with hot water, wrings it out, and runs it over his face, wiping his shaven hairline with great care.)
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: This gives you such a good, brisk feeling! Like to wipe off your face? You do look a trifle uncouth.
YOUTH: Come on, let’s get going. (The two men depart.)
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Come on, come on, let’s hurry, let’s hurry!
YAMAMOTO-YA PROPRIETOR AND PROPRIETRESS: Please stop by again in the morning!
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: All right, now, here we are at the embankment.36 Come, come, this way! Now here, too, there is the adept’s way and the amateur’s way. If you go this way it’s much closer. Hmm, the embankment certainly does seem rather desolate. OK, now dab some saliva on the end of your nose, like this.
YOUTH: What for?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Never mind what for, just dab it on. You’ll find out why in a moment. . . . There, there—there it is!
YOUTH: It’s true, there’s a very odd smell here.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: That’s the smell of burning corpses.37 But even a corpse smells good when you smell it at the embankment. The embankment seems awfully long tonight!38 (He chants in jōruri dramatic recital style, with professional-sounding flourishes.) “Smartly holding up the hem of her robe, and wearing, not a phoenix helmet, but . . .”39 I have some more advice for you. I hear you’re taking uta singing lessons. If you really want to study singing, forget that stuff. Nowadays it’s only uncouth samurai who sing uta. S
tudy Katō-school chanting!40 Everyone from Gajū to Danji and Fudejirō is always coming over to my house, so you may study with whomever you please. And as for Katō, his voice has been failing of late, so he’s taken to sleeping over at my place. And Fudejirō’s changed his name to Benshirō, and naturally he needs to plan his recital, so now he’s coming over every day, too. I tell you, once you become a man about town, even just these recitals can be such a bother! The printed programs alone can really pile up! Well, we’ve been talking so much we’re already at Emonzaka.41 They still follow old-fashioned ways here, so we’d better straighten our clothes properly at this point. Now, this time, let’s move along quietly from here on. If anybody catches sight of me, they’ll all flock around and kick up a fuss! Tonight I’d like us to amuse ourselves quietly, just the two of us. (They arrive at and enter the grand gateway to the Yoshiwara district.) My, the place is deserted tonight! What teahouse42 shall we go to? I know so many places that wherever I go, my eye always wanders to some other place. Besides, I hate deciding on a teahouse beforehand. What’s that one called? See what it says on the noren curtains.
YOUTH:It’s called the Odawara-ya.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Oh, Mata’s place. Yes, I imagine they’d appreciate a visit from me. Come, let’s go in, let’s go in. (They stride right in and see the teahouse proprietress seated alone in the sitting room.) Mistress, how goes it?
TEAHOUSE PROPRIETRESS: Welcome to our establishment. Please come on up43 and sit down.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Let’s go on up, let’s go on up! (He climbs right up and sits down, sprawling cross-legged in the middle of the teahouse.) It’s awfully slow tonight, isn’t it?
PROPRIETRESS: No, actually we have more guests upstairs.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: It’s good to hear that you’re always so busy. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been here. (The proprietress, however, does not seem to take his meaning at all.)
PROPRIETRESS: It’s very rude of me, but I seem to have forgotten your face—could you remind me who you are?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: How could this be? My goodness gracious! However long it may have been since I’ve been here, don’t try to tell me that you’ve forgotten my face! But of course, it has been a long time. I do run into your husband now and again in the course of my wanderings, but it’s true that it’s been quite some time since I came to your place. And where has your husband gone off to?
PROPRIETRESS: He’s gone into Edo today.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Ah—and the man who just left here, who was that?
PROPRIETRESS: That was Mr. Fudejirō.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Ah, old Fude, was it? I wonder why he pretended not to see me. Ah, of course: he was supposed to come over last night but didn’t—that’s why he acted as if he didn’t see me!
PROPRIETRESS: What, he was supposed to go to your house last night?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Katō’s been staying at my place lately, so Fude said he’d be coming by for a chat. But since he didn’t show up, Ryūsen44 came over, and we spent the night composing haiku. (Meanwhile, saké cups, snacks, and saké have been brought out, and the proprietress is directing the serving of the soup.) Katō slept over at the house again last night, too, so I told him I was off for Yoshiwara and didn’t he want to come along, but he’s such a lazy so-and-so—said he’d rather sleep than come to Yoshiwara, or some such nonsense.
PROPRIETRESS: Mr. Katō has been here since yesterday evening.
MAN- ABOUT- TOWN (blanching, and looking pathetically uncomfortable): Who, Katō? My goodness, this is just too strange—it must have been a ghost! (The proprietress, abruptly losing patience with him, departs for the kitchen, her nose in the air, declining to dignify this with an answer. The men in the kitchen comment.)
KITCHENMAN: Mistress, I tell you that is one odd individual. You’d better just humor him and send him on his way.
PROPRIETRESS: Yes, I think so, too. Anyhow, the master will deal with him when he gets back. So until then, just try not to engage him at all. And if there’s any question of vouching for his payment to the pleasure house, absolutely do not. I’m going up to attend to the upstairs guests. If Mr. Hira and Mr. Kawa come in, put these two in the parlor and let me know right away. (She goes up to the second floor.)
YOUTH: The proprietress here’s not very friendly, is she?
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Now that you mention it, that’s true. All in all, they don’t treat their customers well at all here. Even when they know what’s going on, they act as if they had no idea. I do wish some nice girls would get here soon. We’ll entertain them with a little high-toned give-and-take while we’re here. (Puffing away at his pipe, he goes on in this vein, putting on all manner of airs. Hira,45 a customer, arrives. A physically large man, he is dignified in appearance, his hair in the awase-bin style—pulled back and tied with a thick paper cord—and dressed in a new kimono of finely woven glossy black silk, an outer coat of black silk crepe adorned in five places with a pure white family crest, and an elegant silk crepe underrobe. He calls out in a clear, booming voice.)
HIRA: Is the master back yet? (A male employee comes running out from the kitchen. As he hurries out, paying no attention to the Man-About-Town and the Youth, he knocks his leg against that of the Man-About-Town.)
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Mannerless oaf! (The male employee, not even troubling to apologize, addresses Hira.)
MALE EMPLOYEE: Welcome to our house, sir.
HIRA: Listen, should I go on upstairs?
MALE EMPLOYEE: Please wait a moment. (Turning to the Man-About-Town and the Youth) Would you please step into the parlor?
MAN- ABOUT- TOWN (punning): Anywhere’s fine—as a Yoshino cherry tree, a Yoshino cherry tree.46 Come along, lover boy, step this way, entrez—an herb-and-miso entrée!47
MALE EMPLOYEE (bringing Hira a cup of saké): You’re quite late this evening.
HIRA: The master’s not in yet, eh? How about the lady of the house?48
MALE EMPLOYEE: She’s upstairs at the moment. She’s been expecting you. I’ll let her know right away that you’re here.
HIRA: You seem awfully busy tonight.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Here, lover boy, take a look at this place’s clientele. If that type wasn’t born to get dumped by the ladies, I don’t know who was. Looking at us after looking at a guy like that, even a whore couldn’t help but fall in love. (This boasting aside is aimed at impressing the Youth.)
PROPRIETRESS (coming downstairs and into the serving area): You’re quite late this evening.
HIRA: I suppose I am. Today a bit of a celebration was held at a colleague’s house, and we got to drinking, and then your husband came by.
PROPRIETRESS: I thought as much. He said that since his errand today was an urgent letter and since an underling might botch the job, he’d deliver it himself. So I’m glad to hear you saw him. Is Mr. Kawa not coming?49
HIRA: Oh, he should be along any minute, and your husband should also be getting back any time now. Of course, he did mention that he’d be stopping by Tora-no-mon.50
PROPRIETRESS: Yes, that’s right. He does take a long time whenever he stops by Tora-no-mon. Not long ago he stopped by there, and even though the Tora-no-mon client came out here, instead of coming back he went from there to Shinagawa51 and leisurely made his way home the next morning. And because he hadn’t come home even though that night was a very busy one for us, when he did get back you’d better believe I gave him the old cold shoulder.52
HIRA: Oh, you’re good, you’re good! I sure wish I could find me a courtesan who’s the genuine article, like you.53
PROPRIETRESS: Why, your Yama is as genuine as can be—so why talk like that?
HIRA: That’s just the thing: I can’t tell what her true feelings are. She seems so sincere, and yet somehow there’s something funny about her.54 But let’s not talk about such things—how about a drink?
PROPRIETRESS (offering him a cup of saké): Yes, by all means have one.
HIRA: This cup sure is petite, though. Of course, I’ve
been drinking all day, but a cup this petite feels like a bit of a tease. Bring me my regular Biggie—my regular Biggie!55
PROPRIETRESS: Shall I? (She gets up, goes to the kitchen to get the cup, and orders soup to be brought out. Hira, quite drunk, repeatedly snaps his fan open and closed.)
MAN- ABOUT- TOWN( whispering to the Youth and taking something out from inside his sleeve): I say, Mistress! Mistress! Could I see you a moment?
PROPRIETRESS: Yes, what can I do for you? We’ve gotten quite busy, and I’m afraid I can’t pay proper attention to you.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: If not, that’s fine—as Yoshino arrowroot.56 Here—there may be nothing you can do, oh do accept this trifle as a memento of my long overdue visit here, or whatever. Call it a chrysanthemum seed for your flower garden—tuck it away, and mum’s the word.57
PROPRIETRESS: Yes, well, that’s very . . . (Without further comment, she rises to go.)58
MAN-ABOUT- TOWN: Now, now, there’s still one more matter to discuss. Would you please send someone to inquire about Some-no-suke, at Matsuba-ya?
PROPRIETRESS (with an incredulous expression): Yes, sir. (She thinks for a moment.) Yes, sir, Some-no-suke is not available at present. She left a short while ago for the teahouse down the way.59
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Well, then, where shall we go? Shall we make it Chōji-ya?
PROPRIETRESS: There’s a new establishment in Sumi-chō—wouldn’t you like to try going there?60
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Sumi-chō’s just not with it, you know—it’s just not with it, you know! (Turning to the Youth) Shall we go to the love-affair place I was telling you about? Ah, but the thought of hiring an apprentice courtesan brings me down.
PROPRIETRESS: Well, you two just talk it over and decide where it is you want to go.
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN: Anyway, just get someone with a lantern to escort us.
PROPRIETRESS: Yes, sir. Somebody come as an escort! (Meanwhile, her other client is still waiting for his saké cup.)
HIRA: How about that Biggie, that Biggie?
PROPRIETRESS: Yes, sir, I’ll be right there with it. (She brings him a large cup.)
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