“I’m better than any wedding planner.”
She was such a good sister. She loved me so much. Caroline and I had always been closer than Sloane and I, for whatever reason. I mean, Sloane and I were close, too, but we talked only once a week, whereas Caroline and I talked a highly dysfunctional, codependent three to five times a day.
I wouldn’t say that Mom checked out after Dad died, but there were some long months in there when Caroline really looked after me. She let me sleep in her bed and made me breakfast when I got up really early and braided my hair in a crown across my head the way I liked it every day. We had always understood each other in a way that Sloane and I just hadn’t. Caroline always joked that she was the glue that held the family together, and in this regard, she kind of was. I took a deep breath, my hand on the door of the store. And now I was going to make the glue’s world come crashing down.
When I walked inside, Caroline was sitting on the stool behind the front glass counter, making notes in that ridiculously huge wedding-planning binder she had constructed for me. Well, for her. This was Caroline’s wedding now. Besides the binder, the two of us were all alone.
I could pull her into the back storeroom and recount what I had heard. Then we could formulate how to tell Sloane. Together. Sloane was more sensitive than Caroline, and right now, with Adam so newly home and her wading through the waters of his trauma, I felt she had enough on her plate. I didn’t want to heap one more thing on top of it all.
I started walking toward the counter, but before Caroline could even look up, Sloane walked out of the storeroom with a canvas in her paint-stained hands.
Great. What did I do now? I could tell them both and get it over with. Or I could walk out. Which I almost did, until they looked at me at almost the exact same time and said simultaneously, “Hi, Em.”
Hi. Not Hey. Grammy always told us that hey was for horses, and it had stuck.
I felt a pang. How in sync they were at that moment made me realize how close they were, reminded me that they were whole, full-blood sisters. And I was only half. Did they talk about it when I wasn’t there? Did they feel bad for me because I was less of a sister than they were? It made my heart hurt even to think that I was somehow less connected to either of these women whom I had looked up to since the day I was born.
Would the revelation that Jack was their biological father drive a wedge between us? That thought almost talked me out of telling them.
“What’s up?” Caroline asked. “Did you sense that I was ordering those string lights you said you didn’t want?”
I looked at her incredulously. “It’s not that I don’t like them. It’s just too much trouble. All those poles and all those people you have to hire to put them up.”
“It’s your only wedding,” Sloane said. “It should be perfect.”
I cleared my throat, my heart racing. “Where’s Leah?” I asked.
“She’s supervising the installation at Kyle’s,” Caroline said, smiling.
As if my mouth were moving of its own volition, I heard it say, “Um, guys, can we talk?”
Sloane and Caroline shared a glance that let me know they somehow knew this was coming.
“Is this about Mark?” Caroline whispered.
I was taken aback. I crossed my arms. “Um, no. Why would it be about Mark?”
“No reason!” Sloane chimed in.
I looked warily from one sister to the other.
“I think we need to go to the conference room,” I said after an awkward silence.
“Oh, wow,” Sloane said. “So this is serious.”
“Oh, my God,” Caroline said, closing the binder and following me through the door as I led them to the other room. “Are you OK?”
I nodded gravely, closed the door behind us, and sat down in a woven navy-and-white Serena & Lily chair at the round marble Saarinen table, and Caroline and Sloane took their seats on either side of me.
I took a deep breath and took one of their hands in each of mine. “I don’t know how to say this,” I began.
Four eyes round as saucers were trained on my face, rapt with attention and dread. I felt nauseated for a million reasons at once. They were going to be upset. I didn’t want to tell them. I didn’t want this to be true. Mom, Jack, Caroline, and Sloane were family. Real, true family. Where did that leave me? But again, sisters’ code. It was my responsibility to tell them.
“I think Jack is your biological father.”
They both sat stock-still. I thought they were in shock until I realized that Sloane’s hand suddenly felt sweaty in mine. Sloane sweated when she was lying.
Caroline glanced at Sloane. “What would make you think that?”
I pulled my hands away. “Why do you not look surprised?”
“No, we are surprised,” Sloane said, speaking for both of them, which was my second clue that they definitely knew this already.
“We suspected,” Caroline said. “But we didn’t know for sure.”
“You suspected, and you didn’t even ask Mom about it?” I asked.
“Says the girl who wouldn’t get her blood-test results for six weeks,” Caroline shot back.
Touché, I thought. But I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of saying so.
“So that’s what you were talking about,” I said, the picture beginning to become clear in my mind. “It was lucky Mom couldn’t let go of Jack even after she married Dad, because if she had, you wouldn’t be here.”
I could see that Sloane was starting to get worked up now. “When we only suspected he was our sperm donor, it was one thing . . .” she whispered. “But knowing for sure feels really different. Are you positive, Em?”
I nodded. “Mom and Jack were looking at photo albums, and I overheard their conversation. It’s definitely true.”
Caroline took a deep breath. She looked at Sloane. “So now it’s real. Now we have to face it.”
I could feel my heart racing. So many thoughts were running through my mind, but the one I spit out first was, “Oh, my God! Do you think Mom cheated on Dad?”
Sloane gave me an incredulous look. “Em, come on.”
I got myself back together. Mom was our moral compass. She was the one always teaching us right from wrong. She was realistic about the world, but there were some things that were black and white. She might have lied to us, but she wouldn’t have done that to Dad.
“Dad couldn’t have known this,” Sloane said, her face turning red. “There is no way that our father let Mom’s ex-boyfriend be our sperm donor. Do you think?”
They might have suspected all of this earlier, but you could tell it was finally beginning to sink in, and now the emotions that my sisters had been holding back were flooding them.
Caroline shook her head, her expression now incredulous. “I didn’t even think of that! Poor Dad. He would be furious if he knew. He would feel so betrayed.”
I had opened this can of worms. We were in it now.
“This is so unfair to him,” I said. “I can’t believe Mom would do this. I mean, why not just pick a sperm donor like any other normal person?”
“I think the thing I’m maddest about is that you found out this way, right before your wedding,” Caroline said. “I mean, how could Mom be so insensitive and careless?”
At that moment, the door opened, and Mom said nonchalantly, “What was I insensitive and careless about this time?”
Little did she know, she had just walked into a hornet’s nest.
NINETEEN
ansley: insensitive
I had begged Caroline to come back to Peachtree Bluff. Pleaded with her. But the minute I walked into that conference room and saw her sitting with Sloane and Emerson at my table, I wished I hadn’t.
Because as soon as the three of them looked up at me, I knew they knew. And when the three of them combined forces, nothing could overtake them.
Caroline looked at Sloane resolutely, and Sloane bit her lip. Oh, gosh. Here it was. They were finally goi
ng to confront me about Jack being their father. And I was terrified but also almost glad. We could get it out in the open, get it over with. We could deal with the emotions. I could tell the truth. It would be long and hard, but we would repair. We could finally move on.
I repeated, “What was I insensitive and careless about this time?”
Caroline gave me that steely look that is her most terrifying: unnaturally calm and unnerving to absolutely no end. “Sit down,” she said, pointing to the empty chair at the table.
I stood up straighter—just in case I needed to run.
“We need to know, Mom,” Sloane said. “Once and for all. Is Jack our sperm donor?”
I swallowed hard. Technically, no, he was not their sperm donor. He was much more than that. Jack had made love to me the way he had all those years ago in Peachtree Bluff when we first met. And it was as if time and reason simply slipped away. And suddenly, like I had always wanted, I had one daughter and then another. And they had been made out of so much love.
But that was something my girls would never know. Carter knew it. I knew it. Jack knew it. The rest of the world wouldn’t understand what we had been through, couldn’t imagine why I would do something so seemingly wrong.
I looked at each of my girls, memorizing their faces, not sure what was going to come next but knowing that the truth was out. And I had to face it head-on. How I said it didn’t really matter now. All that mattered was that they forgave me. Because they were not only my daughters but also my best friends. And they deserved the truth.
So I said simply, “Yes. He is. Jack is your father.”
We all sat in an unsettling silence.
“I do not understand,” Sloane said slowly, “how you could live with a lie like that for all these years.” She sounded more sad than angry.
“I never lied to you, Sloane,” I said as calmly as possible, just wanting this to all go away. “I told the three of you from a time that most people would agree was way too early that you and Caroline had a sperm donor, that your father wasn’t biologically your father. You have known this your entire life.”
“Mom, come on,” Caroline said. “You can’t honestly believe that our knowing we had a sperm donor is the same thing as knowing that our sperm donor is our soon-to-be stepfather.”
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. “I don’t expect you to understand,” I said. “But when your father and I found out he couldn’t have children, I couldn’t stand the idea of half your genes coming from a total stranger. I wanted my babies to be made out of love. And Jack and I had loved each other. In another life, in another time, in another world, I could have had children with him. It made sense.” I paused. “At the time, anyway.”
It wasn’t the whole truth, and it certainly left out the part that the insemination wasn’t artificial. But it was all the truth they needed to know.
The door was standing half open, and from my vantage point, I could see Kyle’s head peeking in at exactly the same time Emerson said, “Well, congratulations! Your dad is still alive, and you four get to be one big, happy family.” She burst into tears and ran out the door, brushing past a stunned Kyle.
He stared at us, wide-eyed. “I have got to work on my timing.” Then, without missing a beat, he followed Emerson out the door.
I had to consider that his timing couldn’t possibly be better.
“How could you, Mom?” Caroline asked, seething now.
“Emerson heard you and Jack talking, Mom,” Sloane interrupted. “She is the one who came and told us. She is the one who found out first. And you know how sensitive she is, especially right now.”
“I hope you’re happy,” Caroline said. “You have officially ruined her wedding.”
I had so many ways to defend myself, so many things to say. I wanted to tell them that I had done it for them. I wanted to tell them that I hadn’t meant for any of them to find out this way, that we were going to tell them, that the timing never seemed to be right. But the two stone-cold faces looking back at me made me realize that whatever I said now would be falling on deaf ears.
“Did Dad even know, Mom?” Sloane asked. “Did he have any idea that two of his children were fathered by his wife’s ex-boyfriend?” She crossed her arms.
Well, no, not at first. He hadn’t wanted to know. But now I was glad he had found out eventually, so that I was telling the truth when I said, “Of course your father knew, Sloane. Of course he did. He was a part of every step of this process. In fact, a lot of it was his idea.”
Caroline sighed and rolled her eyes.
“I can’t change it,” I said apologetically. “I wanted to tell you a million times, but you two are mothers. Surely you understand how it never seems like the right time to blow up your children’s world.”
“Sure, Mom,” Sloane said. “But we aren’t children. We’re adults. You should have come to us with this the minute Jack was back in our lives. This was wrong on so many levels.”
I wanted to retort that they sure as hell didn’t act like adults when they were here, when they were back home with me. They relied on me for everything, just like they had as kids. They bickered with one another, they stayed out too late, and I would bet a million bucks none of them had folded a load of laundry in weeks. But I guessed that was really neither here nor there now.
Caroline added, “And now you’ve done it; you’ve blown up our world.”
They both got up from the table and walked out of the room. I sat there, feeling dead inside.
My entire life revolved around my children. I hated fighting with them under any circumstances, but especially now, especially when I knew there was nothing to say, nothing to be done. The only thing that had a chance of healing this wound was the one thing we didn’t have enough of: time.
Emerson was walking down the aisle in three weeks. And I knew that if I didn’t figure out a way to fix this—and fast—I might not be there to see it.
TWENTY
emerson: a cereal box
I’d never been good at facing problems head-on. It was one of my worst qualities; I was nonconfrontational to the extreme. I was kind to people who didn’t deserve it and let some things that were really important to me slip by because I didn’t want to make a scene or cause a fuss.
Some might argue that walking out of a heated discussion like the one we were having was actually more dramatic than staying. But it was my defense mechanism. I couldn’t take the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.
Only, when I walked out of Sloane Emerson, I didn’t know where to go. I thought about going to Mark’s, but I didn’t want to risk running into the Duchess. That gave me an entirely new thing to be irritated about.
I didn’t want to go home, because that was the first place Mom would look for me, and I couldn’t go to Sloane’s, because as much as I could have eaten my nephews up, they weren’t what I needed right now.
So I picked up my pace and walked down to the dock. About the time I got to the Miss Ansley, floating on the water, I heard an out-of-breath voice calling, “Emerson, for God’s sake, slow down.”
It was only when I turned that I realized I was crying. I wasn’t even sure why. Maybe because of the situation, but maybe because I hated fighting with my mom. I couldn’t stand it. She was always my rock, and not having her on my side felt like too big a burden to bear.
I let Kyle catch up to me, climbed into the cockpit of Jack’s boat, and retrieved the hidden key from the bottom drawer in the tackle center. I unlocked the cabin and slipped inside.
“Does he know we’re here?” Kyle whispered, following close behind me.
I shrugged. “No. But he doesn’t care.” I paused. “Well, he wouldn’t care if his daughters, Sloane and Caroline, were on it. But maybe he won’t be thrilled if his mere soon-to-be-stepdaughter is.”
Kyle moved very slowly and sat down on the navy-and-white-striped upholstered bench. “Um. I’m sorry. Could you repeat that, please?”
I raised my eyebrow an
d shook my head. “We always knew that Caroline and Sloane had a sperm donor.”
“Yeah?” Kyle asked.
“But that sperm donor wasn’t some random test tube.” I took a deep breath before saying, “It was Jack.”
Kyle’s mouth hung open. “I’ll be honest. I thought I knew every deep, dark secret around here. But I did not see that one coming.”
“You didn’t see it coming?” I asked under my breath. “Imagine how I feel.”
I flopped dramatically beside him, even though there were plenty of other places I could sit. Kyle was a calming influence. I needed calm right now.
I checked my phone. Not so much as a text from my ungrateful mother. Ungrateful for what, I wasn’t sure. It was just the first word that came to mind. But there was a text from one of my costars: There go our Oscar nods.
I felt all the blood rushing to my face. What? I unlocked my phone so I could see the whole thing.
We’ve been moved from full-length feature film to a limited-run series.
I looked up at Kyle incredulously and furiously started typing: How is that even possible?
The response: That’s showbiz, baby. The director dropped out.
I let out a low, frustrated groan as she added, I guess we’re lucky it wasn’t scrapped altogether, but still . . .
Kyle squeezed my shoulder. “What’s happening now?”
“As if it weren’t enough to find out that my mom, my sisters, and Jack are going to be one big, happy family, I just found out that my movie is getting changed to a series, which I would usually be beyond thrilled about, but if ever there were a chance for a supporting actress Oscar, Sissy would be the character.”
The Southern Side of Paradise Page 15
