With Gage’s warnings about her past echoing through my head, and knowing the demons she carried, I’d tried to keep my distance, but the second I’d seen those lyrics she’d written about me—about how she’d never stopped thinking about our first night together—there was no fucking way I could keep my hands to myself. And now here we were, locked away in the middle of the goddamn woods, and I couldn’t even bring myself to have a motherfucking conversation with her. Maybe if we talked about something other than my family or my past, I could get through it like a civilized human being. Eventually she was bound to ask why discussing these topics was off limits, and I was pretty sure she wouldn’t accept being told they just were.
But before I could figure a way out of the mess I’d created, Rae was standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest, her face unreadable.
I stood and gestured to the seat across from me. “I poured you water with lemon.”
“Thanks,” she said, sauntering forward and picking up the glass and taking long, slow drink, her throat bobbing gracefully as she swallowed. Remembering how she looked swallowing down something else entirely, my dick thickened. Down boy.
Setting the empty tumbler back in its place, she strolled to the counter and hopped up, eschewing the seat I’d offered. “Earlier,” she started, “you mentioned something about Staufferson’s updates, and how none of them are ever important. Have there been ones other than what you’ve already told me about?”
Shit, I knew that tone. She was itching for a fight. I might not have a lot of experience with relationships, but I liked to think I was a smart man, and when a woman talked to you in that voice, you were in trouble. At least I didn’t have to wonder where I’d made a wrong turn. My stunt in the studio when I’d left her sitting naked on the sofa was to blame for her barely restrained fury.
I stared at Rae for a beat, willing her to return to the sweet woman I enjoyed spending time with, but it was like I was looking at a statue. She gazed right through me, stone faced with cold eyes. She wasn’t just pissed; she was fucking livid.
“Can we talk for a second before I jump into that?”
“I’d like to stick to discussing Staufferson’s updates, if you don’t mind,” she answered.
Her tone was condescending and clear: she was the client and I was the employee. We were on her dime, and I needed to fall in line. Well, fuck that. I was good at my job because I could read situations and predict outcomes better than most; could read people and know what they were thinking and what their next move would be. I’d excelled at being a soldier because my intuition was always spot on. And right now, everything about what Staufferson had relayed two days prior seemed like a false lead. I didn’t have anything to back that feeling up except for instinct and training, but both were telling me his latest news had nothing to do with Rae’s stalker.
And yet I knew that if I kept this information from her—even if I thought it was for her own good—would make her go ape shit when she eventually found out. Because that was the crux of it. Whether it was Rocky or Charlotte, or even Staufferson himself, every piece of information about her case would eventually make its way back to Rae. Withholding details about a wild goose chase might make my life easier in the short term, but in the long term it would only backfire. So as much as I hated being the goddamn messenger, I geared myself up to fill her in.
“Noones isn’t the only problem.” She winced, but otherwise her face remained impassive. “There’s another lead, and the police are trying to determine whether there’s a connection between the two. There’s also some online drama that’s causing difficulty with the case.”
While she’d tried to put up a brave front, the longer I spoke, the more her façade broke down. I could see in the white of her knuckles pressed into the countertop, the firm set of her jaw, and the rigid posture of her spine that Rae was fighting to hold onto her thin veneer of calm. She was holding herself in check, but she was barely holding it together. One wrong word from me and she’d be flying off that counter in a rage, all her ire directed at me. On the one hand, the hate fuck afterward would be explosive and the make-up sex after that extraordinary, but I wasn’t really an asshole. I only played one on TV. I genuinely liked Rae, and didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already was.
“For the record, I wanted you to hear all this from Charlotte or Rocky since you and I have differing opinions about what you need to know, when, and why, but I was out voted so …” I shrugged and shuffled the mail that one of my guys had delivered a few minutes ago. A stack of bills and advertisements for some stores the next county over made up the bulk of it. I looked up and my eyes found hers.
“Unfortunately, there’s been increased online speculation that you’re not actually recording your album in England. The talk is you’re back in rehab. Apparently, when the first promo for your interview with Trombley aired, some people picked it apart. The Sitka spruce and native Oregon pines found here aren’t exactly abundant in England. This new round of speculation has set off what Charlotte called a ‘Twitter war’ between your fans and your ex-husband’s and his girlfriend’s.”
Rae nodded. “Nothing new on that front. What else?"
I stared at her for a beat, and a million thoughts flashed through my mind. But the one that echoed the loudest was I hadn’t signed up for this. My job was to protect her; not the be the outlet for her misery. Even as I told myself I was being selfish, I couldn’t seem to push that thought away, and eventually, it bubbled over.
“Look, I know you’re pissed, but I’m your bodyguard; not your goddamn assistant or something. I’m an Army Fucking Ranger, so I’d appreciate you treating me like one or I’m telling Rocky he needs to find someone else.”
Her eyes flashed with fury. “No, you look.” She jumped down from her perch and pointed at me. “It’s your firm that came up with this stupid fucking plan to hide out in the woods with no one but you for company—and don’t think I don’t know what that was all about—so without my real goddamn assistant, one of you is going to have to step in and fill that void. As long as I’m paying McClintock Security, that can be you.” She took a deep breath and tilted her head. “Or you can fly one of your goddamn buddies out here to join us. Take your pick. Either way, someone is giving me a daily fucking update.”
I stared at her mutely, not knowing whether to shake her or kiss her. She had the power to irritate me like no one had ever before, but I was also damn proud of her for standing up for herself.
But rather than telling her any of that, I said, “My apologies. You’re right.” And because she was right, I launched right into the rest of my report. “Your label has fielded an increased number of calls requesting confirmation of your whereabouts. Staufferson’s team is looking into one particular caller. While the label has given everyone the same line about you being in England, this woman claims her call is a matter of urgency.”
“Did she leave a name?”
Something about Rae’s reaction—or rather, her non-reaction—set off my Spidey sense, and not in the typical way. If I wasn’t mistaken, she wasn’t surprised by this news at all. A part of me wondered. Rae had mentioned her childhood a time or two, about how hard she’d had it growing up, but she hadn’t spoken a word about her mother in anything but the past tense. It was almost as if the day she’d won that singing competition, she’d left her old life far behind, including everyone who’d been a part of it.
I watched her face for any sign that I was right, but her mask never cracked. “No, but the receptionist is certain it’s the same woman each time. She refuses to leave a message, and then curses them out for not patching her through. Almost as if she believes you’re just sitting there waiting to hear from her.”
Rae jumped down from her perch. “That sounds about right,” she commented before walking out of the room. And just like I’d done earlier, she never looked back.
I scratched my chin, deep in thought. Since it looked like Rae wasn’t going to tell me
who the mystery caller was and I’d need that information for Staufferson so he didn’t go barking up the wrong tree, I was confident Gage could get Charlotte to fill him in. Over the years, he’d managed to pry loose much more valuable secrets than this from far tighter sources. Shit, at the rate he was going, the President would have to award a Medal of Honor to my cousin’s dick for all the intelligence gathering it had done in America’s name.
Which got me thinking about all the action my dick was no longer going to get as long as Rae stayed pissed at me. It didn’t take a genius to know that until I opened up to her, she was going to remain closed off to me. If I wasn’t careful, the longing I had for her body was going to push me to start talking about things I never talked about, just so I could have her underneath me again. That, or I’d wind up throwing her over my shoulder and tying her to my bed so that I could have her any time I wanted. She might not want anything to do with me anymore, but I knew I could make her body surrender to me with just a few expert touches.
I looked down at my shaking hands and groaned. Rae might be the addict, but I was hooked on the sweet, sweet taste of her. Desperately. And I already needed my next fix. Which was all the more reason to stay away.
Chapter Eighteen
Rae
Ash and I danced around each other like weary, polite strangers forced into close proximity against their will. Which, all things considered, was exactly what we were. Ash just happened to be earning a sizable paycheck for his trouble, while I’d gotten a few amazing orgasms out of the deal.
If nothing else, this situation had taught me a valuable lesson; one I didn’t intend to forget. From now on, no matter what my vagina or my heart told me about a man, I was only going to listen to my head. Logic and reason were the name of the game moving forward. Which would have been all well and good if it weren’t for what I did for a living. No artist alive would ever claim to do their best work when their brain was in charge. Nope. It was all about feelings and emotions and all the terrible things that had made me fall headlong in love with a man who’d never love me back.
And about two hours ago, I’d had to put all that vulnerability on display as we’d officially began recording my album. To say things were not going well would be an understatement.
With a sigh, I pulled the headphones off and stretched my back, hoping to work out the tightness and kinks that had taken over my upper body. I’d known today was going to be emotionally difficult, but I hadn’t expected to encounter physical pain in the process. Pressing my fingers into the muscle where my spine met my skull, I tried to knead away the tension headache that lurked there, ready to spring. I really missed the masseuse Rocky usually brought in during marathon recording sessions.
“You want to take a few minutes?” Ash’s voice echoed through the recording booth’s speakers.
With a final roll of my head, I picked up the headphones and set them atop my ears. “I’m good. Let’s try it again from the chorus.”
“Sure, works for me.”
“Great.”
And that folks, was the type of conversations we’d been having for the last couple of days. I hated the stilted, formal tone our discussions had taken on; lots of good mornings, good evenings, thank yous, and you’re welcomes passed between us throughout the day. At least Ash hadn’t asked me about the weather. I wasn’t sure I could accept it if instead of “I’m going to fuck you now,” he looked at me one day and asked, “Fine weather we’re having, don’t you think?”
The guitar track I’d laid down the day before came through my earphones and I listened for the note that signaled my cue to sing. Taking in a lungful of air, I belted out the lines I’d been having trouble with all morning.
Drunk again
Another bottle of gin.
On the road
Another place that’s not my home.
At the bar
Another stranger in my bed.
At the end of the verse, I let the note hang without picking up the next stanza, and when the guitar continued on without me, I dropped my head forward and groaned.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?” came Ash’s voice through my headphones. “I can make us some coffee.”
Gah. Quit being so solicitous, I wanted to scream. Instead, I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. Removing the earphones—again—I hung them on their peg across the tiny room. “I’m going to take a walk to clear my head.”
When I stepped through the padded door, Ash removed his own headphones and tugged on his coat.
“What are you doing?”
“You said you wanted to go for a walk.” He pulled his sleeves down past his cuffs and looked at me expectantly.
“I want to go for a walk,” I explained. “I didn’t say I wanted you to join me.”
“You know the rules, Rae.” He punched in the security code to open the heavy door to the outside world. Less than fifty feet separated the studio from the main house, and it was connected by a glassed-in walkway. “You’re fine wandering between the house and the studio, but when you venture further afield, I have to be with you.”
I ground my teeth together. Again. When this was all over, I’d need to make a visit to the dentist. I was pretty sure my crowns would need to be replaced as much as I’d been clenching my jaw. But first, I took a steady breath and turned to Ash. “There are no stalkers out there waiting for me.” I pointed to the wilderness outside. “And you said it yourself; Staufferson thinks he’s laying low because I’m supposedly in England.”
Ash’s jaw ticked, and I suppressed a satisfied smirk. Seems I wasn’t the only one grinding her teeth lately. “Staufferson and his team are grasping at straws,” he snarled. “They don’t have the first clue what’s going on in that asshole’s mind, so in the absence of any activity they can act on, they’re throwing out theories and hoping one of them sticks.”
“How comforting,” I replied as I stepped outside, Ash at my heels.
“Not really,” came his equally caustic response. He grabbed ahold of my arm and spun me around to face him. “You don’t have to do this by the book, Rae. Let us take over.”
That got my attention. If ever I’d met a by-the-book type of guy, Ash was it. If he was recommending we call an audible, I needed to listen. “Meaning?”
“Meaning, McClintock isn’t hampered by rules and regulations the way the police are.”
“Cut the cryptic double speak and give it to me straight.”
“Fine,” he breathed, dropping my arm and running rough fingers through his hair before gripping the back of his neck. “There’s a reason all Dermott’s guys are Black Ops, Special Forces, mercenaries, and the like. You want things taken care of quietly and efficiently, you go to him. This whole fucking babysitting gig isn’t really in the regular scope of how we work.”
“Oh, poor baby,” I cooed snidely. “Pardon me for not showing an adequate amount of sympathy. My fucking life is at stake, and here you are whining that your fucking job isn’t exciting enough. I’m sorry my well-being is such a goddamn hardship for you.” When Ash’s face remained blank, I jabbed my finger into his chest, hoping for a reaction. I didn’t get one, so I kept on going, venting my rage on him. “And just so we’re clear. This ain’t fucking babysitting. It’s babysitting with a side fucking. Which you instigated.”
I pressed my palms to his chest and pushed, but he didn’t budge. I pushed again, putting every ounce of strength I had into it as I continued yelling at him. “Is that your specialty, Ash? Are you the big dick Dermott calls to keep clients like me happy and complacent? Are you the big bad alpha who gets assigned to the damsels in distress so you can fuck them until they forget they’re in danger?”
When I went to shove against him again, Ash caught my hands in a vice grip. “Think very carefully about what you say next.”
“Or what?” I challenged, pulling my hands free and slamming them onto my hips. “Or you won’t talk to me anymore? Ha! Or, I know … maybe if I
keep talking you’ll get so fucking fed up hearing my voice, you’ll leave me out here to fend for myself. Perfect! Go! At least then I won’t have to go around walking on egg shells, worried about upsetting you with actual conversation.”
His voice calm—his tone deadly serious—Ash said, “I’m warning you Rae.”
But I had the bit between my teeth now, and I wasn’t about the let it go. I was overwhelmed with a metric ton of pent-up frustration from this whole ordeal, and it felt terrific to unleash it on him, the source of my wounded pride. So rather than behaving like a rational adult, I mocked him instead.
Putting on a deep voice, I mimicked his ominous tone. “I’m warning you Rae. I’m warning you that I’m a fucking prick who will break your heart. I’m warning you that I can’t be bothered to know anything about you except for how to make you come. I’m warning you—”
My next words were lost when Ash squatted down, threw me over his shoulder, and stalked back toward the house.
“Put me down you Neanderthal!” I screamed and pounded on him with balled up fists. “Fucking stop!”
He smacked my ass and the sound reverberated through the trees. “Be quiet.”
“Fuck you!” I shrieked, slamming my fists into him again and again. “I said put me down!”
He didn’t.
Instead, he kicked open the front door and marched us toward his bedroom where he tossed me onto his mattress. I bounced hard but before I could scurry away, Ash was on me, caging me in with his powerful thighs and iron grip.
“Get off me,” I breathed, desire and fear mixing in my bloodstream to form a heady cocktail of lust and panic. “Let me go.”
With Ash’s face scant inches away, his eyes searched mine. “You want to know why I don’t talk to you? Why I won’t let you in?”
Fearing if I spoke I’d never get the answers I desperately needed, I nodded wearily.
Ashes to Ashes Page 14
