by J. L. Mac
I sighed and looked at my shoes as I walked. The late May sun beat down on my shoulders and I knew that pretty soon, leisurely walks would be ruined by stifling heat and humidity.
“Flor! Flor!” I heard someone calling my name and I whirled to face Liza and my father as they stepped out of my dad’s car. His driver shut their door behind them, then rounded the car and slid back into the driver’s seat. “Oh, darling, why are you walking in this heat?” Liza fanned her face dramatically then leaned in for her signature hug and air kiss. Her Chanel perfume swirled around me.
“It’s not too bad.” I shrugged. “Hi, dad.” I nodded at him.
“Flor.” It would seem as though Goliath and my dad were on the same page because they were both giving me the cold shoulder. I told myself that I didn’t care about either one of them behaving that way, but I knew it was a lie I was trying to convince myself of.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, can’t you two just get over it and try to get along? For me?” she pouted. I smiled at her, truly feeling guilty that she was always in the middle of these awkward encounters. It had to get old.
“Sorry, Liza.”
“Oh, it’s okay darling.” She rubbed her hand lightly against my shoulder. “Listen, I was hoping we could chat about the birthday party a bit. You’re coming, aren’t you?”
Liza knew how to put a person on the spot. What was worse was that she made it difficult to say no. She was always so nice. Eccentric, but nice.
“Uh,” I hesitated. She had her brows raised, her blue eyes pleading. “Yep. Yeah, I’m going to be there.”
Dammit!
I glanced to my father and noted that something like relief glimmered in his gray eyes. I ignored that small warm feeling that began to fill my heart. I wasn’t glad that I had pleased him. I didn’t care that much. No. That wasn’t it. I swallowed hard and ignored all thoughts of being a little girl eager to see her father proud of her.
“Will you bring anyone? Can Mathew make it? It’s being catered so we need a final head count soon, darling.”
“Oh, right, um, so me plus three.”
“Really?” she whispered and bumped shoulders with me.
“Yeah, Matt has a new boyfriend and I may bring my neighbor. He’s a friend.”
Liza smiled that slow, knowing grin. My dad’s eyes squinted a little on the edge, making the crow’s feet bracketing his eyes deepen.
Don’t act like you care.
The last thing I wanted or needed was for my father to pull that dad move and demand to meet my new “friend.” He had no right and I was no little girl. I was twenty-six years old and free to see, or not see, whomever I pleased. Though, if I did introduce Graham and my father, I thought they would get along famously. I hoped they would, anyway.
I decided not to think on that. It was putting the cart before the horse and as it were, Graham was my boss. I’d said as much just this morning. He didn’t seem thrilled with his designated title and that was fine by me. I wasn’t thrilled with how he’d acted after two rounds of the best sex I’d ever had.
Perhaps it wasn’t good for him.
“Well, don’t forget that it’s a formal party. Black tie. So we need to do some dress shopping soon! Are you free this week?”
“Uh, yeah. I guess I am.”
“Okay, I’ll give you a call and we can plan. We can make a day of it! On us, of course.” She clasped her hands in front of her and smiled excitedly.
Oh, joy.
“Sounds great, Liza. Thank you.”
“Anything for you, darling. Anything at all. Okay, we’re off to get some shopping done. Have a fabulous Saturday, darling.” Liza batted her lashes at me. I smiled nicely and nodded in return.
She hugged me, her Chanel perfume enveloping me once again. My dad stepped forward and hugged me lightly, his same familiar scent filled my nose. “See you at the party.”
“Plus three,” he muttered.
“Yes. Plus three,” I mumbled as I turned away from them and began down the sidewalk again, wondering what in the hell I just agreed to and if Graham would even consent to accompany me. Did I even want him there? A tiny part of me—okay, a fair sized part of me—definitely wanted him with me. Even though he’d upset me last night, I still wanted him. I still craved to see that twinkle and even that soft side of him, the side that spoke of Tommy and who he was.
I’d invite him and if all else failed, I could say that Graham wasn’t feeling well and that’s why he couldn’t make it. Matt and Cal could come with me for sure. I knew I’d need my own support team if I were going to successfully endure my dad’s birthday party.
Graham
A Seamless Fit
“No. Those won’t work. We need the big ones,” I muttered as we looked over the marshmallow section at the super market.
“These?” Con said, holding up a bag of large marshmallows.
“Yep. Those. Two bags.”
Conrad tossed the bags of marshmallows in the basket fixed to the front of my motorized shopping scooter. “What else?”
I pulled the list from my pocket and scanned it once more. “Chocolate bars, graham crackers, rubber bands, and the shoes.”
“No one ever accused you of being boring,” Conrad muttered dryly.
We went to three stores and my leg was throbbing but I had exactly what I needed. I was still grumbling over Flor writing me off as her new employer this morning. I deserved it though. I should not have snapped at her last night and I still felt bad for it. I didn’t know how to make it right, but I had to try and helping her check off some things on The Stone Kid Experience was the least I could do. I hoped it would at least distract her.
“So explain this to me one more time.”
“Flor is trying to write children’s books. She says she isn’t connecting with the books, but I think connecting with the books means connecting with the readers first. So,” I took a long pull of my bottled water as we waited at the stop light, “…I made this list of kid shit for her to do. She didn’t have much of a childhood so we are recreating it.”
“You and your lists,” Con whispered. The light turned green and we continued to make our way toward Tommy’s building. “I wish I could relive my childhood,” Con sighed almost dreamily.
“Me too.” I nodded, knowing exactly how he felt. Those days were the best. The time of our lives, really. We just didn’t know it. I’d give anything to go back in time and spend a day with Tommy, getting into trouble, even if it meant waking up the next day and being back in my thirties with a daily battle to wage and a woman who was going to be the death of me. A day with Tommy would be worth it.
“Why didn’t she have a childhood?”
“Her little sister died and her dad wasn’t in the picture. I don’t know much beyond that.” I lied, and I did it because speaking the truth made it truer somehow and fuck I wished that Flor’s truth wasn’t the truth at all. “Anyway, I made this list of classic kid shit. Mischief and first experiences. I gave it to her and we are marking things off as we go. I made my own list, too.”
“Do I even want to know what’s on this list?”
“This one is more of a teenage girl list. Firsts and whatnot.” I waved my hand dismissively, hoping Con wouldn’t ask for details. That list was painful to even think about, but I’d made it knowing that the full kid experience meant covering our bases from little girl on up through teenage years and young women got flowers from boys and experienced their first dance with a guy, their first kiss. I planned to recreate everything for Flor. She’d experience all the things girls went through. Girls had crushes and were crushed on. Flirted with the neighbor kid. Made out with the bad boy. Got into trouble. They fell in love for the first time. They also got their hearts broken…
I didn’t include that on my list. Not initially, anyway, but after Matt had dropped the bombshell about her dad being an alcoholic, I knew I’d end up breaking her heart. I didn’t want to break her heart at all but there was no help for it. Once s
he found out about me, or I confessed, whichever came first, she’d hate me and whatever we could have had would vanish. I didn’t want to acknowledge the dull ache in my chest that told me that I’d have a broken heart too. I knew this woman would destroy me.
Like a train headed off a cliff, I plowed ahead, ignoring the signs that told me to turn back now. I couldn’t turn back. There was nothing to turn back to. My past was my past and try as I might, there was no escaping it.
“Thanks, Con. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t forget to feed the fish!” I called after him. He waved his arm at me as though I were a nuisance. I probably was. He shut the door behind him and I pulled my phone out and began tapping out a new text to Flor, my employee.
Knocking at the front door distracted me from the text I was attempting to send. I heard the slight scrape of metal on metal that a key slipping into a lock makes. The dead bolt slid open and in walked Flor.
“Where were you?” she asked with wide eyes.
“I went to the store to get a few things. I am known to even buy my employees a gift or two on occasion.” I glowered at her.
“I was worried something had happened. I thought maybe your fever came back or something.” She looked relieved and it made my heart swell. It also made my chest ache.
“You bought me something?” she changed the subject eagerly.
“Yes, I did.” I motioned with my chin to the box on the coffee table and watched her closely as she took it in her hands, sat down with it in her lap and looked up at me. “Open it,” I ordered. She went to work and looked slightly confused when she pulled the black and white Chuck Taylors from the shoebox.
“These are my size,” she stated, peering inside the shoes.
“I know. I bought them.”
“Thank you.” She smiled and bent to slip them on her feet.
“Do they fit?” She wiggled her toes and flexed her feet.
“Yes. Perfect.” The ghost of a smile tilted the corners of her mouth up.
“Good. Take them off.” With that, her smile vanished. Her smooth, arched brows wrinkled.
“What?”
“Take them off. It’s time to cross something off that list. Let’s go. I have a driver waiting,” I said, checking my phone. I told him to come pick us up as soon as I texted him. He’d be there in a few minutes as long as traffic was decent and it took me a few minutes to get myself out the door and to the elevator.
She squinted her eyes at me and fished her list from her back pocket. Her clear gray eyes scanned the lines. Understanding flashed in those gorgeous gray eyes and she snapped her gaze back to me.
“Oh no.” She wagged her finger at me. “Absolutely not. I won’t do it.”
“You have to. Now hurry up and put your other shoes back on. We have to make a trip.”
“I’m not doing it, Graham.” She crossed her arms and leaned back against the couch. I liked a challenge.
“I demand that you do it.”
“Demand all you want big guy, but I’m not doing it.”
“Do you want to be a successful author or not?”
“You know I do, but this is so beyond ridiculous. It’s flat out childish.”
“That’s the point, Flor.”
“I won’t do it.” She crossed her arms over her breasts, making them impossibly fuller. It was distracting.
“Then I quit. I won’t help you with the list and I won’t need your services any further. I’ll have Conrad send you severance pay and that will be that.” It was a dick move and an empty threat to boot, but I was counting on her folding. I played one hell of a bluff when it was necessary. It was a skill that I had carefully honed over the years.
“What? You can’t be serious.” It was difficult to say if she was more hurt than angry or more angry than hurt. If I had to guess, I would have said it was an equal split between the two.
“We’re doing it,” I insisted.
“Fine.” Her jaw clenched and her cheeks burned but not because she was embarrassed. She was flat pissed off and I kind of liked the look on her. I was relieved that my bluff worked. I winked and it only spurred her anger on. She haphazardly shoved the Chucks back into their box and snagged her purse. She waved her arm out in front of her. “After you, sir.”
She was about to scratch one more thing off her list and I just did, too.
Make her angry.
She refused to talk as we made our way to my penthouse. I looked at her over and over but she kept her eyes fixed on the window and the passing scenery.
When we arrived at my building, Flor jumped out before I could even unbuckle my seat belt.
“I’ll text you when we’re ready, John.”
“Yes, sir.” My driver nodded and returned to the driver’s seat. Flor was standing fifteen or twenty feet away and was looking impatient. I actually felt bad for a moment but I reminded myself that this was all a means to an end. She’d thank me later…before she ended up hating me, that is.
I smiled widely at her, trying my best to break her mood. She remained aloof, turning from me and tugging at the strap of her bag.
“Follow me, baby.”
“I’m not your baby,” she protested on a mumble.
“Better hurry, baby. Don’t want to miss the elevator.” I wheeled past her, smiling on the way. She rolled her eyes and I didn’t need to check to see if she was following me. I heard her reluctant footfalls, shuffling behind me.
I jabbed the button on the service elevator and waited. She still wasn’t speaking to me and it was driving me nuts. I felt like shit for what had happened last night. I needed to make it up to her. I planned on doing just that.
The elevator spit us out on the roof. It was relatively bare atop the building, but none of that mattered because I knew there were utility lines running from a gray metal maintenance shed to a light fixture that lit an orange-gold at night.
“Okay. We’re here. On a roof. Now what?”
“Shoes,” I said, holding my hand out to her.
“I don’t want to.” She pouted and the affect on me was nearly enough to make me relent.
“Do you want to write the books?”
“Yes.”
“Good. So, we do kid shit and this is kid shit. I still can’t believe that you did none of this as a little girl,” I said, shaking my head as she handed over the Chuck Taylors.
What is it about the way new Chucks smell? I didn’t think the scent of new Chucks had ever changed in the history of Chuck Taylors. The scent of rubber and glue and freshly manufactured Converse filled my nose and a wave of memories crested and toppled over in my brain, forcing a smile across my face as I knotted the laces together. I tested my knot, jerking at both shoes a few times. The knot cinched tighter and I held the shoes up like a prize. “Ready?”
“No,” she grumbled.
“Good.” I held the shoe laces across the tips of my fingers, drew my right arm back, aimed for the utility line and hurled the brand new Chuck Taylors to their permanent home. The left shoe flew over first and did a full spin around the line, ensuring they’d likely never fall down on their own.
I looked at the girl next door as she pouted and glared at her new shoes that I, the boy next door, had just thrown across a utility line. Mission accomplished.
“I can’t believe you,” she griped.
“Don’t get your panties in a knot. Come on. We need to make sure Frederick Jim got his dinner.”
“I’m not talking to you.”
“Okay,” I chimed then shrugged, enjoying the fact that she seemed sincerely upset over the shoes. She had no way to know that another pair, exactly like the ones we just tossed, was already at her apartment thanks to Conrad and Matt.
“Who is Frederick Jim?”
“You’ll see. Come.” I wheeled onto the service elevator after her and punched the button for us to descend. We switched elevators and ascended to my apartment. I actually felt a tiny bit nervous to have this Aphrodite of mine roaming around my personal space.
I hoped she liked it. A small voice inside laughed at me. Why did it matter if she liked my apartment? It wasn’t like she’d ever spend the night there. Still, in spite of that small voice, I wanted Flor to like where I lived.
I punched the security code into the panel in the foyer outside my penthouse and opened the door for her to go in. She glanced down at me and breezed into my home. I thought I’d heard her gasp but I couldn’t be sure. I shut the door behind us and wheeled up beside her. I couldn’t wait to be back on my feet. Crutches or a cane, perhaps.
Flor walked quietly into the great room and looked around at my things, my space, and the bits of my life that adorned these walls. I watched her with fascination as she drifted her fingers lightly over things here and there, careful not to disturb anything. She turned to face me and I felt a slight skip in my pulse.
“Why don’t you stay here? You should recover here, Graham. It’s big enough and you would probably be more comfortable here.” I thought I saw something in her eyes—something small and barely there—but it looked like reluctance.
“You aren’t here,” I whispered almost immediately and without thought. My response was involuntary but it was the absolute truth. She wasn’t here. She wasn’t right next door and the idea that I wouldn’t get to see her made me feel terribly lonely. Her gray eyes met mine and I couldn’t make it to her quick enough. I locked the wheels on my chair and stood up. I gimped to the breakfast bar just a few feet from her and leaned against it, bracing myself.
“Be careful,” she gasped and moved toward me.
“Flor,” I spoke her name and I sounded pleading even to my own ears. She approached me silently. I pulled her to me and soaked up the feeling of her against me. She was small in front of me and yet she fit seamlessly against my body.
“I don’t like the idea of not seeing you, and not because I’m paying you to help me with things that I can’t do for myself right now, and not because of the stupid list. I don’t like the idea of not seeing you because it makes me feel lonely, and I think I’ve about had my fill of being lonely, baby.” I rattled off what I was feeling without giving it much thought. I just wanted her to know what I was thinking—what I was feeling. I didn’t want my words to be refined or calculated or measured. I wanted them to be the truth and that was it. “Flor, I’m sorry about last night. I know I seemed off after…” I squeezed my eyes shut, hating that I’d snapped at her in the first place. “Please just know this. It had nothing to do with you. You were—are—exquisite.”
